The Back Seat: Don't Be Afraid, Xiao Xu

These past two days happened to be a holiday, and Jiang Xu had stayed at Liang Xiaoqing's home for several days. At Liang Xiaoqing's house, Jiang Xu didn't have to do anything—even cooking, which counted as a fairly light chore, was taken care of by Liang Xiaoqing.

Jiang Xu felt ill at ease and uneasy, with a vague worry gnawing at her. Because Jiang Daguo was a time bomb in the family, and Jiang Xu waited at Liang Xiaoqing's home, waiting for the "boom"—the moment Jiang Daguo's bomb exploded in Liang Xiaoqing's house.

But even on the last day of the holiday, she never saw it happen.

Jiang Daguo and Wang Cai were as if they had never appeared in her life at all.

She could finally relax a little, and just then, Liang Xiaoqing tilted her head and studied her the same way she had in the past few days: "Jiang Xu, don't you think this outfit of yours is a bit ill-fitting?"

For Jiang Xu, it didn't matter whether her clothes fit or not. Someone like her was lucky to have clothes at all.

She shook her head, indicating she didn't mind.

But Liang Xiaoqing was the one who minded: "But tomorrow you're going to school."

Jiang Xu had guessed why she'd come to Liang Xiaoqing's house, but when Liang Xiaoqing said the reason out loud, her heart still skipped two beats.

School.

She was going back to school again?

Liang Xiaoqing sat down beside her, resting a hand on her shoulder, and said with a smile, "If you're going to school, you need to tidy yourself up a bit. I can see your clothes really don't fit well."

Then, her expression suddenly turned serious, her eyes fixed tightly on Jiang Xu: "Jiang Xu, are you willing to keep studying?"

Jiang Xu didn't react right away; she saw her own faint reflection in Liang Xiaoqing's eyes.

She was certain once more: Liang Xiaoqing had come to her house for exactly this reason.

For once, Wang Cai had made a decision for her, and Jiang Daguo hadn't barged into Liang Xiaoqing's home, cursing and grabbing her by the collar to drag her back.

Jiang Xu vaguely remembered that the last time she'd been at school was before summer vacation; counting the time, she'd been away from school for several months already.

Everything about school had begun to fade from her memory, but now it came alive again in her mind. She wasn't sure: "Going to school..."

Liang Xiaoqing looked at her expectantly and repeated, "Yes, school."

Then she smiled again, her heart aching at Jiang Xu's docile, obedient expression. She had already resolved to buy Jiang Xu some new clothes.

She gently stroked Jiang Xu's head. "Don't worry, Jiang Xu. Remember, Teacher Liang said she'd protect you. And this was something your mother brought up on her own—she wants you to keep studying too."

Jiang Xu was too shy around strangers; even after several days together, she still held herself back. Liang Xiaoqing didn't want her to feel the slightest bit uncomfortable, and she could also tell that Jiang Xu wanted to study, so she continued, "You have to believe that one day you'll be like your brother, Jiang Lun, and get into college..."

Liang Xiaoqing paused, looking at Jiang Xu's innocent, bewildered face, and felt a pang of pity. Unpleasant memories flooded back into her mind.

It was from the day she'd gone to Jiang Xu's house.

"Maybe you'll even do better than your brother. Jiang Xu, you're studying for yourself."

Jiang Xu hadn't yet experienced first-hand how important studying was. Apart from her classmates, she couldn't find many people around her who had read much at all.

Actually, you could live a whole life without studying, like Wang Cai, Jiang Daguo, and Aunt Zhou, who lived closest to them. She always saw Aunt Zhou plowing the fields all alone, season after season, day after day.

They all lived just fine.

But facing Liang Xiaoqing's face full of expectation, Jiang Xu didn't know why, but she nodded solemnly.

Then Liang Xiaoqing smiled. "Good girl, J—um..." She looked at her for a moment and said, "From now on, I'll call you Xiao Xu."

"...Okay." Jiang Xu's cheeks flushed faintly.

Liang Xiaoqing was already pulling her hand and walking toward the door. On the way, she said they'd go to town; the weather was nice today, so they could enjoy some fresh air. Jiang Xu didn't interact with people much; she could stay in a room alone all day without getting bored. But occasionally, she was willing to go out.

Jiang Xu tilted her head up, looking at Liang Xiaoqing's back—tall and slender, inexplicably giving her a sense of security. Her hand was held warm, and she pressed her lips together, quietly following behind Liang Xiaoqing.

She couldn't remember how long they walked; she only remembered following behind Liang Xiaoqing, catching glimpses of the trees by the roadside, half green and half yellow, with loud cicada calls from the treetops.

