Chapter 40

Let go.

No one knew how many times Yun Shuchen had gone back and forth in her heart that night before she said those two words.

Perhaps the poison of the Shaxi flower had already seeped into her very marrow.

She had been suppressing herself for too long, she realized—even the casual embrace of a young girl could stir a thousand waves in her body. And that girl, with her inexplicable habits, would always press close at the most unexpected moments.

In one absurd instant, Yun Shuchen even wanted to soften, to indulge in such an embrace.

Her disciple was always sensible, never clinging to her. Yun Shuchen knew that when she said "let go," Qing Zhouxue would release her.

And when she did let go, when her waist felt the sudden loss of that warmth and restraint, a nameless longing rose in Yun Shuchen's heart—

Can't you, for once, not be so obedient in everything?

After that longing passed, whenever she met Qing Zhouxue's pure, unclouded eyes again, the feelings of a master became wonderfully complicated.

This could not continue.

That morning, the Sect Leader and the elders looked at the extra figure as if they had seen a ghost, all eyes fixed on her.

Yun Shuchen met their gazes, glancing left and right. "Has the morning meeting now run out of things to say, that we just stare blankly at each other?"

Sect Leader scrutinized her carefully. "Has something happened on your peak?"

"What could happen?"

"Are you about to ascend?"

"Not likely."

"Is your health all right?"

Yun Shuchen rubbed her brow. "Do you think I'm about to die or what? That I'd drag myself to a morning meeting to see you all one last time?"

The elders fell silent, thinking—what other reason could make that sickly woman get out of bed at this hour and show up?

A long time ago, this seat had been empty, but eventually her multi-talented disciple had filled it, barely. And when that junior niece sat there with such a solemn expression, more imposing than even the Sect Leader, the uncles and aunts had to mind their image before their junior, so they put on airs, and the hall was silent except for lectures.

Today, however, Junior Niece Qing was not there to inspect.

The topics of their conversation suddenly became as vast as a prairie, horses running free, their attitudes more casual.

But it was precisely that day that the Sect Leader announced something major. He set down his cup of health-preserving chrysanthemum goji tea and cleared his throat. "The Northern Lingxu Sect wishes to build ties with Taichu. In recent years, they've sent quite a few disciples here to study. Lingxuzi has invited the sect leaders to discuss sect affairs, to stay at Lingxu for a period of lectures and discussions. It seems I cannot refuse this trip."

Yun Shuchen idly picked up a grape from the side and began to peel it. "A short stay—how long exactly?"

"A month or so, including travel," the Sect Leader said. "Taichu cannot be without a leader for even a day—"

Elder Zhou nodded beside him. "Are you stepping down?"

"Delegating authority," Yun Shuchen said with deep conviction.

"I'm quite free." The woman beside them, half-revealing her shoulder, suddenly perked up, phoenix eyes winking at the Sect Leader. "Old man, how about considering me?"

"Forget it," Liu Xunqin said coldly, taking a drag of her pipe, offering the only opinion on the matter toward her junior sister, Yue Changge.

"Me? What about me?" She rolled her eyes at Liu Xunqin and raised an eyebrow. "I'm so broke on Huangzhong Peak that I've pawned even my undergarments, can't afford a scrap of cloth—if a dignified elder has fallen to such a state, isn't that a major problem for the sect? If I were Sect Leader, I certainly wouldn't let my elders end up in such a plight."

"Perhaps it is a major problem."

The Sect Leader expressionlessly imagined a scene where the entire sect was too poor to afford cloth. Then he decisively skipped over Yue Changge.

He already had plans in mind. "Junior sister Yun, as acting Sect Leader, how do you feel about that?"

Yue Changge was excluded first. Of the remaining elders, either they had many disciples and were spread thin, or they were like Liu Xunqin, busy managing the medicine peak. The only one who was free and capable was Yun Shuchen alone.

Yun Shuchen studied the crystalline grape in her hand. She peeled it with utter concentration, delicate as if handling a work of art. At the Sect Leader's words, she was not particularly surprised, but she still pondered a moment.

It would be good to find something to do.

With this excuse, she need not face, day after day... some thing that knew nothing of the world.

Yun Shuchen agreed readily.

That one, who knew nothing of the world, had finished her sword practice today and had early on seen her master get up and head out, going to the Main Peak, and not returning.

Her master was somewhat unusual today—she had not spoken to her, nor even vouchsafed a single glance.

Qing Zhouxue examined herself three times that day, yet found she could not identify any fault in herself.

For some reason, the inner sect lessons had been canceled for several days, with word that they would not resume for a while.

After practicing her sword each day, she had nothing to do; she waited but Yun Shuchen did not return. Lately, her master seemed very busy, out almost all day, only coming back to rest at night.

Since Qing Zhouxue had memory, Yun Shuchen had never been so busy. Usually, she spent her days on Heyi Peak, meticulously nurturing her health, idling away her life, occasionally reviewing sect documents and approving a few case files—hardly taxing.

