Chapter 53

No, that’s not it.

It’s not that—what do you mean, not that!

Wei Xiaolu opened her mouth. The words she wanted to blurt out were right there, but the quiet room, her flustered heartbeat, and Shen Siyan’s scorching gaze made it impossible to keep pretending she didn’t understand, impossible to keep muddling through with a halfhearted answer.

It was as if every word had lodged in her throat; instead, her thoughts scattered, laid bare in the violent rise and fall of her chest.

“I also…” She couldn’t say something like I like you, so Wei Xiaolu changed course at the last second. “What I said wasn’t a lie either.”

Shen Siyan’s brows twitched.

“It was all from the heart,” Wei Xiaolu said, with a little truth and a little embellishment. Complimenting a leader always called for some polishing, but at this point she still shamelessly added, “Really, Sister Shen… I admire you a lot. You’re incredibly charming when you’re working—”

Shen Siyan reached for an orange on the table and lowered her head to peel it. “Is that really what you wanted to say?”

Wei Xiaolu answered with a very firm “Mm.”

“If you haven’t thought it through yet, if you don’t know how to say it,” Shen Siyan said, tossing the peel into the trash and handing over the peeled orange, “then think about it slowly. No rush. We have plenty of time.”

Wei Xiaolu froze.

She suddenly realized Shen Siyan didn’t intend to let her skate by anymore. The “think” she meant was pointed; it was about the two of them, about something even more hidden.

Taking the orange, Wei Xiaolu saw her own trembling fingertips.

“Think about what…” She couldn’t go on. Hastily, she stuffed a segment of orange into her mouth to stop herself.

“Pretending not to understand is tiring,” Shen Siyan said as she slowly rose to her feet. “I’m starting to not be able to keep pretending either.”

It was almost a direct admission. Wei Xiaolu was already in utter chaos, nearly ready to fight back in person and say, I’m not pretending at all; if I don’t understand, then I don’t understand.

But when she looked up, Shen Siyan’s gaze—one that seemed to see through everything, yet remained calm and unhurried, even carrying a hint of indulgent fondness—stripped all her bluster of color.

For one instant, Wei Xiaolu truly wanted to admit it: this game wasn’t fun. Not at all. It was exhausting, difficult, one person probing and teasing while maintaining control, the other panicking and retreating in feigned deafness.

But aside from this kind of pattern, what other choice did they even seem to have?

Wei Xiaolu didn’t know. But when she saw Shen Siyan about to take the bowl to wash it, she still fell back on old habits, snatched the bowl from her, and said she’d do the dishes.

Shen Siyan let go, as if allowing Wei Xiaolu to take it away.

“Fine. You go.”

A laugh sounded behind her. Wei Xiaolu forced herself to ignore it; right now, all she wanted was to put some distance between herself and Shen Siyan as quickly as possible and calm down alone for a while.

“But from now on,” Shen Siyan said from behind her again, her tone lazy, “you don’t have to be that obedient with me.”

Wei Xiaolu: “…”

After washing the dishes, she still felt her face burning, so she ran cold water over it a couple of times to cool down.

Shen Siyan was already back in the bedroom and wouldn’t know what kind of frenzy she’d caused in the kitchen. Yet Wei Xiaolu also felt that, clearly, Shen Siyan was the crazier one. She had only finished her internship less than a week ago, and Shen Siyan was already pushing things forward so quickly; who knew what she was rushing for…

Wei Xiaolu dawdled for a long time, washing the pot and wiping down the countertop, doing more housework until the heat in her face had completely faded and her heartbeat had settled back into a normal rhythm.

But normal only existed when she was alone. The moment she ran into Shen Siyan, it was like being dragged into an interrogation room; she kept fearing that the next second she’d be asked, How far have you thought it through?

Fortunately, over the next two days Shen Siyan was out early and back late. Even when she came home at noon, she only ate a quick meal before leaving again, mentioning only that Chen Dongqi had left behind some loose project handoffs that still needed wrapping up.

Wei Xiaolu also pulled herself back into the world of her thesis, focusing on her graduation project and maintaining her proper greetings in the quiet rhythm of everyday life.

But the calm was only on the surface.

What Shen Siyan had said that night tore open a stretch of sea; turbulent waves kept rising. At times Wei Xiaolu would stare blankly at her computer and type out a few meaningless characters without thinking.

She always felt that alcohol had magnified Shen Siyan’s emotions, but Shen Siyan had always been thorough and proper, hiding her true desires very deeply. Only in the cracks left by drunkenness could a little of that less precise bluntness and ease slip out.

Then once she sobered up, she returned to being flawless.

