2023

This room was so dark that the light looked like a frame in a silent film, turned down to a low contrast.

Low-saturation shadows pooled across the room, blurring the old furniture, the snowflakes drifting outside the glass window, the shadows they cast on the wall, and even their eyes.

But they still looked at each other in that darkness.

Between those two pairs of eyes, everything was blurred, and many things were hidden by shadow.

If, a long time ago, someone had told Chen Yue that one day she would only have to look at another person to start crying,

she would never have believed it.

Not because she didn’t believe such things could happen in this world, but because it was hard to truly believe she would be one of them.

So she reached out.

In the dim light, she touched Chi Xiaoman’s face.

It was real.

Soft.

Plump.

Maybe illness had slowed her mind, because Chen Yue suddenly felt dazed.

She wanted to curl her fingers.

One second later.

Hot tears fell.

They struck the knuckle of her index finger, seeped in, and slid from her veins into her heart; sour, astringent, impossible to escape.

Chen Yue stopped moving.

Her palm hovered very close to Chi Xiaoman’s face, less than two centimeters away.

Chi Xiaoman turned her face to look at her, her features covered in sorrow and shadow.

“If you don’t say anything,” she said, “then I’ll... I’ll take it as you agreeing.”

Chen Yue struggled to curl her fingers.

It was hard to speak.

So Chi Xiaoman didn’t wait any longer.

She was still crouched in that strange posture in the narrow space beside the bed, still looking at her with that strange expression, tears running down her own face as well.

But she tried very hard to reach out.

And with her thin, stubborn, soft body, she bent forward and opened her arms, coming around the side of the bed to hug her.

It was an imperfect hug.

But it was a very forceful one.

Between them ran a great deal of salty, hot tears, which gradually turned cold.

Chen Yue turned her face away and closed her eyes slightly; tears slid uncontrollably from the corners of her eyes.

She felt Chi Xiaoman trembling, yet pressing her face against hers, wrapping her body tightly around her own.

Their body heat shifted from cool to warm.

The position wasn’t comfortable.

But Chen Yue suddenly had the feeling of being carried back to a safe cave.

She didn’t know whether, if she were an infant, this feeling would be like hiding in a womb.

She tilted slightly and felt Chi Xiaoman’s soft hair; then, with difficulty, she parted her lips, wanting to say something——

But Chi Xiaoman spoke first.

“You... you don’t have to say anything.”

Her voice was trembling.

Her body was trembling too.

Chen Yue could feel that Chi Xiaoman was using up a great deal of strength, crouched beside the bed, even kneeling on the floor, just to maintain this awkward embrace.

But Chi Xiaoman still insisted on saying to her,

“It’s okay.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s... it’s okay.”

Three times.

Each time with more force than the last.

Each time choking back more sobs than the last.

Chen Yue found it hard to make a sound. She turned her face away with effort and could no longer see Chi Xiaoman’s face clearly.

Chi Xiaoman held her from behind, over her shoulder, her face pressed against the back of Chen Yue’s ear. Tears and breathing filled the spaces between them. Chi Xiaoman said, “Next time, next time...”

But she couldn’t finish.

Chen Yue wanted to smile, but she didn’t have enough strength left to do even that. So she raised a hand instead, reaching back behind her ear to touch Chi Xiaoman’s face hidden in the dark——

It was cold, damp, and miserable.

Chi Xiaoman didn’t hide.

She held her very tightly. She lowered her face, cooperating with Chen Yue’s movement, her lashes and breathing both wet.

“Xiaoman.” After a long while, Chen Yue finally spoke with difficulty.

“Hm?” Chi Xiaoman said slowly.

Her breathing was still a little slow, a little uneven. “I’m here.”

“Good.” Chen Yue closed her eyes.

It was like suddenly realizing she was standing in front of that switch again, darkness all around her, yet she felt at ease.

Because Chi Xiaoman was blocking the switch’s flashing red light for her, and from behind her shoulder, awkwardly and miserably, blocking her eyes as well.

It seemed as if they still hadn’t made a decision, and couldn’t escape.

And yet it also seemed as if there had never been a moment when she felt more secure than now.

Chen Yue gently patted Chi Xiaoman’s hand.

Chi Xiaoman patted her back too.

Neither of them said anything else.

