Studying in Secret: Xiaoqing, I'm Leaving

As Liang Xiaoqing crossed the playground, several teachers greeted her: "Teacher Liang!"

"Ah..." she responded absentmindedly. A female teacher hurried over and stopped in front of her. "Teacher Liang, what's wrong with you? You're covered from head to toe..." She looked her up and down. "Like you've rolled in a mud puddle!"

Liang Xiaoqing was young, and the other teachers were protective of her. The female teacher brushed the dust off her. "Teacher Liang, you need to mind your appearance at school! This sets a bad example for the children."

Startled back to reality, Liang Xiaoqing snapped to attention. "Right, right." She was a teacher, after all—how could she be so careless about her appearance?

She waved at the older female teacher. "I'm fine, Teacher An."

Teacher An told her to go back and rest. The students would be dismissed for the holiday in the afternoon, and she'd still need to remind them about safety precautions. As the voice drifted away, Liang Xiaoqing thought again of Li Jingquan's words.

She didn't go to school that afternoon. Director Li sent word that she should stay home for a while. Liang Xiaoqing knew this was a veiled warning. She was still shaken—if she lost this job, what would she do then?

To be fair, she wasn't some great philanthropist. Even helping Jiang Xu wasn't without its own selfish motives. But if it meant losing her livelihood entirely, Liang Xiaoqing found herself lost.

She sat at home the whole afternoon, as if time had slipped by unnoticed. Soon, the sky was completely dark. She was still wearing the same clothes she'd worn that morning to intercept Li Jingquan—mud caked on her hair, her body, her pants. She hadn't changed into clean clothes. She hadn't noticed while she was moving.

But sitting quietly, she felt a throbbing pain in her right foot. She must have twisted it when she fell, and combined with all the walking she'd done, the injury had gotten worse.

The distant light from outside filtered weakly through the window into the room. Liang Xiaoqing sat stiffly on the sofa all afternoon, waiting for Jiang Xu to return.

Sitting face to face in the darkness, Liang Xiaoqing silently stared at her. The hairpin was the most conspicuous thing—cheap rhinestones that sparkled with just a hint of light.

Liang Xiaoqing was dazzled by the gleam. She blinked, and her eyes inexplicably welled up again.

Jiang Xu stood up, making a slight sound as she moved.

*Click!*

The light was switched on. Liang Xiaoqing shielded her eyes with her hand. Jiang Xu stood before her, a long shadow dragging across the floor. Compared to when she'd first arrived, Jiang Xu seemed to have grown a bit taller.

"I know." Her tone was unreadable. Jiang Xu stood straight-backed and solemnly bowed to Liang Xiaoqing. "Xiaoqing, thank you for taking care of me these past days. This exam, I got first place... That's what I wanted to tell you."

"Xiao Xu..."

A faint smile tugged at the corner of Jiang Xu's mouth. "I'll go pack my things."

No matter how well-behaved a child is, there comes a time when they lose control of their temper. Liang Xiaoqing had imagined Jiang Xu would blame her, get angry, scream and shout. The last thing she expected was for Jiang Xu to be so calm.

Sounds came from the bedroom, pulling at Liang Xiaoqing's heart. Her breathing grew heavier than usual.

Time crawled by slower than it ever had. Liang Xiaoqing's discomfort turned into her tightly gripping her own hands.

Jiang Xu came out, carrying the cloth bag she'd arrived with and the heavy schoolbag on her back. She looked at Liang Xiaoqing, reluctance in her eyes, but the words that came out were still: "Xiaoqing, I'm leaving."

"Xiao Xu...!" In that instant, many thoughts flashed through Liang Xiaoqing's mind. Whether it was a momentary rush of blood to the head or her stubbornness refusing to back down, she couldn't deny what was in her heart. She thought, maybe there was still room to turn things around: "Xiao Xu..."

She'd been too impulsive, actually saying something like that. Jiang Xu had been full of hope for her, hadn't she?

She regretted it. She went after Jiang Xu, but a sharp pain in her foot made her lose her balance, and she fell.

