Chapter 32

In the latter half of the night, she couldn’t fall asleep again and became unbearably restless.

She had lost all trace of drowsiness; until dawn, every minute felt like agony.

Unable to sleep, Yu Min sat there dazed, dull and motionless, over and over trying to shake off the lingering effects of the dream. For a long time, she couldn’t make sense of anything; her mind was a blank.

No one knew how much time had passed before noises came from downstairs in the complex. Around six o’clock, people gradually started heading out for work and school, and only then did Yu Min come back to herself. Her eyelids fluttered uncontrollably, then she slowly closed her eyes once before opening them again. She got out of bed, found clothes to change into, and went to the bathroom to shower, washing away the foul sweat and sticky discomfort clinging to her body.

When she turned on the shower, hot water poured down from above. Before long, pale steam filled the whole space, damp and stifling. Facing the wall, Yu Min let the water run over her for several minutes before lifting a hand to wipe her face. Her thoughts gradually returned. Whether it was because of the enclosed space or because the hot water had run too long and left her short of oxygen, the hazy images didn’t fade at all; instead, they only grew clearer.

Pressing her lips together, she drew a deep breath and forcibly suppressed the strange feeling. The water temperature hadn’t changed; it was still the same. And yet, for some reason, Yu Min had the absurd illusion that the water striking her body was getting hotter and hotter. Not long after, she heard movement outside again.

In the room next door, Lin Baixin had just gotten up and hadn’t come out yet. Today she was up more than ten minutes later than usual.

Realizing it was her getting up too, Yu Min reflexively turned off the water at once. Her body moved before her reason did. Only after Lin Baixin walked toward the kitchen and got farther away did Yu Min loosen her grip on the switch a little, no longer quite so tense.

A bit more awake now, she hurriedly rinsed herself off, washed away the foam, tidied up in a few quick motions, got dressed, and went out.

Outside, Lin Baixin was frying eggs. She’d also stayed up late working last night, so she didn’t look great either. When she saw Yu Min come out after changing, she turned the spatula in the pan and said, “Morning.”

Yu Min walked over, then stopped half a step away from her and went to get a plate for the food.

“Morning.”

“Got something on today?” Lin Baixin asked, glancing sideways.

Yu Min didn’t understand why she’d ask that and denied it at once. “No. Why?”

“I thought you had something going on, getting up so early to shower.” Lin Baixin said. They usually showered at night; waking up first thing in the morning to bathe was unusual.

She’d been found out right away. Yu Min’s attempt to hide it was really just self-deception. She’d thought that if she turned off the water then, once Lin Baixin had gone far enough away to not hear anything, she could get away with it. In the end, that hadn’t worked at all.

Her body stiffened instantly. Guilty, and as if afraid of being caught at something else, Yu Min stood rooted in place with the plate in her hands, not moving for a long while. After making up her mind, she lied, “No. I just got up and drank some soda, then accidentally spilled it on myself, so I washed up.”

“When did you get up?” Lin Baixin didn’t suspect her and followed along.

“Just after five.” Yu Min lied again; not a word out of her mouth was true.

“I’m going to Yuncheng today, and I’ll be back tonight,” Lin Baixin said. “But I should get home pretty late, so don’t wait for me if you’re back before then.”

Yu Min asked, “What are you going for?”

“To pick up a batch. An old customer has some goods to move; the offer’s pretty good. Lin Qi wasn’t comfortable letting anyone else go, so it was supposed to be her, but she had something come up at the last minute, so it turned into me.”

“In the morning?”

“Mm, yep. The flight’s a little after nine. It’s not too far, which is lucky, or else it would’ve pushed things back by another day.”

Changing the subject and chatting a bit, Yu Min was unusually talkative this time. She didn’t need Lin Baixin to prompt her; she asked a whole string of questions, more concerned about Lin Baixin’s schedule than at any other time.

That was even more suspicious.

Lin Baixin could tell, of course. Her lying was far too clumsy, and she kept dodging around; it was hard not to notice. But in the end, she still didn’t call her out. If Yu Min didn’t want to admit it, then forget it; there was no need to keep digging and prying.