In the dark, their breathing gradually steadied.

Chi Xiaoman’s sobbing slowly stopped as well.

It was impossible to tell how much time had passed.

Chen Yue sank deeply into the dark world of sleep.

In her dazed state, she felt Chi Xiaoman move from the very beginning, when she had been kneeling and hugging her——

Then later slowly getting up, going around to the other side, covering her with the blanket, hesitating, wavering.

But in the end, she still carefully lifted the blanket and slowly got into bed.

Hiding behind her...

Chi Xiaoman reached out and held her.

It couldn’t really be called a naked, intimate embrace.

But she had put on the clothes Chen Yue had taken off, and through the thin fabric she held her from behind.

Their scents mingled; their breathing filled the empty spaces in each other’s chests.

And it made one feel——

That there was nothing more inseparable in this world.

The night was cold.

Later it grew even colder.

It was impossible to tell whether the snow had become heavier.

Cold seeped in from all directions.

Chen Yue did not stay conscious for long.

In her hazy state, she felt Chi Xiaoman get up and feed her medicine again; after that her temperature rose, then repeatedly fell...

So Chi Xiaoman hurried out of bed again to wipe away her sweat.

After wiping away the sweat, Chen Yue felt terribly cold and curled up in the corner.

Chi Xiaoman threw aside the towel she had used to wipe her sweat, wrapped Chen Yue tightly in the blanket; and when that still wasn’t enough, she crawled back in to hold her, trembling as she tried to warm her.

At that time,

Chen Yue was too muddled to do more than pat Chi Xiaoman’s hand, to let her know she wasn’t feeling that awful.

She just didn’t have much strength, and even her movements were small.

So Chen Yue barely opened her eyes, wanting to see whether Chi Xiaoman was secretly crying again——

But her vision was blurry.

Chi Xiaoman may have sensed her movement anyway.

She scooted closer and patted the back Chen Yue had curled into.

Then she reached out.

With her own warm, soft palm, she covered Chen Yue’s eyes, which were straining to open.

She said softly,

“Go to sleep. Don’t open your eyes.”

-

Actually, Chen Yue rarely let herself get sick.

And she hadn’t expected that after meeting Chi Xiaoman again, she would get sick over and over.

And that in Guizhou, she would even get so sick that she was dazed and couldn’t tell day from night.

She couldn’t remember how long she had been ill.

But throughout the whole process, they never left this hotel.

Chen Yue never left the little bed that had trapped her.

She sweated a great deal, soaking her clothes and sheets again and again. Chi Xiaoman kept bringing her fresh, dry, soft clothes and sheets again and again, drying the ones drenched in sweat, then wrapping her up. At first, she didn’t come over directly to help her change.

Later, perhaps because she realized Chen Yue was truly gravely ill, to the point where she couldn’t even open her eyes anymore... Chi Xiaoman still only silently, awkwardly, in a flurry of hands and feet, helped her change clothes... Afterward she would come over to touch her head, then wash the clothes clean, find a place to dry them, and wait until she needed to wear them again.

Chen Yue couldn’t eat; she always threw up after eating. Still, Chi Xiaoman insisted every day on squeezing into that narrow strip of walkway beside the bed, bending down to come close, blowing carefully on the food to cool it, feeding her slowly, one bite at a time. Sometimes it was soup, sometimes easy-to-swallow congee, sometimes she would find some sweet food Chen Yue liked.

Even though each time she ate, she might still throw some of it back up, Chi Xiaoman never showed disgust. At first, she would rush to find tissues to wipe the remaining vomit from Chen Yue’s face.

Later, perhaps because she had become very practiced and still didn’t mind, she would simply use the back of her hand to wipe away the translucent liquid Chen Yue had thrown up. After cleaning her up, she would hold the one who had just vomited, carefully touch her forehead, take her temperature, feed her medicine, and quietly crouch by the bed waiting for her to fall asleep before dealing with everything she had thrown up.

There were very few moments of clarity during the illness.

But in that state, whenever Chen Yue barely pried open her eyelids through the haze, she would always see Chi Xiaoman sitting stupidly by the bed, looking at her like a very thin but stubborn shadow; or smiling at her, reaching out to touch her forehead...

to the point that Chen Yue felt as if she had suddenly become a brand-new, fragile life, carefully sheltered and nurtured by Chi Xiaoman in a nest.