By Friday, Shen Siyan was finally done with that burst of busyness and came home from work early. After dinner, it was only a little past seven.

In the past, this would have been the hour for a lap around Renmin Square, but the rain had gone on for days, making it inconvenient to go out, so neither of them mentioned leaving the apartment.

Yet neither of them went back to their rooms either.

Shen Siyan sat down on the sofa with a cup of hot tea and casually turned on the television.

“What do you want to watch?” She handed Wei Xiaolu the remote.

Wei Xiaolu took it and pressed a few buttons at random before stopping on a variety show.

“This one, I guess,” she said, then suddenly turned her head. “...Sister, do you like watching this?”

“I’ll keep you company,” Shen Siyan said with a smile. “Anything’s fine.”

That was wonderful. Wei Xiaolu went to the bedroom, brought out a pile of snacks, sat down beside Shen Siyan, and began enjoying herself.

She got so absorbed that whenever a guest embarrassed themselves, she would hold her stomach and laugh out loud, laughing so hard she nearly folded over. When she finally managed to stop and wanted to share her thoughts with Shen Siyan—

“Did you see that expression he just made…”

Her voice cut off abruptly.

Because when she turned her head, she met Shen Siyan’s eyes.

The room fell quiet for a few seconds; the noise from the variety show and the rain outside was disturbingly loud by comparison.

Wei Xiaolu belatedly realized Shen Siyan might not have even intended to watch the TV at all. Maybe she only wanted to create some not-too-serious background noise so the two of them could sit side by side naturally, and then have a close, unguarded talk about something else.

And yet she herself had plopped down and genuinely started following the variety show, laughing with complete abandon like she had no heart at all.

“Cough.” Wei Xiaolu set down the bag of chips, pulled out a tissue to wipe her fingers, and straightened her back. “This variety show seems kind of old-fashioned.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Shen Siyan finally looked away. When she turned toward the TV, the corner of her mouth deepened slightly. “As long as it makes you happy.”

Wei Xiaolu had already gotten used to her speaking this way, and even felt a quiet sense of relief.

But just then—

Ding dong!

The doorbell rang.

They hadn’t ordered takeout, so who would be coming this late?

“I’ll get it.”

Wei Xiaolu swung her legs off the sofa and rushed to the door. Looking at the monitor, she saw a man in a rain hood standing outside. “Who is it?”

“CEO Shen,” the person outside said, glancing around before finding the camera and pressing his face closer. “It’s me.”

Wang Chen?

Why was he here? And in such heavy rain, too.

Wei Xiaolu frowned, turned back to look at Shen Siyan, and silently mouthed Wang Chen. Only after Shen Siyan nodded did she open the door in confusion.

“CEO Shen, sorry for disturbing your rest. I brought you a little—uh,” Wang Chen froze. “Wei Xiaolu?”

Wei Xiaolu was a little awkward too. She wanted to explain but had nowhere to start, so she just gave a small sound and stared back at him.

Soon Shen Siyan turned off the TV and came over, standing behind Wei Xiaolu. Wang Chen immediately broke into a smile. “CEO Shen, you’re in. I’ve been meaning to properly thank you in person; I really had to rely on your guidance at work before…”

“You’re too polite,” Shen Siyan cut him off. “It’s raining this hard. Come in and warm up.”

Shen Siyan was actually letting him in? Wei Xiaolu was a bit suspicious, but still stepped politely aside.

As for Wang Chen, Wei Xiaolu had an indescribable resistance to him and didn’t really want to deal with him, so she went to the kitchen to wash fruit.

But she didn’t close the door, and by straining her ears she basically understood what was going on, because recently Shen Siyan had gradually moved Chen Dongqi’s confidants out one by one. Wang Chen, not knowing the reason behind it, was afraid that because he had offended Shen Siyan before, he would also be transferred, so he specifically looked up where Shen Siyan lived and came to the door with a gift to show loyalty.

“Your ability is obvious to everyone, and the department also needs employees who are steady and hardworking,” Shen Siyan said after taking a sip of tea. “Do your own work well; that’s better than anything else.”

Wei Xiaolu brought the fruit to the table.

What Shen Siyan had just said sounded like approval, but in fact it was watertight; she had promised nothing and denied nothing. Wang Chen probably had no idea where he stood, so he shifted his gaze to Wei Xiaolu. “I didn’t expect that, so late, Xiaolu would be here too.”

Wei Xiaolu’s heart gave a lurch; she had a bad feeling about this. After all, when she had refused Wang Chen back then, the words she used were “I like someone like Shen Siyan.”

