Chapter 31

Su Louzhi quickly caught up.

They arrived at the underground parking lot, where Shen Boyang gestured toward his car, signaling her to get in. Once she was seated, he started the engine and drove out of the residential complex.

Once the car merged into traffic, Shen Boyang spoke up. "That villa in the suburbs—it'll take at least two hours to get there. It's not a quick drive." He glanced at Su Louzhi through the rearview mirror. "Do you want to rest for a bit? This might turn into a tough fight later."

Su Louzhi gently shook her head. How could she possibly sleep? The thought of Ji Kailan in an unknown state filled her with unbearable worry.

Shen Boyang seemed to have expected that. He sighed, not pushing further. "Alright then. Lao Ji's condition is extremely rare—the only case in the world. Because research samples are so scarce, from when he was fifteen until now, the Ji family has exhausted every resource without improving his condition one bit."

Perhaps thinking of the seven years his childhood friend had suffered, he sighed again and continued, "Just now, I only gave you the gist of it. Since it's a two-hour drive and you can't speak, I'll tell you all the details about this illness. You'll have a better idea of what to expect, so you won't be completely in the dark when you enter the villa."

Su Louzhi nodded, deeply grateful to Shen Boyang.

Shen Boyang kept his eyes on the road, speaking in a calm tone. "In the beginning, it manifested once a year, each episode lasting seven days. In the first few years, Lao Ji didn't actually self-harm—he was just in agony and couldn't stand anyone near him. But after a few years, things got worse. Maybe because the suffering was too intense, his body started uncontrollably self-harming."

Su Louzhi's hands clenched the fabric of her clothes.

"The first time, the injuries weren't severe—just some scratches. But in recent years, it's escalated. It's gotten to the point where he'll stab his arm or thigh with a knife, bleeding profusely."

Shen Boyang's tone grew heavier. "The reason I advised you to wait until his episode passed is because no one knows whether he'd hurt someone else while in that state. In all these years, no one has ever been near him during an episode."

He paused, as if searching for the right words. "We tried removing the knives, clearing all sharp objects from the villa in advance, and even padding the hard corners. It didn't work. Lao Ji seems to need pain to maintain his sanity. That time, after we took those things away, he couldn't create pain—so he jumped from the villa's rooftop."

Su Louzhi's eyes flew wide.

"He broke his leg in the fall. Unable to move, he lay there on the ground for seven whole days. By the time we estimated his episode was over and went in to look for him, he was barely breathing."

The car fell silent for a few seconds.

"After that, we stopped removing the knives and sharp objects." Shen Boyang's voice was low. "The medical team assessed that even during his episodes, he retains some rationality. He self-harms, but he consciously avoids vital organs."

The more Su Louzhi heard, the more alarmed she became. Tears streamed down her face. She had no idea what Ji Kailan had been through. Something so painful—yet in front of her, he had always been that strong, perfect, gentle person, shielding her so well.

Shen Boyang talked as he drove. More than two hours later, the car entered a remote suburban area. Before Su Louzhi's eyes appeared a massive estate. The gate detected Shen Boyang's car and opened automatically. He drove further in, finally stopping in front of the villa.

The moment the car came to a halt, Su Louzhi moved to open the door.

"Stop!"

Shen Boyang immediately stopped her. "I haven't unlocked the doors. You need to promise me something first. We'll keep a voice call connected now. Once you go in, I'll be listening carefully to what's happening inside. If anything seems off, I'll risk coming in to get you out."

Su Louzhi nodded.

"But if things are fine and you feel safe, send me a message. To prevent Lao Ji from losing his mind and impersonating you, we'll set up a code word." He stared at her. "If you feel safe, send me the word 'dawn.' Once I receive that, I won't disturb you—I'll drive off. But if you send anything other than 'dawn,' I'll charge in immediately."

Su Louzhi nodded vigorously. She took out her phone, opened Shen Boyang's WeChat, and pressed the voice call button.

Shen Boyang answered it in front of her, then pressed the door unlock button. "Alright, go."

Su Louzhi opened the car door and walked out without hesitation. When she stood before the villa's door, she suddenly realized it was locked—she'd never been here and couldn't get in.

Just as she was at a loss, Shen Boyang's voice came through the phone: "Just push the door. It doesn't lock."

Obediently, Su Louzhi pushed, and the door opened.

The first floor was empty. Everything was neatly arranged, no signs of anything unusual. Su Louzhi quickly scanned the area, confirmed no one was there, and headed upstairs.

The second floor was a long corridor with several rooms on both sides.

Su Louzhi's pace quickened. She started with the room closest to the stairs. None of the doors were locked—a gentle push revealed everything.

One, two, three...

She walked faster, her heart pounding harder. Finally, she reached the door at the end of the corridor. Before she could even push it open, she heard heavy, labored breathing from inside.

