Chapter 9

Gu Nianxi had lived to seventeen before she realized that the future was a narrow path. That path led nowhere, only darker and more cramped the further she went, until it was hard to breathe. In her last life, she'd been trapped in it, unable to move, unable to breathe, with no sky above and no ground below. It was unbearable, and in the end, she'd ended her own life in a bathtub.

Now, two months into this new life, she stood at the same familiar crossroads. Knowing what lay ahead made it all the more agonizing. She seethed with resentment at her own cowardice and stupidity, at her inability to change her circumstances, yet she couldn't numb herself into acceptance. All she could do was turn her fear and fury into childish defiance.

She ran, driven by a wild impulse to flee the Gu estate, abandon everything, and never look back.

She had already thought about what she'd do when Cheng Qihang showed up. In her previous life, he hadn't come to the Gu residence until August, and by the end of that month, Gu Nianxi would become an adult. Once she came of age, she could steal her own ID and go anywhere.

She wasn't Bai Jin—if she died out there, no one would care. She had some money in her own account and was already preparing her application for the London College of Art. In September, she'd head to Europe to take the entrance exams. With the exhibition in the capital boosting her résumé, she was confident she'd get in. In Europe, she'd take a new name, speak a new language, live in a new place. If she ran out of money, she'd work—waitressing, doing illustrations—but she would never return, never—

But this time, Cheng Qihang had come early.

Did that mean the engagement would be moved up too?

Gu Nianxi's hands trembled with fear.

Once she was outside, the tears she'd held back spilled over. Hot drops rolled down her cheeks, blurring her vision and soaking into the dirt beneath her feet.

To the south of the estate lay a garden, full of blooming roses. Gu Nianxi ran into the thick of the flowers. The bushes were tall, some trimmed, some not. She left the stone path and veered onto the narrow trail left for the gardeners to prune, where thorny branches jutted out, catching at her clothes and snagging threads from the expensive fabric.

Gu Nianxi didn't care.

When she was little, whenever she felt wronged and didn't want to see anyone, she'd burrow into the flower beds. The bushes had been tall for her back then; once she sat down, she'd be swallowed up by the layers of leaves and branches, invisible to the world. The butler and the servants could never find her.

Now, just like when she was a child, she ran deeper into the flowers. A little more ladylike than before, she didn't sit on the ground; she crouched instead.

She breathed in ragged gasps. Fear pressed in like walls from all sides, and she could only hug her arms and tremble, unable to escape.

For a while, her head buzzed. Her tears wouldn't stop, and her eyes quickly swelled. Only when the warm, humid air, thick with the scent of flowers, filled her nose did she calm down a little.

She'd been impulsive today, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing. She'd shown such resistance that the engagement might be delayed. As long as she could drag it out until she escaped, she didn't mind suffering a bit now.

So many things in this life were different from the previous one. It had to be because of something she'd done recently, setting off a butterfly effect that made Cheng Qihang come to the Gu estate sooner.

Oh, the project!

Gu Nianxi suddenly remembered the real estate project Bai Jin was managing. Because of her warning, Bai Jin had pushed the Hongsheng project faster and better than in her previous life.

...Because Bai Jin had shown more value than before, Gu Nianxi had been discarded faster.

It was like stocks: those expected to fall were sold off for cash, those expected to rise were bought up.

It was disgusting.

Gu Nianxi's grip tightened on her arms, her fingers digging into the fabric, leaving deep wrinkles.

Inappropriately, Gu Nianxi wanted to paint. No matter what emotion surged through her, fierce and overwhelming, she always felt the urge to channel it into art. It was almost an instinct of self-preservation, a convulsion of the spirit. When her heart was wounded, the blood that spilled turned into an outpouring of creative urge, driving her to create with hunger.

She breathed, panted, and heard the servants outside the flowers calling for her. She pressed herself even lower, but as she wiped away her tears, she saw a pair of wide, innocent eyes.

It was a little girl, wearing a dress and little leather shoes, her hair tied into two small buns. She was also among the flower bushes, and seeing Gu Nianxi crying piteously, she blinked and held out a tissue.

Gu Nianxi whispered a thank-you.

She recognized the girl: Cheng Shuhui, whom she'd met a few times in her previous life. The child looked timid, but was actually a wild little thing who spoke boldly—

"Sister, are you going to be my new mom?" the girl asked, copying Gu Nianxi's crouch and staring at her directly.

Gu Nianxi: "..."

Cheng Shuhui: "You're so pretty. I'd like to call you Mom."

Gu Nianxi: I wouldn't.

Cheng Shuhui led a hard life. Because she was a girl, Cheng Qihang didn't like her. His ex-wife had some health problems and couldn't have more children, so he divorced her.

