Chapter 51
A hug was probably the most magical thing in the world.
It was strange.
Just a second ago, the tightness in Jin Zijin’s chest had still been making her uneasy.
That unfamiliar, sour ache was like a cup of strong vinegar—sharp and pungent, burning at her nerves and leaving her restless.
But the moment Wen Yan pulled her hard into her arms, with her cheek resting against the warmth of Wen Yan’s neck and her nose filled with the cool, calming scent of lotus blossom on Wen Yan’s body...
the boiling “vinegar” seemed to be poured into an endless mirror lake.
In an instant, it was completely diluted and absorbed by boundless tenderness, leaving only a faint ripple of sourness that drifted softly through her heart and somehow turned into a kind of indescribable attachment.
She lay quietly in Wen Yan’s arms for a long while.
The winter cold was blocked outside their tightly pressed coats; all she could hear at her ear was the gradually syncing rhythm of their breathing.
The courtyard was deep, the corridor lights dim and yellow; time seemed stretched thin, or perhaps frozen in this one moment.
Only when the surging emotion finally settled into a soft, warm calm did Jin Zijin move slightly and lift her head from Wen Yan’s embrace.
“All right,” she said, her voice back to its usual softness, still carrying a little nasal twang. The confusion in her eyes had already been replaced by a smile. “Let’s go in.”
Wen Yan was still a little uncertain; her gaze carefully traced Jin Zijin’s expression as she asked anxiously, “Really? You feel better?”
“Really. I’m fine now.”
Jin Zijin raised a hand and gently brushed away a strand of hair blown loose by the night wind from Wen Yan’s cheek.
Her smile held a hint of helplessness, but also the sweetness of being cherished. “If we keep standing here, Grandma and my parents are going to think we’ve frozen into ice sculptures out in the courtyard.”
Seeing that the fog in her eyes had indeed cleared, Wen Yan finally relaxed and nodded. “Okay.”
The two of them took each other’s hands again, their fingers naturally interlocking, and walked back along the bluestone path to the brightly lit main hall.
Jin Shuangye was still accompanied by the butler, leisurely finishing the last half cup of tea. Seeing them enter, the old lady lifted her eyelids. “Did Little Jiang go back?”
“Mm, we just saw her off to the car,” Jin Zijin replied, leading Wen Yan to sit on the nearby sofa.
The hall was warm and comfortable; the scent of sandalwood had already faded, leaving only the lingering fragrance of tea.
The group chatted a little longer about ordinary family matters. This time they steered clear of business and talked only about little things like food, clothing, and daily life; the atmosphere relaxed.
Before long, Jin Ziyu stood up and said with a smile, “Second Great-Aunt, it’s getting late. I’ll take my mom home first.”
Jin Shuangye nodded. “Be careful on the way.”
Jin Ziyu helped her mother, Song Yangtian, out.
Once they were gone, the old lady began shooing her son away. “There are still a bunch of guests to deal with tomorrow. You two should hurry up and go home too; wash up early and get some rest.”
Jin Linglong still wanted to linger. “Mom, let us stay and keep you company a while longer...”
“Go on, go on,” Jin Shuangye said impatiently, tapping the floor lightly with her cane. “I’ve got Zijin and Yan Yan here; that’s enough.”
“Lijun just got back and is still covered in travel dust. And you, you don’t even know how to be considerate? Take her home and let her rest properly.”
At that, Zhang Lijun smiled. “Thank you for your concern, Mom.”
She gently tugged on her husband’s sleeve. “Linglong, let’s go. Let Mom and the kids talk.”
Only then did Jin Linglong agree with some reluctance, and the couple left together.
Once everyone had dispersed, the hall grew even quieter.
Jin Shuangye set down her teacup and looked at Jin Zijin, offering a few reminders. “Your third aunt has always had a sharp eye, and she’s willing to put in the work.”
“Since she rarely recommends a partner personally, and this little Jiang does seem practical and capable, you heard enough about the project’s prospects.”
“If possible, get to know her better. There’s no harm in that.”
Jin Zijin’s expression turned serious. “I understand, Grandma. I’ll evaluate it carefully.”
The old lady then turned to Wen Yan, her expression softening with knowing indulgence. “Yan Yan, the jokes at dinner tonight about children—I know you two were just using them to shut people up.”
She paused, and a trace of emotion appeared in her aged but clear eyes. “Still, setting aside the formalities, Grandma does sincerely hope you’ll think seriously about this.”
