Chapter 52

After hearing Wen Yan’s candid confession, Jin Zijin had thought the fog in her heart would finally lift, and that she would be able to let it go.

But she couldn’t.

The cup of water called “understanding” had not quenched the fire in her chest. Instead, it had fallen into boiling oil and stirred up emotions that were even fiercer and more complicated.

Rationally, she knew very clearly that there was nothing improper at all between Wen Yan and Jiang Linyue. They were open and aboveboard.

No ambiguity, no crossing the line; only a precious friendship that began in compassion and ended in protection.

But emotionally, that unfamiliar jealousy burned across the wilderness like a wildfire, until even breathing felt difficult.

Eight full years.

From fourteen to twenty-two; the brightest and most fragile years of a girl’s life.

A girl’s growth, the confusion and transformation of youth, all the earliest explorations of self and the world...

Almost Wen Yan’s entire growth chart carried Jiang Linyue’s shadow.

Her habits, her interests, the angle from which she viewed the world, even her decision to put on a white coat and devote her life to the operating table—all of it had been subtly guided and supported by Jiang Linyue.

To Wen Yan, Jiang Linyue was like a godmother who had carefully nurtured her.

Kind and gentle.

Except Jiang Linyue was not a godmother.

She was a “senior sister.”

A woman only six years older than Wen Yan, someone who in a sense could almost be called her peer; excellent, and full of charm.

Jin Zijin had seen this kind of relationship before.

In the circles she moved in, whether women in power or men in high positions, many were especially fond of “cultivating” younger people.

Perhaps it was the loneliness of standing too high above the rest, perhaps the satisfaction of control and shaping, or perhaps simply the search for an outlet and continuation for the soul.

For all sorts of reasons, they liked to find someone very young and raise them into exactly the shape they preferred.

Jin Zijin dismissed such relationships with disdain.

She couldn’t be bothered to shape another person’s life, because she had greater ambition. She wanted to change the world.

She wanted to create a future that began with her.

So she truly had no interest in establishing any kind of intimate relationship with anyone else.

Though Jin Zijin had never truly stepped into the arena of romance, she had long since seen through the countless forms of relationships in this glittering world.

For families like theirs, marriage mostly began with a weighing of interests.

An alliance tied two families’ resources together, but it did not necessarily mean two hearts were drawn close and matched.

If one was lucky, husband and wife would remain courteous, maintaining an open and respectable arrangement.

They preserved a surface harmony; as long as no core interests were touched and no scandal over an illegitimate child that was impossible to clean up broke out, each could live in peace.

If one was luckier still, perhaps a little genuine feeling could grow, and they might pass through a stretch of time sweet as honey.

But more often, because of the assertiveness that came with equal standing, or because their temperaments simply did not fit, feelings would ultimately fracture; affairs, arguments, and public blowups followed, ending in a bitter collapse.

Within and around these marriage relations, riddled with holes, two fixed roles often appeared.

The “heart-soothing flower,” and the “rose that is watered.”

Those in high positions, whether fighting in the business world or weathering the rise and fall of official circles, bore immense pressure.

A person’s energy was limited; when all their focus was poured into expanding territory, it became difficult to spare the patience and delicacy needed to cherish another soul just as complex.

So those standing at the peak eventually chose partners or long-term lovers who were not opponents fit to match them in battle, but rather one of two kinds of people.

The first kind was the “heart-soothing flower,” someone who could smooth out emotions and life as a whole, providing absolute emotional value and comfort.

The second was the “rose that is watered,” carefully sculpted by their own hands and raised into the ideal shape they wanted, fitting almost perfectly every expectation.

Jin Zijin had seen far too many such examples.

She understood all too well the selfishness and inertia of human nature in matters of the heart.

People pursued low-cost satisfaction; they longed for absolute security and absolute control.

So when she first fell for Wen Yan, she had also calmly examined herself: was this sudden heartbeat merely a hunter’s impulse, or was it a true attraction of the soul?

The answer came quickly.

If it had only been a passing whim, she wouldn’t even have asked herself.

Before deciding to marry Wen Yan, she had carefully gone through every part of Wen Yan’s background.

The report showed that the young surgeon’s life path was clean and clear.

Completely unlike those peers in the circle with their chaotic private lives.

Wen Yan’s world was filled with surgery, papers, regular exercise, and an extremely limited social life.

Boring at a glance, yet carrying a rock-like steadiness and purity.

Jin Zijin was captivated by the way she stood in scrubs, her hair simply tied into a low ponytail, staring intently beneath the shadowless lamp.

