Memories? Keep Me Company for a While

Li Xingqing seemed not to have expected her to say that. Her lips parted slightly, as if she wanted to speak but didn’t know what to say. Looking at Xi Zhen, at those peach-blossom eyes glittering with obvious amusement, she suddenly understood.

Xi Zhen was teasing her.

“If you won’t raise me, then can I raise you instead, sis?” Li Xingqing thought it over and came up with a compromise that would satisfy both of them.

Xi Zhen listened, then suddenly called, “Li Xingqing.”

“I’m here.”

“Good,” Xi Zhen said.

Having gotten the answer she wanted, Li Xingqing suddenly stood up. She instinctively reached for her handbag, only to remember she had left it in the car.

Xi Zhen watched her and asked curiously, “Looking for something?”

“My card.”

“?”

“I’ll give you all my cards. You have to take good care of sis; no matter how expensive I am, you can keep me.”

“Haha.” Xi Zhen finally laughed for real, clearly not expecting the new head of the Li family to be this childish and adorable in private. She reached out and gently rested her hand on top of Li Xingqing’s head, stroking slowly, over and over, from the crown to the ends and back again.

Li Xingqing didn’t lift her head, and she didn’t dodge. Her ears were still red, but her shoulders gradually relaxed. After a long while, she looked up; her eyes were red too, and so was her nose. She looked at Xi Zhen, her expression very serious, so serious it was as if she were announcing something important.

“Sis,” she said, “I’ll be very obedient.”

Xi Zhen looked at her and couldn’t help laughing. There was a softness in that laugh, helpless but also resigned. “Got it,” she said. “Our very obedient little Li Xingqing. Now can you sleep?”

Li Xingqing looked at her for two seconds, then nodded.

“Sis.”

“Mm?”

“You said yes just now.”

“Mm.”

“Does that count?”

“It counts.” Xi Zhen hooked a finger under her nose and gave it a light flick. “It always counts.”

Li Xingqing’s nose wrinkled slightly at the touch, like a cat that had just been petted and was blinking in contentment. She didn’t say anything else, only buried her face deeper into the pillow; the curve of her lips never faded.

Xi Zhen sat by the bed, watching her breathing gradually even out, then slowly lay down beside her.

The air conditioner in the room kept running, emitting a low hum. From outside the window, the occasional distant sound of passing cars drifted in. Xi Zhen didn’t know when she fell asleep; she only knew that in the end, she was held in someone’s arms. She didn’t struggle, letting the other person pull her close.

When she woke again, the dim bedside lamp was still on. Xi Zhen lay in bed, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds before confirming where she was.

The person beside her seemed to notice her movement; the arm around her waist didn’t loosen, and a leg shifted with a rustling sound.

“What time is it?” Li Xingqing’s voice had that just-woken softness, nasal and gentle, so unlike her usual self.

Xi Zhen reached for the phone on the nightstand and lit up the screen. “...Four twenty.”

“In the afternoon?”

“Mm.”

Li Xingqing rarely stayed quiet like this. She buried her head in the crook of Xi Zhen’s shoulder and rubbed against her for a long time before saying, “We slept for so long...”

Xi Zhen looked at the fluffy head beside her and couldn’t help laughing. “Then get up. Let’s go outside for a walk.”

That tuft of hair moved. Li Xingqing lifted a pair of bright eyes. “Where to?”

“Just around. I’ll show you around.”

Li Xingqing didn’t argue. She slowly let go and sat up to rub her eyes. Her body instinctively wanted to yawn, but halfway through she forced it back, as if yawning in front of Xi Zhen would be impolite.

Xi Zhen looked at her like that, wanting to laugh but still not laughing outright. “Come on. I’ll buy you a pair of shoes.”

B City was obviously different from A City; though the two were not far apart, they felt like they belonged to two different times. It was only five o’clock, yet the streets were already full of people getting off work.

The sun had dipped westward, the light shifting from orange toward rose; the whole street was bathed in that warm glow.

The hotel Xi Zhen had chosen was right by the edge of the old district. Outside was a road not too wide, lined on both sides with plane trees. Their branches and leaves had already spread overhead, giving passersby a bit of shade.

The two walked side by side beneath the plane trees. Xi Zhen was still wearing those mid-heel shoes; the clicking of her steps made Li Xingqing’s heart ache for no reason. At the next intersection, Li Xingqing finally found a shoe store and changed those heels for flats.