“Adding one more role to your life sometimes lets you see scenery you never expected; your state of mind can be completely different too.”
Wen Yan met the old woman’s gaze and said earnestly, “I understand, Grandma. We’ll think it through properly.”
“Mm.” Jin Shuangye nodded in satisfaction, then added specifically, “But don’t force it either. Marriage is between the two of you, and your life is yours to live.”
“If you truly don’t want that, don’t bring a little life into this world just to make me happy.”
“Children aren’t gifts; they’re a heavy responsibility.”
“Don’t worry, Grandma,” Jin Zijin said, taking over gently. “We know what we’re doing. We won’t be reckless.”
“You,” Jin Shuangye said, looking at her granddaughter, her eyes full of affection, “you’ve had the strongest opinions since you were little, and you’ve also been the least reassuring.”
“If I don’t worry about you, who am I supposed to worry about?”
As she spoke, she rose slowly, leaning on her rosewood cane.
Wen Yan and Jin Zijin immediately stepped forward on either side to support her arms.
“All right, I’m tired too. You two should head back and rest early.”
They carefully helped Jin Shuangye back to her bedroom and handed her over to the butler and maid waiting to help her wash up, then took their leave.
————
The independent villa in the estate was not far from the main house; the little car from the courtyard could get there in no time.
As soon as they stepped inside and shut the door, the warm yellow motion-sensor lights came on automatically, driving away the chill in the room.
Jin Zijin had never liked these formal clothes. The moment she entered the foyer, she kicked off her high heels, went barefoot onto the soft carpet, and let out a long sigh.
Bending down, she took two pairs of soft cotton slippers from the shoe cabinet; she slipped on one pair herself and set the other at Wen Yan’s feet.
Then she straightened and turned her face toward Wen Yan, who was undoing the buttons on her coat. In the light, her eyes held a lazy, alluring glimmer; she lifted one finger and crooked it lightly at her.
“Shall we wash up together?” Her voice was low, a little hoarse, carrying a faint seductive edge.
Wen Yan looked up and met the smile in her eyes; her own lips curved before she could stop them, dimples blooming faintly at her cheeks. “Okay.”
Hand in hand, the two of them crossed the quiet living room and entered the bathroom in the master bedroom.
As soon as they were inside, Jin Zijin eagerly reached back to grab the zipper of her dress, wanting to shrug off the elegant restraint.
The long skirt slipped down her smooth shoulders a little, revealing a broad stretch of pale back.
But Wen Yan gently caught her wrist and said warmly, “Take off your makeup first.”
Jin Zijin paused, turned her head, and tilted it slightly. “But... I’m so lazy...”
She dragged out the words, sounding as if she were being deliberately difficult.
In the past, a life assistant had handled all of this for her. Now that they were married, many little things involving intimate private space weren’t suitable to leave to others; naturally, the burden had fallen on this young lady from a privileged family.
Wen Yan was amused by her expression. She pinched her cheek and said indulgently, “It’s okay. I’ll do it for you.”
Jin Zijin blinked, then seemed to think of something; a teasing glint flashed in her eyes. “You can do that too? Don’t tell me your ‘senior sister’ taught you this as well?”
Wen Yan’s movements stiffened slightly, then she let out a helpless sigh. “...”
Jin Zijin gave a soft snort and pursed her lips. The little bit of sourness just soothed by the hug began to rise again. In a low mutter, she said, “As expected, she really did ‘take care of’ everything in every possible way.”
Wen Yan took her hand and lightly scratched her palm with her fingertips, a gesture both reassuring and questioning. “I’ll remove your makeup while we talk about this, okay?”
Jin Zijin looked up at her and met those clear, focused eyes; her heart softened again. “All right.”
Wen Yan asked her to turn around and face her.
The light was soft, and the mirror reflected the intimate posture of the two of them.
Wen Yan’s technique was a little unfamiliar, but extremely gentle.
She first soaked a cotton pad with eye-and-lip makeup remover, gently pressed it over Jin Zijin’s closed eyelids, waited a moment, then carefully wiped along the direction of her lashes.
Jin Zijin was naturally beautiful; her makeup wasn’t heavy to begin with. Just a few strokes of light color were enough to outline that striking brilliance.
