So Expensive? Then I’ll Keep You

Bai Mo booked a flight home overnight. There was no direct flight, so he had to transfer, and it wasn’t until four in the morning that he finally landed.

During the layover, he leaned back in a seat in the waiting area, closed his eyes, and all he could think of was his mother’s face.

As soon as he got off the plane, he didn’t waste a second before rushing to the hospital.

It was still before dawn; the city lay under a gray-blue haze. The streetlights along the road were still on, row after row, casting pale pools of light over the empty streets. Bai Mo sat in the back of a taxi, one hand gripping his phone, the other held by the person beside him.

Zheng Yuyu’s hand was a little larger than his; the knuckles were rough, the palm dry. Right now, that hand enclosed Bai Mo’s completely, his thumb brushing over the joints of Bai Mo’s fingers again and again.

Bai Mo didn’t look at him; his gaze stayed fixed out the window.

“What time is it?” Bai Mo asked the person beside him, watching the red sun that was about to rise.

“Almost five,” Zheng Yuyu glanced at his watch and answered honestly.

“Has she woken up?” The question was so soft it wasn’t clear whether he was asking Zheng Yuyu or himself.

“...Don’t worry yet. Auntie is blessed. She’ll be fine.”

Bai Mo said nothing. He just turned his phone over and looked at it. On the screen was Xi Zhen’s chat window; the last message was still that one line: “I’m here.”

Zheng Yuyu watched him and silently tightened his grip a little. “You haven’t slept all night. Even when you get to the hospital, you won’t know when you’ll be able to rest. Why don’t you close your eyes for a bit? I’ll wake you when we get there.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Then just close your eyes for a while.” Zheng Yuyu pulled Bai Mo toward him, letting him lean against his shoulder, his hand shielding Bai Mo’s head.

When the two of them arrived at the hospital, Xi Shulan was still asleep. Bai Mo wore a cap and a mask; he stood alone outside the ward, looking at her through the window.

Xi Zhen had arranged everything very carefully. The medical fees had been paid in advance, and even a caregiver had already been hired.

Bai Mo didn’t know what else he could do, and he didn’t want to disturb Xi Shulan, so he had no choice but to sit on the bench outside the ward.

He didn’t know how long he sat there; maybe ten minutes, maybe half an hour. Outside the window, the colors shifted from gray-blue to pale gold, then to orange-red, inch by inch, lighting up the hospital corridor floor.

Then he heard footsteps, one after another, until they stopped in front of him. Bai Mo slowly lifted his head. Xi Zhen was standing there, carrying a plastic bag in her hand. She was still wearing the same clothes from last night, yet she didn’t look particularly disheveled. Her hair was tied back at the nape of her neck, and with very little makeup on, her face looked unusually clean and elegant.

“Have you eaten?” Xi Zhen asked.

Bai Mo shook his head.

Xi Zhen sat down beside him, took a cup of soy milk out of the bag, inserted the straw, and handed it to him.

“Jie,” his voice was a little hoarse. “You didn’t sleep last night?”

“I slept for a while.”

“...Liar.”

Xi Zhen didn’t answer. She also couldn’t explain Li Xingqing’s situation to him, so she simply skipped over it. “Your aunt’s condition is temporarily stable. The doctor said she’ll stay in the hospital for observation for a few days. It’s nothing serious.”

“The caregiver will be there day and night, so you don’t need to worry too much. I’ll give you a few more days off; spend some time with her properly...” As she said this, Xi Zhen suddenly paused, but she still went on, “As for you and Zheng Yuyu... she knows.”

Bai Mo’s fingers went stiff. “What did she say?”

Xi Zhen didn’t answer right away. She turned sideways and gently patted Bai Mo’s head. “She’s very upset... but she’s not angry at you. She’s scared.”

“Scared that people will point fingers at you, scared that you’ll be wronged, scared that the road ahead won’t be easy for you.”

Bai Mo’s tears fell at once. He raised a hand to wipe them away, then wiped again, but the tears kept coming, impossible to stop no matter how hard he tried. “Jie, am I especially awful?”

“Yes,” Xi Zhen said.

