Chapter 148
By now, part of Gu Yanqiu’s guess had finally been confirmed.
Shen Huaiyu married Gu Huai because of Aunt Yin. Back then, Aunt Yin had been forced by reality to break up with her. Shen Huaiyu knew her temperament well; to let her walk the path she had chosen with peace of mind, she had cut off her own escape route as well.
Gu Huai must have met Shen Huaiyu after she and Aunt Yin broke up, which was why he had seen her looking so utterly lost.
So before Gu Huai married her, did he know about Shen Huaiyu’s past? Gu Yanqiu’s guess was nearly certain. The “Xiaoyu” in Aunt Yin’s diary was gentle, but decisive; if she had truly accepted Gu Huai’s proposal without loving him, she would definitely have told him the truth and given the choice back to Gu Huai.
Gu Huai knew full well that Shen Huaiyu loved someone else and still married her; perhaps he had been clinging to a sliver of hope. It was just that nearly thirty years later, Shen Huaiyu still chose to follow her old love into death.
So many old stories, tangled and blurred; they had all been choices made willingly. There was no point now in arguing over who had been right or wrong.
199X year, X month, X day
I’m married. I have known the young master of the Yin family for a very long time; he has always been very good to me. If I hadn’t met Xiaoyu, there would have been nothing wrong with marrying him. Today, while I had some free time, I reread Jin Yong and came to the scene where Guo Xiang meets Yang Guo at Wind-Lament Ferry. I froze there for a long time. Shen Huaiyu is probably my Yang Guo.
199X year, X month, X day
The young master of the Yin family learned my secret. He couldn’t accept it and ordered me to forget everything about her from that day on. The moment I decided to marry, I didn’t keep a single thing of hers, except for myself. But I will never be able to forget her; unless I die.
199X year, X month, X day
I’m pregnant. I’m going to have a child soon. I’m very happy. A new little life is about to come into this world; perhaps it can ease this bone-deep ache of longing just a little.
Sometimes I think it would be wonderful if this were Xiaoyu’s child and mine, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll love her as if she were our child.
I’ve decided on her name: Lingxi.
Two birds flying in different directions through brocade-like clouds; hearts in perfect understanding without a word.
I hope Heaven can carry my longing to her.
No, perhaps it’s better not to.
We should each have our own lives.
199X year, X month, X day
No more news from that old friend far away. I hope you can forget me.
199X year, X month, X day
Lingxi was born.
199X year, X month, X day
Happy birthday, Xiaoyu.
199X year, X month, X day
Lingxi is growing fast; she’s very smart and can already speak. The first word she called was “mom”... Is it not very appropriate to write this kind of thing in a diary? I’ve put this notebook away; when I open it again, who knows what year or month it will be.
199X year, X month, X day
It’s only been a month, and I can’t help coming back to ramble again. I don’t know why; when I write these diary entries, it feels as if you’re still by my side, and I feel very happy. I hope you’re doing as well as I am.
……
199X year, X month, X day
I give up first. Five years later, I finally heard news of you. Only then did I learn that your husband is called Gu Huai, and that you even have a lovely daughter. Now I can rest easy.
200X year, X month, X day
Long time no see.
Today I read a collection of love letters and thought of you. Hello there, Shen Huaiyu. I haven’t stopped missing you all these years, but I’ve learned to hold myself back; I’ve turned those thoughts into a secret known only to me.
201X year, X month, X day
Time goes by so fast, Xiaoyu.
Today, I looked in the mirror and found a white hair. I’m only in my forties, and I already have white hair.
Back then I said the two of us would live to eighty together, healthy and safe, smooth and well; with things like this, have we grown old and gone white-haired ahead of time?
Just kidding. I hope you can live to eighty.
Will the two of us ever see each other again?
Gu Yanqiu’s eyes stung faintly. She turned the page and kept reading; after that, there was blank space, and when she turned another page, there was still blank space.
Yin Lingxi rubbed the bridge of her nose and said quietly, “This is the last entry.”
Gu Yanqiu let out a soft sigh.
Neither of them had lived to eighty, and there would be no day when they saw each other again.
