Chapter 147
Gu Yanqiu didn’t know that Lin Yuewei was outside grinding her teeth to dust. She sat down across from Yin Lingxi and asked, “What would you like to eat?”
“Have you been here before?” Yin Lingxi leaned forward slightly as she spoke, the gesture openly friendly.
“No.”
“Then just order a few signature dishes.” Yin Lingxi shrugged. “I thought you were a local and had been here before. I was even hoping you could recommend something.”
Gu Yanqiu gave a faint smile, resting one hand lightly on the table as she pushed the menu a little closer to her. “Being local doesn’t mean you know everything. Even if you do, there are so many new restaurants opening every day; you can’t keep up.”
Yin Lingxi said, “The dim sum at that Hong Kong-style tea restaurant last time was pretty good. I liked their congee.”
“If you like it, we can meet there next time.”
Yin Lingxi’s eyes brightened slightly. “When?”
Gu Yanqiu, who had only meant it as a polite remark: “……”
But the words were already out; she couldn’t take them back. She said, “Next time you come on a business trip. Let me know in advance, and I’ll treat you to a welcome dinner.”
“Then I won’t stand on ceremony.”
“Ms. Yin, there’s no need to be so formal.”
Yin Lingxi followed immediately with, “So we’re already close enough to be on inside terms?”
Gu Yanqiu froze. “……”
She lifted her eyes and quietly studied the woman sitting properly in front of her, who seemed a little different from usual.
After thinking for a moment, Gu Yanqiu took a middle path. “Maybe something in between; not quite insiders, not quite outsiders.”
Yin Lingxi laughed.
“You’re interesting.”
What Gu Yanqiu feared most was hearing someone say she was interesting. She raised a hand to touch her nose; the wedding ring on her ring finger was especially conspicuous.
Yin Lingxi: “……”
Her expression shifted for a second. “Not that kind of interesting.”
Gu Yanqiu said, “Hmm?”
Gu Yanqiu had only implied it and hadn’t said it outright, so Yin Lingxi couldn’t exactly grab hold of the topic and clear her own name. She opened the menu Gu Yanqiu had pushed over and casually ordered two dishes from the signature section; Gu Yanqiu added a couple more.
While they waited for the food, Yin Lingxi asked about her private life. “You and your wife get along very well, don’t you?”
Gu Yanqiu’s eyes curved. “Mm.”
Yin Lingxi said, “I can tell. The moment I mention her, you start smiling. The fourth time we ate together, when you answered her call, you were so distracted you were rushing to get home; the third time was even worse, you wouldn’t even eat properly.” This time…
Gu Yanqiu didn’t think there was anything remarkable about it herself, but hearing someone else talk about it made her ears heat up a little. “You flatter me.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about; it’s nice.” Yin Lingxi sighed.
Gu Yanqiu was just wondering why she was sighing, whether it was because she had thought of her own situation, when Yin Lingxi gave her the answer.
“Mutual affection…” Yin Lingxi seemed to silently savor those four words, then sighed again. “My father and mother had a business marriage based on interests. I knew from a very young age that the two of them didn’t love each other. My father had several mistresses outside and other children, while my mother stayed at home taking care of me and put all of her energy into me.”
Gu Yanqiu listened quietly without speaking.
“My mother was a very gentle person; educated, refined, a proper lady. From the time I can remember, I never saw her lose her temper, and she never spoke harshly to me. It was as if she never cared about anything. No matter how flirtatious or absurd my father was, no matter how far he went outside, she was always the dignified and self-possessed Mrs. Yin. Sometimes she would sit quietly in a daze, looking out the window, or as if she were looking somewhere else; her eyes were often wet.”
Yin Lingxi gave a self-mocking laugh. “Back then I thought it was because of my father. I even tried to persuade her. I told her someone like him wasn’t worth it, and suggested that if worst came to worst, she should divorce him; I’d take her surname, and from then on I’d have nothing to do with the Yin family. My mother would just look at me and smile, brushing my hair and hugging me without saying anything. I went to my father and confronted him; I argued with him in a huge fight. He just laughed coldly and told me to ask my mother. So I went to ask her again, and she still wouldn’t say. She kept saying nothing was wrong. If I pressed too hard, she’d start crying. After that, I didn’t dare ask anymore.
“I secretly investigated. I waited until she wasn’t home and rummaged through her room.” Yin Lingxi glanced at Gu Yanqiu at this point and said, “Guess what I found?”
