Restraint

Li Lan spoke with absolute certainty, as if she were stating her own name.

I am Li Lan. I never hid anything from Zhu Qing.

Zhu Qing could see the seriousness in Li Lan’s eyes. After a long pause, she looked away and fell silent.

“I’m willing to tell you everything about myself,” Li Lan said, visibly relieved. “I’m really glad you’re being honest with me too.”

Zhu Qing said nothing. It took her quite a while before she finally gave a soft “Mm.”

Li Lan felt warm inside. Lowering her voice, she said, “Recently, I’ve noticed Xiao Bao has grown a little. Her face has filled out, and she’s looking more and more like Yan Jin.”

“Like Yan Jin?” Zhu Qing followed along, but her mind had already drifted elsewhere.

When Yan Jin came up, Li Lan’s tone shifted noticeably, becoming livelier, more animated, more expressive.

“She was an orphan like me, but she was timid from a young age and would get red-eyed at the slightest thing. But if you really pushed her, she wouldn’t cry at all,” Li Lan said, clearly enjoying herself as she opened up. “Xiao Bao is very much like her. Same temperament, same looks; she’s practically Yan Jin’s little copy. No wonder Yang Huayi likes Xiao Bao.”

Zhu Qing said nothing.

Li Lan changed the subject. “Oh, right. Yang Huayi came to me today for something else too.”

Zhu Qing asked, “What was it?”

Li Lan said, “She wants me to act in a Republican-era film, Unknown to Others, also called Loyal Heart and Courage. I agreed.”

Li Lan had mentioned this film to Zhu Qing before. It was the story of two women navigating a chaotic era and sacrificing themselves for their country. Unlike the tearjerkers that most patriotic films leaned on, this one had a narrow point of entry; that was true not only of the protagonists’ ordinary status, but also of the script itself, which was witty and humorous, using the life of a small figure to reveal the historical backdrop of the time and show the Chinese people’s unyielding spirit and their courage to give their lives in service of the nation.

It was a good script, and Zhu Qing naturally supported Li Lan.

“Only...” Li Lan looked a little embarrassed. “I may have to join the crew for filming. This will be my first time as a female lead, and it might take anywhere from three months to half a year.”

Zhu Qing nodded, feeling that was probably about right. “Good films need polishing. Good things are worth taking time over.”

“What I mean is, I just said I’d spend more time with you two, and now I’m going to be away again soon,” Li Lan’s voice grew smaller with every word. “I’m sorry.”

Zhu Qing was a little distracted; only now did it hit her that once Li Lan joined the crew, she probably wouldn’t get much leave anymore, let alone time to come home.

They had just made up, and it had only been a few days since the two of them had finally been “honest with each other.” This sudden separation left Zhu Qing feeling vaguely unhappy.

“Is Yang Huayi valuing you, or valuing Yan Jin?” Zhu Qing said petulantly.

Li Lan laughed. “She values money. As for Yan Jin, that’s truly a great pity.”

A pity? Zhu Qing pressed her lips together. “Do you regret it?”

Li Lan sighed. “I do. If I’d known Yan Jin would die, I’d rather have beaten her to death myself than let her give up her career.”

Zhu Qing froze for several seconds. “...Mm.”

“If you don’t want me to go,” Li Lan said, remembering something more important, “I can apply to come back one day a week to spend time with you two.”

Zhu Qing’s brows drew together little by little.

One day a week.

One day?

Only slave drivers force people to work six days and rest one.

Did someone who only got one day off deserve to have a perfect wife and a cute daughter?

Zhu Qing enunciated clearly, “Don’t even think about it.”

Li Lan’s eyes curved with grievance.

“Setting Xiao Bao aside for now, since she doesn’t cling to you anyway,” Zhu Qing said, pointing at herself; she felt exactly like one of those trending internet reaction stickers. “You’re going to ditch me? Me?”

Li Lan answered quickly, “I was wrong.”

“A career drive is a good thing,” Zhu Qing said as she clapped and stood up. “Then I’ll go join rural education too and throw myself into the great charitable cause.”

Li Lan grabbed her clothes. “What rural education project? Where are you going?”

