Chapter 71

“No,” Lin Baixin said, softening the truth. “It’s just that this matter, between you and me, is going to take time and space. You know it isn’t something we can solve in a hurry. We both need to think it through. Once we’ve found a way forward, then we can make a decision.”

Yu Min pressed on. “What decision are you going to make? Keep letting me stay and pretend nothing happened, or just give up on me?”

“Neither.”

“Then what is it?”

Lin Baixin couldn’t put it into words. Right now, her thoughts were even more of a mess than reality; she couldn’t sort out a single clear line.

Her lips moved with difficulty. After a long while, she finally answered softly, “I don’t know. I’ll tell you when I’ve thought it through.”

Yu Min was even more stubborn. She said flatly, “I want an answer. Otherwise, there’s no way.”

Lin Baixin couldn’t give her one right away. “Let some time pass. Let me calm down first.”

Yu Min asked again, “When can I come back? Can you give me a deadline?”

“No.” Lin Baixin shook her head.

“So I can’t come back.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Isn’t that the same thing? What, am I supposed to keep waiting until the day you finally figure it out? And if you never figure it out, then what?”

“For the next half month, no. Give me some time.” Lin Baixin answered ambiguously; it sounded like an answer, but she was still circling in place.

Yu Min wasn’t buying it. “And after half a month?”

“Then we’ll see.”

“So it’s still the same as saying nothing.”

Lin Baixin was ruthless. She closed her eyes, ignored Lin Qi’s advice, and, having already made up her mind, gave another solution without the slightest hesitation.

“If you don’t want to leave and plan to stay here, that’s fine too. Then I’ll move out. I’ll find another place to live near the shop.”

The room fell silent at once. She hadn’t expected Lin Baixin to go that far; this was her house, and she’d rather move out herself... Bit by bit, all the color drained from Yu Min’s face. In its place came silence, a long silence, even more stifling and oppressive than before. She said nothing, staring at Lin Baixin, trying to read something from her expression, but it was useless.

Yu Min had prepared herself too. She knew full well that once they returned to Kyoto, they would have to face this; they would have to explain last night’s impulse. She had thought Lin Baixin would be angry, would avoid her, maybe, like before, find an excuse to leave for a while, then once things calmed down, they could go back to the way they had been. At worst, they would end up in a cold war, with Lin Baixin pushing her away even more firmly. But the situation in front of her was none of the outcomes Yu Min had anticipated.

Not long ago, Lin Baixin had repeatedly assured her, repeatedly promised her to her face that she would not drive her away, absolutely would not. Lin Baixin herself had sworn it; no matter what happened, even if the sky fell, she would never do that.

Unfortunately, promises were far too fragile. They changed in the blink of an eye.

“So this isn’t driving me away?” Yu Min’s gaze struck straight into her eyes; it wasn’t a question, but a statement.

In the end, Lin Baixin still turned her face away, avoiding her gaze, and stuck to the same explanation.

“We both need a few days to calm down. This isn’t the best time to solve anything; we can only talk once we’ve thought it through.”

Yu Min asked directly, “Where am I supposed to go?”

Lin Baixin said, “If you can’t find a suitable place, I can help you look. It’d be better to find something near your hospital; that way you won’t have to run between two places.”

“To you, as long as it’s somewhere I can live, anything goes, right? Anywhere is fine, it makes no difference to you?” That wasn’t what Yu Min wanted to hear. She repeated herself, “Where do you think I can go?”

Lin Baixin didn’t answer. She couldn’t answer, either; she couldn’t give the right answer. She only seemed gentle on the surface; in reality, once she made up her mind, it was very hard to change. Since they had already laid everything bare, there was no turning back, no matter what Yu Min thought or whether she was willing.

Lin Baixin wasn’t leaving until tomorrow for her business trip, but later that evening she packed her things and headed out. It was obvious she was leaving Yu Min behind, and also that she didn’t want to soften again or keep arguing with her. Lin Baixin was very decisive, even frighteningly calm at a time like this; in less than half a day, she had neatly and cleanly settled everything that had been in chaos.

Only Yu Min was left there, abandoned and ignored.

She walked out and closed the door. When Lin Baixin reached the entrance, she paused for a moment and looked back, but that glance wasn’t enough to make her change her mind, even though Yu Min was also looking toward the doorway.

“If anything comes up, call me later. If I’m not here, you can go find Lin Qi and the others.”

Lin Baixin’s softness had been aimed at the wrong place. Even now, she was still worried about Yu Min, but it wasn’t the kind of concern Yu Min wanted.

Click.

The door shut. The huge house fell completely silent, emptied out.