“I…” Wei Xiaolu knew she couldn’t hide it, so she simply said it plainly. “I’m staying here temporarily.”

“You and CEO Shen…” Wang Chen’s gaze flicked back and forth between the two of them.

“We live together.” Shen Siyan picked up where she left off.

“Oh!” Wang Chen’s eyes widened at once. He blurted out, “No wonder!”

“No, no, it’s not like that!” Wei Xiaolu’s whole body felt hot as she waved both hands fiercely. “It’s not that kind of relationship! It’s just, just that after my internship ended, CEO Shen said it would be convenient for me to stay on this side, so I’m only borrowing the place temporarily. That’s all.”

Her explanation was a mess, and Wang Chen’s expression shifted from surprise to confusion. Wei Xiaolu felt that maybe she was being a little too jumpy, so after a beat she asked, “What did you mean by no wonder just now?”

“Back then you called the company asking where CEO Shen had gone, asking around everywhere,” Wang Chen said. “Turns out you live together. You couldn’t find her, so you got anxious.”

“...Ah, right.” Wei Xiaolu wanted to dig a hole in the floor and bury herself.

Wang Chen let it drop and didn’t ask any further. Wei Xiaolu could tell he hadn’t made any strange assumptions at all; he was really dull enough to be impressive.

They exchanged a few more polite words. In the end, only after Shen Siyan hinted three times that he should leave did he catch on, but his butt still hadn’t left the seat as he sat there saying, “CEO Shen, I’m really grateful for your help. Please just keep this. I brought it in the rain; taking it back would be too much trouble.”

“Taking it back is trouble for you; keeping it is trouble for me,” Shen Siyan said, standing and looking down at him. “Wang Chen, we’ve been working together this long. I don’t think you still don’t understand what kind of person I am.”

Her serious tone seemed to scare him. In the end, Wang Chen rubbed his hands together in disappointment and took the gift back exactly as it had been.

Getting rejected three times in a row clearly stung a little, and when Wei Xiaolu saw his figure leaving miserably into the rainy night from upstairs, she covered her mouth and cackled with delight.

“Oh, right,” she suddenly remembered, turning to Shen Siyan. “Should we warn him? In case he goes and runs his mouth, adds fuel to the fire, and tells people about tonight.”

Shen Siyan turned the TV back on; the contestants in the game show were making a racket.

“No need,” Shen Siyan said, handing her the chips. “There’s nothing tonight that can’t be said.”

“I’m living here,” Wei Xiaolu still worried. “If other people find out, will it be bad for you?”

“No impact,” Shen Siyan said while eating fruit and watching TV. “Besides, didn’t little sister just explain it? We’re not that kind of relationship.”

“Oh.” Wei Xiaolu nearly dropped the chips.

Their tacit understanding had already started to form; she could even guess what Shen Siyan was going to say next, so she preemptively gave her own definition. “Right, I already explained it clearly. We’re not in some landlord-and-tenant relationship either; it’s just a purely humanitarian act of taking me in.”

Shen Siyan laughed. The people on TV were laughing too.

“Baby,” she said, reaching out and tapping Wei Xiaolu’s forehead. “I have ulterior motives. That’s not how humanitarianism works.”

“Ahahaha, is that so…” Wei Xiaolu said carelessly, eyes fixed on the TV, trying to let the variety show reclaim the upper hand.

But sadly, she found that those games weren’t funny at all anymore. She couldn’t get drawn in either; it seemed the TV had really become nothing more than background noise.

The hand Shen Siyan had used to tap her forehead didn’t withdraw. Instead, it circled over the top of her head and came to rest on the back of the sofa.

They were already sitting close together; though they weren’t touching at all, Shen Siyan’s presence was too strong. Her scent kept flooding Wei Xiaolu’s nerves, and right now Wei Xiaolu kept having the feeling that she was being held in someone’s arms.

If she leaned back just a little more…

Wei Xiaolu admitted in despair that she and Shen Siyan simply weren’t on the same level. Shen Siyan was someone who played with atmosphere; Wei Xiaolu couldn’t win against that.

Within the tender trap woven by Shen Siyan’s words, expressions, and gestures, all the little evasions Wei Xiaolu thought had been successful were, when it came down to it, just that much.

Dodging was only dodging the possibility of revealing her true feelings; avoiding was only avoiding the danger of change. But at least at this moment, in this dimly lit corner washed in the sounds of the show, she clearly understood.

Maybe she didn’t truly want to run.

So when Shen Siyan laid a hand on her and gently drew her into an embrace, Wei Xiaolu didn’t resist. Following the movement, she rested her head on Shen Siyan’s shoulder.