Wen Yan carefully wiped away her brow powder and blush, then used her palm, soaked with makeup-removing oil, to massage her cheeks in slow, gentle circles, dissolving the last layer of foundation.
The air filled with the faint, plant-like scent of cleansing oil.
Wen Yan’s movements were very slow, as if she were performing some solemn ritual.
All the while, she organized her thoughts, her voice especially clear in the quiet bathroom.
“My senior sister and I... really never had anything beyond friendship.”
She paused, her fingers growing even lighter.
“We’re six years apart. When I met her, she’d just started her third year of university; she was twenty, in the full bloom of youth. I had just skipped ahead into medical school and was only fourteen. I knew nothing.”
“In her eyes, I was always a ‘child’ who needed looking after.”
“On top of that, my family situation was special. My parents didn’t really care about my school life; instead, my counselor and the school leadership were the ones who paid more attention to my daily life, helping me apply for all kinds of subsidies and scholarships...”
Wen Yan’s voice was calm, as if she were talking about someone else. “My senior sister... for a very long time, thought I came from a poor family, or was simply an orphan with no one to rely on.”
“So at first, her attitude toward me was sympathy. Later, it became responsibility; like an instinctive kind of care an older person gives to someone young and vulnerable.”
“She filled in a role in my life that had always been empty.”
At this point, she stopped and looked into Jin Zijin’s eyes through the mirror, her tone especially earnest. “Like a very loving sister, or a mother who especially protects her child.”
The word mother landed softly, and Jin Zijin’s lashes trembled.
She could understand that kind of feeling.
If it were just “sister” or “teacher,” maybe it would still be manageable.
But a mother...
That was a heavier, more complicated role; one that was harder to replace or surpass.
Even as she understood, the sourness in her chest did not ease; if anything, it pressed down more heavily, mixed with indescribable ache and pity.
Wen Yan keenly noticed the subtle shift in her mood.
She had originally intended to go on, to talk about the details of those years and the warmth that had carried her through lonely days.
But somewhere in her subconscious, a voice warned her: in front of Jin Zijin, talking too much about the warmth another woman had given you was unwise.
It might even be hurtful.
Wen Yan decisively stopped there. She soaked a soft washcloth in warm water and gently wiped away the foam of makeup remover from Jin Zijin’s face before concluding, “In short, she taught me a lot of survival skills and gave me a lot of guidance.”
“But there was absolutely no possibility of us becoming partners.”
“Oh?” Jin Zijin asked. “Why are you so sure?”
To be honest, knowing Wen Yan’s family situation, and considering what this senior sister had done, she felt it would have been understandable if young Wen Yan had developed feelings for her at the time. Children who lack love are always hungry for it.
Children who are neglected by their mothers are always longing for maternal love.
Falling for a woman who felt like a mother was very normal.
It was just that Jin Zijin found it extremely irritating.
Wen Yan paused, choosing her words carefully. “Mm, because in my heart, she was always just my senior sister. She was a very kind person, and I never had any thoughts of romance.”
“First, that’s the premise.”
Although she didn’t have much experience with dating, that didn’t mean she was stupid.
She had written plenty of papers; Wen Yan was very good at distilling an outline.
Hearing that, Jin Zijin felt much better. She nodded. “Go on.”
Wen Yan smiled, changed the water, and wiped her face again. “Second, because my senior sister is a very principled person, and even a little morally obsessive.”
“In her view, she was already an adult, while I was just a child who hadn’t reached adulthood yet...”
Wen Yan paused, then gave a light laugh. “To her, developing feelings that went beyond guardianship and teaching with a child whose body and mind were still immature was disgusting.”
By then, the foam had been washed away, revealing Jin Zijin’s originally smooth, delicate skin. Wen Yan picked up a dry soft towel and was about to wipe the water from her face.
But Jin Zijin suddenly grabbed her wrist, lifted her wet face, and looked at her in shock and question. “Wait, why would she use such a serious word as ‘disgusting’?”
Wen Yan’s movements stilled, memories surging up.
While she continued gently patting the moisture from Jin Zijin’s face with the towel, she slowly said, “It was something that happened in my second year of university. There was a senior in our club who wanted to pursue me.”
Her tone was flat, as if recounting something ordinary. “Once, when we were hiking and camping, everyone sat around the bonfire at night chatting and joking.”
“That senior said I was pretty, just a little too young; but at least I was already a college student, so dating shouldn’t count as puppy love, right?”
