Chapter 54

If not for that phone call, Wei Xiaolu would probably have kept leaning against Shen Siyan until the variety show ended.

She’d already finished the chips and hadn’t even been willing to get up for more snacks, but the moment she saw who was calling, she shot up from the sofa.

"Um, HR’s calling. I need to take this." Wei Xiaolu looked down at her phone, drew in a breath, and answered.

"Hello, Sister Qiu," she said, holding her breath. "What is it?"

The instant she saw the caller ID, Wei Xiaolu had already been too excited to sit still; even her palms were sweating.

When she’d asked before when the probation conversion results would come out, they’d said it would be this week. She only had to wait for good news.

"Xiaolu," the woman on the other end said with an embarrassed laugh, "I’m calling to let you know the conversion results are out."

Wei Xiaolu’s whole body went slack with relief. Heaven hadn’t let her down. She’d finally waited for it.

Before, when she’d watched videos of people getting offers and thought their over-the-top rolling around and losing their minds was exaggerated, she’d never imagined that one day she’d be trembling with excitement herself. Only then did she believe people could really go crazy when they were thrilled.

"Finally, thank you, sis..."

Before she could finish, the person on the other end let out another sigh. "I’m very sorry to inform you that you didn’t pass this probation conversion. Thank you for your support of our company, and we hope you’ll find a more suitable job."

Wei Xiaolu’s heart sank.

Her hands stopped shaking too. Even her breathing seemed to turn to dead water, no longer flowing at all. It was as if some force were dragging her downward, pulling her to a very, very low place.

"Ah, Sister Qiu," Wei Xiaolu didn’t even know where her voice was coming from. She only heard herself ask, "I didn’t pass?"

"This is the company’s final decision and can’t be changed. It’s really because all the positions are full; we truly don’t have the headcount. I’m really sorry. But this internship period will also help you a lot when you look for jobs in the future. I hope you find a job you like soon."

Wei Xiaolu felt as if her brain had been vacuumed clean. She opened her mouth, and even her throat hurt.

Wasn’t there only one conversion slot?

She really wanted to ask why, but her whole body seemed frozen. She couldn’t make a sound, only manage a few thin words, like a calm, composed adult: "Okay. Thank you, Sister Qiu. I understand."

After hanging up, she found the other intern’s WeChat and stared at it blankly for two seconds. Then tears filled her eyes.

[Wei Xiaolu: Sis, did you get the conversion notice?]

The other person replied right away: she had.

Then came a very happy sticker.

Wei Xiaolu was still typing when her tears broke through. They fell onto the screen and blurred the congratulations she had just sent.

How could this happen?

Why was it that she’d worked so hard during her internship, done everything she could in every way, and still couldn’t grab the opportunity she wanted or go where she wanted to go?

Why was it that her internship performance had been pretty good, and yet she still couldn’t beat that same-cohort colleague who had been slacking off in finance? Was it really just because, when she turned in her final form, she’d gotten so worked up that she called the big boss by the wrong surname?

Why could all her effort be ignored, and a person be denied so easily because of just one mistake?

Wei Xiaolu hugged her knees and crouched down.

She didn’t even have much strength left to cry. After a couple of tears fell, she dried up again; she didn’t feel sad so much as baffled and furious.

Why not me? Why?

"Xiao Qiu." Shen Siyan’s voice suddenly sounded beside her. Wei Xiaolu jumped, not even noticing when Shen Siyan had come over.

"Wasn’t Xiaolu supposed to be fine for conversion?" Shen Siyan asked.

The person on the other end said a few words. Shen Siyan then asked again, "What about opening one extra slot? Our department is still short-handed. Just let her come to our department."

Whatever was said next, Shen Siyan stayed silent for a long while. In the end, she let out a soft sigh. "All right, I understand."

Wei Xiaolu looked up at Shen Siyan.

She didn’t know what to say, so she called out weakly, "Sister."

"Mm." Shen Siyan answered, crouching down on one knee in front of Wei Xiaolu and reaching out to take her hand.

If not for that, it might have been better. But the moment she was held like this, all the grievance surged up at once. Her eyes filled with tears, and Shen Siyan in front of her blurred into a haze.

"It’s not your fault," Shen Siyan said softly. "The other intern is the daughter of a bank president our company works with."

Wei Xiaolu looked at Shen Siyan. "Was this year’s opening just set aside for her?"

Shen Siyan lifted her other hand and wiped away the tears at the corner of Wei Xiaolu’s eyes, then nodded silently.

