Ambiguity

A look of clear pain flickered across Li Lan’s face, and Zhu Qing gasped in alarm. “What’s wrong?”

“Li Lan?” Zhu Qing reached out, flustered, and touched her face. “Are you uncomfortable somewhere? Tell me.”

Suddenly, Li Lan lifted her arms and pulled Zhu Qing into her embrace.

Zhu Qing fell quiet at once and obediently tucked herself into Li Lan’s arms. Thinking Li Lan was upset about Xiao Bao, she patted her back. “I’m here.”

Li Lan murmured, “Are you?”

“I’m here.”

As if she needed to make sure Zhu Qing was really there, Li Lan tightened her hold. Zhu Qing could almost feel her heartbeat, steady and clear through the thin layer of fabric.

“I’m fine.” It was a long while before Li Lan let her go. Her exquisite, cool features had gone unnaturally pale, as if washed clean; her sharply defined face was fully visible, and when she spoke again, her voice had returned to calm restraint. “Go keep Xiao Bao company for a while. I’m going to think about what to do for her future.”

Zhu Qing didn’t leave. She took Li Lan’s hand and sat down beside her, refusing the idea. “I want to hear your plans too.”

With Zhu Qing sitting shoulder to shoulder beside her, Li Lan slowly pushed down the guilt and sourness in her chest. She stroked Zhu Qing’s rounded fingertips and said softly, “Have you heard of Q School?”

“You mean that international school that’s really hard to get into?”

Q School had a long history. It was a Chinese-foreign joint school with a very small annual intake and extremely strict admissions; its educational resources were on par with the best in the world.

Zhu Qing knew the students inside were all rich or powerful. When Qian Cancan was little, her family had wanted to send her there too. The Qian family had money going back three generations, with both business and political connections; they barely met the admissions requirements, but Qian Cancan herself never passed the entrance exam, so she didn’t get in.

Zhu Qing still remembered that Qian Cancan had applied to the elementary division. After the test, she’d dragged Zhu Qing into a frenzy of complaints, saying the questions were so hard they made you want to cry; she’d almost started wondering if she was an idiot.

Li Lan nodded. “That’s the school. I want to send Xiao Bao there.”

Zhu Qing blinked. “Is that possible?”

Q School looked at the student’s parents and family assets. Xiao Bao only had a mother, and Li Lan herself had come from a welfare institute; she would definitely have trouble passing the qualification review.

Li Lan said quietly, “If it’s only me, it’ll be very difficult.”

Zhu Qing thought for a moment. “Should I ask Cancan for help?”

“What would we ask her for?” Li Lan frowned, then seemed to think of something and let out a soft laugh. “Are you planning to have her adopt Xiao Bao?”

Zhu Qing flushed awkwardly. “No. Cancan took the Q School entrance exam before, so I wanted to ask her what the school requires.”

Thinking of that, Zhu Qing asked cautiously, “If Cancan adopts Xiao Bao, then Xiao Bao can get into Q School?”

“Not her,” Li Lan said with a helpless smile. “And even if she became Xiao Bao’s mother, if she doesn’t inherit her family’s assets, she still wouldn’t be qualified.”

Zhu Qing tried again. “Then what about asking Auntie? If Madam Qian adopts Xiao Bao...”

Li Lan kissed her, cutting her off. “No.”

Zhu Qing’s face turned red for a moment. She hesitated, troubled. “Then what else can we do?”

Before, Zhu Qing had only needed to take care of herself. In these days after becoming Li Lan’s partner, Li Lan didn’t even need her to look after her. Zhu Qing had never found herself at a loss over anyone.

It was only when Xiao Bao was involved that she finally understood how a parent felt when faced with a child.

Helpless even while wanting to help; at a complete loss; blaming herself for lacking ability and connections, unable to give the child better resources.

Li Lan lowered her eyes. After a long moment, she said a name.

“Yang Huayi said she could get Xiao Bao into Q School.”

Zhu Qing looked surprised. “Yang Huayi?”

Then she thought about it. Yang Huayi really was one of the few rich and powerful people they could actually reach.

If she said she could do it, then it was probably at least eighty or ninety percent certain.