It was Ji Kailan.

Even just his breathing—without a single word—she recognized it.

Su Louzhi's tears nearly overflowed.

She'd found him.

She pushed the door open recklessly, and the scene before her made her heart wrench so painfully she could barely breathe.

Ji Kailan sat at the edge of the bed, his brows furrowed in agony. In his hand was a knife, slicing down onto his own arm again and again. The whole room reeked of blood; the bed was a mess, the sheets crumpled into a ball, a pillow thrown on the floor. There were scratch marks on the padded corner of the wall. He seemed to have been self-harming for a long while already.

Su Louzhi's tears spilled over. She rushed to him, falling to her knees on the floor, looking up at him.

She reached out, trying to grip the hand that held the knife.

Ji Kailan didn't react.

His gaze was unfocused, staring blankly ahead. The motion of slicing his arm was more like a mechanical instinct—using pain to stimulate himself, clinging to that fragile thread of sanity.

Su Louzhi's heart felt as though it were being squeezed by an iron fist.

She couldn't bear it.

Couldn't bear watching him hurt himself like this.

How could she? If she could, she would never have thrown herself in front of him that day at Sky Mall.

Su Louzhi tilted her head up. She couldn't speak, so she could only cry silently. She gripped his knife hand with all her might, trying to stop him from hurting himself—but her strength was nothing in front of his.

The knife continued to fall, again and again.

Su Louzhi's tears flowed even harder. She couldn't watch Ji Kailan do this to himself. So she extended her other hand and placed it directly over the spot where the knife landed.

The blade cut across her own arm. It hurt—but not a fraction of the pain in her heart. She just kept crying, watching him slice his arm.

One cut.

Another cut.

Ji Kailan completed the first stroke without feeling the expected pain. The second stroke, still nothing. Within his chaotic, numb mind, something slowly began to revive.

First, he became aware of that familiar, soothing fragrance.

His gaze gradually focused; the image before him sharpened.

Su Louzhi knelt before him, head tilted back, tears streaming. Her eyes were so helpless, so anguished. One hand held tightly to his knife hand; the other covered his arm, using her own hand to block the blade.

Ji Kailan lowered his eyes.

On the back of Su Louzhi's hand were two fresh cuts, blood seeping out.

Seeing the alarming red against her fair skin, his sanity finally returned. He fought with every ounce of will to stop his hand, to halt that mechanical motion—he couldn't cut her anymore.

Once he was sure his arm had stopped, his hand released. The knife clattered to the floor.

The knife had fallen—it couldn't hurt her now.

Ji Kailan reached out, taking Su Louzhi's injured hand, and let out a soft sigh.

"My silly Zhizhi," he said, voice hoarse and low. "Why did you come? Don't you know how dangerous this is?"

Ji Kailan raised Su Louzhi's hand, changing the direction of the blood flow. He lifted it to his lips, extended his tongue, and gently licked away the blood that had seeped out.

He was careful—his tongue only brushed away the blood, never touching the wounds.

After the blood was clean, Ji Kailan gently laid Su Louzhi's hand flat so the wounds wouldn't bleed as easily. Then he stood up and said softly, "Zhizhi, wait here for a moment. I'll be right back."

He walked to the bedside table, bent down to retrieve cotton swabs, iodine, gauze, and medical tape, then returned to her side.

Ji Kailan dipped the swab in iodine and carefully cleaned the two wounds, leaving no spot untouched. Then he covered them with gauze and secured it with medical tape.

He did all of this slowly, meticulously, focused and gentle—completely ignoring himself, even though his own arms were covered in cuts, bloody and raw.

Su Louzhi obediently watched him finish bandaging her, then immediately pointed at the medical supplies, gesturing anxiously: I want to bandage you too.

Ji Kailan saw her anxious look and gave a faint smile. He didn't hand her the supplies; instead, he said softly, "Zhizhi wants to bandage me?"

He shook his head, his tone calm. "It's no use. If I bandage here, I'll just cut somewhere else."

Su Louzhi's tears welled up again. She wanted to speak, opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

Panicking, she pulled out her phone, wanting to type a message. The screen lit up, showing the voice call with Shen Boyang.

Su Louzhi froze.

Right—the code.

She quickly handed the phone to Ji Kailan. She thought he seemed fairly lucid right now and could communicate. She couldn't speak, and typing took time—plus, if Ji Kailan lost clarity later, he might not even read her texts. Compared to that, letting Shen Boyang talk to him might be better.

Ji Kailan looked at the active call on Su Louzhi's phone and paused. "You want me to talk to him?"

Su Louzhi nodded.

Ji Kailan took the phone and said directly, "Yang, take Zhizhi back for me."