"Then the rest of us were just there to run alongside her, weren’t we?" Wei Xiaolu still clung to a trace of hope, feeling like it couldn’t possibly be this unfair.

But unfortunately, Shen Siyan nodded again.

That hurt even more than being told she wasn’t capable enough.

Wei Xiaolu lowered her head in despair.

If she herself hadn’t done well enough, she could blame herself for not being careful enough and just try harder next time. But now, who was she supposed to blame? Her parents? Tang Xiaofen and Wei Zongqing had already given her the greatest support they could within their means. Shen Siyan? But Shen Siyan had no obligation to help her at all.

She could only blame those rich and powerful parents. Could you please stop propping up your children now?

The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. Once her emotions surged, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

"I’m sorry."

When Wei Xiaolu heard that, she even felt dazed. For a moment, she almost thought heaven had developed a conscience and was apologizing to her, because she truly hadn’t expected that one day Shen Siyan would apologize to Wei Xiaolu.

"I even specifically asked a friend to say hello to headquarters before..." Shen Siyan’s voice gradually fell silent. After a pause, she sighed. "My connections still aren’t strong enough."

Wei Xiaolu shook her head. She couldn’t speak. After crouching there a little longer, her legs went numb, and she finally leaned on Shen Siyan for support as she stood.

"I-I’m fine." Wei Xiaolu let go of Shen Siyan and covered her eyes with both hands, taking a deep breath.

Shen Siyan was about to speak, but Wei Xiaolu beat her to it. "It’s okay, it’s okay. This is normal. Isn’t finding a job just like this? I’ll just keep looking."

"Xiaolu, don’t get discouraged yet. Let me see if I can ask my mom to help put in a word—"

"CEO Shen." Wei Xiaolu suddenly said.

Shen Siyan fell silent.

"I’m going back to my room to rest," Wei Xiaolu said, turning to leave, then stopping to add, "You don’t need to worry about me. I’m really fine; I’ve thought it through."

Wei Xiaolu even gave Shen Siyan a smile to show that she really hadn’t been affected.

But once she returned to her room, trying to seem strong, the moment she fell onto the bed, she broke down in uncontrollable tears.

She couldn’t think it through. She really couldn’t.

She had already said it to everyone—her friends, her family, even that group of oddballs in the dorm—that she would be staying at the company to keep working. And now she’d been swept out the door. How was she supposed to explain that to them?

And most importantly, she couldn’t give herself an explanation.

She’d started learning technical skills and job hunting at the beginning of the year, submitted applications to a pile of big companies, and then after getting in, she was discriminated against because she was only an undergraduate. Finally, she’d found a good job with decent benefits, worked diligently for four months, and now it had all come to nothing, leaving her with not a single opportunity in hand.

What was worse, she had also missed both the golden September and silver October hiring seasons. Those good companies’ recruitment drives were all beyond her reach now.

After a busy, exhausting year, she had ended up with nothing. It wasn’t just embarrassing; she even felt like her career luck had already been used up, and that she’d never be able to achieve anything outstanding in her work for the rest of her life.

That night, she slept lightly, her mind fixed on finding a job, and only fell asleep very late.

But after a night of thinking, she had also managed to accept reality. Society simply wasn’t as fair as she had imagined; fresh out of school, she was still naive, so it was inevitable that she would run into walls. Besides, jobs really were hard to find. She’d just found internships too smoothly, which had given her the illusion that work was easy to get.

In truth, just look at Wei Jialuo—these days, having any job at all was already pretty good.

Wei Xiaolu wasn’t the kind of person who would be knocked down and stay down after one blow. She would feel anxious, but she would also keep moving while carrying that anxiety.

It was just that before, when she was upset, she could vent to her parents. This time, she held back and didn’t tell her family. She planned to keep looking for work first and only tell them once she had something lined up, so they wouldn’t end up worrying and panicking along with her.

The next morning, she got up, opened her computer, and started browsing job sites to send out résumés. By then, though, there were no companies she was interested in hiring anymore. Wei Xiaolu applied to a few, feeling weaker and weaker inside, but she still mechanically filled in her personal information on the webpage. It wasn’t until Shen Siyan came home for lunch at noon that she realized Shen Siyan had gone to work today.

Did she have to work on Saturday too?

Wei Xiaolu thought about it and tried to comfort herself by saying that a job that still required overtime on weekends wasn’t good either; not getting converted wasn’t worth regretting.

