Clingy

“Why did you suddenly turn into that?” Zhu Qing paused and lowered her voice.

Li Lan drove with a laugh held back in her throat. “Turn into what?”

“Just that,” Zhu Qing said indignantly. “I used to think you were asexual, and then it turned out you were so experienced, and so domineering too.”

The way Zhu Qing frowned and complained was adorable. She probably didn’t realize how vivid her expression was; Li Lan glanced over, and her chest tingled.

“How could I possibly be asexual?” Li Lan replied lazily.

Zhu Qing began counting up her previous offenses.

“At first you wanted to divorce me. Divorce! I was terrified!” Zhu Qing said. “I finally got a wife, and before I’d even accepted reality, my wife was already going to dump me.”

“Later you stopped mentioning divorce, but you still wouldn’t let me get close. Every time I leaned toward you, you pushed me away. I was so frustrated. I thought I had no charm.”

Li Lan’s expression didn’t change, but the smile at the corner of her lips became harder and harder to hide.

Zhu Qing caught the increasingly obvious smile beneath the edge of her mask and blew up. “You’re still laughing!”

She was much better now; she wasn’t nearly as miserable anymore, and if anything, she was more happy and content than anything else. But she still couldn’t stand Li Lan always teasing her.

After all, trying to force your way through to someone only to get counterattacked, with no way to fight back at all—no matter when it was brought up, it was embarrassing!

“Actually, I was seducing you from the start,” Li Lan said boldly, her tone so soft it was almost flirtatious. “When you were taking pictures of me, I deliberately changed into that sexy nightgown just so you’d photograph me, to see whether you were still interested in me.”

Zhu Qing thought of that half-hidden robe, rich and dark as red wine, and said dryly, “...And what did your observations show?”

The hospital wasn’t far from their neighborhood. Li Lan backed into the parking space, and the moment the garage door closed, she turned and leaned in close to Zhu Qing.

She hadn’t worn perfume today; there was only the faint scent of her freshly washed hair, mixed with the minty fragrance that always lingered in her home.

Those scents instantly enveloped Zhu Qing, making her feel as if she were being held all over by Li Lan.

“The result was,” Li Lan said, placing one hand over Zhu Qing’s nervous hand resting on her thigh. Their fingers interlocked, and she slowly lifted it to her own chest. Her voice was low and husky, but the content was brazen. “My body is attractive to you, and you’re still very interested in this shell of mine. I’m very happy.”

The dim light was perfect cover. Zhu Qing’s face flushed red, and she didn’t dare move her hand at all.

She could tell Li Lan was only wearing nipple covers today.

Separated by a thin layer of summer fabric, every sensation was unmistakably vivid.

“Xiao Qing,” Li Lan said, like a seductive little demon, “why aren’t you saying anything?”

Zhu Qing’s eyelashes trembled like a leaf butterfly losing its balance. Her voice was unsteady. “...We’re outside. You’re way too bold.”

“I can be even bolder.” Li Lan’s voice grew more and more dangerous. Her other hand settled on Zhu Qing’s shoulder, and she kissed her cheek. “Want to try?”

Zhu Qing felt like steam was coming out of her head. The intense stimulation made her lose all patience; she turned her face and bit hard into Li Lan’s chin.

“Ahh, are you a puppy?!” Li Lan cried out in pain and sat back in the driver’s seat.

Zhu Qing had strong teeth; when she bit someone, it was always a neat circle. Li Lan turned on the car light, and there was already a round bite mark on her chin.

Staring at that tidy row of tooth marks, Li Lan didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Don’t move,” Zhu Qing said, her eyes red as she glared at her. “Come upstairs with me!”

This time Li Lan obediently listened. Once they were upstairs, Zhu Qing told her to do whatever she wanted, and Li Lan took full advantage of the opportunity.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last long; Zhao Yun, who had taken Xiao Bao out shopping, came back.

Li Lan patted Zhu Qing’s back. Zhu Qing raised her head; her hand was still clutching Li Lan’s belt.

Li Lan said affectionately, “I’ll let you have your fill next time. Xiao Bao seems to be back.”

Xiao Bao’s voice came from outside. “I can see Mommy and Zhu Zhu’s shoes! Where are you?”

Zhu Qing and Li Lan separated at once and checked whether their clothes were in order, then whether there were any suspicious marks on their faces, flustered like they’d gone out to open a hotel room only to get caught in a vice squad inspection.

Zhao Yun stopped Xiao Bao, who was about to open the door. “Help Teacher put the things in the fridge first.”

Xiao Bao answered with an “oh” and trotted away in small steps.

Five minutes later, Zhu Qing and Li Lan came out one after the other. Zhao Yun gave Zhu Qing a casual glance, and Zhu Qing casually nodded back in greeting. “Teacher Zhao.”