Su Louzhi snatched the phone back, shaking her head desperately.

But a voice had already come through: "Alright."

Frightened, she quickly typed: [Don't come!] After sending it, she remembered their safety code arrangement, so she hurriedly added another: [Dawn] [Dawn]

Shen Boyang's helpless voice came through: "Junior Su, this isn't up to you right now. Since Lao Ji asked me to take you away, he must have his reasons. You'd better come quietly with me."

Su Louzhi understood—the power of speech wasn't in her hands right now. It was in Ji Kailan's.

She threw her arms around Ji Kailan, who was sitting on the bed, curling into his embrace, looking up at him with tearful eyes, shaking her head desperately.

Even without words, Ji Kailan could read it—she was begging him not to let Shen Boyang take her away.

He sighed softly. "Zhizhi, don't think I'm really this clear-headed right now. My sanity is hanging by a thread. When I lose it, I might hurt you."

Su Louzhi sat in his arms, tears streaming, shaking her head with all her might, gazing at him with those wet, pleading eyes.

Just like every time before—trying to make his heart soften, to make him yield to her every wish.

Ji Kailan sighed again. "Zhizhi, I'm serious. This is really dangerous."

Su Louzhi's rationality understood, of course—in terms of pure strength, she couldn't compare to Ji Kailan in the slightest. If he truly lost his mind, she'd be the one in the most danger.

But rationality was one thing; emotion was another.

When she'd pushed open that door and seen Ji Kailan sitting there in agony, knife in hand, cutting himself over and over, her heart had felt like it was being ripped out of her chest.

She knew—having seen that image, even if she left, she would never be able to sleep again. Every time she blinked, she'd see him hurting himself.

She knew exactly what she wanted.

She wanted to stay by Ji Kailan's side. Even if she couldn't stop him from hurting himself, she wanted to be there with him.

Shen Boyang had just mentioned that last time Ji Kailan broke his leg and lay on the ground for seven days, barely alive. She couldn't bear to think—what if it had rained heavily? What if he'd run a high fever? What if Shen Boyang and the others hadn't found him in time...

Would she never see him again?

At the thought, Su Louzhi began to tremble violently.

With all her strength, she wrapped her arms tightly around Ji Kailan's waist.

Feeling her resistance and fear, Ji Kailan was silent for a long time—so long that Su Louzhi thought he might never speak again.

Then, finally, he sighed. "Do you really want to stay that badly?"

Su Louzhi lifted her head, tears streaming, and nodded desperately.

Ji Kailan finally reached out and hugged her back. "I can't do anything with you."

He picked up the phone and said to the other end, "Yang, no need to come."

Shen Boyang's voice came quickly: "Alright, I won't disturb you two. But for Junior Su's safety, I'll message her periodically. I need to receive her safety confirmation to keep letting you two be alone. Otherwise, if I don't get it, I'm still coming to take her away."

Ji Kailan said solemnly, "Fine." Then he ended the call.

Su Louzhi finally breathed a sigh of relief, but she still clung tightly to Ji Kailan, unwilling to let go. Her whole body was trembling involuntarily.

Perhaps because she'd grown so used to being held in Ji Kailan's arms, curling into his embrace now, Su Louzhi finally found that familiar sense of safety. She lowered her head, buried her face in his chest, and cried quietly.

Ji Kailan quickly felt the fabric over his chest grow damp. The little bundle in his arms was trembling, yet her arms stayed locked around him. Seeing her like this softened his heart completely. The violent, irritable emotions from his sensitivity period faded bit by bit as he became aware of her fear.

All that remained was overwhelming tenderness.

Even though he knew they weren't at the point where kissing was casual, he still lowered his head and pressed gentle kisses to the top of Su Louzhi's head, one after another. One arm held her tightly, the other rubbed her back softly, trying to soothe her. It was unknown how long before the little bundle finally stopped trembling.

But Su Louzhi still clung to Ji Kailan, refusing to look up.

He could feel the dampness still spreading on his chest—she was still crying silently.

Ji Kailan let out another sigh.

He felt like he'd sighed more today than in the rest of his life combined.

He softened his voice, as gently as he could: "Alright, Zhizhi. Don't be scared. I'm not sending you away."

Su Louzhi's arms tightened around his waist for a moment, but her head stayed buried in his chest, unwilling to look up at him.

Ji Kailan sighed once more. His hand kept stroking her back, and his tone took on a hint of playful frustration.

"What do I do? It seems like my Zhizhi is upset with me." His voice was soft. "She doesn't want to talk to me. Is it because she's mad that I left without saying goodbye?"

Su Louzhi shook her head gently in his arms.

Ji Kailan continued, "Oh, so that's not it. Then can my precious Zhizhi tell me why she doesn't want to talk to me?"