Yu Min’s body went rigid. As the lock clicked into place, she trembled. That door was like a sealed boundary, locking everything inside the room away, and the person who had sealed it did not look back again. If she said she was going, she really meant it.

At that time, Lu Dagun was still asleep. The little one didn’t understand fighting; after greeting them, it had jumped onto a dining chair and gone to sleep. The sound of Lin Baixin leaving woke it up. It was baffled, unable to understand why the people had only just come back and were already leaving again, disappearing. Sensing some ominous premonition, the little thing circled around Yu Min, who had been sitting there for a long time without getting up, nudging her leg with its head and standing up to paw at her.

Yu Min didn’t react. She became an empty shell with no sensation. After a long while, she finally sagged like a deflated ball, slowly hunching her back, resting her elbows on her knees, and burying her face in her hands.

Lin Baixin didn’t go far. She went down to the community basement parking garage and sat in the car. She couldn’t remember how long had passed before she finally picked up her phone; about four hours, maybe longer. She hadn’t paid much attention to the exact time. Anyway, it had still been afternoon when she came down, and by the time she snapped back to herself, it was already dark, her body somewhat numb and unfeeling.

She swiped open the screen, found Lin Qi’s number, and called.

She asked Lin Qi to go next door and check on things. In the end, she was still worried Yu Min would be alone at home and something would happen. Lin Baixin refused to explain what had happened, and no matter how many times Lin Qi pressed her, unable to understand what had happened between them, she said nothing. She just told Lin Qi to go over and keep an eye on her.

Lin Qi was frightened. This had never happened before. She dropped the phone and rushed next door to take a look. After confirming that Yu Min was indeed fine, Lin Qi finally let the stone in her chest fall back to the ground.

But Yu Min still couldn’t be pried open for a single word. She refused to say anything; it was as if saying one more sentence would cost her life. Lin Qi was anxious to death and could only call Lin Baixin back, grit her teeth, and force herself to say, “I don’t care what the hell is going on between you two. Let’s leave it at that for today; I’ll let you both digest it first. But tomorrow, when I come to the shop, you have to tell me. Otherwise... otherwise you can handle it yourself. Look at what that girl’s turned into; she looks like her soul’s gone. What did you do to her?”

When they got to the shop, Lin Baixin didn’t even give Lin Qi a chance to say anything. She really was about to go on a business trip; she left before Lin Qi. By the time Lin Qi got back to the shop and found her office, she had already gone to the airport; there wasn’t even a shadow left behind.

Lin Qi wasn’t going to abandon Yu Min. She was all talk; it was just bluster. In reality, she was more worried about Yu Min than anyone. Lin Baixin had left the person behind and walked away, and Lin Qi, clenching her teeth, would still look after Yu Min even if she knew nothing at all.

Yu Min didn’t go out to look for a place to live for the first three days.

During those three days, she called Lin Baixin every day and sent messages too. Lin Baixin didn’t say where she was going to pick up the goods, and Lin Qi refused to reveal anything either; they both hid it from her. She could only wait and do nothing else.

“Say something. Don’t bottle it up. I don’t know exactly what kind of scene you and your sister are putting on, but your sister never used to be like this. As for you, from the few years we’ve known each other, you’ve always been a good kid. Now the two of you have ended up like this; it’s definitely not some small spat. Something serious happened. Tell me; maybe Sister Seven can help come up with an idea and get you two back together.” Lin Qi coaxed her carefully, doing her best to wheedle the truth out. “You know my relationship with your sister. Aside from me, who else can help you? No one. You won’t find a better mediator than me, right?”

Yu Min shook her head weakly. “Sister Lin Qi, you can’t help me this time.”

“You haven’t even told me anything. How do you know I can’t help? Maybe there’s still hope.”

“There isn’t. Don’t meddle in this.”

“You think I want to? I can’t help it.” Lin Qi was frustrated, and her tone inevitably grew heavier as she complained. “Count it yourself. It’s been three days, three full days. How many meals have you eaten? The food the auntie came to make, you didn’t touch a bite. The takeout I ordered for you—if I hadn’t gone over and forced you to eat, you wouldn’t even lift your chopsticks. My goodness, you’re twenty-two this year and still pulling this hunger strike nonsense. If I weren’t thinking of our friendship, I’d have given up on you already. So childish. Calling you a kid every now and then—you really think you’re some child who’ll never grow up?”

At the words “given up,” Yu Min’s blank face finally changed. Looking at Lin Qi, she denied it. “I’m not starving myself. It’s not like that.”