“Zhu Zhu, this is what I picked for you,” Xiao Bao said proudly, handing Zhu Qing some lychees. “Heart-shaped lychees. Try them!”

The lychees in Zhu Qing’s hands were two fruits growing together, looking like a heart.

“They’re so pretty. Zhu Zhu kind of doesn’t want to eat them,” Zhu Qing said, finding it a little novel. She handed the lychees to Li Lan. “Look, heart-shaped.”

Li Lan gave a perfunctory compliment. “Xiao Bao is amazing.”

Zhao Yun set down the lychees in her hand. She had already peeled a plateful and beckoned to Xiao Bao. “Come here. Teacher has something to ask you.”

Xiao Bao trotted over and asked obediently, “What is it?”

Zhao Yun put the plate into Xiao Bao’s hands. “Tell us how many lychees are on the plate.”

Zhu Qing and Li Lan subconsciously looked over. Before they even started counting, Xiao Bao glanced once and said, “Thirteen.”

Li Lan and Zhu Qing exchanged a shocked look.

Zhao Yun immediately asked, “How do you divide thirteen lychees?”

Xiao Bao looked up at Zhu Qing and Li Lan, blinked, and said at once, “Three each.”

Zhao Yun said, “And then?”

Xiao Bao thought for a moment. “The remaining one goes to Zhu Zhu, but Zhu Zhu will definitely let Xiao Bao eat it.”

The surprise in Li Lan and Zhu Qing’s eyes deepened.

Zhao Yun continued, “Then what if I don’t eat? Can you divide them evenly?”

Xiao Bao shook her head.

Li Lan crouched down. “I won’t eat either.”

Xiao Bao kept shaking her head.

Zhu Qing said, “Then I won’t eat either.”

Xiao Bao giggled. “Then all thirteen lychees go to Xiao Bao.”

Zhao Yun stroked Xiao Bao’s hair. “Why can’t they be divided evenly?”

Xiao Bao wrinkled her little face and held up her hand. “There are four of us, and only the four-times table works.”

Zhao Yun nodded with satisfaction and told Xiao Bao to take the plate into the living room to eat; they needed to talk about adult matters.

After Xiao Bao left, Li Lan said with a serious expression, “What was Xiao Bao just talking about?”

“The multiplication table. The four column is the one divisible by four,” Zhao Yun gave her professional assessment seriously. “Xiao Bao is very smart. Her intellectual development is very good, far beyond children her age. That’s what I wanted you to see today.”

Li Lan’s brow furrowed. “But she still couldn’t speak English last year.”

“Even though you wanted her to learn English from a young age, you and Zhu Qing both speak Chinese with her, so of course she learned Chinese first. The English language system is still being built,” Zhao Yun said. “And she’s less sensitive to language than to numbers. That doesn’t mean she isn’t smart; on the contrary, I think she needs better educational resources so her talent can be developed and nurtured as early as possible, without being missed or wasted.”

Zhu Qing stared blankly toward Xiao Bao. In her impression, Xiao Bao liked to do things slowly, often acted spoiled, and didn’t say things that were especially astonishing. There was no obvious sign of how clever she was; she only seemed very well-behaved and cute.

Zhao Yun knew Xiao Bao much better in this regard, and she sharply pointed out the problem in this household. “You’ve made her feel insecure, so she can’t throw tantrums as recklessly as other children.”

She looked at Zhu Qing. “Before you lost your memory, Xiao Bao had just let down all her guard around you; she was deeply dependent on you emotionally. But then you suddenly lost your memory. Xiao Bao didn’t understand why you wanted to distance yourself from her, but she didn’t dare keep making a fuss, afraid you’d like her even less. In fact, she secretly cried at night these past few days. She hid it very well; if I didn’t get up regularly at night to cover Xiao Bao with a blanket, I wouldn’t have noticed.”

Zhu Qing lowered her head guiltily.

Li Lan also looked down, not knowing what to say.

Zhao Yun said, “Children are more sensitive than you can imagine. She knows everything; she doesn’t need you to explain anything at all. If there isn’t a good family atmosphere, Xiao Bao will only become more and more withdrawn, more and more well-behaved, and at the same time, more and more repressed. That’s very bad for her intellectual development.”

Zhu Qing apologized, “We didn’t do this well. I’ll pay more attention to her from now on.”

Li Lan looked at Zhao Yun. “Aren’t you paying enough attention to her?”

In her view, Xiao Bao already had material resources most people couldn’t dream of, and there were many adults around her: an excellent teacher like Zhao Yun, plus two nannies with plenty of childcare experience who stayed by her side around the clock. No matter what, Xiao Bao shouldn’t become introverted from lacking love the way Zhao Yun described.

Zhao Yun sighed. “She’s a high-needs baby. It’s precisely because I’m here that she’s grown up the way she has. What I’m talking about is the future. She doesn’t just need better educational resources; as her mind matures, she’ll also need more care and love. Those are things you parents need to keep up with. I obviously can’t do it alone.”