Bai Mo froze for a moment, then laughed; and the more he laughed, the harder he cried.

“You’re awful not because you’re gay,” Xi Zhen looked at him, her hand still resting on his head without moving away. “It’s because you let her find out from someone else. No matter whether she can accept it or not, you should have been the one to tell her.”

Hearing this, Bai Mo’s tears came even harder, so much that he couldn’t stop them. His shoulders shook, but he made no sound.

“Mo Mo,” Xi Zhen let out a sigh. “Zheng Yuyu should have come with you, right? After your mother wakes up, tell her yourself. Talk to her properly; don’t rush. She needs time.”

Bai Mo looked up at Xi Zhen with red-rimmed eyes, then nodded lightly.

Xi Zhen knew that was enough. She stood up, ready to leave. When she reached the ward door, she stopped and looked back inside. Xi Shulan still hadn’t woken; the line on the monitor beside her was steady.

Li Xingqing hadn’t left all night. At dawn, Xi Zhen had finally gotten her to sleep for a while, but as soon as the sky brightened, she opened her eyes again.

Li Xingqing looked at the empty passenger seat, still wondering when this person would come back, when Xi Zhen suddenly appeared in front of her.

“Bai Mo’s here. Let’s go first,” Xi Zhen said to her from beside the car window.

“...You... aren’t waiting a little longer?”

“No need. Let’s go.”

“Okay, then wait—”

“Get out. I’ll drive.” Xi Zhen reached through the half-open window and squeezed Li Xingqing’s hand. Noticing the other woman’s confusion, she added, “Weren’t you driving enough last night? This is City B; I know it better than you do.”

“...There’s navigation...” Li Xingqing said softly, clearly lacking confidence.

“Alright, good girl. Be obedient.” Those few words were enough to make Li Xingqing surrender at once. She obediently got out of the driver’s seat, opened the front passenger door, and sat down.

Xi Zhen looked at how compliant she was, the corners of her lips lifting slightly. Then she stepped on the gas and drove out of the hospital.

Neither of them had slept much all night; the most important thing now was to find somewhere to sleep.

Xi Zhen parked in front of a hotel and cut the engine.

“Li Xingqing, we’re here.”

Li Xingqing didn’t move.

“Good girl?”

Still no movement.

Xi Zhen looked at her and hesitated. She didn’t call again. Instead, she opened the door, got out, and went to the front desk to book a room.

When she came back with the key card, Li Xingqing was still in the same position, head tilted toward the driver’s seat, with half the coat draped over her slipping down.

Xi Zhen pulled the coat back over her and was just about to try lifting her up when Li Xingqing shifted. This time she was truly awake. She opened her eyes, blinked, and looked around with a dazed expression.

“We’re here?”

“Mm.”

“Where is this?”

“The hotel.”

Li Xingqing froze, then looked out the window and back at Xi Zhen. “A hotel?”

“Booked a room. We’ll sleep for a bit.” Xi Zhen undid her seat belt for her. “You didn’t sleep all night.”

“I did sleep—”

“That doesn’t count.”

“...” Li Xingqing opened her mouth but didn’t argue. After getting out of the car, her legs were a little weak; she instinctively reached for the door, only for Xi Zhen to pull her in at once.

“Still being stubborn. Let’s go.” Xi Zhen chided her once, then supported her all the way into the elevator.

Li Xingqing leaned against the elevator wall, watching the numbers jump one by one. Her eyelids were heavy, but she didn’t want to close them. She was afraid that if she did, all of this would disappear.

When the elevator arrived, Xi Zhen stepped out first, found the room number, swiped the card, and pushed the door open.

The room wasn’t big; there was a bed with white sheets, the curtains drawn tight, the light dim. Xi Zhen inserted the room card into the power slot; the lights came on, warm yellow, softening the whole room.

She casually set her bag on the table, then turned around and saw that Li Xingqing was still standing at the doorway, not coming in.

“What are you standing there for?” Xi Zhen asked.

Li Xingqing looked at her and suddenly found the scene strangely familiar. It was like that day in City D, when she had pulled an all-nighter and gone downstairs to buy food, only to run into Xi Zhen.