According to the diary, after they each married, their lives never intersected again at all. Only in the fifth year after marriage did Aunt Yin finally gather enough courage to ask about Shen Huaiyu’s current situation.
Gu Yanqiu returned the diary to Yin Lingxi. “Thank you.”
“It’s nothing.” Yin Lingxi tried to joke and ease the mood. “In a way, the two of us are kind of in the same boat, aren’t we?”
Gu Yanqiu gave a very faint laugh, but her brows and eyes remained heavy.
The past was too weighty. Only now, through the information she had obtained, had she glimpsed a trace of Shen Huaiyu’s true self and slowly pieced together a complete, living person.
She couldn’t bring herself to resent Shen Huaiyu. If time were turned back ten years, eight years, Gu Yanqiu might have thought Shen Huaiyu was unfit to be a mother; if she didn’t love her, why bring her into the world at all? But now, no matter what, she couldn’t hate her. If not for that twist of fate back then, what kind of brilliance would she have had, instead of spending the rest of her life in the company of green lamps and an ancient Buddha?
“Where is your mother buried?” Gu Yanqiu asked Yin Lingxi.
Yin Lingxi froze for a moment, then gave her an address: a cemetery in S City. Then she asked, “Why?”
Gu Yanqiu said, “I want to go see her, and for my... mother, to look at her once.”
Yin Lingxi understood at once. “When are you free?”
“Next weekend?” Gu Yanqiu said.
Yin Lingxi nodded. “Sure. I’ll be home then anyway. Call me when you get there; I’ll pick you up.”
Gu Yanqiu said, “Wouldn’t that be a little improper?”
Yin Lingxi smiled. “What’s improper about it? Let me do my duty as host. You’ve hosted me several times whenever I came over; it’s only right to return the favor.”
Gu Yanqiu couldn’t turn her down, so she agreed. She thought of Lin Yuewei outside; if Lin Yuewei learned she was going to S City to pay her respects, there would inevitably be another uproar. After a little thought, she gave Yin Lingxi a warning in advance: “I might bring a family member.”
Yin Lingxi’s smile deepened. “Okay.”
By then, the two of them got up to leave. Yin Lingxi called someone over to settle the bill, and they parted at the door. Gu Yanqiu turned back and picked up Lin Yuewei, who had been “eating” the teacups in the private room.
In public, Lin Yuewei swallowed her jealousy with difficulty and held it in. Once they got home, she properly tormented Gu Yanqiu for a while before asking what serious things the two of them had discussed tonight.
Gu Yanqiu told her the contents of the diary.
After listening, Lin Yuewei said nothing for a long time.
Gu Yanqiu asked, “If you were Yin Lingxi’s mother, what would you do?”
Lin Yuewei thought for a moment. “I don’t know. What about you?”
Gu Yanqiu leaned against her chest, playing with her hair. “I don’t know either.”
There was no true empathy in the world. From Aunt Yin’s notes and Yin Lingxi’s account, Aunt Yin had been the well-bred daughter of a prominent family; for a dutiful daughter like her to openly admit her feelings and be with Shen Huaiyu had already been difficult enough. To then be forced to choose between family and love—no one could say she had done wrong.
“Next week I want to go to S City to pay respects to Yin Lingxi’s mother. Do you want to come with me?” Gu Yanqiu didn’t want to keep thinking about this upsetting topic.
“Me? Why would you bring me?”
“If you don’t go, I’m afraid the jealousy in this house will flood from Yanning all the way to S City.”
“...” Lin Yuewei lied without blinking. “That won’t happen. I’m very generous.”
Gu Yanqiu said in an exaggerated tone of mock poetic recitation, “You really are generous.”
“Are you mocking me?”
“I didn’t.”
“Gu Yanqiu, you actually dare to mock me now?”
“I really didn’t. Everything I said was true.”
“You stop right there!”
“I’m not running.”
Lin Yuewei pinned Gu Yanqiu to the sofa and made her pay the price for teasing her.
Afterward, they went upstairs to shower. The emotional question had been resolved; now it was time for the rational discussion. There was still no satisfactory answer for why Gu Huai had tried so hard to hide everything. Shen Huaiyu had had a former lover, and after Gu Yanqiu was born, she had not loved her daughter the way Aunt Yin had. Summed up, it was just one sentence: Gu Huai did not want Gu Yanqiu to know that this family was a facade. Was that enough?