When they passed Qing Middle, a burst of noise came from inside. In the playground, quite a few children were chasing each other and playing.

It was the last day of the holiday, and there wasn't much in Shuiqing Town for children to play on except for the big school playground. So the students of Qing Middle usually arranged to meet at the school playground on the last day of the break.

Jiang Xu was drawn by the laughter. She turned her head to look—there were kids her age, older students, and some younger than her.

A gentle breeze brushed Jiang Xu's face. It was a clear day; the sunlight was gentler than the scorching summer heat, casting a warm glow on people. Jiang Xu squinted, not watching where she was going, and stumbled, nearly falling. Luckily, Liang Xiaoqing had been holding her hand all along.

"Careful."

The hand around her palm was fair and soft, with evenly shaped fingers; it tightened around hers just as she was about to fall, keeping her from hitting the ground. She looked up.

Liang Xiaoqing's face was softly lit by the sun. Jiang Xu thought maybe it was because Liang Xiaoqing was from the city that she was so pretty.

"Thank you," Jiang Xu said softly.

After saying that, she lowered her head again, looking at her hand held by Liang Xiaoqing's, and became even more convinced of her guess: city girls and country girls were worlds apart, or else even Liang Xiaoqing's fingers wouldn't look so delicate.

As she thought about it, Jiang Xu tilted her head, curiously sizing up Liang Xiaoqing.

The hand that wasn't the same skin tone as hers let go of her hand, fingers swaying in front of her eyes. Liang Xiaoqing placed her delicate hands on Jiang Xu's shoulders and bent down slightly to face her.

Her white shirt was dotted with small pale yellow flowers, and the collar gaped open a little, letting out a faint, pleasant scent. Her half-tied hair fell to the front of her shoulders, lightly brushing against the drooping collar.

"I'm going to get my bike from school. Will you wait for me at the school gate?"

Liang Xiaoqing always asked for the other person's opinion when she spoke. Jiang Xu looked at the strand of hair hanging down on Liang Xiaoqing's shoulder, her gaze swaying along with it, and said, "Okay."

Liang Xiaoqing told her to wait where she was, then went into school to get her bicycle.

Almost every teacher at the school had a bicycle—some bought their own, and some were public bikes that teachers could rent for getting around.

Liang Xiaoqing's bike was rented; as a means of transport, it was convenient for outings or buying things in town. But the school's bikes were from years ago, a bit old. When Liang Xiaoqing rode out of the bike shed, the bicycle creaked and groaned.

The old man sitting at the school gate greeted her warmly: "Xiaoqing, off to town market again?"

"Mm," Liang Xiaoqing answered from a distance.

The stretch of road outside the school gate was rough. Liang Xiaoqing bounced along on the bike, keeping her eyes on the path, while lifting her head slightly to look for Jiang Xu. She craned her neck, drawing out a smooth line, her skin appearing even whiter in the sunlight.

Her gaze searched, afraid she wouldn't find Jiang Xu. Luckily, just as her heart was about to leap into her throat, she spotted Jiang Xu's figure.

Jiang Xu stood by a big tree, small and easy to overlook; even her shadow was tiny, swaying faintly on the ground. Jiang Xu had her back to her, not doing anything in particular, head hanging low.

Like a wildflower wilted by the sun.

Jiang Xu was too thin, too unremarkable. If you didn't look for her carefully, a quick glance would miss her entirely.

But Liang Xiaoqing's eyesight was excellent.

Locking on her target, she rode the bike that seemed about to fall apart, clattering and clanging up to behind Jiang Xu.

"What's wrong? Are you—"

Before she could finish, Jiang Xu turned around, meeting her gaze head-on. Her black pupils shone brightly in the sun, and with a slight smile, she pointed at the ground: "Teacher Liang, look, ants moving house."

Liang Xiaoqing was stunned for a moment.

In the muddy ground under the sunlight, dappled spots of light filtered through the branches, and a long line of ants crawled slowly forward. But Liang Xiaoqing noticed that Jiang Xu was smiling. When Jiang Xu smiled, she looked even more well-behaved than when she didn't. Seeing that she wasn't speaking, Jiang Xu turned her attention back to the ants on the ground.

Childishly, she stuck her foot out and cut off the ant line at the middle, sending the little ants into a tizzy. After a while, the ant army figured out they had to go around the big obstacle ahead, so they neatly made a detour.

Jiang Xu seemed to take endless delight in teasing the ants, blocking them again and again until the ant army was split into many sections, the long line of ant soldiers scattering into a mess.

Jiang Xu's smile widened even more, and Liang Xiaoqing couldn't bear to interrupt.

This was the first time since meeting Jiang Xu that she'd seen a smile on her face. When she smiled, Jiang Xu's eyes curved into a beautiful arc, clearing away much of the gloom between her brows.

