Are You Still Angry, Baby?

The bedroom was still dim.

The building stood far from the street, so even the sound of cars was faint and hazy. All that could be heard was the slow easing of their breathing.

After a quiet moment, Xu Zhitong touched Lin Yang’s cheek.

It was hard to tell whether the dampness there was tears or sweat. Her face was slick with moisture, and a few strands of hair had stuck to her cheeks. Xu Zhitong traced them with her fingers and brushed them aside.

Embarrassed, Lin Yang thought her makeup must have mostly melted off. “I sweated a lot. I’m a little wet.”

Xu Zhitong rolled over, reached behind Lin Yang, and touched the bedsheet, then the pillow that had been dragged over halfway through the night to support Lin Yang’s waist.

Soaked through.

“Isn’t there something even wetter?”

“……”

Lin Yang’s eyes widened in mortification.

Before she could say anything, Xu Zhitong turned back and pulled her into her arms.

She held her and shifted her onto herself, away from that damp patch.

Lin Yang paused.

Her hand rested awkwardly on Xu Zhitong’s arm. She tilted her head and leaned against her shoulder.

Xu Zhitong said nothing.

She wrapped an arm around Lin Yang’s back and soothed her with slow, even strokes, like calming a cat with sleek, precious fur.

Their chests pressed together; their heartbeats echoed one another.

And yet it still didn’t feel close enough.

Xu Zhitong felt a pang of pain.

If Lin Yang really were just a cat she’d raised, that would be perfect.

She’d let the whole world know Lin Yang was her cat.

But Lin Yang wasn’t her cat.

Xu Zhitong still couldn’t understand Lin Yang’s rejection of her.

After intimacy, though, that incomprehension had only turned into helplessness.

She had no other choice now.

Lin Yang didn’t want a beautiful diamond ring. She didn’t believe in promises about the future. She didn’t want to step into marriage with her.

Lin Yang was intimate with her without reserve, but she was unwilling to walk with her into a shared, everlasting promise of intimacy.

The problem was with her.

A bizarre thought flashed through her head: stop entangling yourselves. Stop here; even if you step back a little, you can last forever that way.

What kind of twisted logic was that? It had to be something she’d learned as an adult.

If this had happened before, Xu Zhitong would have sneered at it.

After all, she had always taken it for granted that she was the most special person in Lin Yang’s heart.

She had always held onto that pride, that smug certainty.

Now, the Xu Zhitong who had once thought herself invincible and then been rejected suddenly realized that behind all that smugness was her own ugly self.

She knew too well Lin Yang’s unhappiness in other kinship and emotional relationships, so she had shamefully—Xu Zhitong finally admitted it to herself—she had shamefully and naturally assumed that if she held out an invitation to “happiness,” Lin Yang would gladly accept it.

She had never expected Lin Yang not to want it.

No wonder she didn’t want it. Xu Zhitong didn’t blame her.

Everything in her relationship with Lin Yang had been supported by what Lin Yang had given her.

So it was only natural that Lin Yang wouldn’t want this exposed, greedy, ugly, childish version of her.

Thinking that, Xu Zhitong swallowed, as if she were trying to ease the suffocating ache in her chest.

She didn’t even dare cry anymore.

Crying no longer worked on Lin Yang.

What, then, was she still good for to Lin Yang?

Because she was thinking, the pressure of Lin Yang’s hand on her back grew a little heavier.

Her fingers pressed at her waist, soothing the soreness there.

And yet Lin Yang was still a little moved.

She drew her legs together and lifted her head, looking at Xu Zhitong in the dark.

She could make out Xu Zhitong’s somewhat wild brows and eyes, the blankness in her gaze as if she were staring at the ceiling.

Her gaze slid downward; her neck was smooth, and the soft cartilage of her throat rose and fell faintly.

She really wanted to bite it.

Lin Yang gripped Xu Zhitong’s shoulder and sat up a little straighter.

Then, tentatively, she kissed Xu Zhitong’s chin.

Xu Zhitong’s breathing caught.

She lowered her head as well and met Lin Yang’s eyes.

It wasn’t hard to read. The Lin Yang in her arms was looking straight at her, her eyes carrying a hint of something hidden—or maybe not that hidden at all.

Xu Zhitong stared for a moment, and the question she’d been turning over in her mind suddenly had an answer.

Lin Yang only wanted to keep their relationship at the level of dating—no marriage, no future. She was sad, maybe because...

Because dating and being intimate with her felt good?

Xu Zhitong hesitated and bit her lip.

But after what had happened tonight, she had lost the confidence to go looking for any other use for herself.