Lin Yuewei thought it definitely wasn’t. Gu Yanqiu was an adult, and same-sex marriage had already been legalized. So what if she hadn’t had maternal love? Was that worth him making such a huge fuss over?
“Your dad is definitely still hiding something else,” Lin Yuewei said. “Did you notice the letter he wrote you last time? He said that no matter what your mother was like, he loved you. He knew you’d found out a lot, and he even knew you’d been in contact with Yin Lingxi, but apart from that letter, did he have any other reaction?”
Gu Yanqiu shook her head. “No.”
Lin Yuewei propped her chin on her hand. “If you’d really found out the whole truth, then by basic dramatic logic he should have had a serious talk with you instead of just writing a letter. Was he afraid he’d slip up and reveal something, or afraid you’d see through something else?”
Gu Yanqiu added, “And there’s still no answer to what Gu Feiquan said to me before.”
It had been too long ago; Lin Yuewei could barely remember. “What did he say?”
“That was when my relationship with him still wasn’t very good.” Gu Yanqiu recalled it. “He said that when my mother and my dad got married, he had already been born. With He Songjun’s nerve—why would she dare to get pregnant out of wedlock in that era, and resolutely give birth to that child? And after she gave birth, did she ever go look for my dad? Before my mom married him, did she even know Gu Feiquan existed? My dad said that when he was pursuing my mom, he had already broken up with He Songjun. Did they really break up?” Since they were going to tear everything down, then doubt everything; no one was a good person.
Gu Yanqiu continued, “First question: did He Songjun even have the nerve to give birth to the child? I don’t think so. From Gu Feiquan’s mouth and from my observations of her during this period, she doesn’t seem like someone with that kind of courage. Why the child was born is still questionable.”
Lin Yuewei hopped off the bed and fetched a notebook. Gu Yanqiu looked at her. “What are you doing?”
“Writing it down makes it more intuitive. Keep going.”
Gu Yanqiu said, “It’s not impossible that she became bold for the sake of her child. Maybe she just gritted her teeth and gave birth to Gu Feiquan. What about after that? Didn’t she go looking for my dad? If He Songjun was an independent and resolute person, then she wouldn’t have married into the Gu family thirty years later.”
Lin Yuewei’s pen paused. “So you’re saying Gu Huai knew, your mother also knew about He Songjun and her son, and in the end she still married into the Gu family?”
She didn’t have any special feelings toward Shen Huaiyu, after all Shen Huaiyu wasn’t her mother. Every time she reasoned things out, she did so with a calm bordering on coldness.
Gu Yanqiu was silent for two seconds. “I don’t think so.” She didn’t believe her mother was that kind of person. All this time, no matter what she had found out or how much she had learned, Shen Huaiyu had always remained a positive figure in her heart, even if she didn’t love her.
Lin Yuewei’s lips moved; a sentence rose to the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t say it.
If it was true, then Gu Yanqiu’s reaction fit Gu Huai’s purpose perfectly. Knowing that Gu Huai loved Shen Huaiyu to the bone, the reason he had done all this was most likely to protect Shen Huaiyu. What would truly shatter Shen Huaiyu’s image in Gu Yanqiu’s mind would not be the fact that she had had a former lover, but something else—say, if the above assumption were true.
Lin Yuewei only thought it to herself and didn’t go deeper into it with Gu Yanqiu.
She let out a silent sigh and reasoned toward the more benign possibility. “It’s possible He Songjun went to look for your dad. Your father knew, but your mother didn’t; only after she married into the Gu family did she learn about it, so she quietly supported He Songjun and her son. That basically matches what Gu Feiquan said about his mother and your mother having interacted.”
“Mm.” Gu Yanqiu’s face had gone a little pale.
Between those two possibilities, Gu Yanqiu emotionally believed the second one, but reason chose the first. If it was the second, it couldn’t explain Gu Huai’s desperate effort to protect Shen Huaiyu. They had dug this far already; if it was merely a matter of not knowing, what crime was that?