“Photos?” Gu Yanqiu frowned slightly, then immediately reacted; Mr. Liu had said Yin Lingxi didn’t know what Shen Huaiyu looked like.
Yin Lingxi said, “No, I didn’t find anything.”
That answer was a little unexpected. “Maybe she hid it too deeply?”
Yin Lingxi shook her head. “No, there wasn’t even a trace. I only found out later that she had destroyed everything connected to your mother; aside from herself, there was nothing left related to her.”
“Go on.”
Unable to find any clues at home, Yin Lingxi tried probing her maternal grandparents, her mother’s parents. Since they only had one daughter, they doted on Yin Lingxi very much and indulged her in everything; but whenever she brought up this issue, both old people would clamp their mouths shut and say not a word. They even told her not to mention it in front of her mother. By then Yin Lingxi was already over ten; she could tell from fragments and hints that it must have been a painful affair that had hurt many people.
Maybe time really was the best medicine. Some wounds were deep, but they would eventually heal. Her mother became lost in thought less and less often. In her spare time, she practiced calligraphy and read books, showing Yin Lingxi a positive and optimistic side.
Yin Lingxi went to university, then studied abroad, returned home, and started working; in the blink of an eye, ten years had passed. Her mother’s temples had turned gray, and she had taken up the Buddhist beads she had long since put aside. The whole person had become untethered and clear, as transparent as a pool of water.
If not for that unexpected car accident taking her life…
Gu Yanqiu handed over a tissue.
Yin Lingxi pressed lightly at the corner of her damp eye and slowly let out a breath. “Sorry.”
Gu Yanqiu looked at her deeply and said, “I understand.”
Yin Lingxi smiled then, tears glinting in the corners of her eyes.
“Life and death are fated; you can’t force them.” She comforted herself as she said it, and also offered the same comfort to Gu Yanqiu.
“Mm.” Gu Yanqiu answered very softly.
“Fortunately, she didn’t suffer too much,” Yin Lingxi said, skipping over the fact that it had been a chain collision; her mother had been in a small car, trapped in the middle, and died on the spot. “I handled my mother’s funeral affairs myself. After the burial, I often sat quietly in her room, and by chance I found a safe that had been in the corner the whole time. The style was very old, a relic from years ago, but there was almost no dust on it. I thought that was strange, so I tried the combination. It didn’t take much time to figure out; it was a number she often wrote. When I was little and feeling playful, if she took me out shopping and we passed a lottery stall or sports lottery outlet, I’d pester her to buy a ticket for fun. The numbers she picked every time were those.”
Gu Yanqiu’s heart stirred slightly; she looked at her.
Yin Lingxi looked back at her and reported a string of numbers.
Gu Yanqiu sighed. “Yes, that’s my mother’s birthday.”
Yin Lingxi said, “In her safe, I found a diary…”
Knock, knock, knock—
The sound at the door cut off their conversation. Yin Lingxi said, “Come in.”
A server came in carrying the dishes.
Lin Yuewei stretched her neck to look inside, but could only see half of Gu Yanqiu’s face in profile; her expression was impossible to read. She was outside, scratching at her heart and lungs, while Gu Yanqiu remained completely unaware.
After the server set the dishes down and left, only that half-profile remained shut behind the door.
The front-desk server kept looking up from time to time, terrified, sneaking a glance at the customer who had just bitten through her cup. At this rate, the cup in her hand might not survive either.
Biting through a cup was a small matter; hurting someone was serious. Fortunately, this customer had excellent luck; the rim had been shattered into a jagged mess, but her lips were completely fine.
Lin Yuewei figured that since the food had arrived, they definitely wouldn’t be reading the diary right then. So she pulled out her phone, lowered her head, typed, and sent it over.
Gu Yanqiu’s phone was on the table; the screen lit up.
Yin Lingxi noticed it even faster than Gu Yanqiu did, a trace of amusement flashing in her eyes. “Someone’s looking for you.”
Gu Yanqiu roughly guessed who had sent the message. She unhurriedly picked up a chopstickful of food, ate it, and only then slowly opened her phone.
Yin Lingxi looked at her with the kind of expression that said, I’ll just stand here and watch you suffer, smiling but not smiling.
[Two Trees: sob sob sob]
The muscles at the corner of Gu Yanqiu’s mouth twitched. She held back a smile and replied: [Be good]
[Two Trees: Not being good, sob sob sob, rolling around]
To get Gu Yanqiu’s attention, Lin Yuewei was already beyond caring about her image. She was willing to go all out.