It was a kind of charm stripped of all gaudy decoration, built purely from professionalism and composure.

Unmatched beauty.

Too beautiful.

Every time she looked, her heart would ache with it.

Every time, she would make up her mind to have her.

Falling in love only happened once; if you missed it, there would be no second chance. Wasn’t that difficult?

She had no reason to miss it.

Over and over, she talked herself into it; in the end... she got her.

And after getting her, the infatuation only grew.

In the month since they married, she had bit by bit knocked on the door of Wen Yan’s seemingly cold shell and glimpsed the sincerity within.

Clearly raised in such an emotionally distant, calculating family, Wen Yan had still grown like a plant forcing its way toward the sun through a crack in the stone; instead of twisting crookedly, she had refined herself into something extraordinarily clear and resilient.

Kind, steadfast, responsible, dependable.

At times, Jin Zijin even found herself thinking something close to fate: could it be that heaven arranged for them to fall in love at first sight so she could come and love Wen Yan properly?

As if all of Wen Yan’s twenty-eight years of grievances and loneliness had existed only so they could meet at that moment.

Thinking of it that way made her chest ache and soften all at once.

So pitiful, and so lovely.

She really loved her so much.

Jin Zijin had understood long ago that there was nothing in this world that truly “belonged” to anyone.

Wealth, status, even family; all would vanish with life’s passing.

That was why she longed to build a business empire of her own.

To leave an indelible mark in the tide of technological renewal and resist the emptiness of life.

But after meeting Wen Yan, that certainty began to shake.

She started to develop a wild, intense possessiveness: Wen Yan was hers.

She had lived so alone for twenty-eight years only because she had been waiting for Jin Zijin to love her.

They had seen each other in a sea of people in a single glance; that was fate.

At least until tonight, Jin Zijin had believed that without doubt.

But Jiang Linyue’s appearance shattered that certainty completely.

Only then did Jin Zijin suddenly and clearly realize: before the chapter belonging to “Jin Zijin” even began, there had already been someone else who had left such a deep stroke across the canvas of Wen Yan’s life.

From beginning to end, all the way through.

So there had already been someone who loved her so deeply.

In another, broader and more selfless form.

And that made sense...

If Wen Yan had truly been a child who had never been properly loved, how could she have grown into the warm and resilient person she was now?

Reason whispered softly in her ear: you should be grateful.

Grateful that the “Jiang Linyue” in question was a mentally and physically healthy woman of noble character; that she had protected Wen Yan’s growth in the right way and given her relatively normal soil to grow in.

The person you love today was, in a sense, the result of being so carefully “cultivated.”

You should be grateful to her.

Yes, she should thank Jiang Linyue.

But...

But why did unwillingness keep surging in her chest?

Why was it not her who had first met the fourteen-year-old Wen Yan?

Why wasn’t it her who held that girl’s hand and took her to feel the speed and exhilaration of riding a horse for the first time?

To feel the whistle of skis cutting across powdery snow?

To fish quietly beside a frozen lake?

Or to spend lazy afternoons together among mountains of Lego pieces?

If she had been the one to meet Wen Yan first...

They could have wrapped themselves in the same thick blanket in a bitter winter wilderness and looked up at the river of stars pouring overhead.

On a summer night in a valley filled with the sound of pine waves, they could have chased the fireflies carrying tiny lanterns.

They could have created countless happy memories just the same!

She would definitely have cared for Wen Yan very well and protected her very well!

And besides, back then Wen Yan would have been fourteen; she would have been eighteen.

They would only have been four years apart; in a certain sense, they would have been true peers.

Four years later, they could have dated each other naturally!

The more she thought about it, the more Jin Zijin ground her teeth in frustration.

So maddening!

Absolutely maddening!

Sour bubbles surged wildly in her heart, bursting and bursting, until they became a silent tsunami that drowned her from head to toe.

That overwhelming sense of loss and the pain of having missed something almost made breathing impossible.

But she couldn’t let Wen Yan notice.

Because between Jiang Linyue and Wen Yan, there really was nothing; she was only inexplicably jealous and angry at herself.

She couldn’t let her own emotions affect Wen Yan’s mood.

Couldn’t take it out on her and make her pay for her feelings for no reason.

What’s more, she had already lost control once.

And at that time, Wen Yan had looked so frightened.

It seemed that for Wen Yan, experiencing other people’s negative emotions was a very difficult thing.

There might even be some unfinished childhood issue beneath it.

She liked Wen Yan; she loved Wen Yan.

