Chapter 56

The door closed softly, and Shen Siyan’s figure vanished from Wei Xiaolu’s world, along with the endless rain outside.

Wei Xiaolu felt like a clay figurine that had been soaked through and then dried too quickly.

The argument from moments ago seemed to have vented all the pent-up emotion, but the moment Shen Siyan left, the house was left with nothing but the wreckage of her own shattered self.

Her head burned and tingled.

All the things she had blurted out in a fit of emotion now came back one by one; every sentence made her want to kick herself twice.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t know Shen Siyan was good to her.

Her roommates’ words were always vicious. Every time they said something, Wei Xiaolu would tremble with anger; when Shen Siyan had stood up for her without hesitation, a faint warmth had indeed surged in her heart. But that warmth had lasted only an instant before another, more turbulent and complicated emotion crashed over it.

Anger? It didn’t seem like that alone.

Wronged? Maybe a little.

But more than anything, it was the fear of having her autonomy taken away, the anxiety of being looked down on for her own abilities, and the stifling discomfort of being “arranged” into place.

Shen Siyan was too strong.

She was used to sweeping obstacles aside in the most efficient way possible, but Wei Xiaolu did not want to be the problem that got solved. She did not want to stand forever in the position of being protected.

What she longed for was to stand side by side; even if they stumbled and limped their way forward, even if the road was ugly and rough, she wanted to climb back up on her own and then take the other person’s hand with a smile.

She simply didn’t want to keep standing a step below Shen Siyan in this relationship.

The room was filled with dead silence.

Once she calmed down, Wei Xiaolu also realized she had blown things out of proportion. It wasn’t really some huge matter; she had just cried and made a scene, and in the process practically driven Shen Siyan out of the house.

She had made a complete mess of it.

The thought came like a needle, pricking straight through that false layer of calm.

She... had driven Shen Siyan away.

Her heart clenched hard, and regret flooded over her so completely that she could hardly breathe. Independence, equality; in the face of the fact that Shen Siyan had been upset because of her, all of that suddenly looked pale and thin.

She sat for two more seconds.

Then Wei Xiaolu abruptly sprang to her feet and rushed out.

She was going after Shen Siyan.

Now, immediately, she had to find Shen Siyan.

She had so much to say.

She wanted to tell Shen Siyan not to be angry anymore; to tell her what she really thought about this matter; to tell her all the delicate, hidden feelings buried beneath her smoothness and social polish; to tell her about those thoughts that kept beating beneath her pride and unease all the same.

She wanted to tell her—

“Shen Siyan, my feelings for you... aren’t just those things.”

The rain was still falling, pouring down and washing over the world.

Under Shen Siyan’s slightly trembling gaze, Wei Xiaolu tightened the hand clutching her sleeve; it was soaked through, her palm full of water.

Unexpectedly, Shen Siyan didn’t tease her with flirtatious words. She just looked at her, her eyes deep.

“I...” Wei Xiaolu seized the silence and poured out everything she could say, everything she wanted to say. “I don’t want... I don’t want to see you go back to your parents and ask them for help because of me again. You worked so hard to become independent from your family, to live as yourself; I don’t want you lowering your head for me and doing things that go against your own heart.”

Shen Siyan still didn’t speak, as if giving her all the space in the world so she could lay bare everything bottled up inside.

“I don’t want some green channel. It’s not that I’m being lofty, and it’s not that I look down on people who get special treatment,” a hot line slid down Wei Xiaolu’s face. “It’s because I don’t want you to pave the whole road for me, and for that road to mean you have to reach back and pick up all those family ties you’ve already wanted to leave behind for so long.”

Her voice was becoming more and more broken; by the end, she was so choked up she could hardly get the words out.

But she still stubbornly refused to look away, staring straight at Shen Siyan. “You’ve never been a backstop to me, never someone standing behind me. I don’t want you to walk the road I should be walking for me.”

She drew in a shaky breath and said through tears, “I want to walk to your side myself, and stand shoulder to shoulder with you.”

Rainwater covered her tears; the sound of the downpour covered her sobbing.

Two seconds later.

Holding the umbrella handle, Shen Siyan took a light breath. “That’s not it, Xiaolu.”

“You still don’t understand what I mean—” Wei Xiaolu shook her head.

“That isn’t shoulder to shoulder,” Shen Siyan cut in.

Wei Xiaolu stared at her blankly.

“I never planned to stand still and wait for you to work your way to me through hardship after hardship.”

Shen Siyan took one small step closer to Wei Xiaolu, closing the last bit of distance between them.

“It’s impossible, and it isn’t realistic, for me to completely not help you. As long as it’s your business, I won’t stand by and do nothing,” Shen Siyan said. “I won’t use my parents’ connections, but if you’re looking for a job, I’ll still help you think things through, help you find out what I can; if there are friends who can make an introduction, I’ll make one for you too.”

“I’m not trying to lecture you about how cold and warm this world can be. It’s just that if I didn’t have the ability, then not doing these things would be understandable. But if I can do something and still ignore your situation, look away, and ask nothing,” Shen Siyan drew a breath and said, “I can’t do it.”

Wei Xiaolu was choking up even harder.

“Wei Xiaolu.” Shen Siyan called her name.

Wei Xiaolu answered, “Mm.”

“For the other things too, it’s the same. On this road you’ve chosen to walk on your own,” Shen Siyan looked into her eyes, “I won’t just stand there waiting.”

Wei Xiaolu couldn’t make a sound.

“Real side by side means that when you take one step toward me,” Shen Siyan let go of the umbrella, opened her arms, and held Wei Xiaolu in her embrace; then, word by word, she spoke into her ear, “I’ll also take one step toward you.”