Only, occasionally, Chi Xiaoman herself was not in good shape.

Aside from the time she spent caring for Chen Yue,

she was basically always sitting by the bed in a daze, sometimes looking at the snow outside, sometimes not; sometimes curling up to sit and sleep, and sometimes, in the middle of sleep, suddenly trembling and breaking out in a great deal of sweat.

It was one night when Chen Yue had started to improve.

She heard Chi Xiaoman, on the little bed beside her, begin coughing urgently——

It wasn’t loud.

You could tell Chi Xiaoman was already trying hard to suppress it.

But she still couldn’t control herself, and only muffled, painful coughing sounds came through.

Chen Yue had just taken her medicine and fallen asleep; at the sound of that cough, so stifled it felt like someone was tying a noose around her throat, she barely forced her eyes open, and then she saw——

In the blackness, Chi Xiaoman was painfully hunched over, curled in the corner like a pinned insect, her back trembling violently, her breathing chaotic, her hair a mess, the cough sounding as if it wanted to cruelly slice her lungs into pieces and cruelly cough them up, blood and all.

Chen Yue forced herself to sit up.

Then forced herself out of bed.

She went to her.

From behind, she embraced that fragile body that seemed as if it would snap if bent once.

Exhausted beyond measure, Chen Yue rested her face on Chi Xiaoman’s shoulder.

At that moment, Chi Xiaoman stiffened for two seconds.

The coughing stopped. She pressed a hand to her chest and said to Chen Yue with great effort, “Did I wake you... did I wake you?”

“No.” Chen Yue’s voice was tired. Leaning against her, she patted her back.

“Are you sick?”

“No... no.” Chi Xiaoman shook her head. She squeezed out a few words with difficulty, then started coughing again uncontrollably. The cough seemed to hurt her a great deal, and in Chen Yue’s arms she shrank into a very small animal, as if if she kept coughing she would become even smaller, even thinner. It took a long time before Chi Xiaoman could say, with great difficulty, “It’s just... I just had a nightmare.”

What kind of nightmare would make you cough like this after waking up?

Chen Yue wanted to ask that.

But then she felt there was no need to ask right now.

She was quiet for a while, then reached to touch Chi Xiaoman’s forehead.

And in doing so, she touched the tears falling from the corner of Chi Xiaoman’s eye.

So she curled her fingers.

Chi Xiaoman was still coughing. Perhaps the coughing made it nearly impossible for her to control her body. In the end, she was almost painfully hunched at the foot of the bed, her posture rigid, hands and feet icy cold.

People always said there was no such thing as completely sharing someone else’s pain.

But looking at her tightly curled back, Chen Yue suddenly felt that in the center of her own heart, there was also a very sharp, very vicious little insect gnawing its way inside, nibbling at the part of her that tolerated pain the least.

She moved closer.

She wrapped the cold, rigid Chi Xiaoman into the center of her embrace.

Then she very lightly, very lightly patted Chi Xiaoman’s back.

For a long time.

Until Chi Xiaoman gradually settled down, her stiff posture easing into a kind of exhausted softness.

At that time, Chi Xiaoman seemed like she wanted to say something.

But Chen Yue patted her back.

She pressed her face close to Chi Xiaoman’s chin.

She felt the tears sliding from the corners of Chi Xiaoman’s eyes gradually dry up; only then did she speak very, very softly.

“Go to sleep.”

Chi Xiaoman seemed touched by those words. The tension in her face slowly loosened. She was like a pool of melting water. It took her a very long time, and great effort, to turn around and finally allow herself to hug Chen Yue.

A face-to-face embrace.

Faces touching, without looking at each other.

Only two hearts, cautiously approaching, slowly beating.

Thump, thump; thump, thump——

Chen Yue patted Chi Xiaoman’s back.

Thump, thump; thump, thump——

Chi Xiaoman clumsily, uneasily pressed her face against Chen Yue’s.

Thump, thump; thump, thump——

Chen Yue touched Chi Xiaoman’s hair.

Thump, thump; thump, thump——

Chi Xiaoman said softly,

“Okay.”

-

When Chen Yue woke fully again, her body had almost recovered.

At that time,

Chi Xiaoman drew back the curtains.