But when she sat down to eat with Shen Siyan, and thought that Shen Siyan had also graduated from T University and then smoothly joined a company, she couldn’t help wondering whether Shen Siyan had also been a planted cabbage taking up a spot.

"How’s today going?" Shen Siyan asked as she ate.

She didn’t mention anything specific, but Wei Xiaolu understood and said, "The good companies aren’t hiring anymore. I applied to two small and medium-sized ones this morning, but..."

Shen Siyan picked up a Coca-Cola chicken wing and put it in her bowl.

Wei Xiaolu paused, then finished the thought. "But even these small and medium-sized companies have tons of master’s and PhD applicants now. I feel like I’m going to end up running alongside everyone else again."

"Believe in yourself," Shen Siyan encouraged. "Some companies don’t really want graduate students. I’ll sort something out for you this afternoon."

"No need, Sister," Wei Xiaolu sighed. "You can find all that online. You’re so busy; I’ll just look myself."

Shen Siyan’s busyness was obvious to anyone. After eating, she soon went back to overtime.

Wei Xiaolu, meanwhile, returned to the process of sending out her résumé.

In the afternoon, she applied to three more companies. When she finished and wanted to catch her breath, she picked up her phone and, almost by reflex, was about to call Tang Xiaofen.

It was habit. In the past, whenever she felt a little upset or annoyed, she would call her parents. This time too, even though she had decided to keep it to herself, when she was tired she still couldn’t stop herself from wanting to hear their voices.

The call went through, and Tang Xiaofen asked with a smile how her thesis was going.

"Didn’t write any today."

Wei Xiaolu only said that much, and Tang Xiaofen immediately caught on and asked, "What’s wrong, Xiaolu?"

"It’s just..." Wei Xiaolu choked up. Even though she was best at making trivial little lies to colleagues, in front of the person she loved, she couldn’t tell a single lie.

Her eyes stung. She said bitterly, "I didn’t get converted, so I started looking for work again."

After hearing that, Tang Xiaofen said, "Oh my, why are they making my girl suffer like this?"

No matter how tough she tried to seem, one sentence from her mother was enough to make all the suppressed anxiety and hurt gush out.

Only then did Wei Xiaolu feel the stabbing grievance, and she cried as she told Tang Xiaofen exactly what had happened.

"I really like it here, but they don’t need people."

"It’s fine," Tang Xiaofen said. "This company is no good. If you don’t go there, then you don’t go there. We’ll find you a better one."

"There aren’t any..." Wei Xiaolu was even sadder.

"There definitely are. Don’t rush, girl. Just take it slow. Think of it as playing and go look for one; don’t put pressure on yourself."

Wei Xiaolu was so overwhelmed by disappointment that she barely took any of it in, but when she heard Shen Siyan come home, she had no choice but to pretend she had already adjusted. "Okay, Mom. I don’t believe there’s nowhere for me to go. I can just look again."

"That’s right," Tang Xiaofen said with a laugh. "Oh, and I’ll transfer you some living expenses. Buy yourself something you like. Don’t think about this yet."

"Okay, thank you, Mom." Wei Xiaolu was crying again.

After hanging up, she planned to wipe away her tears before going to eat dinner with Shen Siyan, but there was a knock at her door, and Shen Siyan called to her through the door, calling her little sister.

"Dinner’s ready," Shen Siyan said.

Wei Xiaolu wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "I’m coming, Sister."

When she opened the door, Wei Xiaolu saw that Shen Siyan was still standing right there. Her steps faltered slightly, and she lifted her head.

"I bought—"

The moment their eyes met, Shen Siyan’s words stopped abruptly.

Her eyes were probably pretty swollen. Wei Xiaolu turned her face slightly to hide it, not wanting Shen Siyan to see her vulnerability.

The air went quiet for two seconds.

Then Shen Siyan reached out and pulled the person who was still hanging her head in sadness into her arms.

Holding Wei Xiaolu’s head against her chest, Shen Siyan said guiltily, "I still have some things these next two days. I need to go to the company."

Whether Wei Xiaolu shook her head or rubbed her tears against Shen Siyan’s clothes, there was only a slight movement.

But Shen Siyan’s heart still gave a hard jolt. Resting her chin against Wei Xiaolu’s hair, she said the word she didn’t use often: "Sorry."

Wei Xiaolu shook her head again.

Shen Siyan said, "After these two days are over, I’ll take annual leave to stay with you."