“You grew up here when you were little?” Li Xingqing asked suddenly, looking at the surroundings. The alleys here were narrow, with peeling walls on both sides exposing red brick underneath.

“...More or less.”

“What do you mean, more or less?”

“I came here when I was ten.”

“With your parents?”

“...Alone. I lived at my aunt’s place.”

“...” As if she had thought of something, Li Xingqing suddenly regretted bringing it up and hurriedly tried to turn Xi Zhen’s attention elsewhere. “Your aunt—what kind of person was she?”

“She was...” Xi Zhen paused, as if looking for the right word. “A very gentle person.”

Li Xingqing said nothing, silently waiting for Xi Zhen to go on.

“On my first day there, she stood at the entrance to the alley waiting for me. When she saw me, she brought me home without a word and told me that this would be my home from then on.”

“I lived there for seven years. She never asked me for a cent in living expenses. Every time tuition was due, she’d say, ‘It’s fine, there’s money.’ But later I found out she had sold a gold necklace she’d saved for years...”

“What happened after that?” Li Xingqing’s voice began to tremble, whether from pity for Xi Shulan or from feeling sorry for Xi Zhen, the child who had been fostered under someone else’s roof from the age of ten.

“After that, I thought studying was pointless, so I left on my own.”

“She didn’t stop you?”

“How could she? I slipped away; in the blink of an eye, I was gone.” Xi Zhen suddenly smiled, as if remembering something amusing.

Li Xingqing stood beside her, looking down at her without speaking. She knew Xi Zhen’s life back then could not have been easy, but she truly hadn’t expected that she had come through such a hard situation.

Noticing Li Xingqing’s mood, Xi Zhen paused. The person beside her had her head lowered, hands in her pockets, shoulders slightly tense, lips pressed into a line. Seeing this, Xi Zhen could only reach out and gently squeeze her hand to comfort her. “Don’t be sad. I really wasn’t cut out for school back then. Good little Xingqing is a top student; don’t take after me.”

“...I really regret it,” Li Xingqing said in a low voice without lifting her head.

“Regret what?”

“Regret not meeting you earlier...” Li Xingqing paused. “At first I thought it would have been enough if I’d met you five years earlier, but now I think I should’ve met you ten years earlier; no, twenty.”

“If I’d known you when you were ten, I could’ve come to pick you up. You wouldn’t have had to take such a long train ride alone, and you wouldn’t have had to find that alley by yourself. I could’ve gone to school with you, paid your tuition, and you wouldn’t have had to leave.”

Xi Zhen looked at her and suddenly thought she was childish, but she liked her childishness. “Mm. If it were twenty years earlier, you’d be my little sister. You’d cling to me every day; wouldn’t you get annoyed?”

“...I wouldn’t be annoyed... I like clinging.”

“Good. You like clinging.”

The two of them kept walking aimlessly, but Li Xingqing’s steps were more deliberate than before, as if she wanted to carefully remember every scene Xi Zhen had lived through.

“Which road did you take to school when you were little?” Passing a school, Li Xingqing asked suddenly.

Xi Zhen lifted a hand and pointed ahead. “Through that alley, turn left, then keep going for five minutes.”

Li Xingqing nodded and walked toward the alley. Her steps were still slow, so slow she could make out the pattern in every brick, the moss growing in the cracks of the wall, the little flyers pasted on the utility pole.

She stood in the middle of the alley and looked up at the dense tangle of wires and clotheslines overhead. A blue school uniform swayed gently in the wind.

“You used to hang laundry too?”

“I did. My aunt would wash the clothes before she went to work, and I’d bring them in after school. Winter clothes would get stiff, like iron plates; you had to bring them inside and warm them up for a while before folding them.” Xi Zhen leaned against the wall and followed Li Xingqing’s gaze to that blue uniform.

“Once the wind was so strong it blew her bedsheet away. I chased it through two alleys before I got it back. When I came home, my hair was full of dust, and she scolded me, saying why bother chasing it, what was a bedsheet worth anyway.”

Li Xingqing looked at the clothesline; it was thick, the ends tied in knots, wrapped around several times.

She tried hard to imagine the tiny Xi Zhen running down this alley; thin, with a ponytail, breathing hard as she stood at the alley entrance. On one side was the relief of getting the bedsheet back; on the other, the mess of being covered in dust.