Lin Yuewei knew Gu Yanqiu probably wouldn’t sleep well again tonight. Fortunately, tomorrow was a day off; staying up late a little wouldn’t matter. Lin Yuewei half-held her, gently patting Gu Yanqiu’s arm to coax her to sleep, and kept patting until she herself dozed off.
When Gu Yanqiu heard the steady breathing beside her, the corners of her eyes softened. She turned on her side to tuck the blanket around Lin Yuewei, then climbed out of bed herself.
She sat quietly in the downstairs living room until the edge of the sky showed the faint pale white of fish-belly dawn, then washed the coffee cup and went upstairs to sleep.
Naturally, she slept until noon. The bedroom door was closed, and the room was empty.
She didn’t want to get up. She called out for Lin Yuewei, but the house was too big; the sound probably couldn’t reach Lin Yuewei downstairs. Gu Yanqiu took out her phone and called Lin Yuewei. Half a minute later, Lin Yuewei ran in at full speed, looking as if the sky were falling. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Nothing.” Gu Yanqiu poked her bare arms out from under the blanket. “I’m hungry. I want to get up and eat.”
“Then get up.”
“Bring me my clothes.”
“You want me to put them on for you?”
“Yes.”
“Very well; this subject shall attend to it at once.” Lin Yuewei answered good-naturedly and opened the walk-in closet connected to the master bedroom.
Every time Gu Yanqiu went through some kind of shock, she became especially fragile and especially dependent on her, just like now. Lin Yuewei felt bad seeing her like this, but there was nothing else she could do; she could only be gentle, gentler, and even gentler.
She dressed Gu Yanqiu, carried her to the bathroom on her back, squeezed out the toothpaste, and stood beside her watching her brush her teeth. When Gu Yanqiu was washing her face, she asked at the right moment, “What do you want for lunch?”
“You.”
Lin Yuewei made to take off her clothes.
That made Gu Yanqiu smile.
Lin Yuewei laughed too, and praised her at random as she went, “You’re a little weird today.”
“Where am I weird?”
“Weirdly cute.”
“...”
An invisible gust of cold air seemed to sweep through the room.
Seeing that she still had no reaction at all, Lin Yuewei swallowed and said, “I read that on my phone. Just forget I said it.”
Gu Yanqiu looked at her.
Lin Yuewei asked, “What’s wrong? Say something. If you don’t like it, I won’t use it again.”
Gu Yanqiu suddenly burst out laughing. “Hahaha.”
Lin Yuewei let out a relieved breath, as if she had survived a disaster. “You should laugh sooner next time; I was terrified just now.”
Gu Yanqiu said, “Okay.”
Lin Yuewei asked, “Do you like cheesy pickup lines?”
Gu Yanqiu asked, “What’s a cheesy pickup line?”
“Like the one I just said.”
“Was that cheesy? I thought it was really cute.”
“Really?” Lin Yuewei’s eyes lit up. “Wait here; I’m going to get my phone.”
Gu Yanqiu liking cheesy pickup lines was an unexpected bonus. Lin Yuewei took her phone, searched for a collection of cheesy pickup lines, hit enter, opened a page, and hovered around Gu Yanqiu nonstop.
“Don’t complain; hold me!”
“Hahahahaha.”
“There’s been a rumor lately that I like you...”
Before Lin Yuewei could even finish the opening, Gu Yanqiu clarified, “That’s not a rumor.”
Lin Yuewei was overjoyed. “Congratulations, you can even answer before the question now!”
Gu Yanqiu touched her nose, very embarrassed.
Lin Yuewei said, “Do you know what my flaw is? It’s being short on you.”
Gu Yanqiu gave it a strict review. “This one isn’t very good.”
Lin Yuewei said, “The closer you get to cinnabar, the redder it is; the closer you get to you, the sweeter I get.”
Gu Yanqiu shook her arms and said, “Ugh, I’m getting goosebumps.”
Lin Yuewei laughed harder than before.
What an absolute little darling.
Lin Yuewei deliberately picked a funny one. “This is the back of my hand; this is the back of my foot. You’re my treasure.”
Gu Yanqiu sniffed the air, frowning. “Why does this one sound so weird?”