“Then at least eat a little when it’s mealtime. Pay attention to your health, okay?”

“I can’t eat.”

“Even if you can’t, you still have to. Otherwise you’ll fall apart in a few days.”

“Mm, I’ll try.”

Sensing she might have gone a bit too far, Lin Qi softened her tone and continued to persuade her earnestly. Yu Min was still in her internship; everyone knew medical students who got into hospitals were worked like donkeys. At this rate, how was she supposed to manage? If she didn’t starve to death, she’d end up exhausted to death sooner or later. No body, however young or strong, could withstand being pushed like that.

Fortunately, Yu Min listened. She understood that these matters should not drag a third person into the mess. After that day, she began eating normally again, living on a regular schedule, and using every spare moment to find a place to live, just as Lin Baixin had wanted.

It wasn’t that she refused to hold on, or didn’t want to keep fighting for it. More than anyone, she understood Lin Baixin’s personality. If she insisted on staying, once Lin Baixin came back, she really would move out herself and leave the house to her.

This was Lin Baixin’s property, not hers; there was no reason for her to keep occupying someone else’s place.

Three days passed; all the calls and messages sank without a trace. That was enough. On the fourth day, Yu Min found a place to live, a one-bedroom with an elevator near the hospital, very close by, within walking distance.

For the remaining half-week, she didn’t immediately move out of Lin Baixin’s house. She kept waiting, waiting for Lin Baixin’s reply, waiting to see whether she might change her mind.

But nothing came. Lin Baixin was like she had disappeared, just as Zheng Qing had back then.

They were the same. Both had clearly promised Yu Min something; one said she would take Yu Min with her, and one said she would never abandon her. Yet in the end, neither of them managed to do it, and both broke their promises.

Yu Min could accept Zheng Qing’s departure; she had to accept it. She’d gotten used to it, and that was that.

But Lin Baixin’s departure was not acceptable.

It was beyond what she had ever expected; the last thing Yu Min wanted was for things to end up like this. She didn’t dare gamble, not even dare to probe. Any possibility that Lin Baixin might leave her for a long time—she couldn’t let that happen.

So moving out and living somewhere else was fine too. She could accept the latter more easily; she was willing to follow Lin Baixin’s wishes, give each other space and time, and let them both calm down for a while first.

The night before Lin Baixin returned, Yu Min moved out of the neighborhood. Before that, she confirmed the flight with Lin Qi and, through Lin Qi, asked Lin Baixin whether she would come back the next day and what time her plane was. Only after getting a definite answer did she leave.

She only took a small portion of her things: a few sets of seasonal clothes for changing, some documents she would normally need, plus her phone and laptop; that was all.

She didn’t think she would be gone for very long. Maybe one day Lin Baixin would change her mind. Too much luggage would only be a nuisance. Everything Yu Min brought couldn’t even fill a single suitcase. Once she reached the temporary place she had rented, she took a photo and sent it to Lin Baixin. Whether Lin Baixin replied or not didn’t matter; as long as the other person received it, that was enough.

She couldn’t take Lu Dagun with her. Although the little one was nominally her cat, it was better suited to staying with Lin Baixin. Yu Min didn’t have time to look after a cat, and Lu Dagun had already adapted to that environment. Taking it away and dragging it to a new place to run around with her would be cruel; it would be bad for the cat.

But Lu Dagun didn’t understand. While Yu Min was packing, it leaped straight into the suitcase and sat on it, taking over the whole thing and refusing to budge. Thinking it liked the suitcase, Yu Min found the cardboard box it loved most and tossed it over, but whether it was more interested in the suitcase or for some other reason, Lu Dagun flatly refused to move, meowing nonstop at her. Especially when Yu Min was about to leave, it even ran up and grabbed her pant leg in its teeth, circling anxiously in place.

Being too clever and human-like wasn’t always a good thing. Only silly little things could be carefree without a thought. Yu Min crouched down, touched its head, rubbed it a few times, and then still left.

No matter how much the cat screamed inside the door, screaming very loudly, Yu Min pressed the elevator button. The driver was waiting at the neighborhood entrance. She got in the car, and before long it drove away from here, until, looking back, she could no longer see the tall buildings of this place.

The place she rented was a one-bedroom. Yu Min hadn’t rented something more spacious. Since she wouldn’t be living outside long-term, any kind of apartment was fine. She had gone through an agent. When the agent heard she was a hospital intern and saw that her clothes looked decent enough, he recommended this small one-bedroom.

A small one-bedroom in this part of Kyoto cost more than five thousand a month, which was already an outrageous rent for most students. The agent had originally planned to recommend two cheaper places, or else a shared rental, but to his surprise, Yu Min agreed without even bargaining.