Only then did Su Louzhi lift her head, her eyes swollen and tearful. She took her phone and typed slowly: [You just wanted to send me away.]

Ji Kailan looked at the words. He didn't explain with things like "for your safety." He just held her a little tighter and said softly, "Mm, that's my fault. I shouldn't have let Shen Boyang take you away."

Seeing Ji Kailan indulge her so completely, Su Louzhi's emotions finally settled. Her rationality returned, and she stopped being willful. She typed the important matter: [Senior Ji, does this illness of yours really last a full seven days? So it'll be over in six more days?]

Ji Kailan nodded. "Mm, it's been seven days every time for all these years—that hasn't changed."

He paused, looking at her. "But since Zhizhi doesn't want to leave, are you planning to stay here with me for all seven days?"

Su Louzhi nodded.

Ji Kailan nodded too. "Alright," he said. "Thank you, Zhizhi, for being willing to stay here with me."

Su Louzhi was taken aback. Seeing Ji Kailan accept her staying so easily made her feel a twinge of uncertainty. She quickly typed: [Then what about you, Senior Ji? I heard from Shen Boyang that you need pain to keep your sanity during episodes.]

Ji Kailan smiled faintly, a bit carelessly. "After Zhizhi arrived, I seem to have cleared up."

Su Louzhi frowned. She was a little dissatisfied with how dismissively Ji Kailan answered, but she had no way to push further. Looking at his current state—so different from the unfocused gaze and self-harming from earlier—she suppressed her worry. She'd take things one step at a time.

At least he wasn't hurting himself anymore.

After Su Louzhi arrived, Ji Kailan seemed to have returned to normal.

He acted just like usual—indulgent, attentive, coaxing her. He even said with perfect clarity: "Zhizhi, I can't leave this estate right now, so I can't take you out to play. We'll stay here for the next few days, watch movies, play games—how does that sound?"

Too normal.

Ji Kailan was acting too much like a normal person.

But Su Louzhi hadn't forgotten what Shen Boyang said.

What status did the Ji family hold? After all these years, with every resource at their disposal, they hadn't been able to cure this disease. How could it just vanish because she came?

She wasn't naive; she didn't believe in that "love conquers all" nonsense. If love truly conquered all, her parents wouldn't have divorced. And she hadn't forgotten—from the very beginning, Shen Boyang had advised her not to get involved with Ji Kailan, and Ji Kailan had asked Shen Boyang to take her away.

The fact that Ji Kailan was so normal now—she believed it must be partly because he didn't want to hurt her. But she wouldn't be blinded by his care into thinking Ji Kailan was truly fine. She believed he was just suppressing it.

But she worried more: what if the suppression reached its limit? What if there was a massive outbreak? What would Ji Kailan do then?

Su Louzhi had no choice but to push those worries down and interact with Ji Kailan as usual.

The day passed uneventfully. If she ignored that heart-stopping scene from the morning, it was really no different from any other day.

Ji Kailan seemed to take it for granted that Su Louzhi would stay with him until his episode ended. He even proactively brought up the makeup exam process, telling her not to worry about it. The two of them spent the day in seemingly normal coexistence.

Until nightfall.

Bedtime came. Su Louzhi refused to leave. She kept feeling that if Ji Kailan slept alone, he'd take advantage of her falling asleep to shut himself in and self-harm. So she firmly declared: she was going to sleep with him.

Ji Kailan let out a helpless sigh.

"Zhizhi," he said as gently as he could, "do you know what it means for the two of us to sleep in the same bed?"

Su Louzhi puffed out her cheeks, typed on her phone, and held it up to him: [Then we at least have to be in the same room. Fine, you take the bed, I'll take the floor.]

Ji Kailan sighed again. "How could I bear to let Zhizhi sleep on the floor?"

Su Louzhi suddenly covered her ears with both hands, in a "I'm not listening, I'm not listening" pose, clearly ready to be stubborn to the end.

Ji Kailan looked at her vivid expression, silent for a moment. Finally, with a soft sigh, he relented. "Alright, alright, whatever Zhizhi wants."

Su Louzhi immediately dropped her hands, smiling bright and happy, and hugged him.

Having gotten her promise, Su Louzhi happily went into the bathroom to shower. When she came out, Ji Kailan was already waiting by the bed with a hairdryer. Just like he always did, he gently dried her hair, his movements tender and practiced. When he finished, he handed her a glass of milk. "Zhizhi, drink this and then sleep."

Su Louzhi took it, drank it all in one go, and smacked her lips, savoring the taste.

The flavor... was exactly the same as always.

She froze.

No, that's not right.

Based on what Shen Boyang had said, Ji Kailan rarely visited this estate. This illness was sudden—he must have rushed here. So how could there be fresh milk here?