Obstinate Demands

Lin Yang’s breath caught, and her expression froze with it.

...She really had said it.

She couldn’t believe it.

Her lashes fluttered; as if trying to escape, she closed her eyes and opened them again.

Her fingers, resting against her collarbone, trembled. In the end, she clenched them into the lapel of her coat.

This had to be a dream.

Lin Yang almost wished it were.

Her lips parted. “...You’re joking, Xiaotong.”

She couldn’t even manage a smile to ease the moment.

The panic on her face only made Xu Zhitong feel worse.

Xu Zhitong thought: It’s over.

Lin Yang wasn’t going to agree.

But why? Weren’t they in love?

Xu Zhitong bit her lower lip, unwilling to give in, and said, “I’m not joking. The ring I ordered is really pretty.”

She pulled out her phone, opened the seller’s chat, and stubbornly scrolled for a long time before showing Lin Yang the order image.

“Look.”

Lin Yang glanced at it, her lashes trembling.

It really was beautiful.

A dreamlike translucent blue, set with a huge gemstone; even as a reference photo, it was easy to imagine how gorgeous it would be.

If they truly loved each other, then when she received this engagement ring, she would surely be overjoyed, tears in her eyes, saying yes.

But that only worked if they truly loved each other.

They didn’t.

Lin Yang closed her eyes, feeling only dizzy.

She took a deep breath and tried her best to sound gentle.

“Xiaotong, you still have amnesia. That doesn’t count right now...” Lin Yang paused, unable to lay bare the truth of the memory loss.

So she took the reason onto herself instead.

“And besides, I’ve never thought about marriage. We’re still young; it’s too early to talk about that.”

Liar.

Xu Zhitong felt bitter.

Her nose was starting to sting. She forced herself not to look weak.

With wide eyes, she stared hard at Lin Yang in the mirror and insisted, “But your friend Yan Ci isn’t older than you, and she already got married after a blind date. That’s not early, is it?”

Lin Yang avoided her gaze and said softly, “That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

Under the sleeve of her trench coat, Lin Yang’s fingers, which had not trembled for a while, started shaking again with that same nervous tic.

She pressed hard against her palm.

“It’s different, Xiaotong... I don’t really long for marriage.”

Lin Yang pressed her lips together and turned slightly, her shoulder resting against the mirror.

Her voice lowered as she gave in to Xu Zhitong.

Everything had been wrong from the very beginning.

From the moment she admitted she was dating Xu Zhitong, it had already been wrong.

But she couldn’t keep lying all the way to the end, until there was no way back.

Lin Yang lowered her eyes and said softly, “You know my mother’s marriage was a mess, so I’ve never thought about marriage.”

Looking down, she could see Xu Zhitong’s fingers clenched hard against the edge of her clothes.

She had still made Xu Zhitong sad.

Lin Yang felt a little upset. She raised the hand that wasn’t trembling and slowly took Xu Zhitong’s wrist.

Then she lifted her eyes and met Xu Zhitong’s.

Xu Zhitong’s eyes were red. She looked so pitiful.

Lin Yang’s chest tightened slightly. She gave Xu Zhitong’s wrist a small shake and said, “Xiaotong, can’t we just keep things the way they are now? Why do we have to change?”

“...How can this be good.” Xu Zhitong looked at Lin Yang and felt even more like crying.

Lin Yang’s voice was still as gentle and soft as ever.

So were her eyes.

Those eyes were usually distant and cold when they looked at other people, as if they held no feeling at all.

Only when they looked at her did they ripple with a different, tender affection.

Xu Zhitong could never mistake Lin Yang’s special treatment and affection for her.

But why? Why didn’t Lin Yang want to marry her?

Could it be that Lin Yang’s specialness would really have to be shared with someone else in the future?

Xu Zhitong sniffed and said despairingly, “But you’ve already gone on a blind date with someone else. If we just keep things like this, what happens later? What if your mother makes you marry? Am I supposed to be the mistress?”

“...” So Xu Zhitong knew about that; no wonder she had been acting strange tonight.

Looking at Xu Zhitong’s bloodshot eyes, Lin Yang found it hard even to speak.

“I didn’t agree to it, Xiaotong. I’m not going to marry someone else.”

Her voice came out dry.

“Then what about me?”

“...”

Lin Yang fell silent.

Xu Zhitong immediately broke.

She bit her lip hard, and tears spilled out, arcing through the air before splashing onto the back of Lin Yang’s outstretched hand.