At home, Cheng Shuhui wasn't valued, but the reason Gu Nianxi remembered her so well was that she was a master of pretense. She played harmless, acting timid in front of others, but inside she was sharp and opinionated. Once, when Cheng Qihang had cornered Gu Nianxi at the Cheng house, Cheng Shuhui had hidden her. Also, because of their shared experience of being overlooked, Gu Nianxi felt a kind of kinship with her.

She sighed. "I'm not going to marry Cheng Qihang."

"But you can't out-stubborn the adults."

"I just threw hot tea in your father's face."

Cheng Shuhui's eyes lit up. "You're so brave. But won't your dad scold you?"

"My dad got splashed too."

"Wow."

She let out a small gasp of admiration.

"What 'wow'? They'll beat me when they find me."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Couldn't help it."

They looked at each other and laughed.

*

"I'll beat that wicked girl to death!" Gu Hongzhuo's roar rolled through the house.

Jiang Man tried to soothe him, but her face was grim too.

Cheng Qihang had just been taken to a guest room to change clothes, and now a servant came with news that the Cheng family's young miss had gone missing.

One misfortune after another—they were at their wits' end.

Bai Jin stood off to the side, watching them coldly. Earlier, in the room, Jiang Man hadn't answered her question, but her expression had said it all.

Bai Jin didn't understand. They knew Gu Nianxi wasn't their own flesh and blood, so why keep that secret and raise her for seventeen years?

Before she turned six, Bai Jin had grown up in an orphanage. She knew that the most terrifying thing in the world wasn't the absence of love but being given false hope when there was no love at all.

Gu Nianxi cared so much about Gu Hongzhuo and Jiang Man—that was exactly why she had been so hostile toward Bai Jin when Bai Jin first arrived. Bai Jin understood all that.

But the line between love and neglect was so stark. Right now, even as they fumed at Gu Nianxi, Mr. and Mrs. Gu were still watching Bai Jin's expression, afraid she might resent them for it.

They had no idea that Bai Jin didn't care in the slightest.

She had come to the Gu family to gain money and power. That was a primal craving for strength, having nothing to do with family ties. Bai Jin could serve them tea, call them Father and Mother, and if the opportunity ever came to strip them of their power, she wouldn't hesitate.

She could also call Gu Nianxi "Sister," turn a blind eye to the other girl's mistreatment, and even, because of the erotic dreams that visited her every night and the physical reactions she couldn't control, savor those slights like a condiment, tasting them from on high.

There was a deep-seated indifference in her bones. Bai Jin always knew what she was thinking and what she wanted. Befriending Gu Nianxi was to satisfy her possessiveness; keeping Gu Nianxi's worn clothes was for material to fuel her fantasies when she couldn't hold back. Everything surrounding her poor sister stemmed from desires that couldn't be aired in polite society.

Beyond that lust, she felt nothing for her.

Yet now, seeing Gu Nianxi's desperate struggle, Bai Jin couldn't help a flicker of pity.

Her beautiful, fragile, pitiful sister was like a delicate rose that needed careful tending—but there was no one in this house who truly cared for her.

Gu Hongzhuo didn't care. Bai Jin guessed he might have some physical problem that left him unable to father children, and since the family needed an heir, he'd kept Gu Nianxi around. But whenever he saw her, he was reminded of his own inadequacy, which made him all the more dissatisfied with her.

Jiang Man didn't care either. She had married Gu Hongzhuo, lost her own daughter, and been forced to raise someone else's—so she resented Gu Nianxi even more, responding to all the girl's attempts at closeness with coldness.

Even Bai Jin wasn't truly invested. Her body yearned to devour Gu Nianxi whole, but her soul stayed detached, watching Gu Nianxi and the entire Gu family from above like a farcical play.

Gu Nianxi probably didn't need her condescending pity.

But besides pity, Bai Jin felt anger. Her fingers twitched with it, and her heart ached in sharp pulses.

Bai Jin chalked it up to desire—because Gu Nianxi had been pushed toward someone else, looked at with those disgusting eyes, so her possessiveness was acting up again.

It made sense. Desire was exclusive, after all, and she could only tolerate herself coveting Gu Nianxi.

She said, "Dad, don't be too angry. Sister isn't even of marriageable age yet."

Gu Hongzhuo was furious. "She's almost an adult! And how could she do this? How dare she?!"

"If you tried to marry me off so quickly, to someone divorced and twelve years older, I'd react just as badly."

"What are you saying? Your father would never—" Jiang Man cut in, reaching for Bai Jin.

"I know you wouldn't," Bai Jin said. "But what would people say? Has the Gu family fallen so low that we sell our daughters?"

The two of them gasped in unison, as if Bai Jin had said something utterly outrageous.

Bai Jin felt her suspicions confirmed:

The Gu family must be in trouble, already reduced to depending on the Jiang family.

"Let's first find the Cheng family's young miss, see Cheng Uncle off, and then go look for Sister," she said coolly.