*Creak—*

The door closed softly.

Just like that, silently—quieter than the sound of a rain shower.

Liang Xiaoqing thought Jiang Xu must be utterly heartbroken.

Liang Xiaoqing was both right and wrong. Outside the door, Jiang Xu saw Wang Cai catching up to her. Wang Cai seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, her taut face relaxing as she forced a faint smile. She hurried over and took the cloth bag from Jiang Xu's arm.

The stars were bright and lovely that night, against the pitch-black sky. The people under the starlight seemed to emit a soft glow.

"Why did you bother coming back!"

"I was wrong!"

Downstairs, a woman started shouting curses again, her voice carrying through the whole building, mixed with a man's groveling apologies as the woman twisted his ear hard.

"Ow!" The man yelped.

*Bang!* The sound of a door slamming. The whole building shook three times.

Wang Cai spoke in a flat tone. "He's a henpecked husband." She patted Jiang Xu's arm. "A woman still needs to be tough. You've got to have a longer view of people too."

Jiang Xu didn't move. Wang Cai pulled her. "Well? I didn't lie to you, did I?"

She thought back to the afternoon's events, still terrifying. Thank goodness Liang Xiaoqing hadn't been seriously hurt; even if they sold everything they owned, they couldn't pay for a teacher's life.

She didn't know whether Jiang Xu knew the truth. Her cracked lips twitched, but in the end, she said nothing.

She looked Jiang Xu over carefully. She noticed Jiang Xu had grown taller and much more refined. For a moment, she felt dazed. "Let's go."

Soon, she snapped back to reality.

"A person can live however they live. Even if you don't study, you can find another way out. Not everyone has to be a college student these days."

Jiang Xu walked a couple steps ahead, and Wang Cai continued muttering, "In the end, it all comes down to fate. You don't have the luck for schooling, so stop making trouble. Ah... it's not good to drag Teacher Liang down either."

Jiang Xu found the words grating. Even at times when she'd never once dared to hope they'd give her even half the consideration they gave Jiang Lun, some resentment still welled up inside her.

"What kind of fate do I have?"

"..."

"Why can Jiang Lun go to university? Mom, don't you believe I can go to university too?"

Wang Cai grew anxious. "How dare you talk back like that! Who is Jiang Lun? He's your brother! He's the hope of our family!"

"If I go to college, I can be the hope of our family too!"

"Jiang Xu!"

Wang Cai was so angry she was out of breath, her eyes red with desperation as she slapped Jiang Xu's back again and again. "How can you be so selfish! ...They already don't want you! Are you still going to the teacher's house? How can you be so shameless! How can you be so cold-hearted? Are you an ungrateful wolf? Do you want to watch Jiang Daguo beat me to death?!"

Jiang Xu kept her eyes slightly lowered, lips pressed together, walking forward.

As she spoke, Wang Cai began to regret it. She wiped her tears. "I... I just don't have any other choice!"

"..."

Wang Cai trailed behind, her heart heavy. "...I don't have a daughter like you... If it weren't for you... do you know..."

At least life wouldn't be so hard.

If you looked closely, Wang Cai was actually quite pretty. Under the sallow skin, her features bore a resemblance to Jiang Xu's, a trace of her youthful charm still faintly visible.

But she had endured too much hardship. She was thin beyond recognition, her back bent. From behind, a single gust of wind might blow her over.

A sourness rose in Jiang Xu's nose, slowly creeping up. Every time it came to this, Wang Cai would say she wasn't her daughter. Many times, Jiang Xu wished she really weren't Wang Cai's daughter. But under their similar features flowed the same blood, reminding her that she and Wang Cai shared an unbreakable bond.

She quickened her pace, walked to the bottom of the building, and stopped to wait for Wang Cai.

Wang Cai seemed deeply grieved, crying softly, deliberately choking back her sobs so as not to disturb anyone.

The night wind was cold, brushing very lightly through Jiang Xu's hair. The sensation easily reminded her of someone.

