Chapter 57

By the time Wei Xiaolu finally reacted and realized that closing her eyes meant she was asking for a kiss, it was already too late. Shen Siyan had already moved on from that tentative first touch; gentle, careful, even carrying a trace of tender caution, it had now deepened into something forceful. In her panic, Wei Xiaolu could only barely get a hand on Shen Siyan’s shoulders, responding awkwardly and without any real skill.

The hand that had been around her waist slid upward along her body and finally stopped at her shoulder blade. Then it lifted, using the back of her hand to wipe away a drop of water that had fallen onto Wei Xiaolu’s neck from Shen Siyan’s hair.

Wei Xiaolu seemed to have lost the ability to think altogether. The spot on her neck that had been touched itched faintly, and she let out a soft hum.

Shen Siyan paused for a moment.

Then she suddenly pushed Wei Xiaolu back, and they fell onto the sofa. The kiss no longer moved gradually from light to deep; what remained between lips and teeth was not a lingering back-and-forth, but a wet, heated, tightly tangled collision.

Wei Xiaolu didn’t even have time to think about why the two of them could kiss in such a bizarre yet somehow perfectly reasonable way. Clearly they were both terrible at it; their tongues and teeth kept bumping, and their bitten lips even hurt, yet they still managed to get so starved of oxygen they were dizzy and lost in it.

Time no longer existed, or else it had stretched thin until they could only sink into this moment.

It was only when the delivery phone rang that Shen Siyan slowly pulled back, resting her forehead against Wei Xiaolu’s. Their breathing was equally ragged.

A few seconds later.

Shen Siyan picked up her phone from the table. “Just leave the takeout at the door. Thanks.”

But after hanging up, she still didn’t get up to retrieve it; she remained sitting beside Wei Xiaolu.

Wei Xiaolu’s face had already been hot before, but now she felt as though she were about to boil over. Her heart was still pounding wildly, but more than embarrassment or sweetness, what she felt most was disbelief; mainly because she had never thought she could still kiss someone, and especially not Shen Siyan.

“Uh...” Wei Xiaolu wiped the corner of her mouth and got up from the sofa. “I’ll go get the delivery.”

Maybe it was because the kiss had made her legs weak. She had only taken a couple of steps when she nearly stumbled; she steadied herself against the wall for a moment before continuing to the door and bringing back the takeout Shen Siyan had ordered.

After setting the food on the table, Wei Xiaolu went blank again. She turned to look at Shen Siyan, only to find Shen Siyan looking back at her too, even smiling.

“Want to eat?” Wei Xiaolu asked.

“Mm.” Shen Siyan went to pour two cups of warm water and handed one to her. “Drink some water.”

So Wei Xiaolu held the cup and drank, while Shen Siyan picked up the hair dryer Wei Xiaolu had just used and began drying her wet hair.

There was a subtle stiffness in the air.

It wasn’t the cold war after an argument, nor the ease that came after intimacy; it was a blankness whose reason was impossible to name.

Wei Xiaolu opened dinner but didn’t pick up her chopsticks, sitting at the table and waiting.

Her mind was still fairly calm at first, but when Shen Siyan turned off the hair dryer, the sudden silence made her heart jump again.

Shen Siyan walked over and sat down beside her.

“Your hair,” Wei Xiaolu blurted, having absolutely no idea what to say. “Is it dry now?”

“Mm.” Shen Siyan picked up her chopsticks. “You’re hungry, right? Eat.”

“Oh.” Wei Xiaolu also hurriedly picked up her chopsticks.

It was just two dishes and a soup, still steaming, and the whole thing felt warmly domestic.

Wei Xiaolu ate with her head down. Shen Siyan didn’t say much either, only occasionally putting food into Wei Xiaolu’s bowl and urging her to eat more.

She really did eat a lot, not because she was especially hungry, but because it felt like there were so many emotions that needed to be swallowed down. Especially now that, on a whim, they had jumped straight from something ambiguous to becoming girlfriends; all that uncertainty with nowhere to go, along with the unfamiliarity and panic of facing Shen Siyan again, had piled up in her chest and made her unconsciously want to bury it under the fullness in her stomach.

Dinner ended in silence.

Wei Xiaolu still insisted on clearing the table, pulling out wet wipes to clean the surface and even tidying up all the clutter on it.

By the time she finished, Shen Siyan had also finished hanging the clothes out to dry and was sitting on the sofa with her computer. She looked up at Wei Xiaolu.