Lin Yuewei completely lost it, nearly rolling down the stairs.
Gu Yanqiu reached out to steady her and said, “Careful.”
Lin Yuewei looked her over from head to toe, and became even less “careful.” She threw herself straight into Gu Yanqiu’s arms, sprang up, and hooked her legs around Gu Yanqiu’s waist.
Gu Yanqiu carried her, eyes on the floor below, and step by step brought her down before setting her down. The two of them stood face to face on the stair landing. Schrödinger suddenly darted out from somewhere and wrapped his front paws around Lin Yuewei’s ankle.
The two of them kissed. Lin Yuewei’s hands were still resting on Gu Yanqiu’s shoulders, and she felt the whole scene was strangely familiar.
Her brow pinched slightly. After a while, the corners of her mouth lifted. “I once had a dream, a long time ago, when you and I still weren’t together.”
“What dream?”
“It was just like now. We kissed, and then a hand reached out from behind and snatched you away. I got so angry I woke up and found I’d actually cried from anger.”
“...”
“What’s with that expression?”
Gu Yanqiu gave a soft cough and, with a dead-serious face, said, “Nothing.” She absolutely could not say she wanted to laugh.
Lin Yuewei narrowed her eyes and found no trace of anything unusual on her face, so she let it go. She bent down to pick up Schrödinger and walked toward the sofa, saying, “Have you ever had any dreams? About me.”
“Yes.”
“What kind?” Lin Yuewei was intrigued.
“Just dreams about kissing and such.”
“Nothing else?”
“Nothing else. Before we got together, it was only those kinds of dreams; I had them two or three times.”
“And after we got together?”
“After we got together...” Gu Yanqiu’s eyes darted away; what she said would probably make Lin Yuewei angry.
“Say it quickly.”
“I dreamed of you being with someone else.” Gu Yanqiu rushed the words out. “Then I got so angry I woke up, found you sleeping properly beside me, and while you were asleep I secretly pinched your arm.”
“No wonder I sometimes wake up in the morning and find bruises all over myself. Mystery solved; it was all you.”
The two of them traded lines back and forth, making it sound like true events.
Gu Yanqiu quietly breathed in relief, thinking she had finally gotten through this hurdle. But before she could even exhale fully, Lin Yuewei’s eyes sharpened. “Did you cry sadly at night?”
“...” Gu Yanqiu hesitated. “No.”
“Still saying no? Do I not know you?” Lin Yuewei threatened, “Confess and you’ll be treated leniently; resist and you’ll be punished severely.”
“All right.” Gu Yanqiu sighed and confessed. “There was, but—” Fearing Lin Yuewei might not even give her a chance to say that “but,” she immediately added, “That was all before. Later I never had those dreams again, and I never cried either.”
“Good. Let me applaud you.” Lin Yuewei clapped three times. Clap, clap, clap.
Gu Yanqiu couldn’t tell what she was really after and watched her cautiously.
“Am I that scary?” Lin Yuewei wondered if she really was too often a mix of sincerity and fake temper, to the point that Gu Yanqiu had misunderstood her image.
Gu Yanqiu hurriedly shook her head.
“What do you want for lunch?” Lin Yuewei asked again once she saw her mood had calmed down enough.
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll call my mom and ask if she’s eaten yet. If not, we’ll go home and mooch a meal, and while we’re at it, we can see her.”
Of course, Madam Ran Qingqing welcomed them with open arms and complete sincerity.
The couple set off immediately, changing clothes and not even bothering with makeup, going to the Lin family bare-faced. They were seeing their own mother, not strangers.
The moment Ran Qingqing heard the sound of tires rolling over the road, she came out from inside, watching expectantly until the car parked in the garage before she put on a cool expression and looked at Lin Yuewei walking over. “What wind blew you here?”
Lin Yuewei felt it for a moment and said, “The east wind.”
Then she dashed forward in three steps and gave Ran Qingqing a big hug.
Ran Qingqing’s feet left the ground. She slapped Lin Yuewei on the shoulder and greeted Gu Yanqiu, who was following behind: “Xiao Gu.”