Back then... what had Xi Zhen said to her?

Xi Zhen was already drawing the curtains. She pulled them more tightly shut, darkening the room until only the faint glow from the bedside lamp remained. “Stop standing there like an idiot; hurry up and sleep.”

But Li Xingqing acted as if she hadn’t heard her at all and stayed rooted in place. She watched Xi Zhen let down her hair and rub the back of her neck. Her seaweed-like hair fell loosely over her shoulders, making Xi Zhen look much gentler.

“What are you looking at?” Xi Zhen raised her head.

“Nothing...” Li Xingqing looked away and walked to the bed, sitting down as she pulled the blanket up to her chest. But after lying there for a while, she turned over and found Xi Zhen still sitting at the bedside, with no intention of lying down. Her face showed a hint of confusion, as if asking why the other woman wasn’t resting.

Fortunately, Xi Zhen understood what she meant by that look and answered, “I’m going to take a shower, then buy some food. What do you want?”

She had expected an unreasonable demand to go with her, but unexpectedly, Li Xingqing turned over to face her, only her eyes visible above the blanket edge. Her voice was a little hoarse, with a faint nasal tone, almost like she was coaxing her: “Milk, and a rice ball.”

“?” Xi Zhen didn’t quite understand, but she decided to satisfy the child’s tiny request.

Water started running in the room, the sound rushing and splashing. Listening to it, Li Xingqing suddenly felt very at ease. She buried herself under the blanket and began to enjoy the sleep she hadn’t had all night.

Li Xingqing didn’t know how long had passed; she only knew the door seemed to have been opened and then closed again. When she opened her eyes once more, Xi Zhen was already sitting by her bed. Li Xingqing instinctively held her breath, not wanting the other woman to notice that she was awake.

But unfortunately, she had already been found out.

“Li Xingqing,” Xi Zhen’s voice was very soft.

She didn’t move, pretending not to hear.

“Stop pretending,” Xi Zhen said with a little laugh. “Your breathing gave you away.”

Li Xingqing had no choice but to open her eyes and show half her face from beneath the blanket. Xi Zhen was standing by the bed, holding a carton of milk. Her hair was already dry, loosely draped over her shoulders.

“Where’s the rice ball?” Li Xingqing asked, her voice muffled from under the blanket.

Xi Zhen didn’t answer. She just looked at her, the corners of her mouth curving slightly. She set the milk on the bedside table, then produced a rice ball from behind her back. It was triangular, wrapped in seaweed, exactly the same as the one she’d bought at the convenience store in City D five years ago. Looking at that rice ball, Li Xingqing suddenly felt her eyes sting.

“You went out of your way to find this?”

“There was one at the convenience store downstairs.” Xi Zhen put the rice ball beside the milk and sat down at the edge of the bed. “Eat.”

Li Xingqing sat up, the blanket sliding to her waist. She picked up the rice ball, unwrapped it, and took a bite. The rice was a little sticky, the seaweed a bit soft, and the filling inside was tuna—salty and not very good.

But she chewed and swallowed anyway. Then she took another bite, chewing very slowly, as if tasting something precious.

“Is it good?” Xi Zhen asked.

“Alright,” Li Xingqing answered seriously, though no one knew how much private meaning she had packed into those two words.

Xi Zhen laughed. “You’re that easy to please? One rice ball and you’re satisfied?”

“...” Li Xingqing was silent for a moment, then suddenly said, “Then can jie keep me forever?”

Xi Zhen was stunned. She turned to look at Li Xingqing. The child who had just said, so calmly, “Then you keep me,” was now chewing her rice ball with deliberate composure, but the slightly red tips of her ears still didn’t escape Xi Zhen’s notice.

“Li Xingqing,” Xi Zhen suddenly asked, “do you even know what you’re saying?”

Li Xingqing looked at her and answered calmly, “I do.”

“Then do you know you’re very expensive?”

Li Xingqing froze and reflexively shot back, “I’m not expensive—”

“Expensive,” Xi Zhen cut her off, her tone carrying a hint of laughter. “Very expensive. I can’t afford you.”