“All done?” Shen Siyan asked, her tone gentler than usual.

“Mm.” Wei Xiaolu was pinned beside the dining table, not daring to move.

What was she supposed to do next? Go back to the bedroom like before and scroll on her phone by herself? Or could she walk over and sit next to Shen Siyan, keep her company while she worked for a while?

But they had just been biting each other’s mouths on the sofa. Could they really settle down and work side by side now...

Shen Siyan seemed to see through her struggle and smiled slightly. “What are you thinking about, baby?”

“Ah,” Wei Xiaolu jolted, and all the words she had at hand turned into evasions. “Nothing, I mean, I was just thinking it’s kind of late already, maybe we should rest...”

“Tired?” Shen Siyan raised her brows.

Not tired. But Wei Xiaolu nodded anyway.

“Go to sleep then,” Shen Siyan said with a smile. “It really is late.”

It didn’t seem any different from before, and Wei Xiaolu scratched her head, actually feeling a little disappointed.

She turned and went back to the bedroom; just as she was about to close the door, she suddenly stuck her head out again and looked over at Shen Siyan from a distance.

“Sis.”

Shen Siyan looked up. “Mm?”

“Good night,” Wei Xiaolu said.

Shen Siyan smiled. “Good night.”

After closing the door and lying back down on the bed, Wei Xiaolu thought it over and still felt it was a little bland. Normally the two of them would occasionally say good night to each other; it didn’t really seem special at all.

But if you asked her what exactly counted as special, she couldn’t say.

She didn’t know the first thing about how to date.

At work, in social settings, even during their earlier push and pull, Wei Xiaolu had always had some reliable way to deal with things; sometimes she was obedient and flattering, sometimes she joked around to smooth things over, sometimes she put on a bluff. Though at times exaggerated, at times fake, it always let her maintain a superficial balance of decency.

But once she stepped into the realm of lovers...

She discovered that she had suddenly become like a child just learning to walk, and when faced with the need to expose her vulnerability and her raw, unpolished self, she had no idea how the script was supposed to continue.

Wei Xiaolu didn’t know when she fell asleep, but one thing was clear: before she did, Shen Siyan hadn’t moved an inch.

The next day was still Monday. When Wei Xiaolu woke up, she felt sorry again for Shen Siyan, who had stayed up late working the night before.

If she hadn’t made such a fuss, Shen Siyan might have finished earlier and gone to sleep earlier too.

Wei Xiaolu was gloomy as she stretched and walked toward the bathroom.

“Ah!”

She hurried back out again.

“What are you doing in here?” she asked, clutching her chest and turning her back to the bathroom door. “I thought you already went to work.”

“I took the day off,” Shen Siyan said with a smile as she came out, washing her hands. “I said I’d keep you company.”

Hearing that, Wei Xiaolu felt smug all over again. She covered her mouth and laughed twice; then when Shen Siyan came out, she immediately dropped her hand and put on a cold face.

“You don’t have to hold back when you’re happy.” Shen Siyan reached out and flicked her cheek.

So Wei Xiaolu laughed without restraint.

“Sis,” she followed after Shen Siyan. “What are we doing today?”

Wei Xiaolu drifted around Shen Siyan, waiting for Shen Siyan to announce their first official date.

In the end, Shen Siyan picked up the computer from the sofa, opened a spreadsheet, and put it in front of Wei Xiaolu. “Today I’m helping you send out resumes.”

Wei Xiaolu: “...”

She no longer wanted to hover around Shen Siyan; the pressure had already arrived on the first day of their relationship.

Shen Siyan gave a soft laugh and patted her waist. “I organized these last night. These companies are all pretty good; just send them out in this order.”

With a girlfriend like this, Wei Xiaolu had no reason to refuse. She sat down next to Shen Siyan.

“So detailed. What time did you work on this last night?” Wei Xiaolu asked.

“What, then?” Shen Siyan looked at her. “Can hours be exchanged for rewards?”

Wei Xiaolu sprang up from the sofa and shouted, “Oh my gosh!”

“You, you...” She was so embarrassed that her words tangled up. “Don’t say things like that.”

Shen Siyan pressed her lips together, clearly trying not to laugh.

“I never said the reward was—”

“Ah!” Wei Xiaolu shouted. “I’m going to wash up. I’ll send the resumes right after breakfast!”

Shen Siyan smiled and answered, “Okay, I’ll wait for you.”