The sunset over Heyi Peak was still gentle and beautiful, the pale purple cloud wisps like a thin veil, dancing across the heavens with a lingering tenderness.

Amid the sunset glow, Qing Zhouxue saw that figure.

"Master."

Yun Shuchen glanced at her, giving a slight nod. "Mm?"

She did not even pause, as if acknowledging her with mere courtesy, then vanished into the mountains like a wisp of breeze scattering a ray of sunset.

Yun Shuchen entered the house and closed the door.

The last trace of light in the sky disappeared, and heavy night fell. Qing Zhouxue stood outside the house, gazing at the warm glow within. She thought to knock and go in, but realized she had no compelling reason to see her.

Forget it.

She really did seem busy.

Qing Zhouxue should not add to her troubles.

Hiding a hint of disappointment, she shuffled her feet, tracing half a circle on the step, and headed back to her own room.

Inside the room, Yun Shuchen held her brush, long not writing, until she saw that graceful silhouette reflected on the window, raising her hand several times only to lower it again, and finally slipping away silently.

Qing Zhouxue came quietly and left without a sound.

Yun Shuchen lowered her eyes and sighed at the large pile of papers stacked on the desk.

She did not know what she was sighing about.

She disliked things beyond her control, including feelings. When she had first taken in Qing Zhouxue, seeing how instinctively the child clung to her, she had wondered whether she should keep her at a distance.

But Qing Zhouxue was also of a calm and quiet disposition; most of the time she was not clingy and could obediently find things to occupy herself.

So she had set that thought aside, and, like a frog slowly boiling in warm water, she had stewed until it became this indescribable situation.

Her disciple, though not clingy, would watch over her with meticulous care.

And she had enjoyed that care, gradually growing accustomed to it, to the very breath.

Until the moment of an embrace, when her body would not lie about a subtle stirring; until she finally realized she could no longer bear Qing Zhouxue not looking at her—even that closeness with her junior sister had become a sore point in her eyes.

Like one who had known warmth, and could no longer endure the bitter, bone-deep cold of a long night.

This attachment was still the attachment of one to the disciple she had raised.

She had lived so many years; she should have long understood the consequences of giving away an irreplaceable reliance.

*

The next day, Qing Zhouxue went down the mountain and only then discovered that the sect had undergone a great upheaval.

The bricks at the entrance of Taichu Sect were being broken apart one by one, piled into small carts, and hauled elsewhere. Lin Xunzhen stood nearby, seemingly directing the scene with several senior sisters.

Qing Zhouxue walked over. "What is this?"

Lin Xunzhen had been busy lately, running around nonstop, and had not seen her for a long time. She spoke while recording in her ledger. "Elder Yun said the steps at the mountain gate have been trodden for so many years, broken in many places, and look unsightly; they need repairs. And next place, Junior Sister—I must hurry."

Seeing that Lin Xunzhen truly had no time to talk, Qing Zhouxue nodded and watched her hurry off.

She wandered around, and when passing the Main Peak, she wanted to visit the Scripture Library to borrow a book. But before she went in, she saw the library with half its wooden planks removed, swaying perilously high overhead.

"This is...?"

"The library is closed to borrowing today," a disciple said, noticing her. "Elder Yun said this place is old and in disrepair, prone to dust, and that the beauties in the books have been smeared into ashen grime, harming the aesthetics—so she ordered a renovation."

"My master..."

"Don't you know? The Sect Leader has gone down the mountain; Elder Yun is acting in his stead."

The acting Sect Leader was now sitting in Chunqiu Hall, but she found the Sect Leader's usual seat too hard, so she had, on her own, brought over a carved chair from her own storeroom—white jade as base, padded with a soft layer of beast fur.

At her side was a plate of washed fruit. The weather was hot and dry today; on the other side, a junior disciple had been caught to fan her diligently.

The elders below exchanged glances, finding that the simple, austere tradition of Chunqiu Hall was utterly transformed—delicate potted plants now stood at the entrance, and a small fountain from the East Sea, brought from who knows where, gurgled softly. The little qilin on the beam had been moved to the door to serve as a guardian beast, while its usual sleeping spot had been cleaned spotless.

Yun Shuchen crossed her legs, swept her gaze around, and when she saw everyone was present, she raised a hand lightly. "My dear ministers, from now on, besides today, the morning court will be held in the afternoon. I cannot rise early."

"Now, if any has business, speak; if not, this court is adjourned." She leaned back, curling her lips.

Unfortunately, her ministers seemed a bit rebellious, each with a peculiar expression as if ready to revolt. Yun Shuchen sighed faintly. "My dear ministers seem reluctant to speak; then I shall be direct—recently Taichu has been undergoing extensive renovations, and the treasury is running low. Have you any sense of loyalty to the realm?"

"..."

Most likely not.

"In that case, I issue a decree to open the mining veins of Taichu Mountain—surely no one objects?" With her true intent revealed, she slowly let out those words. They fell upon the silent hall like a stone stirring waves a thousand layers deep.

The moment the words left her mouth, the entire hall was shocked.