“Doesn’t matter what project it is. Probably exile to some remote place to teach for three or five or seven or eight years.”

Li Lan: ...

“Zhu Qing, you don’t have a teaching certificate,” Li Lan said sharply. “You’ll ruin the students.”

“If I want one, I can get one right away,” Zhu Qing said with a shrug. “Let’s see who stays away from home more.”

Li Lan understood. No matter how she said it, she was the one at fault.

“So tell me,” Li Lan said, “what do you want to do?”

Zhu Qing looked at her several times, feeling irritated and stifled. “What do you mean, what do I want to do?”

Li Lan realized only belatedly and said with regret, “I said that wrong. I should be thinking of a more suitable solution... but Xiaoqing, I can’t think of one for the moment. Give me a little time.”

Li Lan gave a wry smile. “Let me think of a way.”

At that moment, a call came through from Qian Chu.

“Manager Lan, your personal assistant’s had something come up at home; she suddenly quit.”

Li Lan frowned. “We start filming next week, and she’s only saying now that she’s resigning? Didn’t you ask what happened?”

She was used to this assistant; if a new person came in without understanding Li Lan’s habits, they’d have to go through the whole process of getting used to each other again.

Li Lan said, “Give her a raise. Double it if you have to. Tell her if she stays with me through this shoot, I’ll give her a big red packet.”

Qian Chu said, “Then I’ll go ask.”

“Mm.”

Qian Chu thought about it and felt it was a good solution, so she said, “It sounds like she’s getting married. If we raise her salary, she can delay the wedding a little and still save some money before marriage. She probably won’t refuse.”

“Wait,” Li Lan’s voice cooled. “You said she’s getting married, so she quit.”

Qian Chu said yes.

Li Lan said in a low voice, “No need to try to persuade her back. And if she ever wants to come back later, don’t let her.”

“What do you mean?” Qian Chu still didn’t understand; she didn’t know why Li Lan had changed her mind the moment she heard the assistant was getting married.

Li Lan gave a cold laugh. “If I remember correctly, she’s from the mountains. All year long, she must have been hoping some college student on rural education duty would come teach them how the exams work out in the outside world. Through the right timing, place, and people, she finally became the one college student who made it out, and now that she’s finally out, she wants to go back and get married?”

Qian Chu’s own background was similar to the assistant’s, so she could roughly understand what the assistant was thinking. Nothing more than wanting stability and a peaceful life.

“She’s not going back to the mountains; she’s going to the city,” Qian Chu said softly. “The guy’s a small-business owner.”

“I don’t care whether she’s marrying a high-ranking official or a rich businessman,” Li Lan said, her expression cold. “She chose to give up her career and resign on her own. Then there’s no need to keep this position for her anymore.”

Children who came out of the mountains were different too.

People like Qian Chu, who had fought their way into a 985 university, achieved financial freedom, and become little rich ladies, were the minority. Most ended up ordinary among countless other graduates.

This assistant job was actually a very good choice for her; now she was going to give up the career she’d built here, the connections and resources she’d accumulated, and start over from nothing. Or rather, maybe from now on she’d put down the tools and make soup at home, maybe even have a nanny in the house, living the life of a wife with no need for a career at all.

Seeing Li Lan grow more and more extreme, Zhu Qing’s heart turned cold.

Qian Chu didn’t understand why Li Lan’s emotions had suddenly shifted, but Zhu Qing understood perfectly.

Li Lan had thought of Yan Jin.

Because Li Lan cared about Yan Jin, she had also come to despise anyone who made the same choice as Yan Jin.

The deeper the hatred, the deeper the attachment.

Qian Chu let out an “Ah” and sighed. “All right, then I’ll do my best to find another assistant.”

Hiring an assistant for a celebrity wasn’t simple. Because of privacy concerns, they couldn’t openly recruit from the general public, and if they relied on private circles to hire someone, it was hard to thoroughly evaluate that person’s character, quality, and ability.

This was a real headache for Qian Chu.

Zhu Qing suddenly said, “I’ll go to the set with you and be your personal assistant.”