Warm tears, falling with enough force to bring a faint sting, as if they had burned a wound into her skin all at once, then spread along her nerves until Lin Yang’s chest ached fiercely too.

Xu Zhitong cried, “Why? You don’t want to marry me either... Aren’t we very happy? Don’t you want to be with me forever? Don’t you want to be even closer to me?”

Lin Yang’s hand trembled; now both hands were shaking.

She reflexively wanted to pull back, but forced herself not to show it too clearly.

Lin Yang was just as lost.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to marry Xu Zhitong, to become her lifelong legal partner.

In the past, she had dreamed of these things too.

Back then, she had bought a tiny diamond ring and a plane ticket overseas.

It had all been too rushed, a red-eye flight, a spur-of-the-moment decision; she had only managed to get the very last economy seat. The space was cramped, and for more than ten hours, she couldn’t even sleep properly.

On that flight, Lin Yang had brief, scattered dreams, different endings that followed after she gave Xu Zhitong the diamond ring.

Good ones, bad ones, happy marriages and miserable endings, all the kinds that would make other people envious.

In the worst one, the Xu Zhitong in the dream, her face blurred, had grown tired of the dull monotony of marrying her and being trapped in the pleasures and noise of the colorful world.

In the dream, she had tied Xu Zhitong up at home, just like Madam Lin, just like her mother. Her hands were bound to the bedpost; she cried, cursed, and broke down, and in the end, her mouth was covered by Lin Yang’s own hand, unable to make the sounds Lin Yang didn’t want to hear.

The bitterness from Xu Zhitong’s mouth could never be swallowed away, just like the tears at the corners of her eyes. So what? Lin Yang looked closely, unable to make out Xu Zhitong’s expression in the dream, just as she couldn’t understand her own heart.

In short, even that counted as a life. When the brief dream ended, she didn’t feel regret.

Lin Yang wasn’t the type to avoid treatment, nor did she fear marriage, and she wasn’t afraid to bind her entire life to Xu Zhitong.

It just shouldn’t be now.

As Lin Yang thought about it, her own nose started to sting too. She felt that back then, when she hadn’t been able to give the ring, she had now reached the point where she had to refuse Xu Zhitong’s proposal.

She knew how painful this was; she didn’t want Xu Zhitong to be this sad.

Lin Yang took a step forward and cupped Xu Zhitong’s face.

Warm moisture touched her fingertips, then slowly flowed into her palm with the movement of her touch, tracing the lines of her hand as if seeping into her fate.

Lin Yang did her best to speak gently. “It’s not like that, Xiaotong. You’ve lost your memory now. I don’t want to agree to something this serious while you’re still unsure.”

Xu Zhitong looked at her with red-rimmed eyes; even the tip of her nose was red, her grievance unchanged.

Lin Yang could only think helplessly: Did that get through to her?

“You’re crying so pitifully; how are we supposed to be intimate like this, Xiaotong?” Lin Yang coaxed, wiping away Xu Zhitong’s tears with her thumb and brushing them across her cheek. “A hug?”

Xu Zhitong said thickly, “No.”

Whether she said no or not, she still had to.

Lin Yang pulled Xu Zhitong into her arms.

The fluffy head moved once, but she didn’t struggle further.

The collar was wide; Xu Zhitong’s damp, soft cheek pressed straight against Lin Yang’s neck and the hollow there, her breath carrying moisture.

After a while, Xu Zhitong wrapped her arms around Lin Yang’s waist.

It was fine that she was still willing to hold her waist.

Only, the tears kept flowing, quickly wetting the hollow of her neck too, soaking even the collar.

Lin Yang patted the top of Xu Zhitong’s head, feeling helpless, and could only say half-jokingly, “You’ve cried all over my clothes.”

Xu Zhitong then lifted her head and looked at the damp patch on the collar.

She said nothing.

Lin Yang leaned against the oversized standing mirror, her gaze following Xu Zhitong’s.

She couldn’t tell whether Xu Zhitong was still angry. After a pause, she pulled back a little.

Lin Yang liked to wear half-cup styles; when she tugged the soft white fabric aside, even she felt a little embarrassed by the gesture, but she held it in and said, “If your new necklace gets wet, that won’t be good.”

Xu Zhitong stayed quiet, her gaze lowered and unmoving. After a moment, she lowered her head and gently bit up the pendant of the necklace, obedient and yet very much not obedient, placing it against the hollow of Lin Yang’s collarbone.

When she lifted the necklace, the warmth inevitably touched the hollow there; Lin Yang shivered, but she hadn’t expected Xu Zhitong to endure even that without moving.