Outside was a boundless expanse of white; the snow had stopped falling, but it hadn’t completely melted either. The whole world was white.

Wrapped in the thick coat Chi Xiaoman had bought her, Chen Yue stood by the window looking at the snow for a while. She realized this might truly be the first time they had watched a snowfall all the way through together, and then she looked at Chi Xiaoman——

These past few days, Chi Xiaoman probably hadn’t rested well either. She wore an ordinary green coat she had bought on the spur of the moment outside, in an unusually bright shade. Her face was also pale from not resting well, but the coat still looked beautiful on her.

She was looking at the snow outside, and no one knew what she was thinking.

She had been dazed for about half a minute.

Then she turned to look at Chen Yue.

Seeing that Chen Yue had been looking at her all along,

Chi Xiaoman lowered her chin a little shyly. After a while, she said,

“Chen Tong-jiejie, I contacted your agent yesterday. I told her that when you’re feeling a little better today, she should help buy you a plane ticket so you can go back to Hong Kong.”

“She said she’d contact Xiao Qi. Xiao Qi will come pick you up here directly today.”

“I just booked your ticket. Xiao Qi is already driving over; she should be here soon.”

“Okay.” Chen Yue didn’t refuse.

Chi Xiaoman gave a low mm, sounding a little apologetic. “Sorry.”

“I originally said I’d take you out for a walk, but in the end I made you stay in the hotel for so long.”

“Not sorry.” Chen Yue looked at her. “You should say ‘not sorry.’”

Chi Xiaoman paused.

Her eyes seemed not to have fully recovered yet; there was a faint bruise beneath them.

After a long time,

Chi Xiaoman hesitantly said, “Do you want to go downstairs and look at the snow before you leave?”

“After all, by the time you come back from Hong Kong next time...” She sniffed. “the snow here should have already melted.”

“Yes.” Chen Yue said that.

Chi Xiaoman seemed not to expect her to agree so quickly. She froze for a moment, then hurriedly nodded.

“Okay, then I’ll find you a few more coats. Don’t get sick again just because of this——”

“Mm.” Chen Yue didn’t refuse.

She cooperated very well, standing there and quietly watching Chi Xiaoman busy herself around the hotel room they had lived in together.

Chi Xiaoman found her thick coats, two of them, also bought temporarily from a nearby mall. She wrapped both of them tightly around Chen Yue. Then she found a mask and carefully helped her put it on.

She was also rather strict about helping her arrange her hair neatly, and found the baseball cap she had worn before, carefully using it to cover Chen Yue’s head and face.

It seemed she didn’t want her to feel even a bit of wind.

At the end,

right before they left,

Chi Xiaoman even brought a thermos cup, filled with hot water boiled from the direct-water dispenser. She stood at the doorway and checked one last time, confirming Chen Yue wasn’t cold before she let out a breath and smiled at her.

“Let’s go.”

The scene was very much like the first time she had sent her to Hong Kong.

Chen Yue looked at her and smiled too. “Okay.”

Snow falls every year, but every year’s snowfall is still a rare sight.

They went downstairs.

Although this was near the hospital, there were still many people in knit caps and thick coats building snowmen. So many patches of color collided and overlapped that it was hard to tell who was an adult and who was a child.

After walking for a while,

Chen Yue suddenly said, “Chi Xiaoman, do you want to build a snowman too?”

“Me?” Chi Xiaoman reacted a little slowly, touching her nose. “Do you want to see a snowman?”

“Yes.” Chen Yue said. “I want to see the snowman you build.”

Chi Xiaoman froze.

Then Chen Yue smiled. “So can you build one for me? Rainbow sister.”

“Okay.” In the end, Chi Xiaoman could not refuse any request Chen Yue made. She thought about it.

Then she said, “Then you watch me build it here. Don’t do it yourself, and don’t catch a chill.”

“Okay.” Chen Yue looked at her gently.

“Mm.” Chi Xiaoman answered.

Building a snowman was probably also a rare thing for her. Before she was seventeen, she lived in a place that didn’t get much snow. From seventeen to twenty-one, she was always rushing from place to place, with no time to do the things ordinary young people her age could do whenever they wanted. From twenty-one to thirty, life might have been even harder than before twenty-one.

But she was still that Chi Xiaoman who did everything seriously.