Not far ahead stood an old pagoda tree, thick enough that two people couldn’t quite wrap their arms around it. Its bark was cracked into pieces, and its canopy was huge, covering half the alley. Beneath it sat a stone table and several stone stools, polished smooth by years of use.

“This tree’s always been here?”

“Always. It was here when I was little too.” Xi Zhen looked over there and vaguely made out a few people sitting beneath the tree. She immediately sensed trouble and was just about to turn back with Li Xingqing when someone called out to her.

“Isn’t that little Zhen? Haven’t seen you in ages. Why’d you come by at this time?”

With no choice, Xi Zhen had to turn around and bring Li Xingqing to the pagoda tree.

“Aunt Liu, Aunt Wang, Aunt Zhang.” Xi Zhen greeted them one by one, her voice very obedient, obedient in the way of someone who had returned to being a teenager.

The old women beneath the tree had already put down the vegetables in their hands and were looking over.

“You’ve lost weight,” Aunt Liu concluded. “You’re even thinner than last time you came back; your chin’s gotten pointy. Are you not eating properly again?”

“No, Aunt Liu, I’m eating pretty well.”

“Pretty well? Girls your age are always fussing over losing weight...” Aunt Liu’s gaze shifted to Li Xingqing beside her and paused. “This your friend?”

“Mm, a friend.”

Aunt Liu let out an “oh” and didn’t ask further. Her gaze lingered on Li Xingqing for a few more seconds before returning to Xi Zhen’s face. “Your aunt’s in the hospital; you know that, right?”

“I know. I just came from the hospital.”

“She’s that kind of person; stubborn as anything. If she’s uncomfortable, she won’t say it... But in the end, it’s because she never really had anyone by her side.” Aunt Liu shook her head and sighed. Then, addressing Xi Zhen, she said, “You’re not young anymore either. It’s time you found someone to keep you company; don’t end up like your aunt.”

“...Okay.” Xi Zhen’s fingers curled slightly, and in the end she only gave a perfunctory okay.

“Speaking of which, your mom was someone I watched grow up too. Who would’ve thought she’d do something like that back then...”

“Yeah, sigh...”

The others seemed to be stirred up by memories, all talking at once. Xi Zhen’s expression cooled immediately. She said her goodbyes and prepared to leave.

“Aunt Liu, Aunt Wang, Aunt Zhang,” she said, “we’re going now. It’ll be dark soon.”

The old women all froze, exchanging glances. Aunt Liu opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but seeing Xi Zhen’s expression, she swallowed it back.

“Ah, alright, alright. Go on then. Be careful on the way.”

“Say hello to your aunt for us.”

“Come back often when you have time.”

Xi Zhen nodded, turned around, and walked toward the other end of the alley. Her pace was quick, much faster than when they came, so fast it looked like she was fleeing.

Li Xingqing followed behind her, saying nothing, not looking back, just keeping pace with her half a step behind.

“Xi Zhen.” Once they were out of the alley, Li Xingqing called her by name. Not sis; Xi Zhen.

Xi Zhen didn’t turn around, but she still answered, “Mm.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

A lie. Li Xingqing looked at her back and didn’t call her out; she just walked up beside her, took her hand out of her pocket, and touched Xi Zhen’s fingers.

“Let’s go,” Li Xingqing said. “Let’s eat spare-rib noodles.”

“...Okay.”

The two of them walked side by side into the crowd; Li Xingqing didn’t let go of her hand, and Xi Zhen didn’t pull away. Just like that, they walked hand in hand through the evening twilight of B City, passing one streetlamp after another.

After walking for a long while, Xi Zhen suddenly spoke. “Li Xingqing.”

“Mm?”

“Aren’t you curious?”

“About what?”

“The things they were talking about.”

Li Xingqing was silent for a moment, then answered honestly, “I am. But if you don’t want to say it, I won’t ask.”

Xi Zhen said nothing. Her hand moved in Li Xingqing’s palm, then turned over; palm against palm, their fingers interlaced.

“We’ll talk about it later,” she said. “One day, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay.”

“Not now.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t overthink it.”

“I’m not overthinking.”

The streetlights stretched their shadows long across the ground, overlapping one another. Li Xingqing could feel the warmth gradually returning to Xi Zhen’s fingers; they were no longer so cold. She didn’t speak, only tightened her grip on that hand a little more.