The agent was pretty nice; seeing that Yu Min was likely renting for the first time, he even drove her around the surrounding area. Worried she didn’t know the neighborhood, he took her to get familiar with the nearby amenities so she’d know where to go once she started living there.

Yu Min’s message to Lin Baixin hadn’t gotten a reply, but the other side should have seen it. That night, Lin Qi made a video call and, without another word, directly asked for the address.

Yu Min didn’t give it. She knew Lin Qi would probably rush over, and since the place had already been rented, there was no point making a fuss.

Lin Qi was anxious. “You can fight all you want, but why did you move out? Where the hell are you renting a place for? If you can’t stay with your sister, can’t you stay with me? Why didn’t you ask me? It’s the middle of the night and you ran off somewhere by yourself. Do you even know what kind of place that is? And even if you wanted to rent, you should’ve had us look at it with you. You don’t know this area at all. What if you ended up with a bad place, or ran into some shady people?”

Unable to handle Lin Qi’s rapid-fire barrage, Yu Min was quiet for a long time before she could only say, “Sorry for making Sister Lin Qi worry.”

“I’m not worrying. I’m worrying my ass off.” Lin Qi was so frantic that even profanity slipped out. “I can’t control you two. You don’t appreciate it anyway, and me worrying is useless; it’s all for nothing. Fine, stop beating around the bush. Send me the address. Stay there and wait for me; I’m coming to pick you up right now.”

Understanding Lin Qi’s good intentions, Yu Min still didn’t give the address in the end. Lin Qi was practically ready to come through the internet cable and yank her ears off. Furious, she started cursing Lin Baixin on the other end too, saying that once she got to the shop she’d settle accounts with Lin Baixin; this had to be given a proper explanation.

In truth, Lin Qi never even made it to the shop. The shop wasn’t exactly a place for serious talks. Lin Qi, waiting like a hunter for prey, waited until Lin Baixin walked in with one foot; with the other, she came over uninvited and found her inside the house.

In just one week, Lin Baixin looked no better than Yu Min after leaving; in fact, her condition was even worse. She had visibly lost weight, and her complexion was terrible. Anyone who didn’t know better would think she’d just come back from a war.

Lin Qi had originally been full of accusations, but when she saw Lin Baixin’s face, she couldn’t get the words out. She hesitated, wanting to speak but stopping again and again; after a long while, she finally said helplessly, “Talk to me. What exactly happened? The two of you keep this up and I’m going to go crazy too.”

Lin Baixin lowered her eyes and thought for a long time before honestly admitting part of it. “Minmin... likes women.”

At first, Lin Qi didn’t react. She frowned and blurted out, “That’s all? What, are you discriminating against lesbians? What does it matter whether she likes men or women? Isn’t it all just liking people? Does that have to be divided into superior and inferior? Besides, it has nothing to do with you—” Halfway through, she cut herself off abruptly. Lin Qi was quick on the uptake; suddenly, the key point clicked into place. The last conversation she’d had with Luoshu flashed into her mind all at once. Only then, a beat late, did she realize what was going on. For an instant, she was at a loss for words.

“You two...” Lin Qi’s verbal machine gun jammed. She stammered, unable to believe it. “She has feelings for you, or...”

Lin Baixin didn’t explain, but the truth was obvious enough; no more needed to be said.

“Fuck, my God.” Lin Qi was shocked, her eyes nearly popping out of her head. “Don’t joke with me. That can’t be true, right? Impossible. Sure, that kid is pretty clingy with you—she’s been like your shadow whenever she has free time—but no matter what, it shouldn’t be to that extent... There were some signs, but how could this happen? What did she do to you? Or did you do something to her? Is that why you two are fighting?”

Lin Baixin only nodded slightly, silent, unsure how to explain.

The impact of this was too great. Lin Qi was practically about to explode. She was dizzy just from hearing it. If it had been some other girl around Yu Min’s age who had taken a fancy to Lin Baixin, she might still have been able to understand it. After all, Lin Baixin’s advantages were there for all to see. It wasn’t as if she had only had a single admirer over the years; there had been plenty of people who liked her. But Yu Min developing those feelings was truly beyond Lin Qi’s comprehension. Yu Min was basically half-raised by Lin Baixin, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t know many things. People around her had revealed bits and pieces to her in one way or another. Knowing full well she was smashing her head into a wall and still refusing to turn back, Lin Qi could guess without even asking that Yu Min had probably crossed Lin Baixin’s bottom line, and not just once or twice, for things to have come to this. No wonder Lin Baixin was so resolute.