Gu Yanqiu nodded, her gaze warm. “Hello, Auntie.”
Lin Yuewei carried Ran Qingqing into the house, while Ran Qingqing struggled in her arms. Lin Yuewei said solemnly, “Mom, I thought it over. When I was little, you used to carry me like this. Now it’s my turn to carry you.”
Ran Qingqing cursed her for being sick in the head.
Lin Yuewei burst out laughing and set her down.
The usually quiet Lin residence instantly grew lively. The corgi in its cage started barking wildly; human voices and dog barks rose and fell in waves.
At the dining table, Ran Qingqing brought up the subject cautiously. “Xiao Gu, about helping manage the company before...” The divorce formalities between Ran Qingqing and Lin Yuewei’s father had long been completed; aside from the company, all other property had been divided as agreed. But this company had become a stone weighing on Ran Qingqing’s heart. Lin Yuewei couldn’t manage it; Ran Qingqing didn’t understand it; the only person she could rely on was Gu Yanqiu.
The shares had already been transferred from Lin Yuewei’s father to Ran Qingqing; otherwise, Ran Qingqing would truly have been losing sleep over it day and night. Since there wasn’t yet a suitable person to take over, Lin Yuewei’s father, though he held no shares, was still the one in charge of the company and was helping manage it for now. He hadn’t said anything, and had even said that if Ran Qingqing found someone, she could replace him at any time. But Ran Qingqing still felt uncomfortable about it. She had taken her ex-husband’s company and now wanted her ex-husband to dutifully work for her—no decent person would be able to do something that shameless.
Gu Yanqiu said, “I remember.”
“Good that you remember.” Ran Qingqing breathed a sigh of relief, then pressed a little further. “When do you think you’ll be free to take it over?” She felt guilty about asking. “I heard that over there, you’re also the chairwoman, and if you’re really too busy, then here I can wait a bit lo—”
Gu Yanqiu considered it, then said, “Give me a month. I’ll get to know the company first, and please have Uncle prepare some of the materials I’ll need for the handover.”
Ran Qingqing beamed. “Okay, okay. I’ll have him prepare everything in a moment.” Her voice lowered, and she said very embarrassedly, “Thank you. I really have no choice.”
Gu Yanqiu smiled. “You’re too polite, Auntie.”
Lin Yuewei ate in silence with her head down, not daring to say a word for fear her mother would single her out.
But she still didn’t escape. Ran Qingqing looked at Gu Yanqiu the way a mother-in-law looks at a son-in-law and likes him more and more, and looked at Lin Yuewei as if... she couldn’t even find words to describe it. She said sarcastically, “People say a son-in-law is half a son; that’s so true. Some people have a whole son and still can’t compare to half of one.”
Lin Yuewei buried her head even lower.
Ran Qingqing said, “Your face is practically in the bowl. Lift it up and drink some soup.”
Lin Yuewei followed the order exactly, serving three bowls of soup; her mother first, then her wife, and only then herself.
Gu Yanqiu couldn’t help but laugh.
The difficult lunch finally passed. Lin Yuewei ate without the slightest happiness. After the meal she went into the garden to swing, inviting Gu Yanqiu to come with her. Gu Yanqiu said she was too full from all the dishes Ran Qingqing kept piling onto her plate, and wanted to stand for a while, so she stayed behind to push the swing for Lin Yuewei.
“Can you even handle it?” Lin Yuewei had wanted her to refuse when she had so readily agreed at the table, but she had no standing to say so. In a sense, Gu Yanqiu was indirectly helping her solve her worries.
“Probably.” Gu Yanqiu sounded breezy.
Lin Yuewei thought about it. “A home appliance company and a technology company; those two don’t seem that close.”
“My family researches technology too. Appliances don’t just fall from the sky. It happens to work together nicely; make the most of everything.” Gu Yanqiu said very seriously, “To be honest, I have a plan.”
“What plan?” Lin Yuewei turned to look at her.
“It’s not even fully drafted yet, so it’s a secret for now.” Gu Yanqiu smiled.
“You’re not lying to make me feel at ease, are you?” Lin Yuewei asked suspiciously.
“Really not.” Gu Yanqiu turned her face forward again. “Don’t think about it so much. Just focus on filming.”
