Chapter 44

The old air conditioner kept humming, but this time the room stayed brightly lit.

Because of it, Yan Can could see every change in Su Ci’s expression and every shift in her body with perfect clarity.

Their bodies were pressed tightly together, not a sliver of space between them, their warmth and heartbeats mingling back and forth.

Even though they had been intimate many times before, they had always stopped at the edge. Yan Can had never looked at Su Ci’s body this closely.

Perfect curves, skin like snow, her whole body tinted with a faint pink sheen from Yan Can.

She lay there biting her lip, looking nervous, or maybe uneasy and afraid; her long, thick lashes fluttered like butterfly wings.

Yan Can’s kiss started at the delicate little mole on the bridge of her nose, then drifted down like water, brushing the tip of her nose, skimming over that tempting little peak of her lip, and finally catching her thin lips.

She kissed her lightly, gently, more tenderly than ever before.

Her hand slid down, then she suddenly paused, remembering she might not have washed her hands properly.

She had washed them after eating the cake, but she had touched her phone in between. Phones were so dirty; they were covered in germs.

The two of them were too close. Yan Can suddenly stopped, and Su Ci sensed it. She opened her misty eyes to look at her, her voice a little hoarse. “Yan Can?”

Yan Can kissed her forehead and said softly, “I’m going to wash my hands.”

She got up and was about to leave when a hot hand, damp with a thin sheen of sweat, caught her wrist.

Yan Can looked back. The desire in Su Ci’s eyes had not yet faded; the corners of her eyes were flushed red, her thin lips still wet from Yan Can’s kiss, her gaze full of reluctant attachment, of deep, unwilling clinging.

Yan Can’s heart softened completely. She kissed her eyelid in reassurance; Su Ci obediently closed her eyes. Yan Can said, “Be good. I’ll wash my hands and be right back.”

“Don’t go.” Su Ci gripped her wrist tightly and shook her head. “Cold.”

Cold?

Yan Can blinked. Su Ci was red all over, her skin covered in a thin layer of moisture; how could she possibly be cold? Besides, the air conditioner was set quite high.

“It’s cold outside,” Su Ci said.

So she was worried Yan Can would catch a chill. Yan Can’s softest place was always easily touched by Su Ci.

“But—”

Before she could finish, Su Ci pulled her closer. Following that force, her wrist was brought to Su Ci’s lips; the tips of her fingers brushed against cool, soft lips.

A tingling numbness spread from that spot to every limb and bone. Yan Can’s whole body seemed to go numb with electricity; she couldn’t even describe the feeling. Something inside her felt as if it were about to burst out, impossible to hold back.

“Clean now.”

Su Ci let go of her wrist and turned her face away, no longer looking at her. Yan Can lowered her eyes to look at her own knuckles, where Su Ci’s touch still lingered.

“Su Ci, it’s my first time. If… if anything feels uncomfortable, stop me anytime.”

…

Hail fell against the window; with it came the year’s second snowfall.

The temperature outside dropped a few more degrees, but the room itself was warm as spring.

When Su Ci woke, the lights were still on. Her body was covered in ambiguous traces, and crumpled wet tissues were scattered across the floor by the bed.

Yan Can was buried in her arms, breathing against her neck, the tips of her hair brushing her skin with a faint itch. Just as she carefully reached out to move it away, the lashes in her arms trembled.

“Don’t… don’t die…”

She seemed to be trapped in a nightmare; her brow was tightly furrowed. “Don’t die… please… Su Ci…”

Su Ci frowned. What kind of dream was she having?

She kissed the top of Yan Can’s head in reassurance and whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Yan Can nuzzled deeper into her arms and let out a soft, sleepy hum, wrapping both arms tightly around her waist.

The blanket that had slipped from their shoulders was pulled back up by Su Ci, covering Yan Can’s neck completely. Su Ci tucked it in a little more, making sure she was properly covered before turning off the light and closing her eyes to sleep.

The next morning, when Yan Can woke up, she felt a little cold. Rubbing her eyes, she looked toward the air conditioner in the corner.

The display showed the letter and number F in English.

Great; the broken air conditioner had malfunctioned again.

Su Ci’s phone on the bedside table vibrated several times in a row. Yan Can glanced at Su Ci, who was still asleep, then looked over; it was a social media message.

.: Happy birthday, A Ci.

.: When are you going to visit Uncle again? Do you want to…

.: There’s really no need for us to keep doing this. If she…

The message preview cut off halfway.

Yan Can could tell who it was without even thinking.

She lay back down.

It was the weekend; there was no class. Looking at Su Ci, still sound asleep in the dim room, Yan Can kissed her forehead, pulled her over, and held her tightly in her arms. Skin pressed against skin, their warmth spreading between them; it wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t too hot either. It felt wonderful.