"Isn't it fun, Teacher Liang?"

Liang Xiaoqing pinched Jiang Xu's little cheek. Maybe it was her imagination, but she felt like these past few days Jiang Xu had gained a bit of weight; the flesh on her cheeks was soft to pinch. A moment ago, she'd thought Jiang Xu might be crying because she wasn't used to a new environment.

She'd worried for nothing. She laughed in mild exasperation. "Hurry up and get on. It's twenty or thirty li to town, and if we wait any longer, we won't make it."

Jiang Xu let out an "Oh" and obediently sat on the back seat.

The sunlight was just right, and the breeze was warm and pleasant.

Liang Xiaoqing pedaled the bike with effort, wobbling along the uneven path, a light sweat beading on her forehead. She worried Jiang Xu might fall off the back seat, so she told her to hold on tight and warned her not to fall to the ground.

Jiang Xu nodded, then realized Liang Xiaoqing couldn't see her from the back seat, so she tugged at Liang Xiaoqing's clothes.

This was her first time riding a bicycle, and on someone else's back seat, no less. It felt very different.

The sun cast a faint shadow of Liang Xiaoqing's back across her face. Liang Xiaoqing's hair was gently blown by the wind, sweeping across her cheek. The ends of her hair shimmered with light.

The road beneath the wheels was too bumpy, and Jiang Xu couldn't sit steady. She didn't hug Liang Xiaoqing as she'd been told, but instead gripped the clothes at her sides.

The trees on both sides slowly slid past, and they rode into a stretch of fields.

Liang Xiaoqing's voice drifted lazily to her ears with the wind: "Mm... this time we're going to town to stock up. We're out of rice and flour at home, and oh, oil too—we can buy it all at once in town. But... Xiao Xu, is there anything you want? If you need anything, just tell me. Don't be shy, okay?"

Jiang Xu paused for a moment before getting used to the name Xiao Xu. So this was why Liang Xiaoqing was going to town—to buy those things. She listened as Liang Xiaoqing listed rice, flour, and oil, and when she asked what she wanted, her train of thought suddenly broke.

What did she want?

She thought about it, but her mind went blank.

She, who lacked so much, couldn't figure out what she wanted at that moment.

So she looked at Liang Xiaoqing's back, leaned forward slightly, lifted her head, and said to the back of her head, "I don't need anything, Teacher Liang. I'm not lacking anything."

Liang Xiaoqing nodded to show she'd heard.

The road ahead was a downhill slope, a bit steep. Liang Xiaoqing straightened her back, looking even more slender from behind.

"Hold on tight, Xiao Xu. We're going downhill."

The bike suddenly picked up speed, the frame rattling and clanking. Liang Xiaoqing's coattails fluttered in the wind, her hair streaming backward. Jiang Xu bounced on the back seat until her butt hurt, leaning her body forward. She didn't dare move—if she moved, she was afraid the bike would tip over, and the force of the downhill was no less frightening than the fear of falling.

But at least she had something to hold on to.

She pressed her whole upper body against Liang Xiaoqing's back, her arms wrapping around the waist wrapped in the shirt, the lifted coattails pressed down by her encircling arms. Jiang Xu rested her cheek against Liang Xiaoqing's spine, feeling the wind skim past her face, Liang Xiaoqing's hair brushing against her.

The shirt was filled with the scent of sunshine, warm to the touch, and she could even feel the warmth beneath the fabric.

Jiang Xu closed her eyes, not looking at the branches whipping past on both sides.

The wind whistled past her ears, whoosh, whoosh.

Her heart raced.

Only when the sound of the wind in her ears gradually faded and the bike slowed down did she open her eyes.

The body she held strained forward as Liang Xiaoqing pedaled, and the bike made that creaking sound again, moving slowly and unhurriedly, its speed no longer as fast as before.

Jiang Xu could feel the vibration of this young body.

She had to tilt her head up slightly to see Liang Xiaoqing fully. This woman teacher from out of town, always the subject of her classmates' conversations, looked frail and delicate, but her soft back was so dependable, easily carrying her over the small slope that had frightened her.

Jiang Xu caught the scent of soap on Liang Xiaoqing's clothes. She let go of her waist, pulled back a little distance, and gripped the fabric at her sides again, just like before.

"Don't be afraid, Xiao Xu."

It was Liang Xiaoqing's voice.

Sunlight spilled over Liang Xiaoqing's clothes.

The sound of rustling waves filled her ears, and golden rice paddies surged in the fields.

"Creak, creak."

The bicycle carrying her and Liang Xiaoqing grew farther and farther from Shuiqing Town.