Only after they started eating at the table did Yu Min finally let out a long breath. Even so, the knot in her chest still hadn’t gone away. She couldn’t hide what was on her mind, and for the entire meal, she didn’t dare meet Lin Baixin’s eyes, as if she couldn’t bear to look.

Lin Baixin found it amusing. Not knowing exactly what was wrong, just before they got up from the table and after Yu Min had eaten her fill, she tapped the tabletop with her slender fingers and said gently, “What’s with you? Am I really that scary? Is there any need to hide from me like that?”

Yu Min only shook her head, still not daring to look up.

“I’m not hiding from you.”

“Then say it. What exactly is going on?” Lin Baixin gave up on principle and changed her mind. “You’re acting very suspicious. So strange that anyone watching would think I’d done something to you.”

It would’ve been better if she hadn’t said it. The moment those words left her mouth, they hit right on Yu Min’s unspeakable secret. She nearly couldn’t even hold her milk steady. After a two-second pause, Yu Min fell into her usual dead-fish act and stood up stiffly. “I’m full. I’m going to school.”

With that, she pulled out the chair, hurried back to her room to grab her backpack, and even shut the door behind her at once when she went in. She forgot to say goodbye to Lin Baixin and rushed downstairs to catch the bus.

Lin Baixin frowned, not understanding why she was so flustered. There wasn’t time to think it through; a call came in, a work call, so she could only set those thoughts aside and deal with work first.

Yu Min made it all the way to the first floor in one breath. Pulling her coat tight around herself, she walked step by step to the neighborhood gate. Today she was lucky; there were still empty seats in the school library. But she couldn’t make herself read. She was out of sorts the entire day and even lost focus in class.

That dream was simply... Yu Min didn’t even dare think about it. She wanted nothing more than to bury her head in the ground. It was too embarrassing.

After classes ended in the afternoon, she went straight home. She’d nearly finished reviewing, so she didn’t need to keep studying right away. Once she got back, she did something unprecedented and messaged Li Xueting first.

She rarely took the initiative to chat with people, so Li Xueting immediately called her on video, guessing something must’ve happened, and something big at that, or she wouldn’t be like this.

Yu Min refused to admit it and brushed her off. “Don’t overthink it. It’s not like that. I’m just bored and wanted to chat with you.”

“Oh, come on. I don’t believe that. You’re always the one I message first; you never come looking for me.” Li Xueting was certain. “Tell me, what happened exactly? Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret for sure, absolutely won’t spread it. I swear on my character.”

Yu Min kept her mouth shut and refused to say anything.

How could something like this be told? She’d rather die than mention it.

The less she said, the more inquisitive Li Xueting became. Then, all at once, she seemed to think of something. Li Xueting let out an exaggerated “ah,” dragging the sound out, and suddenly said, “Don’t tell me your parents are causing trouble again?”

Yu Min was vague and didn’t deny it.

Li Xueting took it as the truth. “They came looking for you?”

Yu Min said, “Not for now.”

“That’s good enough then. As long as they haven’t come, it’s fine.”

“I..."

“Go on.”

“Nothing.”

“Say it already, don’t keep me hanging.”

Yu Min made up an excuse and brushed it off a few times. After hanging up the video call, she thought it over and, after hesitating for quite a while, sent a message: -I dreamed about Sister Baixin last night.

Li Xueting didn’t get it: -And?

Yu Min: -I don’t know why I dreamed about her. It was weird.

Li Xueting was very casual about it: -What’s weird about that? You two are together every day; dreaming about someone around you is perfectly normal.

Li Xueting: -Anything else? The details.

Yu Min: -I can’t remember.

Thinking Yu Min wanted to analyze the dream, Li Xueting happened to have gotten obsessed with tarot cards lately. She asked Yu Min a few more questions and then pulled out her cards to calculate this and that. Unfortunately, she only half-knew what she was doing, and after fiddling with it for a long time, she still couldn’t make sense of it. In the end, she concluded: -You’ve been overstudying lately and getting yourself worked up. Get more rest. You’ll be fine after the exam and a few days of recovery.

With nowhere to pour out her troubles, Yu Min could only let them rot in her own stomach.

She lay down on the bed, tossed aside her phone, and stared blankly at the ceiling, motionless for a long time.