She built the snowman seriously too; seriously picking the sturdiest, whitest, cleanest snow, seriously choosing pretty and fitting decorations for it. She picked up stones for eyes and bent branches into the right curve for a mouth. After thinking for a moment with a hand on her chin, she even rubbed a little of her own lipstick off to give the snowman some blush. In the end, she took off the purple scarf she had bought casually by the roadside and lent it to the snowman to wear.

The snowman was a very ordinary snowman. Winter was a very ordinary winter. But Chi Xiaoman was anything but ordinary. There was no fire in her eyes, no restlessness. Summer had long since passed; the world had changed from neon to plain white. But she was still the most precious thing in this world.

After finishing it,

Chi Xiaoman stood somewhat shyly in front of the snowman she had built and smiled at Chen Yue, who had been watching her all along. She slightly lifted her chin, and there was something very cute about the gesture.

“Chen Tong-jiejie, how is it?”

“It looks good.” Chen Yue looked at her and said.

“That’s good.” Chi Xiaoman let out a breath, then turned sideways with an adorable little motion and patted the snowman’s head, which was half a body shorter than she was, smiling as she said, “I think it turned out pretty good too.”

She really seemed happy just because she had built a snowman.

Then she carefully examined both sides of the snowman for a long while, once reaching out to scrape off a bit of snow from one place and add it to another.

Buzz, buzz——

A faint vibration sounded.

Chi Xiaoman lowered her eyes to glance at her phone, then at the almost-finished snowman, then turned back to look at Chen Yue. She slowly walked up to Chen Yue, a cloud of white breath spilling from her mouth.

“Xiao Qi says she’s almost here.”

Before Chen Yue could speak,

Chi Xiaoman suddenly seemed to remember something and looked very regretful. “Chen Tong-jiejie, did you not eat breakfast yet?”

“Mm, I didn’t.” Chen Yue looked at her.

“Then I’ll go buy you something at the breakfast shop up ahead.” Chi Xiaoman said with concern. “It’ll make you carsick if you ride without eating breakfast.”

“Okay.” Chen Yue said. “I’ll wait here.”

“Mm.” Chi Xiaoman glanced left and right. “Everyone’s wearing thick clothes in winter, so they probably still haven’t recognized us.”

“I’ll be back very soon.”

She said this to Chen Yue.

Afterward,

Chi Xiaoman slowly walked along the roadside, lowering her face, dropping her gaze to the ground, and went to the breakfast shop ahead.

Chen Yue waited where she was.

She watched Chi Xiaoman lower her head and try to hide her face while talking to the breakfast shop owner.

Chen Yue’s eyes curved.

It seemed that even after walking away, Chi Xiaoman was still worried about her, because she kept turning back to glance over——

Probably noticing that Chen Yue had been watching her the whole time.

Chi Xiaoman scratched her chin and went back to talking to the breakfast shop owner. After a while, she came toward her in that green padded coat, carrying a thin transparent plastic bag. The wind had blown her face pale, with a little red in it.

Chen Yue waited where she was.

Chi Xiaoman seemed afraid the things in the plastic bag would get cold too quickly, so on the way back she tucked it against her body and held it tightly.

Once she reached Chen Yue,

Chi Xiaoman finally slowly took out the breakfast she had been keeping against her chest to keep it warm.

It was two buns.

“I asked the owner just now; she said this was all they had left, and there’s a little bit of scallion inside.” Chi Xiaoman carefully split open the filling in the middle, taking disposable chopsticks and, a little awkwardly, picking out the scallions little by little. “I’ll pick out some of the scallion for you, okay?”

Chen Yue lowered her eyes to watch her movements. “Okay.”

Chi Xiaoman didn’t say anything more. She quietly helped pick out the scallions and then fed Chen Yue a small piece, still steaming.

Chen Yue lowered her face and pulled her mask down a little.

She bit into it.

Chi Xiaoman stared at her expression. “Is it good?”

Chen Yue couldn’t speak.

Chi Xiaoman frowned and, with some effort, held everything in one hand.

Then.

She held one hand under Chen Yue’s chin, as if preparing to catch food Chen Yue had chewed, and told her, “If it’s not good, spit it out.”

Chen Yue shook her head. “It’s good.”

“Really?” Chi Xiaoman sounded a little doubtful.