Yin Lingxi curved her lips. “If you want to laugh, just laugh. No need to worry about me getting force-fed dog food.”
Gu Yanqiu held her phone and stood up. “I’m going to the restroom.”
Yin Lingxi saw through everything. “Go ahead.”
After Gu Yanqiu went out and closed the door, she gave Lin Yuewei a look in the private booth, then headed toward the restroom. Lin Yuewei waited until her figure disappeared before elegantly rising and making her way to the restroom as well.
The moment Lin Yuewei pinned Gu Yanqiu into the stall, she lost all elegance. Like a big dog, she sniffed around Gu Yanqiu’s neck, and Gu Yanqiu couldn’t help laughing. She lowered her voice and asked, “Did you smell anything?”
Yin Lingxi hadn’t stepped on the hem of her skirt today, nor had she twisted her ankle on uneven pavement; naturally, she hadn’t left any perfume smell on Gu Yanqiu.
Lin Yuewei suddenly remembered something. She took Gu Yanqiu’s hand and sniffed it deeply. After a moment, she said, “I smelled it!”
Gu Yanqiu flicked her on the forehead. “Stop talking nonsense.”
“I’m not talking nonsense. I saw it; you and she went in hand in hand.”
“When did we hold hands?” Gu Yanqiu looked as if she’d forgotten.
“I saw it.”
Gu Yanqiu racked her brains, calling up the image in her memory, and confirmed it must have been the segment Lin Yuewei was talking about. Helplessly, she said, “That was just your angle. Neither she nor I like physical contact; how could we have held hands on purpose? I don’t even hold hands with Cheng Guiyuan.”
“How do you know she doesn’t like physical contact? She’s fallen into your arms twice already.”
“Once. Wasn’t the first time because she accidentally stepped on the hem of my skirt?”
“Why are you defending her?”
“I’m not defending her.” The words “You’re being unreasonable” were just about to spill out.
Sensing the expression on her face, Lin Yuewei stopped her jealousy exactly at that point and changed the subject, saying faintly, “Do you know I just bit through a cup?”
Gu Yanqiu didn’t react at first. “Huh?”
Lin Yuewei vividly described what had just happened, especially the crisp crack. “It was the first time I realized what biting glass feels like. Warm. Hot.”
Gu Yanqiu was frightened half to death by the way she described it; her soul nearly flew out. She didn’t have the leisure to care about Yin Lingxi or perfume anymore. She lifted Lin Yuewei’s chin and said, “Open your mouth.”
Lin Yuewei refused, her expression stubborn as she pouted, “No.”
Gu Yanqiu leaned in and kissed her. Her tongue brushed over her teeth and between them, then she let go in satisfaction. “No blood.”
Lin Yuewei was embarrassed and annoyed, or rather, she pretended to be embarrassed and annoyed as she swatted her shoulder. “You’re annoying.”
Gu Yanqiu laughed and said, “You’re adorable.”
Lin Yuewei: “……”
The air went still for three seconds.
Gu Yanqiu covered her face with one hand. “My mistake.”
“Your hand. Take it down.”
Gu Yanqiu looked at her through her fingers and slowly lowered her hand.
The squeezing sensation on her cheek made her draw in a breath; Lin Yuewei pinched the soft flesh of her face. “Are you going to talk nonsense again next time?”
Gu Yanqiu shook her head frantically. “I won’t, I won’t.”
Lin Yuewei let go, then kissed the reddened spot on her cheek.
After a while of intimate whispering and brushing against each other, Gu Yanqiu’s fingers lightly stroked behind Lin Yuewei’s ear. Her face buried itself in the crook of Lin Yuewei’s shoulder as she breathed in her scent and said softly, “I’m heading back.”
Lin Yuewei said, “Go on; go see your Ms. Yin.”
“Hiss—”
This time Lin Yuewei got pinched too. Gu Yanqiu looked at her sternly. “No more nonsense.”
Lin Yuewei put on a wronged face and blinked at her pitifully.
“……” Gu Yanqiu took the initiative to lean her face closer. “Pinch me back.”
Lin Yuewei’s expression turned ferocious in an instant. She raised both hands, thumbs and forefingers ready. Gu Yanqiu closed her eyes.
The little claws landed on her face; it didn’t hurt, only stroked her gently twice.
Warm lips touched her own.
“Go on.” This time it was a very gentle line.