These random interludes didn’t affect the exams that followed. After hiding away for two days, perhaps because dreams also faded with time, Yu Min quickly returned to normal. Her mindset was steady, and when faced with Lin Baixin, she could actually act calm, explaining that she’d been like that for the past two days because exams were coming up, and now she’d adjusted.

Lin Baixin would have to be a fool to believe that, but looking at her solemn face, she still swallowed the words back.

“Once this week is over, when I’m free later, I’ll take you out for a walk. Don’t get distracted for now.” Lin Baixin said tactfully.

Yu Min’s first end-of-term exam in her freshman year went smoother than expected. She’d prepared thoroughly; while the other students were taking the exam until smoke seemed to come out of their heads, she was fairly relaxed. Her performance was decent enough; at the very least, she didn’t have to worry about her score.

With the exams taking up her attention, things calmed down for a few days.

College students got a normal winter vacation now, so there was no need for make-up classes anymore. Once the exams were over, vacation started. There were no assignments; no workbook, no test papers, nothing at all. After the exams, they were completely free, and the break was officially given according to regulations.

That first winter after coming here, Yu Min didn’t go back to Siping County for winter break. She wasn’t returning home for New Year’s.

She no longer had to live under someone else’s roof, with nowhere to go for the New Year and nowhere she fit in. This year, it was properly just her and Lin Baixin, from beginning to end; it had only ever been the two of them.

As a celebration, Lin Qi treated them. She’d originally said she wanted to treat Yu Min to a meal, and now that both sides had time, they worked it out and called over the friends they usually got along with more often so everyone could get together.

“It’s almost the end of the year,” Lin Qi said cheerfully. “Lin Baixin said next week is your birthday. I might not even be around here then, and going by last year, I’ll probably be busy again by that point. So let’s count this as an early birthday celebration. Happy nineteenth birthday, Mingming.”

Lin Qi didn’t take the usual route. Most people would choose a restaurant or some other place for a birthday meal, but she was one of a kind and picked a bar. The owner was her friend; the place had just opened, and she was bringing people over to help make it lively.

Her friend was a mature, charming woman, several years older than Lin Qi, already thirty-one. When they arrived, the owner came out personally to greet them. Lin Qi went right up and hugged her, throwing an arm around her shoulder as she introduced both sides.

Yu Min was the only one unfamiliar with that group; everyone else were old acquaintances. The bar was running an opening promotion, and the place was packed. Yu Min stayed close to Lin Baixin the entire time. When they sat down, she took the seat immediately to Lin Baixin’s left.

It was noisy all around them, so they had to lean in close to talk.

Yu Min couldn’t hear what Lin Baixin was saying. Lin Baixin waved a hand, signaling her to move a little closer.

Yu Min leaned in, angling her upper body toward her.

Breath brushed her ear; warm, soft, and tingling, over and over. Yu Min felt itchy, as if ants were crawling over her.

Lin Baixin had put on makeup tonight. Her red lips carried the faint fragrance of lipstick. Logically, that scent shouldn’t have been noticeable, but when the other woman leaned in, perhaps because Yu Min’s sense of smell was unusually sharp, she could detect it; it was like strawberry soft candy.

As their faces turned slightly, they nearly touched, brushing past each other in a whisper of contact.

Under the shifting lights, Yu Min looked at Lin Baixin and didn’t hear a single word she said. All she could focus on were those lips opening and closing, and... Lin Baixin smelled sweet, the kind of scent she’d once felt nothing for but now liked very much.

Northern cities had underfloor heating everywhere in winter, so there was no cold to speak of. Once everyone got indoors, they took off their coats. Lin Baixin was wearing a white semi-turtleneck sweater with slacks underneath; it was a very ordinary combination, yet it still gave off a quiet, cultured elegance. Her hair was pinned up, but not especially neat; she hadn’t done any elaborate styling, which made her look a bit loose and unrestrained.

They talked for quite a while. Maybe because it was too stuffy inside, Yu Min’s face started turning a little red before long. She still wasn’t used to northern winters where the windows stayed shut indoors. That was very different from the south; in Siping County, even when winter was bitterly cold, there would still be a crack left in the window for air.

The dishes had been ordered in advance: grilled skewers, local specialties, plus a full table of richly sauced, elegant large and small plates. Apart from some of the skewers, nothing else was very spicy; even the skewers were in a savory sauce, tasting more salty-sweet.

