Chapter 72

The rain came down in heavy bursts, stopping and starting again. In the end, it went on for more than two days before it finally eased.

Because of it, Lin Baixin didn’t go to the shop for three straight days. On rainy days, she didn’t work; she stayed home to look after Lu Dagun and didn’t go anywhere.

Lin Qi became a double agent, quietly relaying messages to Yu Min on the side and warning her ahead of time that Lin Baixin wouldn’t be there these few days, so she shouldn’t come over. Otherwise, she’d be making the trip for nothing.

As for Lin Baixin, Lin Qi told her about Yu Min without the slightest hesitation. That day, when the rain let up for a bit, she had even taken Yu Min back to the rental herself, in the middle of the storm. Otherwise, with Yu Min’s stubborn, single-minded personality, she probably would have stayed at the shop even after closing time. She might have waited there all night and not gone back until the next day.

“Do you know where she’s living now? You haven’t been there yet, right? If you have time, you should go take a look sometime—just stand a little way off and glance at it.” As Lin Qi spoke, her heart ached. Even talking about it made her feel awful. She answered her own question and named an old residential complex. “That place is awful, rundown beyond belief. It doesn’t look too bad inside, but the outside is a disaster; there isn’t even anywhere to put your feet. And it’s still a walk-up. Turn around and you’ve only got room for two steps. The whole place together isn’t even as big as your living room. I don’t know why she’d rent somewhere like that. Is she trying to torture herself? There’s no need to go looking for suffering when she’s already suffering. Don’t tell me she got cheated—she probably did. Otherwise, why would it be like that? Our kid has never had to endure this kind of hardship. I should’ve gone to see it sooner; at least I could’ve helped her check it out.”

Lin Baixin listened in silence and said nothing. She busied herself with the flowers in the vase. The bouquet had long since dried out and wilted. However long Yu Min had been gone, the house had gone just as long without fresh flowers. Left unattended for so long, they had already withered beyond recognition.

The last time, Yu Min had said that with Lu Dagun at home, keeping fresh flowers and plants around was dangerous. Some plants were highly toxic to cats, and she was worried that one day they wouldn’t be able to stop Lu Dagun’s mischief, so she had planned to replace everything with fake flowers. But before she could do it, she had moved out.

Lin Baixin had gone too long without worrying about these things. It had always been Yu Min who handled them. Lu Dagun loved climbing and jumping all over the place, so Yu Min would always use all kinds of hollow decorative covers to keep the houseplants out of reach. Now that it was Lin Baixin’s turn to take care of them, she didn’t really know how. In the end, she could only clear all the flowers out of the vase, afraid Lu Dagun might eat one of them.

“Anyway, I’m not getting involved with you two. Once this stretch is over and I’m free, I’ll help her find a new place. How can anyone live somewhere like that? It’s gloomy all day long; just walking in there feels suffocating. Stay long enough and you’ll start feeling like life itself has no hope.” Lin Qi went on, sneaking glances at Lin Baixin as she watched her reaction.

But Lin Baixin remained unmoved. No matter what Lin Qi said, it was as if she hadn’t heard a word of it; she gave no response at all.

Lin Qi had been doing this on purpose. She was trying to provoke a reaction, but unfortunately Lin Baixin wouldn’t take the bait and didn’t waver in the slightest.

With a long sigh, Lin Qi gave up. She stared at her for a moment, then said bluntly, “So you really don’t care?”

Only then did Lin Baixin answer, “I don’t.”

“You’re treating her like an enemy.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“How is it not? Even an enemy would be treated better than this. At least you wouldn’t be falling out with them.” Lin Qi said, “You, you—if you want her to back off, this is still way too extreme.”

Lin Baixin let the matter stand. Once the vase had been cleaned up, she put everything back neatly where it belonged. After a moment, with her eyes lowered as if she wanted to say something in reply, she still couldn’t work out how. After a long while, she finally said quietly, “Maybe.”

Some things went too far if pushed. Outsiders shouldn’t interfere too much. Lin Qi still knew when to stop; she was only standing in the middle to smooth things over, worried about the two of them.

Zheng Qing hadn’t contacted this side for quite some time. She probably figured that now that Yu Min had moved out, there was no point in forcing friendliness where none was wanted. The last time she reached out to Lin Baixin was to make a proper, solemn final phone call to thank her. Zheng Qing was skilled at social niceties and worldly manners. On the call, every other sentence was “my daughter,” and she spoke to Lin Baixin with great respect, addressing her as “Miss Lin.” She stressed that Lin Baixin had taken care of Yu Min for so many years and that, as her mother, she unquestionably owed Lin Baixin an enormous debt. Zheng Qing promised that in the future, whenever Lin Baixin asked, if she ever ran into trouble and it was something Zheng Qing could handle, she would certainly spare no effort to help.

It should have been a good thing, but hearing it didn’t feel that way at all. For no reason she could name, Lin Baixin felt a restless irritation in her chest and didn’t want to listen. Faced with Zheng Qing’s polished, worldly manner, she inexplicably felt a flash of anger.

This had never happened before. In the past, even if that old couple had acted like trash, Lin Baixin wouldn’t have felt this stifled and angry. She didn’t continue Zheng Qing’s line of conversation and hung up first, unwilling to waste time discussing such pointless things with them.