Li Lan still didn’t agree.

Zhu Qing held Li Lan back and said seriously, “We’ll study hard and take good care of Xiao Bao.”

Zhao Yun went into the living room to find Xiao Bao. Zhu Qing pulled Li Lan back into the bedroom.

It was clearly the setup for a heart-to-heart talk.

“I don’t understand,” Li Lan said, her expression somewhat cool. “We had no care at all when we were young. Let alone love, the adults were stingy even with a decent look. Weren’t we lacking love too? Didn’t we still grow up?”

Zhu Qing felt a little heartache. She wanted to say Li Lan was wrong, but she couldn’t help feeling sorry for her. “You know your childhood was hard.”

“It was hard for me, but Xiao Bao doesn’t count as having it hard,” Li Lan said with certainty. “The care you and I got as children, put together, doesn’t even equal half of Xiao Bao’s.”

Zhu Qing sighed. “You can’t compare it like that. Even if you don’t understand, can’t you see Qian Cancan? Look at how happily she lives. We all have unsatisfying pasts and have to work hard for a living, but Cancan doesn’t. She’s bright inside and out, because her parents gave her enough love and cleared the obstacles out of her life.”

Li Lan frowned, but she seemed to be listening a little.

“Didn’t you earn so much money so Xiao Bao could spend it?”

Li Lan looked up. “I also have to support you with my money.”

“Yes, support me,” Zhu Qing said softly. “And Xiao Bao too.”

Li Lan had never thought about what kind of person she wanted Xiao Bao to become. To her, as long as a child didn’t suffer, that was enough to grow up.

Li Lan thought quietly for a while, but she still couldn’t stand Zhu Qing’s soft persuasion. “I’ll try to make more time in the future to be with you and Xiao Bao.”

Zhu Qing stepped forward and held Li Lan’s hand, lowering her voice to ease the burden on her. “Don’t worry. My work is pretty slack, and the kindergarten hasn’t even urged me to go back to work yet. I’ll take care of Xiao Bao more and give her attention. You can work without worrying.”

Li Lan seemed to think of something and shook her head, saying quietly, “Xiao Bao is my responsibility. I shouldn’t dump her on you. She likes being clingy, and that puts a lot of pressure on you. We can’t do that.”

Zhu Qing didn’t understand. Why did Li Lan always mind Xiao Bao bothering her?

“You want Xiao Bao to be close to me, but you don’t want Xiao Bao to bother me. What kind of logic is that? She’s only five; she doesn’t understand,” Zhu Qing laughed. “What are you afraid of?”

Li Lan thought of what Qian Cancan had just said.

Zhu Qing is very much like a nanny.

It stung, but Li Lan didn’t have much confidence to argue back.

From the beginning, their marriage had been a contract. In order to keep Zhu Qing by her side, Li Lan had shamelessly used that method.

The moment Zhu Qing entered the house, she consciously put herself in a service position and treated both herself and Xiao Bao as people she was there to serve.

Although Li Lan had never ordered her around, and had also tried hard to speed up the process of their arranged marriage turning into real love, Zhu Qing had always taken meticulous care of Xiao Bao.

So much so that, in Qian Cancan’s eyes, calling Zhu Qing Xiao Bao’s “nanny” wasn’t wrong at all.

Waking Xiao Bao up every day, combing her hair, making her meals, watching her eat at kindergarten, helping her with homework after they got home—around the clock, whenever Li Lan wasn’t home, Zhu Qing’s private time was almost entirely given to Xiao Bao.

At first, Zhu Qing being close with Xiao Bao was something Li Lan was happy to see; she thought it was Zhu Qing’s way of integrating into her life.

Later, when Zhu Qing had less and less private time, Li Lan realized something was wrong. She had repeatedly, both openly and subtly, told Xiao Bao to handle her own affairs herself, and had even asked Zhao Yun to take Xiao Bao out more often to study and try to return as much time as possible to Zhu Qing.

But maybe, just as Zhao Yun had said, Li Lan’s care for Xiao Bao wasn’t enough. Zhu Qing’s appearance made Xiao Bao unwilling to let go, and Xiao Bao still clung to Zhu Qing. Zhu Qing, of course, couldn’t push Xiao Bao away, and that led to the situation before the memory loss.

Now that she thought about it, Zhu Qing at that time was carrying the fatigue from work, the strain of raising a child, and disappointment in their relationship; all those emotions piled up in her heart together, and they must have caused her enormous pressure.

Li Lan’s heart ached beyond words. Regret and guilt flooded her like a tide.

————————!!————————

The Zhu Qing before the memory loss: spending money on herself.

TL Note:

“性冷淡” literally means “sexually cold”; I used “asexual” here as a blunt jab, not the identity label.