Gu Yanqiu felt a little dazed as she went to open the restroom stall door.
“If I smell someone else’s perfume on you again, just you wait.”
Gu Yanqiu immediately came fully awake. Lin Yuewei was still the Lin Yuewei she knew.
She had delayed quite a while coming out. After Gu Yanqiu returned to the room, she pulled out a chair but didn’t sit down right away; first she said, “Sorry to keep you waiting.”
Yin Lingxi glanced up at her, her tone slow. “It’s fine.”
Gu Yanqiu had the distinct feeling that she had been seen through.
She tidied up the lipstick mark Lin Yuewei had left and straightened her wrinkled clothes in front of the mirror. If there were still signs, then it meant Yin Lingxi had already suspected something. Most likely, she had noticed Lin Yuewei’s look the moment she came in, and then there was Gu Yanqiu’s own mistaken reply: “Weren’t you here all along?”
If someone like that were an enemy, Gu Yanqiu felt she would probably lose a lot of brain cells.
Fortunately, she wasn’t.
Yin Lingxi didn’t expose her. She adjusted the pace of her eating, and the two of them put down their chopsticks at the same time before moving to the sofa in the private room.
Yin Lingxi took the old diary out of her shoulder bag, removing a protective sleeve layer by layer. She took a deep breath before carefully handing it to Gu Yanqiu. “Everything’s here.”
Her helpless life was all here too.
The diary cover showed a blue sea, with a pair of seagulls flying over the surface. After so many years, it had long since faded, carrying a kind of ashen, worn-out air.
Gu Yanqiu paused for several seconds before turning to the first page.
198X year, X month, X day
I’m in Xiao Yu’s hometown now, Yangqing Village. She insisted on bringing me here. Since this is such a memorable occasion, I decided to use a new diary to record it. (Actually, it’s because staying here is really boring. If Xiao Yu ever sees these words, please remember that boring doesn’t include you, haha.)
The customs here are simple and honest, completely different from where I come from. You can go into the water to catch fish, or pick vegetables from the garden. I followed along today, and it was pretty interesting. The villagers are just a little too enthusiastic; when they spot me from far away, they call out “university student,” and I get embarrassed and hide behind Xiao Yu. Xiao Yu is bad too; whenever people call me that, she never explains for me, and just laughs. But as soon as I see her laugh, I don’t care what they call me.
I’m afraid she’ll get impulsive and tell her parents about our real relationship. There have been many times when she looked at me without any restraint, and I worried her mother would grow suspicious. I hope she can rein herself in, at least until we graduate and have stable jobs, before talking about this.
After reading one page, Gu Yanqiu realized this was actually something she knew: that when Shen Huaiyu was in university, she had once brought back a university student classmate and said they were good friends. Hearing it from others and seeing the diary written by Yin Lingxi’s mother were two completely different experiences.
Yin Lingxi’s handwriting was very good; each stroke was crisp and elegant, with a style reminiscent of Liú script.
Gu Yanqiu continued reading.
198X year, X month, X day
This trip to Yangqing Village ended smoothly. Thankfully, Xiao Yu didn’t expose our relationship. On the way back she seemed a little unhappy. I asked why, and she said she had tested her parents’ attitude; the results were very disappointing. Hearing that, I was terrified. She actually dared to test them at a time like this; wasn’t she afraid they’d question her? I think this matter has to be handled slowly; it can’t be rushed.
We had booked two sleeper tickets. That night, both of us slept in the lower berth, squeezed under the same blanket. She held my hand and said she would definitely make her parents accept me, and asked me to believe her. I said: I believe you.
She kept repeating those words. When I looked up, she was already asleep; she had been talking in her sleep.
Such a silly girl.
198X year, X month, X day
She didn’t go home during winter break. I asked her several times before I found out she had already come clean to her parents the last time she went back.
I knew she couldn’t keep it in. With her strong personality, she wouldn’t even bother to hide it.
Should I go back and tell my parents too?
I’m afraid they won’t be able to take the shock, and I’m not really brave enough myself. I’ll tell them after graduation.
I can do it.
……
198X year, X month, X day
We graduated!
University is over. The other students were hugging each other and crying over the separation; I cried along with them, but I wasn’t sad at all inside. I’m about to run toward a brand-new future, together with my Xiao Yu.
We’ve preliminarily decided to go to Yaning. We’ve already found jobs; it’s a big city with great development potential, far from home, where no one knows us. We can live our own little life in peace.