“But why would she help Xiao Bao?” Zhu Qing asked. “Because of Yan Jin and you?”

Li Lan looked at Zhu Qing calmly. “I don’t know.”

Zhu Qing thought of Xiao Bao’s obedient, adorable face and suddenly said, “Does Yan Jin look like Xiao Bao?”

Li Lan’s movements stilled slightly. After a moment, she frowned and nodded.

“She’s a smaller version of Yan Jin,” Li Lan said, looking back on the past, a trace of bitterness at the corners of her mouth. “When Yan Jin was little, she looked almost exactly like Xiao Bao. But back then conditions were poor; Yan Jin was thin and small, with hardly any flesh on her cheeks. She wasn’t as pretty as Xiao Bao.”

Zhu Qing asked softly, “What about you?”

Li Lan was silent for two seconds, then said with resignation, “I don’t remember. The welfare institute should have photos. I was probably thinner. Yan Jin was cute then, so the teachers would sometimes be willing to give her a little extra attention; I didn’t have much of a likable face.”

Zhu Qing’s heart ached. She leaned over and kissed Li Lan gently.

“Now that you mention it, Xiao Bao’s looks actually remind me of Yu Ling,” Zhu Qing said. “Yu Ling has your temperament, but her face is more like Yan Jin’s.”

The moment Li Lan heard that name, she thought of Yu Ling’s actions.

“Yang Huayi likes that type,” Li Lan said coolly. “Why bring her up?”

Zhu Qing said, “I feel like Yang Huayi might actually like Yan Jin even more.”

Li Lan suddenly looked up. “What did you say?”

Zhu Qing spoke slowly. “Yan Jin is Xiao Bao’s biological mother, and she looks so much like her. It’s more likely Yang Huayi is taking care of Xiao Bao because of Yan Jin.”

Li Lan narrowed her eyes. Zhu Qing’s guess happened to match the suspicion that had just flashed through her mind.

“You’re only Xiao Bao’s foster mother. Even if Yang Huayi is looking out for you, it’s hard for that kind of care to extend to an adopted daughter, right? And something like Q School isn’t even an entertainment-industry matter; it’s not something she can just solve on a whim. Using connections like that would be pretty troublesome.”

Li Lan’s expression gradually turned cold. She patted Zhu Qing’s hand and stood up. “I understand. I’ll talk to her. If she really wants to take care of Xiao Bao because of Yan Jin... then let her come.”

Zhu Qing nodded. “Then I’ll go find Xiao Bao.”

Li Lan smiled at her. “Go on. Play with her. You don’t need to fuss over her too much; don’t wear yourself out.”

-

Qian Cancan, silent for half a month, was finally back on social media.

The update location was a newly opened bar.

She first went to the salon to dye her hair black, then cut it into a wolf-tail style, and finally changed into a sexy suit with a bare waist and a cinched chest, dancing in the middle of the dance floor.

Her top was a white shirt made from paper-thin fabric. Amber liquor splashed over it, and the shirt clung to her body, turning almost transparent. Her long neck and shoulders were instantly revealed, enough to make a group of girls stare without blinking.

When Qian Chu arrived, this was the scene she saw.

Having lived by the rules for more than twenty years and never seen anything this outrageous since childhood, Qian Chu froze. Her eyes landed on Qian Cancan and couldn’t move away.

An insinuating melody, flashing lights, skin soaked with liquor.

Her soft but powerful waist swayed slowly; her long, straight legs were wrapped in black fitted pants, and her hips were tightly encased. With every twist, the curve of her body lifted provocatively, drawing wave after wave of screams.

In the middle of it, someone recognized Qian Cancan and jumped onto the stage to drink with her in a crossed-arm toast.

Qian Cancan curved her lips into a smile and accepted anyone’s invitation. Just as she was about to drink from the other person’s cup, a hand suddenly appeared and blocked her.

Qian Chu rushed in; the wine spilled directly onto her.

Qian Chu was wearing a proper shirt and long skirt. The liquor splashed across her chest, leaving a stain.

Qian Cancan paused. The smile at her lips faded, and she said frostily, “Why are you here?”