“Mm.” Chen Yue slowly swallowed the bun.

Chi Xiaoman watched her eat it. After a moment she didn’t doubt her anymore, and kept picking, kept feeding.

The buns steamed in the snow, warming the air around their eyes.

Chen Yue ate quietly, bite after bite.

Chi Xiaoman fed her quietly, bite after bite.

At last,

Chen Yue said softly, “I can’t eat any more.”

Chi Xiaoman froze.

Then she looked at the remaining bun skin in her hand and ate it herself, without the slightest disgust.

Chen Yue saw a bit of oil stain the corner of her mouth, and reached out to wipe it away for her.

Chi Xiaoman was a little stiff at first. But she didn’t move away, cooperating as Chen Yue wiped it clean.

After a silence,

Chi Xiaoman suddenly said,

“Chen Tong-jiejie, I’ll wait for you to come back.”

Chen Yue’s movement paused.

Chi Xiaoman smiled at her. She had given her scarf to that snowman, so the tip of her nose was now red from the cold wind.

“After you go to Hong Kong, don’t worry.”

The snow seemed to make everything much clearer. Chi Xiaoman’s voice was heavy with effort, yet the sound itself was very light, very soft.

“Don’t worry that the film’s progress will be delayed; don’t worry about what problems might happen here, and don’t worry about whether the investors or producer will have objections, or what Shen Baozhi, or anyone else in the crew, will think of you, or miss you...”

“Because everything you might be worried about in your heart, I’ll handle it. I’ll use this time to finish filming my own scenes, get through the other actors’ shots and scenes, and shoot all the needed empty frames carefully. I’ll take our movie to the most perfect state possible, and give everyone on the crew a proper answer.”

“And don’t... don’t worry about me either.”

By then, Chi Xiaoman was smiling at her. This smile wasn’t as beautiful, as perfect, but it also wasn’t quite so strained, so the curve of her mouth, like the snowman beside her, looked a little strange.

“Because I’ll still eat properly every day, and sleep properly. I won’t be like last time, getting hurt and not even thinking to put medicine on myself. And I won’t be affected by anyone’s words; I won’t hide away and cry in secret, and I won’t force myself to just endure it when I can’t film well... I’ll take good care of myself.

“So no matter what happens, you just need to rest well and take care of yourself properly. You don’t need to worry about anything else.”

Under a sky of white snow, Chi Xiaoman let out a breath and said to her very softly,

“I’ll wait for you here.”

Chen Yue couldn’t speak.

But after Chi Xiaoman finished, she showed no irritation at Chen Yue’s silence. She stood in front of her, trying to smile in a way that looked clumsy, but dependable.

Human voices were noisy, and the crunch of footsteps in the snow came constantly. Many people passed by them without stopping.

After a long while, Chen Yue parted her lips.

In the end, she couldn’t hold back.

She went over and hugged her, and said very softly,

“Okay. I believe you.”

Chi Xiaoman probably hadn’t expected her to come over and hug her so directly. She froze for a long time before reacting, slowly lifting her hand to pat Chen Yue’s back with a light, soft touch, giving a very small mm.

The city after a heavy snowfall was noisy, but this embrace was very quiet. It was as if there were many things that needed to be said, and yet as if nothing needed to be said at all.

Only when a car slowly drove up behind them and stopped, honking once, did Chi Xiaoman raise her face.

She looked back at Chen Yue’s back with some difficulty. “It seems Xiao Qi is here.”

“Okay.” Chen Yue said that.

But she did not let go of Chi Xiaoman immediately. Her face was still pressed against Chi Xiaoman’s face; after a long while, Chen Yue let out a difficult breath.

Chi Xiaoman patted her back. “Once you get to that side, if you’re still uncomfortable, you absolutely have to let Xiao Qi take you to the hospital for a checkup.”

“Okay.” Chen Yue still said.

“If there are... any problems.” There were people passing by on the snowy path, and Chi Xiaoman’s voice was almost too light to hear. “You can come find me anytime. No matter what happens, I’ll think of a way to solve it.”

“Okay.” Chen Yue’s throat moved.

Chi Xiaoman was silent for a moment.

Then she quietly pushed her away.

And then she looked up and smiled at her in the endless white snow, her eyes curved. “Go on. Don’t miss your flight.”