The umbrella slipped quietly to the ground. The torrential rain enveloped them completely; the heat of their pressed-together chests carried pounding heartbeats, equally fierce, equally impossible to conceal, surging and rolling.

The rain seemed to wash away every disguise, leaving only the two of them, disheveled and real.

At that moment, the world fell utterly silent for them.

No one knew how long had passed before the cold rainwater made Wei Xiaolu shiver. Only then did Shen Siyan loosen her hold slightly and look down at her.

“Let’s go home,” she said softly, picking up the umbrella with one hand and taking Wei Xiaolu’s hand with the other; their fingers interlaced.

“...Okay.” Wei Xiaolu followed her back.

Back at the apartment, once the door was closed, the two of them were the dampest, coldest things in the room.

Wei Xiaolu had ridden such wild emotional highs and lows that by now she was still a little dazed. Once she stepped inside, she didn’t know what to do, and just stood there motionless by the door.

“Go shower first,” Shen Siyan said, letting go of her hand and pointing toward the bathroom. “I’ll get the robe and shower cap.”

Wei Xiaolu was still in a fog. She nodded and turned into the bathroom.

Hot water came down and stripped away the chill from her body, warmth slowly returning to her skin, but her scattered thoughts still hadn’t settled. Every image from the rainy night made her chest burn.

Still, she didn’t dawdle in the shower. Shen Siyan had gotten soaked too, and they needed to take turns using the bathroom.

“I ordered takeout,” Shen Siyan said, carrying over home clothes. “Drink some ginger tea first; it’s on the table. Warm yourself up.”

“Oh, okay...” Wei Xiaolu didn’t dare look at her. She avoided her gaze and slipped past her shoulder to go out.

On the table, she saw the ginger tea Shen Siyan had already brewed. She picked it up and finished it, then sat there dazed.

Tonight’s mutual confession had gone beyond anything that had happened between them before; for the moment, Wei Xiaolu couldn’t face Shen Siyan naturally.

There was even a faint trace of awkwardness.

She was already worrying about what would happen when Shen Siyan finished showering and came out. What were they supposed to do then? She had said something so blunt in a burst of emotion; how were they supposed to act around each other after that?

Unable to sit still, she blow-dried her hair and started cleaning. After sweeping the floor and wiping down the table, she tossed her wet clothes into the washing machine; when she came back, she happened to run into Shen Siyan coming out with a shower cap on.

“Doing laundry?” Shen Siyan asked.

“...Mm.” After saying it, Wei Xiaolu subconsciously shrank back a little.

But Shen Siyan gently caught her wrist.

“Why are you hiding?” Shen Siyan’s voice was low, but just like her movements, it was teasing.

“I, I’m not hiding.” Standing so close, Wei Xiaolu could smell the clean scent of shower gel on her.

“You’re lying,” Shen Siyan said with a low laugh, lifting a hand to brush the damp hair away from Wei Xiaolu’s forehead. “Your face is red.”

Wei Xiaolu couldn’t refute it, because it was true; her face really did feel hot.

But when she tried to argue that it was just because the room was too warm, she turned her head and met Shen Siyan’s eyes, and her mind went blank. All her sharp-tongued wit surrendered under that too-deep gaze.

So she looked away again and said nothing.

“Weren’t you pretty bold out in the rain just now?” Shen Siyan tilted her head and bent down to look at her. “How come now you don’t even dare to look at me?”

Provoked, Wei Xiaolu shot her head up. “Who says I don’t dare!”

Shen Siyan smiled, one hand sliding to Wei Xiaolu’s waist to draw her closer.

With that pull, Wei Xiaolu was brought right up against Shen Siyan; their noses nearly bumped together. Frightened, she quickly turned her face away again.

“Still don’t dare,” Shen Siyan teased.

Wei Xiaolu was at her wit’s end. Giving up resistance, she looked at Shen Siyan and said, “Sister, this is too close...”

The reason she didn’t finish was because the moment she said “sister,” Shen Siyan’s expression changed noticeably; even her breathing deepened a little.

That shift made Wei Xiaolu feel dry-mouthed, and she unconsciously pressed her lips together.

“Little sister.” Shen Siyan called her softly.

“Mm?” Wei Xiaolu’s breathing turned unsteady.

“The things you said in the rain,” Shen Siyan lifted a hand and gently rubbed her thumb along the side of Wei Xiaolu’s face, “do you know what they mean?”

Wei Xiaolu nodded. “I do.”

Shen Siyan smiled faintly. “Then why are you still hiding from me?”

“Just a little embarrassed,” Wei Xiaolu said.

“Oh?” Shen Siyan’s arm around her waist tightened a little. “Then who exactly are you embarrassed in front of?”

Wei Xiaolu was being held so close that her thoughts were drifting; in truth, she hadn’t fully heard what Shen Siyan had said. “Huh?”

“In front of who are you embarrassed?” Shen Siyan looked at her. “CEO Shen? Sister? Roommate..."

She paused on purpose here, then smiled in a way that seemed almost bewitching. “Or your girlfriend?”

Wei Xiaolu felt like she was about to faint. Was Shen Siyan stealing all the air in the room? She was almost unable to breathe.

“...” In the end, she steeled herself, closed her eyes, and said, “I’m only embarrassed in front of my girlfriend.”

Then she heard a soft laugh; the next second, something tender landed on her lips.

Before she could even react, Shen Siyan was already moving, and amid the white noise of rain and the low hum of the washing machine’s spinning drum, she strode into Wei Xiaolu’s world in a grand, overwhelming way—with a kiss, and with a brand-new identity.