She leaned in, feathering kisses over Lin Yang’s delicate brows, then her nose.

The kisses gradually moved lower and lower.

She briefly pulled back, then remembered to take a finger cot from the nightstand.

Lin Yang, who had been shifting toward a drier patch, froze and stared in shock. “When did you put that there?”

“Several days ago,” Xu Zhitong said.

Lin Yang thought to herself that this had obviously been planned long ago.

Curious, she watched Xu Zhitong fumble with putting it on.

Being watched like that made Xu Zhitong a little embarrassed.

After she got it on, she awkwardly spread her hand and showed it to Lin Yang.

“...I should’ve worn it for the one just now,” Xu Zhitong said softly.

At first, Lin Yang had been very dry. And Xu Zhitong had been in a stubborn, angry mood, refusing to listen to anything.

Now that she’d calmed down, she felt that when Lin Yang had been pulling her along so hard, it must have hurt inside.

Putting it on now was a little like locking the stable door after the horse had bolted...

But it should make Lin Yang more comfortable.

That was her purpose now; she had to do it well. Xu Zhitong made up her mind.

She moved closer to Lin Yang, kissed her earnestly for a while first, then lowered her head, and only then did the finger cot come into use.

...

The last few times were completely satisfying.

No one knew where Xu Zhitong had learned such natural talent.

By the end, the bed was impossible to sleep in. The last thing Lin Yang thought before exhaustion dragged her into sleep was to kick Xu Zhitong’s wet face away.

In truth, she didn’t have the strength to do anything except go limp.

Later, when she woke once while being carried into the bathroom and washed, Lin Yang vaguely realized she was soaking in warm water. It was the bathtub in the master bedroom; it wasn’t very large, and the two of them had to sit while holding each other, their legs crossed.

Still sleepy, Lin Yang mumbled in protest when Xu Zhitong lifted her hand and applied body wash. “It itches...”

“Okay, then I won’t wash there,” Xu Zhitong said obediently, kissing her cheek through the steam. “Sleep, Yangbao. I’ll carry you back to bed later.”

That bed would probably need fresh sheets several times.

Lin Yang was truly exhausted. Leaning against Xu Zhitong’s shoulder, she dozed a little longer. With her eyes closed, she felt herself being carried out and dried off; Xu Zhitong was even rubbing lotion onto her.

Faint touches brushed over her limbs. Lin Yang opened her eyes, frowned, and muttered, “Don’t... I’ll do it myself.”

Xu Zhitong blinked.

She didn’t act coy like she usually would. Instead, she obediently said okay, squeezed out toothpaste for Lin Yang, and set the nightdress beside her.

Too sleepy to think straight, Lin Yang forced herself to brush her teeth. After rinsing and coming out, she found that the master bed was already made up with fresh bedding.

Xu Zhitong had just brought in a glass of water from outside. “Warm.”

Like she was caring for a patient, she’d put a straw in the cup, fed Lin Yang a few sips, propped up a soft new pillow, and turned off the bedside lamp.

“I’m going to tidy up outside.”

“Mm...”

Just before consciousness slipped away into sleep, Lin Yang’s last thought was that she was acting like an emperor.

-

The emperor was served again the next morning when she woke.

Her nightdress had been pulled up to her waist and spread wide open. Under the soft bedding, the sensation was very obvious.

Just as gentle as last night.

Lin Yang leaned against the pillow and tilted her head back slightly, letting out a soft sound.

When her gaze landed on the unfamiliar master bedroom and the bright morning sunlight, she felt a little embarrassed again and lifted a hand to cover her lips, closing her eyes to enjoy it.

Soon, rain began to fall.

The person under the blanket still wasn’t coming out.

Lin Yang thought to herself: was she going to cook again?

First thing in the morning, broad daylight... making such a scene out of it...

She brought her legs together a little and reached out to lift the blanket.

The blanket fell over Xu Zhitong’s head.

The scene was familiar, though not quite the same.

Xu Zhitong, hidden under the blanket, licked the wet corner of her mouth; a glimmer flashed across the tip of her tongue.

Maybe because she’d been caught doing something bad, she didn’t say good morning like usual.

Instead, she seemed a little quiet.

Lin Yang: ?

...Could it be that after a whole night, she’d remembered again how she’d been coaxed after cooking last night, and now she was upset again?

Lin Yang raised a brow.

In her field of vision, Xu Zhitong’s face looked a little dark under the blanket’s shadow. Her brows and eyes were dimly lit, making her seem somewhat heavy.