She couldn’t quite say what that feeling was. It was like some vague, inexplicable sense of crisis, but not quite. Lin Baixin didn’t understand it. Maybe it was simply that she had never liked Zheng Qing and the others to begin with. She had been able to endure them before, but recently her own mood had already been poor, so maybe that was why she felt this way.

After the heavy rain, Yu Min quieted down for a few days and disappeared.

To be precise, she disappeared from Lin Baixin’s sight. Lin Baixin stopped seeing her.

Maybe that rain had hurt too much. Or maybe Yu Min had finally thought it through and decided to give Lin Baixin some time to calm down. In any case, she stopped being persistent. She no longer came to the shop to block her way, and she certainly didn’t go to the house.

While looking for stock, Lin Baixin lost focus. The ladder came crashing down and nearly hit her head; fortunately, an employee was beside her and pulled her away in time, narrowly avoiding injury.

When Lin Qi heard about it, she rushed to her office at once and leaned against the corner of the desk. She knew exactly what was going on and deliberately asked after her a few times, here and there, until Lin Baixin got a little impatient. Only then did she say, “She’s been at the hospital these past two days. Work is very busy, so she can’t get away and hasn’t come over.”

“I didn’t ask about that,” Lin Baixin replied softly.

Lin Qi curled her lips. “Keep pretending. Go on, keep pretending. If you care, why not say it out loud? What are you bottling it up for? Trying to seem deep?”

“...”

“I never would’ve guessed you were carrying such a heavy burden.”

She ran both sides, and Lin Qi, who had plenty of free time, was even more enthusiastic than the old women at the street corner. She brought Yu Min meals for several days in a row and went to see her at the hospital without fail. Lin Qi had plenty of bad ideas. She went straight to Yu Min and asked, “Why don’t you come stay at my place? How about it? I’m not living there after this anyway. It’d just be sitting empty, and it’s a pity to leave it unused.”

Yu Min turned her head. “Then where would you live?”

“At my girlfriend’s place. We’re living together.”

“Oh.”

“Are you coming?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t want to.”

Lin Qi hit the nail on the head. “Scared your sister will get angry?”

Yu Min gave a small hum.

“What are you afraid of? What can she do to you? If anything comes up, come find me; I’ll handle her.” Lin Qi really did her best to comfort her. “This is a society under the rule of law now. Can she still control your personal freedom? Besides, you wouldn’t be living at her place. Staying at my place has nothing to do with her. Just think of it as me renting it to you. You can help me clean the place, and otherwise I’d still have to hire someone to come by regularly.”

Yu Min still wouldn’t go. Like rotten wood that refused to be carved, she shook her head.

“Forget it. Thanks, Sister Lin Qi, but don’t waste your energy on this. It’s the same wherever I stay. You don’t need to worry.”

Lin Qi couldn’t persuade her. She couldn’t talk either of them around. She had done all she could. In the end, just as she was packing up the thermal lunch container to leave, she still couldn’t help calling out to Yu Min one more time. After a moment of hesitation, she said, “Minmin, you know what I mean by not marrying, by choosing to stay single-mindedly unmarried, right? Can you understand that?”

Yu Min didn’t answer.

Lin Qi said earnestly, “Sometimes, this is the same as what you... as what the two of us are. Take me, for example. I was born gay. I’ve been different since I was a kid; from childhood to now, I’ve always liked women and couldn’t accept men. That’s nature. It’s not something you can change. Some people are the same as us. They’re not all that different. That’s nature too.”

It was a very tactful explanation. Some things simply couldn’t be solved by slamming into a wall until your head split open. In fact, they had never been solvable in the first place.

Just like a math problem: if the problem itself was wrong from the start, no matter how much effort you spent, there would never be a correct answer in the end. If a person’s nature was like that, then no amount of effort would matter; it would all be futile.

Lin Baixin was almost thirty this year. She had stayed single all these years; let alone dating, there wasn’t even a backup candidate she was close to. If she could have dated at all, then with Song Chu’s enthusiasm back then, if she had been willing to date normally, maybe she would have agreed long ago. Lin Qi knew Lin Baixin well. She didn’t want Yu Min to follow Song Chu’s old path and end up unable even to remain ordinary friends.

Whether Yu Min could take it in was up to her. Lin Qi was only giving a reminder. She treated Yu Min as half a younger sister, and Lin Baixin’s feelings would certainly run deeper. Maybe Yu Min should know when to stop and accept things as they were. Why insist on flying into the flames and coming away with nothing?

It was a cruel thing to say, but it was also a kind of tactical retreat. Love was a feeling; family affection was a feeling too. Both were emotions. Why did they have to be separated so clearly?

The next time she saw Lin Baixin was on a Saturday a month later. Yu Min came back to pick up some things; there were books she needed to use, and she hadn’t taken them with her last time.

That day, Lin Baixin was at home. Yu Min had messaged in advance to let her know; she wasn’t sneaking over. She had assumed Lin Baixin wouldn’t be home, to avoid seeing her, but when she opened the door, the other woman hadn’t left.

While Yu Min was looking for the books, Lin Baixin followed her in and helped search. Neither of them said a word. Only when Lin Baixin broke the silence first did she speak gently: “Can’t you treat me like you used to...?”

Yu Min’s hands froze. Her gaze dropped halfway. A moment later, she answered stiffly, “No. I can’t do that.”