Liang Xiaoqing often stroked her head, that same gentle, soft touch. The places she touched still held a lingering warmth. She had curled up in Liang Xiaoqing's bed, quietly listening to her speak.

"Don't blame your mother. She still thinks of you; otherwise, she wouldn't have asked me to take you in. It's just that many things are beyond her control. She's already done her best to fight for a chance for you. Now you need to study hard and go out into the world to see it for yourself."

Liang Xiaoqing could understand her mother, so why was she still so aggrieved?

She looked up at the brilliant night sky and said in a hushed voice, "Mom, I'm sorry."

Wang Cai, who had been crying, froze. The words drifted into her ear on the cold wind.

She wiped her tears and saw Jiang Xu looking at her. Her eyes were big, framed by thick lashes, with a hint of wetness underneath, her eye sockets red. She looked rather pitiful.

"Jiang Xu..."

Jiang Xu ignored her and walked off into the depths of the night.

Jiang Xu shouldn't have been like this. Her nature, as Wang Cai had said, was cold and callous—a true ungrateful wolf.

But that sourness surged and surged until it stung her eyes. She wiped the corner of her eye, sniffled, and shook her head, trying to shake everything about Liang Xiaoqing out of her mind.

By the time she reached the mountain and saw the usual dilapidation—the pitch-black house—she felt she could no longer recall what it had been like to stay in Liang Xiaoqing's home.

Half a month passed, and true winter finally arrived. After the Beginning of Winter, the sky stayed gloomy and overcast, with many days of light drizzle.

Jiang Xu's life returned to normal: up before dawn, feeding the pigs and chickens, and sometimes helping with farm work in the fields.

After she came back, Jiang Daguo, surprisingly, only scolded her without hitting her.

He muttered to himself, "If you'd done this from the start, none of this would've happened!"

As for what exactly had happened, Jiang Daguo didn't say.

Jiang Xu had brought the textbooks for the next semester, given to her by Liang Xiaoqing, who said she should get a head start during winter break so she could keep up in the new term.

In her bag too were the class notes for the lessons she'd missed, given by Jiang Erya.

Jiang Erya's grades weren't great, but she listened attentively in class and took thorough notes. Jiang Xu picked out what she needed and found it quite illuminating.

But she could only secretly study at night before bed, because she couldn't use the family's electric lights.

Wang Cai had secretly given her a flashlight. But one night, she was too tired and forgot to turn it off. Jiang Daguo came up to the attic in the middle of the night, slapped her several times, tore up her textbooks, and smashed the flashlight to pieces.

"No wonder you've been lazy and oversleeping—turns out you've been reading this junk!"

Jiang Xu's head spun from the slaps, her mind reeling. Her face was red and swollen, blood seeping from the corner of her mouth.

Staggering, she picked up the shredded paper scraps, trying to explain to Jiang Daguo: "These aren't junk! They're textbooks! Textbooks!"

As she spoke, she started screaming, tears streaming from her eyes as she glared at him.

Jiang Daguo flew into a rage and kicked her. "You've grown wings, huh? Daring to yell at me! I'll teach you to yell! I'll beat you to death!!"

Jiang Daguo bared his teeth, panting heavily. A grown man could easily knock Jiang Xu to the ground.

Jiang Xu was utterly defenseless. She hugged the textbooks Liang Xiaoqing had given her, clutching them tightly to her chest, curling into a ball. She'd gone numb from the kicks.

Her eyes fixed on the dark shadow on the earthen wall—like a demon wearing human skin, reaching toward her with claws bared.

Jiang Xu closed her eyes. Tears slid down the corners, and she let out a barely audible, trembling breath. It hurt so much; she was crying from the pain.

"I'll teach you to read! I'll teach you to run!"

"Who do you think feeds you! Who raises you for free!"

"I'll beat you to death! Beat you to death... beat you to death, you ungrateful wolf...!"

Jiang Xu felt a kick land on her head. Her mind went hazy, drifting in a fog, and a sharp, pleading voice rang in her ears.

"Stop hitting! Stop hitting! You'll kill her at this rate!"

"Wuwuwu... I'm begging you!"