Seeing the smile in Qian Cancan’s eyes disappear the instant she saw her, Qian Chu felt an unspeakable heaviness. She frowned. “I saw your post saying you were here.”

“My post?” Qian Cancan took out her phone and held it up in front of her face. “Fine. From now on, I won’t be an eyesore to you anymore.”

Qian Chu caught her hand, a pained look appearing in her eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t care what you meant,” Qian Cancan said, shaking off her hand. More and more people were looking over now; Qian Cancan said impatiently, “Get lost already. Don’t interrupt me while I’m dancing.”

Qian Chu was silent for two seconds. Then she lowered her head. “You only like this kind of life?”

Qian Cancan said, “Yeah. This is the life I like. See them? Everyone’s having fun; no one’s ruining the mood.”

Qian Chu’s fists suddenly clenched. After a long moment, she lifted her head, as if she had made some kind of decision.

She walked down from the stage, picked up a freshly mixed cocktail, and downed it in one go.

The liquor burned on the way down, and Qian Chu’s eyes turned red in an instant.

Alcohol dissolved her reason; the pounding beat seemed to strike directly at her temples. The swaying figures before her gradually disappeared, leaving only Qian Cancan.

Qian Chu took off her coat, unbuttoned three buttons, and walked toward Qian Cancan with a glass in hand.

Qian Cancan had just stepped away from a close dance with someone else when she saw Qian Chu standing before her, her collar open and her face flushed red.

Qian Chu held a mouthful of wine, leaned in toward Qian Cancan, and kissed her. The liquor passed between their mouths; a little seeped out and slid from their chins, down their necks, and onto their chests.

Qian Cancan was so shocked she didn’t react in time and was immediately forced to swallow a mouthful of wine. She struggled at once.

Qian Chu did her best to hold Qian Cancan down. The dim lighting outlined their figures in an ambiguous, alluring way, but Qian Cancan’s struggle was fierce; Qian Chu was almost losing control of her.

Qian Cancan wiped her mouth hard and snapped, “Are you insane? Let me tell you, stop thinking you’re so clever. I don’t like you kissing me. I don’t like—”

Qian Chu said softly, “I’m sorry.”

The lights flashed again, revealing their posture in full. While Qian Cancan was momentarily stunned, Qian Chu dragged her off the dance floor.

The upper floor of the bar was a hotel. Qian Chu quickly opened a room and shoved Qian Cancan inside.

When the key card was inserted, the power came on with a beep. Qian Cancan came back to her senses and stared at Qian Chu with a dark expression. “What are you doing?”

Qian Chu went into the bathroom and splashed water on her face. Alcohol was seeping into her brain; she was a little dazed.

Forcing herself to recover some reason, Qian Chu staggered out and collapsed beside Qian Cancan.

“Sorry.”

Qian Cancan frowned. “If you can’t drink, then don’t drink. Look at how drunk you are.”

Qian Chu shook her head. “I just can’t control my body very well, but my head is clear.”

Qian Cancan snorted. “Your brain even has different departments now? You can’t even control your body and you still say your head’s clear.”

Seeing her like this, Qian Cancan suddenly felt like teasing her. She lifted a hand and hooked Qian Chu’s chin. “Come on, show me how clear-headed you are.”

Qian Chu’s eyes were unfocused, misted over. She took off her glasses; the scholarly air around her was washed away by the alcohol, revealing the softness underneath.

Looking at her face, Qian Cancan thought with bitter sadness that she really did still like Qian Chu’s appearance.

Qian Chu was like the good student from her youth, always sitting in the front row and listening attentively.

Cool, quiet, innocent, obedient; carrying her backpack to and from school, untouched by any messy nonsense, gripping a fountain pen with clean, pretty knuckles and writing graceful characters on the page.

Qian Cancan felt sad over her own hopeless taste.

Qian Chu’s unfocused gaze slowly sharpened again. The next second, she suddenly lowered her head and fiercely kissed Qian Cancan’s lips.

————————!!————————

Today’s writing was so stuck, so stuck, so stuck.

Happy weekend, everyone [yellow heart]