“I was a little stunned and didn’t know how to answer.”
Hearing this, Jin Zijin’s expression grew cold. Even knowing it was all in the past, she still couldn’t help tightening her lips.
“Then my senior sister spoke up.” Wen Yan continued, warmth from the past faintly entering her voice. “She said directly to that senior: ‘She’s not even sixteen yet, and you’re already twenty-one. Do you have no shame? Dating her isn’t puppy love? What is it?’”
“That senior probably felt embarrassed. His face turned red, and he snapped back stubbornly, ‘You’re so protective of her; do you just like playing mom to people that much?’”
Wen Yan stopped wiping and looked at Jin Zijin as she clearly repeated Jiang Linyue’s words from that time: “My senior sister didn’t hold back at all. She said, ‘Yeah, I do like being her mom.’”
Jin Zijin blinked; her long lashes trembled. “And then?”
Wen Yan paused. “Mm... then the other guy called my senior sister crazy, and my senior sister fired back.”
“She said, ‘I don’t know whether I’m crazy, but you definitely are.’”
“‘You’re an adult in your twenties, and instead of looking for girls your own age, you’re fixated on an underage girl. Is it because she’s young, simple, easy to fool, and easier to control?’”
“‘That’s a pretty disgusting way to think. How is that different from a pedophile’s logic? Or are you one?’”
Jin Zijin was stunned, her eyes widening slightly.
Her impression of Jiang Linyue was still just that of the capable, composed researcher she had met today.
The other woman even had a bit of the cultivated air of a refined young lady; she hadn’t expected such a sharp, fierce side.
After a brief pause, Jin Zijin commented, “Your senior sister... has such a fiery personality?”
“Mm. She’s always been like that. She protects her own, and her sense of right and wrong is extremely clear; she doesn’t tolerate any dirt in her eyes.”
Wen Yan nodded, setting the towel aside and cupping Jin Zijin’s face with both hands. Her thumbs absentmindedly stroked her cheekbones as she sank deeper into memory.
Wen Yan still remembered that after the bonfire gathering, inside the tent, Jiang Linyue had very seriously told her something.
She said that a mentally and physically healthy adult needed equality in a relationship.
And the prerequisite for equal conversation, beyond physical maturity, was equal experience, intelligence, and ability.
She also said: “If you’re twenty-five and the other person is thirty-two, and you admire their maturity, charm, and grace, that’s normal.”
“But you’re fifteen now. You’re a student. You haven’t truly stepped into society yet, and your ability to solve problems independently hasn’t been tempered.”
“In your eyes, a lot of people just a few years older than you may seem mature and charming.”
“But remember, those qualities are things you’ll naturally have when you grow up too.”
“So don’t lightly give yourself away just because you’re infatuated with things in other people that you’ll one day possess yourself.”
The campfire flickered through the tent, jumping over the senior sister’s serious face.
After a pause, Jiang Linyue looked at her somewhat complicatedly. “Of course, if you were just dating someone your own age like playing house and trying it out, that’s fine. Because you’re equals.”
Wen Yan drifted for a moment, then pulled herself back from the memory and refocused on Jin Zijin’s face. “Anyway, since then, I understood two things.”
“One: real respect comes from equal strength. Two: minors really shouldn’t blindly fall into infatuation with adults.”
She smiled at that and said to Jin Zijin, “So yes, she really was like a mother to me; she gave me a lot of protection.”
————————
If Jiang Linyue had told Wen Yan, ‘I like you,’ Wen Yan probably would have felt like the sky had fallen.
That’s my mom [split open]
But Jiang Linyue really did raise Wen Yan well; she raised her all over again.
Zijin will hold onto this for the rest of her life.
Who is she supposed to complain to?
[laughing through tears]
I’m focusing on the two of them in this book because my way of thinking has changed too much now.
I feel like life is like rowing a boat; the person who travels with you to the end will definitely be your partner.
She comes alongside you halfway, learns your past, takes part in your present, plans your future...
And then accompanies you for a stretch.
In the end, you’re still just a lone little boat, traveling the world by yourself.
If you’re there, I’ll live very happily.
If you’re not there, I’ll still live very well.
Most importantly, Jiang Linyue also taught Wen Yan one thing: parting.
After Wen Yan’s values and worldview had taken shape and she’d grown into adulthood, Jiang Linyue chose to let go.
Jiang Linyue really is a formidable woman. [laughing through tears]