“Or I could come back and inherit the family fortune? Being a billionaire doesn’t sound so bad.”
Ignoring her nonsense, Gu Yanqiu suddenly gave the swing a hard push. Lin Yuewei yelped, gripping the swing’s ropes, while Gu Yanqiu laughed shamelessly behind her.
***
“Did you ask him yet?” Gu Feiquan had only just come out of the hospital room when He Songjun grabbed his arm, pulled him aside, and lowered her voice to ask.
Gu Feiquan was thoroughly exasperated.
Ever since he had last agreed to ask Gu Huai about the distribution of assets on his mother’s behalf, He Songjun had been pulling him every morning and evening to ask him the exact same question; he was so sick of it his ears were practically callused.
“Right when I was about to ask, Dad fell asleep,” Gu Feiquan said casually, tossing out a lame excuse to brush her off.
“It’s been several days already. Every day something’s been getting in the way, one thing after another.” He Songjun was getting a little angry. “Are you actually not planning to ask at all?”
“No, I really haven’t found the chance.” Gu Feiquan put on a performance for his mother, sighing and sighing. “Mom, Dad’s still undergoing treatment. Asking him about this would hurt his feelings, wouldn’t it?”
“Then when he hurt my feelings, why didn’t I see you caring about me?”
“Mom...”
Maybe Gu Feiquan’s act was too sincere, or maybe there really is no overnight enmity between mother and son. He Songjun looked at him, her tone softening. “Son, your mother’s already old; I won’t be able to enjoy life for many more years. You’re still young. If there are things that are rightfully yours, then you must get them.”
Gu Feiquan had learned to be clever. He didn’t openly square off against He Songjun; he nodded lightly to show he understood.
That made He Songjun even more emotional. “Your mother may be a little vain, but this really isn’t for myself. It’s what that old Gu family and that dead woman owe you; they owe me too. If it weren’t for..."
She abruptly stopped, frowned in discomfort, and glossed over it awkwardly. “You don’t have to listen to everything else, but you have to listen to your mother on this one. Just remember one thing: it’s what you deserve.”
Gu Feiquan kept nodding.
The calm lake in his heart stirred a little.
Since he was little, the thing He Songjun said most was, “The Gu family owes you, owes the two of us.” After she married into the Gu family, it became, “What you deserve.” Gu Feiquan had thought she was just so fixated that she would repeat the same things again and again. But she had mentioned Shen Huaiyu twice before, and both times her tone had been odd, as though she wanted to say more and held back.
The hatred was obvious; she hated the other woman for taking away everything that should have belonged to the two of them.
But toward Gu Huai, she didn’t seem to have said much at all; she had never directly accused him of abandoning his wife and child. What she kept repeating was only that the Gu family and Shen Huaiyu owed them, and her attitude toward Gu Huai after marrying into the Gu family was also highly suspicious.
Either He Songjun was like those brainless women in some TV dramas, who only despised the “mistress” Shen Huaiyu and were inexplicably tolerant of the cheating bastard; or Gu Huai had never actually abandoned his wife and child. That is to say, from beginning to end, at least until the moment he married, he had no idea that Gu Feiquan existed.
That speculation sent a chill racing up from the soles of Gu Feiquan’s feet. A thought flashed through his mind so quickly that he shivered in place.
“Mom.”
He Songjun was just about to go inside when her son called out to her. She stopped and turned back. “What is it?”
Gu Feiquan stared at her and asked solemnly, “Why did you give birth to me back then?”
A trace of barely perceptible panic flashed through He Songjun’s eyes, but she quickly steadied herself. “Because I couldn’t bear to lose you.” She smiled. “You child, why are you asking such strange questions again? I—”
Gu Feiquan cut her off, his eyes darkening. “Did someone lie to you?”
He Songjun’s face went white in an instant.
TL Note:
"Two birds flying in different directions..." is an allusion to "身无彩凤双飞翼，心有灵犀一点通," meaning "Though we have not the colorful phoenix's paired wings, our hearts share a silent understanding."
"The fishbone in the throat (如鲠在喉)" = someone/something bothering you that cannot be ignored.