After running off, Wei Xiaolu also thought she had overreacted. Shen Siyan wasn’t saying anything like this for the first day; why was she suddenly so jumpy?

Probably because before, when Shen Siyan said things like this, she was only saying them; now, when she said them, she really might do them. Wei Xiaolu thought.

Sigh. There was nothing to be done about it. People always talk big when they know it’s fake, but when it’s real, they start dodging their words. Wei Xiaolu even felt shy just calling out “Sis” now.

But her sister-in-law—no, her girlfriend—looked so calm and practiced. Apart from being serious for a while while she was sending out resumes, once Wei Xiaolu grew tired and said she wanted to rest, Shen Siyan immediately started teasing her again.

The next day was the same. The day after that too. When Wei Xiaolu complained about how exhausting it was to send out resumes, Shen Siyan started pushing a little harder again.

“If sending resumes is tiring, then do something else?”

Wei Xiaolu’s hand, rubbing her neck, paused. She looked at her warily. “Do what?”

Shen Siyan’s gaze slid downward. “Depends on what you want to do.”

“I want chips,” Wei Xiaolu said decisively.

Shen Siyan smiled without a word and got up to fetch her a bag of chips.

Wei Xiaolu tore open the package and crunched away. After thinking for a moment, she held out the bag to Shen Siyan. “Want some? It’s spicy crayfish flavor; it’s pretty good.”

“You eat it,” Shen Siyan said, leaning back. “I’m just watching.”

“You don’t like this flavor?” Wei Xiaolu asked.

“It’s not that,” Shen Siyan said with a smile. “You’re more appetizing than this. Just looking at you makes me full.”

“Oh my.” Wei Xiaolu was thrown completely off by that. She stuffed a lot of chips into her mouth, but in the end she still couldn’t hold it in. “Don’t keep saying things like that... those kinds of things!”

Shen Siyan covered her mouth. “Our Xiaolu is getting embarrassed.”

“Can’t you not?” Wei Xiaolu hunched her shoulders. “Those words... they don’t sound like jokes anymore now. If you keep saying them, I’ll... I’ll...”

The smile on Shen Siyan’s face faded a little, becoming serious. “You’ll what?”

“I’ll feel awkward!” Wei Xiaolu instinctively wanted to close her eyes and throw everything out there, but just as she shut them, she was afraid Shen Siyan would mistake it for her wanting a kiss, so she snapped them open again.

She looked at Shen Siyan. “I’ll feel like only I’m embarrassed, while you’re still the same as always, completely at ease. I... I don’t even know how to answer you...”

The more she said, the more discouraged she sounded. Wei Xiaolu lowered her head and tightened her fingers around the chip bag’s plastic wrapper. “It’s just, um, dating isn’t quite what I imagined. I feel a little awkward.”

After saying that, Wei Xiaolu stole a glance at Shen Siyan, only to find that the other woman didn’t seem especially moved.

That scared Wei Xiaolu badly; her heart lurched as she worried she had said something wrong. “Wait, we are dating, right?”

Ever since that night, the two of them hadn’t had any more intimate contact. It was either sending resumes or analyzing industries and companies. Wei Xiaolu really couldn’t stop herself from wondering whether girlfriend meant female friend, and whether kissing still counted as something ambiguous.

Shen Siyan froze for a moment, then laughed helplessly.

She didn’t answer right away; instead, she took off the sports watch on her left wrist, swiped at it a few times, and turned the watch face toward Wei Xiaolu.

The screen showed her heart rate.

“Since I started talking to you,” Shen Siyan said, “it hasn’t really come down.”

In an instant, the clouds parted for Wei Xiaolu. “You’re nervous too?”

“I might just be better at hiding it,” Shen Siyan said.

Thinking about it made sense. She had never once seen Shen Siyan show weakness; this person was just very good at concealing things. But feelings were different. Wei Xiaolu said solemnly, “You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

Shen Siyan tilted her head, then smiled. “Then I’ll have to admit that I’ve got absolutely no experience.”

What?

Wei Xiaolu blanked out for a moment; after she figured out what that meant, she sucked in a sharp breath.

Shen Siyan no longer bothered pretending either. She smiled as she leaned in and placed a light kiss at the corner of Wei Xiaolu’s lips. “It’s my first time dating too, so I’m not very good at it yet. I kept wanting to do my best, but I ended up overdoing it and making you uncomfortable.”