If she loved her, then she should respect her, cherish her, make her light, make her free.

Jin Zijin quickly convinced herself of this in her mind. Her iron self-control forced the overwhelming flood of negative emotions back down.

Not only did she force them down, she built a solid embankment to hold everything back.

She looked at Wen Yan’s gentle, candid face before her, swallowed the tightness in her throat, and forced a smile. “Mm, I understand.”

She paused, then looked up at Wen Yan with a smile in her eyes. “Miss Jiang really is a very good person.”

She took Wen Yan’s hand and squeezed it. “Of course I believe you. I’m just too fond of you, so I’d naturally be a little jealous if you’d been close before.”

“Perfectly normal; you have to understand.”

Fake.

Don’t understand!

She wanted to throw a tantrum!

Damn it!

She wanted to shout and make a scene, cling to Wen Yan and say, Hurry up and go back to fourteen now; I’m going to find you and play with you!

Don’t play with Jiang Linyue!

What senior sister!

I don’t want you to have any senior sister; you don’t have a senior sister at all!

Only me!

It’s all only me!

But because she sounded so sincere and hid it so well, Wen Yan immediately relaxed. “I’m glad you’re not angry.”

She leaned closer, almost pressing her forehead against Jin Zijin’s, and looked straight into her eyes without blinking. Her tone was serious. “But Zijin, I still have to say it again: between her and me, there really isn’t the kind of feeling you’re worried about.”

“You’re the first person in my twenty-eight years that I’ve truly liked.”

Wen Yan pressed her lips together for a moment, then mustered the courage to continue. “On the day we first met, I kept wanting to look at you. After I got home, I even... asked my AI.”

That abrupt turn made Jin Zijin freeze, and curiosity temporarily pushed aside the sourness in her heart. “What did you ask?”

“Wait a moment.” Wen Yan turned and quickly walked to the rack by the bedroom door, where their coats were hanging. She took her phone from the pocket of her overcoat.

She unlocked the screen, swiped quickly with her finger, and soon found the record. Then she walked back and held up the screen in front of Jin Zijin.

“Look, this is it.”

Jin Zijin lowered her head to look.

On the screen was a passage written in an even somewhat academic tone:

Situation description: Today, at my parents’ request, I met with a blind date. The other party was a very capable and beautiful woman; she had a distinctive temperament. If I were to compare her, she was like a glacier reflected in moonlight, cold and exquisite. Her manner of speaking and her insights were deeply impressive.

During the meeting, I found that I could not control myself; I looked at the other party several times in secret. In order to confirm my physical condition, I privately measured my pulse and found the rate was significantly above resting level, even exceeding the heart rate after ordinary exercise. I initially suspected the possibility of arrhythmia.

However, after returning home and conducting a systematic self-check, all physiological indicators were normal.

Question: What issue may I be experiencing now? What is the root cause?

Jin Zijin’s eyes lit up slightly as they moved downward.

Below was the AI assistant’s reply; brief, cold, and straight to the point: Dear user, according to your description, this is not a pathological symptom. Congratulations; you have fallen in love.

Jin Zijin read every word, her gaze lingering on the phrases “glacier reflected in moonlight,” “could not control myself,” and “fallen in love.”

The jealousy, unwillingness, and loss from just now seemed to be smoothed flat in an instant by this clumsy yet adorable, sincere “case report.”

Bright, sparkling light rose once again in her eyes, like scattered diamonds falling into a deep pool.

She gave a soft hum; there was no trace of bitterness left in that sound, only the spoiled sweetness of someone pleased and unable to hide it.

Wen Yan had been watching her expression the whole time. Seeing this, a gentle smile bloomed on her face as well, carrying a hint of shy relief. “See? I didn’t lie to you.”

She reached out, touching Jin Zijin’s cheek with careful fingertips, her voice soft but firm, as if making a vow. “Zijin, I really, really like you.”

“Meeting you was the first time I understood that my heart doesn’t only beat to keep me alive.”

Wen Yan paused, her eyes turning a little moist with sincerity. “It also beats for you. You’re my heart’s pacemaker.”

————————

[crying with laughter] It’s fine; later on Jin Zijin will still get angry.

She’ll care about it for the rest of her life.

She really cares! She really cares!!

She can be jealous of this for a lifetime.

TL Note:

heart-soothing flower (解语花) = someone especially understanding and comforting, who can soothe another person’s emotions.

rose that is watered (被浇灌的玫瑰) = a person carefully cultivated by someone else to become the ideal partner they want.