Lin Qi had a splitting headache and was even more at a loss. She couldn’t very well go ask Yu Min directly to confirm it, either; how could she even bring up something like this? Caught halfway between the truth and the truth not being spoken, the veins at Lin Qi’s temples throbbed. After a while, she unfairly laid equal blame on both sides and said bluntly, “Then you should’ve talked to her properly. What good did it do to just throw her out? She already had nowhere to rely on here; besides us and her classmates, she doesn’t even know any acquaintances. What’s she supposed to do afterward? Still be all alone? She’s only how old? She’s still a student. You act like she’s one of us and already rooted here. You’re just going to let her go out and find a place to live by herself? You’re really heartless.”

Some things couldn’t be handled by reason alone. Lin Baixin couldn’t tell Lin Qi everything, so she let her nag. It wouldn’t change her mind.

Lin Qi said, “Can you soften up a little? In my eyes you’re just a stubborn, rotten stone. An authoritarian type. Maybe she just needs some guidance; who knows, it may not be as serious as you think.”

This couldn’t be spread around. Lin Qi kept her mouth shut tight, not even telling her girlfriend Luoshu.

Later on, Lin Qi tried twice to find Yu Min and talk to her face-to-face, but she simply couldn’t find her. With no other option, she had to call and spell out the death sentence plainly.

“Minmin, stop struggling. Your sister is firmly committed to being single. I don’t know if you don’t understand what that means or if you’re just being stubborn, but don’t waste your effort. She can’t do this kind of thing; she won’t do it with anyone. You’re not going to be the exception, so don’t even think about it, got it? Listen to me; if you don’t want to push things to an irreparable point, it’s best to stop now. In the future, you can still pretend this never happened. Go back and lower your head to her; that’s the best way.”

Yu Min was just stubborn. She wouldn’t listen to advice; if she had, she wouldn’t have moved out.

Yu Min knew what it meant to admit fault and try to win someone back. In the face of Lin Qi’s soft words, she could only go mute, unable to refute them, but she wouldn’t accept a single suggestion.

Lin Qi hardened her heart and started spouting nonsense instead. “If you like this kind of girl, I can introduce you to someone else another day. We’ll change who you like. Be good. Love isn’t something where you have to lock onto one person. You don’t have to hang yourself from one tree. You’re still young; in a few years you’ll understand. In this world, nobody’s life has to be tied to someone else.”

Yu Min’s response was to hang up the video call. She didn’t like hearing lofty lectures, and after that, for many days she didn’t answer Lin Qi’s calls.

They had agreed to calm down for a while. After that, Lin Baixin began to handle things coldly, as if she intended to keep doing it this way.

Yu Min looked for her twice; each time, they were far apart, just close enough that Lin Baixin could see her, but Yu Min never approached, never wanted to make Lin Baixin hate her more.

When she came looking again, Lin Baixin held out. Lin Qi, watching from the side, was moved by it. She nudged Lin Baixin twice with her elbow and jerked her chin toward the front of the shop. “Hey, stop pretending you don’t see her. Aren’t you going to see her? It’s about to rain. If you don’t go out now, she’ll be a drowned rat in a minute.”

Lin Baixin refused to go out and instead threw the person to Lin Qi.

“Then figure something out.”

Lin Qi froze, then jumped three feet high. “Do you even hear what you’re saying? You’ve lost it too. This isn’t normal.”

Watching Lin Baixin turn away so decisively, Lin Qi shook her head and sighed after a while. “Be even harsher then. You don’t properly solve things and just go cold with people. What good is having a mouth if you never use it? Wait until the day you regret it.”

Lin Baixin heard that line. Her steps faltered briefly, but she still didn’t stop.

Lin Qi’s jinx came true. Not long after, it really did start raining, and hard at that; the downpour came pouring out all at once, with no sign of easing anytime soon.

Grabbing an umbrella, Lin Qi ran out in both directions. She couldn’t just let Yu Min stand outside like that. She pulled Yu Min into the shop to get out of the rain and stopped caring about anything else; they would talk once the rain let up.

Even after Yu Min came into the shop, she still didn’t get to speak with Lin Baixin, not even for two seconds.

—Lin Baixin drove off, not even saying goodbye. It was obvious she had predicted Lin Qi would pull the person inside and deliberately avoided her.

“Driving in rain that heavy; she’s crazy.” Lin Qi muttered in worry.

Her hands and clothes were half-soaked from the rain. Yu Min’s fingers at her sides had gone white at the knuckles. She looked out toward the street, but Lin Baixin’s car was already long gone.