Ears red, Lin Yang pressed Xu Zhitong’s head down.

Xu Zhitong’s tears gradually stopped, and the nasal edge to her breathing faded as well.

When she grew uncomfortable, Lin Yang let out a breath and tugged Xu Zhitong’s head up, asking, “Is that intimate enough?”

Xu Zhitong dodged Lin Yang’s kiss. Even after all that, she was still stubborn to the bone. “Not enough.”

Ha.

Lin Yang didn’t believe she wouldn’t soften.

A few steps away was the guest room. Lin Yang pushed the door open and pressed Xu Zhitong down onto the bed.

She hadn’t turned on the guest-room light, so they could only rely on the glow from the living room.

The trench coat had long since been tossed onto the floor beside the standing mirror. The top and inner layer that had earlier been pushed down from the collarbone were carelessly thrown from top to bottom at the foot of the bed.

Lin Yang knelt on one knee at the edge of the bed, her long hair falling down like a dense web of threads, wrapping around Xu Zhitong’s body.

Xu Zhitong blinked blankly; her thick lashes were clumped together by tears, making her look innocent and pure.

Lin Yang drew in a soft breath.

She gathered her hair to one side and lowered her head, wanting to kiss Xu Zhitong. But Xu Zhitong, though pinned down, still dodged slightly; the kiss landed on her cheek, carrying the salty trace of earlier tears.

Their breaths tangled. Lin Yang’s hand slowly covered Xu Zhitong’s, guiding her hand downward, parting the fabric, controlling her fingers to curl and press in.

Xu Zhitong’s lashes trembled violently.

Lin Yang couldn’t quite describe what she felt as she looked at Xu Zhitong and asked, “Is it soft? Isn’t this intimate enough?”

Xu Zhitong shrank deeper into the bed.

She avoided Lin Yang’s gaze; in the dim bedroom, her expression was as unclear as in a dream.

Xu Zhitong stubbornly said, “If marriage isn’t the premise, then all of this is just perversion.”

The movement even looked as if she wanted to pull her hand away—Lin Yang was practically laughing from exasperation. Was that really so important? In seventeen-year-old Xu Zhitong’s understanding, was marriage really that important? The one she had just been biting down on and refusing to let go, and now she was dragging it along while trying to pull away?

Grinding her teeth, Lin Yang said, “Then treat it as me being a pervert.”

Her palm pressed against the back of Xu Zhitong’s hand, guiding it, just as she had in the past, to probe further in.

In truth, it wasn’t all that wet. Lin Yang’s whole body was heating up, but her heart had gone cold from the pain and from Xu Zhitong’s stubbornness.

Xu Zhitong could feel her tension and dryness. Her lips trembled, and she said, “Forget it, Yangbao, I...”

“Forget what.”

Lin Yang couldn’t stand hearing those two words. In an instant, her eyes reddened too. She kissed Xu Zhitong’s cheeks again and again, slowly guiding her hand to knead and press as their breaths tangled, their bodies finally softening little by little through familiar contact.

Lin Yang had little experience being on the receiving end. At first there was only a slight ache; it wasn’t until a long while later that it spread all the way to her fingertips.

Their hands, which had been washed together after eating sushi, carried the same scent of hand soap; then they were stained with the same dampness again.

After that, Xu Zhitong’s attitude softened. They switched positions, and in the darkness she lowered her head to kiss Lin Yang, lips and teeth meeting, that tender intimacy carrying love as it slowly blurred her eyes with moisture.

Everything moved very, very slowly.

Until Lin Yang started trembling, the hand that had originally covered Xu Zhitong’s had, without her noticing when, changed into a tight circle around Xu Zhitong’s wrist; her grip was tight, her fingertips nearly pressing into flesh, only to be bitten at the lips by Xu Zhitong.

They both gave each other a little pain, as if only that could prove the other’s existence and love.

The kisses gradually stopped. Lin Yang buried her face in Xu Zhitong’s neck; their breathing fell into the same rhythm, as if they had truly melted into one.

After a long while, Lin Yang lifted her head.

Her voice had gone husky with desire as she asked, “Xiaotong, do you understand how I feel now?”

At first, Lin Yang had never intended to go this far with the amnesiac Xu Zhitong.

In the end, she still had.

Actually, it didn’t mean anything.

But between two people, what else was there to do before it counted as something more intimate? She had already opened herself up completely.

“...Mm.” Xu Zhitong gave a low hum.

She knew.

Her amnesiac seventeen-year-old self could not solve their future.

So she would rather... and could not.