She hadn’t trimmed her eyebrows in two weeks; stray hairs had grown thick at the tails, making her look even more untamed.

From this nearly level angle, her eyes were slightly lowered, her double eyelids prominent, and her dense lashes hiding most of her gaze.

Her mouth was set in a straight line.

Was she still angry?

She didn’t even look as bright-eyed as usual.

Lin Yang felt unhappy. Propping herself up on her elbow, she sat up a little.

She looked away and, using the same old trick, tried to make peace by gently lowering one strap of her nightdress.

“So early in the morning...” Lin Yang said softly. “Come here and eat.”

Even without looking, she could hear the person in front of her breathing unevenly.

After a moment, Xu Zhitong moved closer as told.

She knelt down in front of Lin Yang.

Lin Yang turned her head back and saw Xu Zhitong’s teeth again, biting lightly at the corner of her lip. There was a faint wound there.

Had she bitten it? It hadn’t been there before they slept last night.

Those teeth were really sharp.

Lin Yang still clearly remembered the force of those fangs.

She reached out and touched Xu Zhitong’s ear.

Her fingers brushed over the little traces of piercings along the cartilage, then kneaded the soft earlobe with its three holes.

Lin Yang said, “You’re not allowed to bite me with your teeth like you did last night.”

Xu Zhitong gave a low mm.

Her breathing was light, and she took her time, not greedy and ravenous the way she used to be, as if she wanted to swallow everything down and force out something that wasn’t there.

Though occasionally, she would still bump against it.

Lin Yang thought that maybe after “talking things through” a little last night, Xu Zhitong’s mindset had changed.

When she bumped the tip of it, Lin Yang drew in a sharp breath, and Xu Zhitong immediately lifted her eyes as if nervously checking on her.

She looked very careful and restrained.

Lin Yang, on the other hand, didn’t really like seeing that.

She pressed Xu Zhitong down and said, “It’s fine.”

Actually, besides the pain, there was also a little pleasure.

Lin Yang vaguely realized that she rather liked feeling a little pain during intimacy.

Before, sometimes when Xu Zhitong got too worked up, she would deliberately grind her teeth, wanting to make Lin Yang let out an embarrassing sound.

Lin Yang breathed softly, her thoughts sinking along with her sensations. There was no avoiding a little ache in her heart too.

Sometimes, making everything too clear and too plain was, for feelings, a kind of injury instead.

Xu Zhitong with her seventeen-year-old memories definitely wouldn’t understand that.

That was why she had to ask until she got to the bottom of everything, crying and insisting on an answer, wanting to see it through to the end.

Lin Yang didn’t want to hurt Xu Zhitong.

She lifted a hand and lightly pressed it over Xu Zhitong’s hand, the one resting against her ribs.

Xu Zhitong paused, then looked up at her from below.

Those were bright, upward-looking eyes.

Lin Yang was moved and guided her downward.

Already overflowing.

Xu Zhitong clearly hadn’t expected this. Her eyes widened slightly.

Thankfully, she was probably only awkward in her mind; once her hands were involved, she was still quick.

Eating while doing it at the same time.

Maybe she’d discovered that when another place was bitten and hurt, it would clamp down a little tighter, making more of it flow out.

This time, when her teeth accidentally bumped again and Lin Yang let out a breathy sound, Xu Zhitong no longer stopped so self-consciously.

They’d had a bit of meat first thing in the morning; the sheets would need changing again.

Lin Yang hugged the blanket and lay soft against the pillow, slowly catching her breath, her face hot.

They really needed to buy some waterproof pads...

From last night to today, they’d used three different finger cots.

It seemed the second one from last night had been more comfortable; the feeling really was different.

She’d ask Xu Zhitong what brand it was later and buy more.

Her thoughts were all over the place. Her gaze fell on Xu Zhitong beside her.

The aftercare of early morning was always very quiet. Xu Zhitong held her and, after wiping herself clean with wet wipes, sat alone on the other side of the bed, head lowered, wiping her hands.

She’d been wiping them for a long time and still hadn’t said anything.

Lin Yang leaned against the headboard and looked toward Xu Zhitong’s back.

She was definitely still angry.

For the Xu Zhitong with seventeen-year-old memories, having the object of her “honeymoon phase” refuse a proposal could really be a heavy blow.

Lin Yang considered how to coax her.

Then she sighed and asked helplessly, “Are you still angry, baby?”

...Baby.

Xu Zhitong’s hand, wiping between her fingers, stiffened for a moment and trembled.

With her back still turned to Lin Yang, Xu Zhitong silently took a deep breath.

After quite a while, she finally said in a normal tone, “...No.”