Su Ci woke to a strange sensation in her body. At first, a wave of pleasure made her sink into it; just as she was getting lost in it and couldn’t pull herself free, the feeling suddenly vanished, leaving her body unbearably restless. She opened her eyes and found that Yan Can had already woken up somehow; their bodies were pressed together.

She was rubbing against her.

Su Ci pushed at her helplessly, but couldn’t budge her. Her tone was reproachful. “Wasn’t last night enough?”

Yan Can was still slowly rubbing against her, moving in soft, small motions. “It’s cold. This keeps me warmer.”

“Cold?” Su Ci frowned. She realized the room really didn’t have much heat. Looking up, she saw that the air conditioner had stopped running again, but that was no excuse for Yan Can to be doing this. “If you’re cold, go back to your own place.”

They had already made a mess for half the night yesterday; she was really afraid Yan Can would push herself too far and make herself sick.

Yan Can hugged her tighter, her arms locking firmly around her waist and pinning her to the bed. “If I go home, what about you? Coming with me?”

Su Ci sighed. She was really tired; completely exhausted. Last night had been too wild, and she hadn’t expected Yan Can to be this enthusiastic about it.

“We can do homework together,” Su Ci said sternly. “Don’t think about anything else.”

“I wasn’t thinking about anything else.” Yan Can blinked, a little guilty. She really had asked too many times last night. No matter how good Su Ci’s temper was, after being tormented like that, she’d still get angry.

The two of them stayed in bed for a while, then ate breakfast at Su Ci’s place. The breakfast was dumplings Wei Li had made and left in the fridge.

After eating, they went to Yan Can’s place. Yan Can put the dumplings Wei Li had given her into the fridge, then pulled Su Ci into her room.

They had agreed to do homework, and this time Yan Can didn’t go back on her word; she really sat down and worked through the problems seriously.

But halfway through, Su Ci suddenly set down her pen and turned to look at her.

Yan Can saw her looking over and put down her own pen too. “What’s wrong?”

Su Ci said, “What university do you want to go to?”

“M University,” Yan Can said.

M University? Su Ci knew that school; it was the country’s top military academy, known as the A University of the armed forces. Not only did you need good grades, you also had to be physically fit.

“You want to be a soldier?” Su Ci asked.

“Mm.” Yan Can nodded. Before she had entered this book, she’d been a military academy student. “Soldiers are pretty cool.”

It was a little childish, exactly the sort of thing Yan Can would say.

Su Ci pressed her lips together and looked out at the snow falling thickly beyond the window, then quietly made a decision in her heart.

She would also apply to M University.

At that moment, her phone on the desk vibrated several more times. Before Su Ci could pick it up, Yan Can caught a glimpse of the message that flashed across the screen; it was still from that “.”

Su Ci looked at the message expressionlessly, switched her phone to silent, and set it aside.

Yan Can thought about it for a long time, then finally couldn’t help asking, “Su Ci, have you still not let her go?”

Su Ci turned to look at her, her eyes questioning. Yan Can said, “The girl you were talking about; have you still not let her go?”

Because if you hadn’t let one person go, you’d hate another one; you might even refuse to forgive yourself, tormenting yourself too.

Yan Can didn’t know how to say lofty things. Writing had always been her weakest subject; she never knew what she should say in moments like this. But there was one thing she knew: people always had to keep moving forward.

“Su Ci, make time to have a proper talk with him. None of that was something any of you wanted to happen; nobody was at fault,” Yan Can said, looking at her with complete sincerity. “Keeping it like this isn’t good for you either, and you don’t want things to stay this way between you forever, right?”

Su Ci lowered her eyes, not knowing what she was thinking. After a long while, she looked up at Yan Can and said, “You want me to make up with him?”

The way she said it made it sound as though if Yan Can wanted it, Su Ci would immediately go and reconcile with him.

Yan Can sighed. She did like it when Su Ci listened to her and followed her lead in everything, but Su Ci was still her own person. Besides, if one day she left, she didn’t want Su Ci to become like she had been before—isolated and alone. She wanted Su Ci’s life to have not only flowers and applause, but also someone who witnessed it all with her, even if that person wasn’t her in the end.

“I think the two of you should sit down and talk it through properly.”

Su Ci gave her a strange look. Yan Can had been jealous of him more than once, and now she was actually trying to smooth things over between them.

People really were complicated, Su Ci thought.

While she was distracted, the snow outside the window began falling even harder. She heard the person beside her let out an excited, childlike cry. “What huge snow!”

Su Ci gave a very light mm.

Yan Can propped her face on both hands and looked outside with bright eyes. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen snow this heavy.”

Su Ci thought that was strange; was this heavy? Last year’s snow had been even heavier, and there would be even more in January.

Yan Can narrowed her eyes and quickly pecked the corner of her lips. “Let’s do our homework.”

“Mm.”