198X year, X month, X day
The second day after graduation.
There’s nothing worth recording today.
I overslept this morning, mm.
Hahaha.
198X year, X month, X day
Should I confess to my parents?
I asked Xiao Yu. She had already confessed; it was a disaster. She was basically cut off from her family. No matter how many times she called home, they never answered. She advised me not to do it. I know she’s thinking of me, but I always feel like I’m letting her down.
She looked into my eyes and said: Just be with me.
I struggled with it for a long time, but in the end I decided to put this matter aside for now. We had just started working and still couldn’t really take responsibility for each other’s future. If only I were as rich as Dad. I need to work hard and make money! Make money! Make money!
198X year, X month, X day
The happier life is, the easier it is to develop a sense of uncertainty.
Xiao Yu is much better than me in this regard. She’s always full of hope for our future.
Over the past two years, the sentence I’ve said most often is: You have to stay with me forever, keep me company until I’m eighty, healthy, safe, and smooth-sailing; you can’t leave me.
I can’t imagine life without her, not even for a minute or a second.
I’m afraid she’ll get sick. A little cold and I’m panicking like the sky is falling. I’m terrified she won’t be able to accompany me into old age. Even imagining it makes my heart ache. I’m crying again as I write this; no wonder Xiao Yu says I’m becoming more and more of a crybaby.
I want to stay with Shen Huaiyu forever, until eighty, healthy, safe, and smooth-sailing; we can’t be separated.
Lord, did you hear me?
This is my only wish.
……
198X year, X month, X day
Something happened at home.
When Gu Yanqiu saw this, her heart jumped up sharply with it. She hurried to the next page.
The pages that followed were all very short.
198X year, X month, X day
I don’t want to get married.
198X year, X month, X day
I won’t marry.
198X year, X month, X day
Never!
The final “no” almost tore through the paper.
Yin Lingxi glanced sideways at the diary. She knew this diary’s contents by heart, so she interjected at the right moment to explain, “Back then, my maternal grandparents’ company ran into some problems and couldn’t keep things turning over. The company went bankrupt, and my grandfather might have had to go to jail too…”
“So they used your mother as the price?” Gu Yanqiu’s eyes narrowed.
“More or less.” Yin Lingxi sighed. “Each side got what it needed.” She added, “My grandfather’s health had been poor for a while then. If he really did go in, things would probably have been very bad.”
Gu Yanqiu’s brow lifted slightly; she said nothing.
198X year, X month, X day
I kept asking for leave and going home. The company leadership tactfully suggested I resign, so I quit.
Xiao Yu learned from me that my parents planned to marry me into the Yin family. Her face went very white, and she didn’t say a word. Watching her, I felt terribly uneasy.
What do you really think? She asked me a long time later. She has always respected my opinion.
What do I really think? Of course I want to be with her; I don’t want to marry someone else. But for some reason, I can’t say it out loud. My parents raised me and brought me up all these years; now that the family is in trouble, am I supposed to run away alone? I don’t want Dad to go to jail. What if something really happens to him? I can’t bear that kind of “what if.”
I came out to them the last time I went home. I didn’t expect it to be at a time like this. There was no beating or scolding, contrary to what I expected. Maybe the family troubles had already crushed my father’s back. He just sat there smoking. He doesn’t even smoke, yet he let the smoke choke down his throat. Mom just cried.
I knelt in the living room all night. In the morning, Dad came out of his room looking exhausted and only said one sentence to me: Girl, go. Go far away and never come back.
I understood what he meant.
At that moment, I decided to give myself up for this family.
I’ve believed in Buddha for so many years; why won’t the Buddha protect me?
198X year, X month, X day
We broke up.
All five characters were blurred heavily by water stains.
198X year, X month, X day
A week before the wedding date, I had nightmares every night, dreaming that Shen Huaiyu was crying in front of me. I couldn’t help it; I bought a train ticket and returned to Yaning. I had to see her once. But the moment I really saw her, I was no longer myself. I begged her like mad to take me away.
“I’m getting married,” Shen Huaiyu said, then showed me the engagement ring on her ring finger.
Tears poured down my face.
Stop wavering; go live your own life. I’m fine; don’t worry about me. She showed me a photo of her fiancé; he was very tall and very handsome.
She was always braver than me.
In the past, and still now.
Author’s note: At last, a large part of the older generation’s story has been explained ﹁_﹁
Friend Four: Does no one notice that my ex has no name just like me?!