Yu Min was the only one at the table who ate spicy food. Lin Baixin was sort of considered a Siping County native, and the tastes over in Hai City were just like that. Yu Min wasn’t very used to those dishes, so before serving, Lin Baixin had temporarily ordered her a few extra spicy plates. Twenty minutes later, the second round of dishes finally arrived.

“Eat this. If you can’t handle it, I’ll order more.” Lin Baixin said. It was Yu Min’s first time attending a get-together like this, so Lin Baixin was responsible for taking care of her. Knowing Yu Min would be uneasy, she spoke as she said it and even picked up a pair of chopsticks to put some food in Yu Min’s bowl.

Actually, Yu Min could have managed those other dishes too. Being cared for so thoughtfully made her feel a little unable to bear it. With Lin Baixin leading the way, the others were equally considerate toward her as well. For example, the sister in gray sitting across from them—Yu Min remembered Lin Qi had just called her Sister Wang. Sister Wang was generous and straightforward, with a strong streetwise air. Seeing how reserved Yu Min was, she drew her in every two or three sentences and kept chatting with her, clearly trying to help her fit in.

“My best friend’s daughter goes to the same school as you too, Xiaomin. She’s a year above you, though not in the same major, but if it’s the same school then you’re still alumni. Another time when I get the chance, I’ll bring her out to meet you all.” Sister Wang said with a smile, then mentioned which of her friends taught at X University, and who else studied medicine there.

Yu Min wasn’t very good at socializing. There was an inherent wall between students and people in society; she couldn’t tell when things were just polite filler and when they were genuine, and she didn’t know how to say the kind of things needed to smooth things over. If Lin Baixin hadn’t been helping her answer throughout, and sometimes simply answered for her, she definitely would’ve made that harmonious atmosphere awkward.

“Don’t be nervous. It’s nothing.” Lin Baixin said softly, so only Yu Min could hear. “Just chatting. It’s fine.”

Yu Min was less nervous than she was dazed. In truth, it wasn’t shyness or stage fright; she was a little tipsy. She’d followed along and drunk with everyone, drinking fruit wine with a low alcohol content, but her tolerance was poor, and maybe the fruit wine had been mixed with soda and beer. After three glasses, she soon started feeling lightheaded, head heavy and feet light, her reactions slowing down.

It took Lin Baixin more than ten minutes to notice something was off. Yu Min was very well-behaved when drunk, completely different from those rowdy drunks who went wild. She was even quieter than usual, sitting upright with a serious expression. When she drank too much, her body grew hot; she breathed softly with her mouth slightly open. Whenever someone spoke, she would look at that person intently and listen with great earnestness. Once they were done, she’d turn to the next person who started speaking and stare at them too, the whole time looking dazed.

Someone called her twice, and she reacted only half a beat later, turning her body and answering.

“Dizzy?” Lin Baixin didn’t ask whether she’d had too much. She probably didn’t even know herself. Instead, Lin Baixin asked how she felt, reaching out to touch the side of her neck, then her face.

It was very hot.

Yu Min felt fine enough and didn’t think she was drunk.

“No.”

Lin Baixin replaced the fruit wine with a drink and wouldn’t let her continue. The gathering was only halfway through; it was still far too early to leave, and if she kept drinking, Yu Min might collapse on the spot.

Whatever Lin Baixin said went. Yu Min did everything she was told, saying a soft, obedient, “Okay.”

She had never seen someone with such poor tolerance. Lin Baixin was helpless. Later, when she saw Yu Min’s gaze growing increasingly dazed, she leaned in again, once more speaking right by her ear: “How about we go home?”

Yu Min refused to leave, shaking her head and stubbornly insisting she was fine, that nothing was wrong.

But she couldn’t hold out for long. Once the alcohol kicked in and the surroundings were still warm and stuffy, she gradually became even groggier without noticing. Yu Min also leaned a little toward Lin Baixin, inching closer, then closer again, until the distance was stretched to its limit. And then—she tipped straight into Lin Baixin and fell against her.

Lin Baixin almost reflexively caught her. She immediately reached out, not caring about anything else, and pulled her directly into her arms, wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her from falling.