“Stop joking,” Li Lan replied with a smile. Then, to Qian Chu, she said, “Find someone as soon as possible.”

Zhu Qing reached over, took the phone, and said, “No need to find anyone. I’ll pack up and go to the crew with you.”

Before Qian Chu could say anything, Zhu Qing hung up and handed the phone back to Li Lan. “That’s settled.”

Li Lan blinked. “Don’t you have to go to work?”

“My teaching assistant job was just a front anyway, and kindergarten is about to start summer break. It’s perfect; I can go keep you company.”

Li Lan’s brows furrowed. “But filming is exhausting, and there’s nothing fun at the studio base. It’s especially dull.”

“I’m not going there to have fun,” Zhu Qing said coolly. “From now on, I’ll be your personal assistant; one who won’t get married, won’t be kept by anyone, and won’t give you a reason to be angry.”

Li Lan didn’t catch the other meaning in Zhu Qing’s words and still objected, “How can you be my assistant? Do you even know what an assistant has to do?”

Zhu Qing was getting a little impatient. “Carry your bag, hold your umbrella, block the fans for you, wake you up... isn’t that basically it?”

Li Lan slowly shook her head. “A personal assistant is basically a close-in assistant. They have to stay with me day and night. They follow me onto set when I’m working, and when I’m done, they still can’t leave. You haven’t suffered much. I won’t let you do that...”

“Then I’ll be your other kind of assistant,” Zhu Qing cut in. “The one who warms your bed at night. Surely no one is more suitable than me, right?”

Li Lan blinked, her gaze turning a little subtle.

If that was the reason, then Zhu Qing coming along would be better than anything.

But... Li Lan still felt Zhu Qing’s attitude was a little strange. She didn’t think too much about it, though; it was probably just because Zhu Qing disliked how busy she always was with work.

“Then you can’t be my assistant,” Li Lan cleared her throat and said solemnly. “Out in public, we’re partners, each other’s lovers; we can just walk hand in hand.”

“Out in public?” Zhu Qing caught on to the wording.

Li Lan nodded.

Zhu Qing said, “And in private?”

Li Lan leaned forward; the smooth robe at her waist opened into a deep V-shaped line, though nothing was actually exposed. She lifted a hand to hook Zhu Qing’s chin and looked at her with a kind of picky fondness. “Whatever you want. You can even call me mommy; ‘sister’ works too.”

Zhu Qing cut off the spell and turned away. “I’m going to make Xiao Bao dinner.”

Li Lan followed after her with a faint smile, leisurely asking, “Can I eat adult food?”

Zhu Qing shoved a potato into Li Lan’s hand. “Peel it.”

Li Lan took the peeler, looked around, found the trash bin in the corner, bent her long legs, and crouched there peeling the potatoes.

Out of the corner of her eye, Zhu Qing watched Li Lan’s movements. With those long legs and that slim frame crouched there, even the most unremarkable corner of the kitchen seemed to glow; she looked like the backdrop of a magazine cover.

Watching her, Zhu Qing found herself unconsciously smiling.

This person was just too beautiful. Even after an argument, staring at that face could make one’s anger vanish.

Zhu Qing thought that maybe being muddle-headed wasn’t such a bad thing; after all, having this person by her side was better than anything.

But another, more hidden and subtler urge kept reminding her again and again: what you want is love at one hundred percent.

You want it pure; you want it burning hot; you want your hearts to meet; you want it without reservation.

Li Lan finished peeling three potatoes and lined them up naked and gleaming by the edge of the table, then turned to show Zhu Qing. “Look; they’re in time-out.”

A trace of warmth colored Zhu Qing’s features.

The unpleasant feelings in her heart were temporarily pressed down. Zhu Qing turned around and, for the moment, acted as though nothing had happened.

————————!!————————

Zhu Qing: What’s there to argue about now? I’m saving up for a big one.

Li Lan: (trembling with fear)

TL Note:

“周扒皮” (“Zhou the skin-peeler”) is a stock Chinese miser/villain, so I translated the joke as “slave drivers” in the context of the sentece.

“985” is shorthand for China’s top-tier universities from the 985 Project (similar to T20s in US)