Chen Yue looked at her, not speaking.

But Chi Xiaoman didn’t look at her for too long either. Her mind seemed to be elsewhere; seeing Xiao Qi behind Chen Yue, she lifted a hand and waved.

So Xiao Qi hesitantly reminded them from behind, “Are you leaving?”

“Mm.” Chi Xiaoman answered. “Right away.”

Chen Yue lowered her face, staring at the two rows of footprints they had made in the snow.

Chi Xiaoman didn’t look.

Xiao Qi appeared. She seemed to make herself once again into a very reliable director, and not Chi Xiaoman, who could be so happy just because she built a snowman in the snow.

Very quietly, she brought Chen Yue to Xiao Qi and said to Xiao Qi in a gentle voice, “Thank you for driving over so early.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, nothing.”

Xiao Qi glanced at Chen Yue. “Sister Shen pays me really well.”

“Mm.” Chi Xiaoman smiled.

Then she looked at Chen Yue and said softly, “Get in the car, Teacher Chen.”

Chen Yue looked up at Chi Xiaoman——in fact, there were many things she wanted to say, such as: Chi Xiaoman, you have to take good care of yourself. Or: Chi Xiaoman, don’t think too much after I leave. Or: Chi Xiaoman, you don’t need to worry about me... But it seemed like none of them really needed to be said.

So Chen Yue said, “Director Xiaoman, sleep well every day.”

That sentence made Chi Xiaoman freeze for a moment. She seemed too afraid to look into Chen Yue’s eyes, turned her face slightly, and after a few seconds looked back at her, her eyes a little red. “Okay; get in the car.”

Chen Yue didn’t say anything else. She got in the car.

Chi Xiaoman stood outside, crossing her hands rather reservedly over her lower abdomen.

“Teacher Chen’s body may not have fully recovered yet,” Chi Xiaoman said to Xiao Qi.

“Once you get back to Hong Kong, if possible, it’s best to take her for another checkup.”

“Okay.” Xiao Qi agreed, then opened the car door herself, ready to get in. Seeing Chi Xiaoman still standing in the snow, she said with concern, “Teacher Chi, hurry up and go back. Don’t catch a chill.”

“Okay.” Chi Xiaoman nodded, smiling at her. “Don’t worry, I’m wearing a lot.”

Xiao Qi smiled too and got in the car, then turned back to say, “But be careful too.”

Chi Xiaoman curved her eyes at her, not saying any more.

After a few seconds,

she looked back at Chen Yue in the car.

Chen Yue looked at her, not speaking.

Chi Xiaoman kept looking at her for a while as well. In the end, as if she could no longer bear to look, she lowered her gaze.

The car started moving. Chi Xiaoman stood in the snow and suddenly seemed to remember something——

“Xiao Qi, wait!” Chi Xiaoman suddenly looked anxious and ran after the car a few steps.

The car that had just started braked urgently.

Xiao Qi leaned out to ask, “What is it, Teacher Chi?”

“I forgot to give Teacher Chen something.” Chi Xiaoman explained.

Then she looked at Chen Yue, walked over, and stood beside the car, looking at her through the glass.

A long time passed.

Chen Yue lowered the window and said in a low voice, “Chi Xiaoman, don’t chase cars next time.”

“Okay.” Chi Xiaoman nodded obediently by the window. “I won’t next time.”

After saying that,

she handed something from her pocket through the car window.

“Fang-jie told me before that once you’ve eaten candy, you should tell the other person all the wrongs you’ve suffered——”

Chen Yue took it and saw that it was a piece of candy in her palm; the plastic wrapper was printed with a cartoon line drawing, and because it had been held in her hand for so long, it still carried Chi Xiaoman’s body temperature.

“Chocolate milk flavor.” Chi Xiaoman pulled her hand back and explained beside the car, “I guessed you might like this flavor better.”

Chen Yue looked up.

In the white world, Chi Xiaoman stood quietly there, and smiled at her softly again.

“Chen Tong-jiejie. I’m really happy you were able to make this decision. I’m also happy that you could tell me about your grievances. Even though I still don’t know exactly what happened, I think maybe not knowing doesn’t matter that much either...”

Her voice was a little rough, but because of its inherent softness, it sounded very light.

“This is your reward for telling me your grievances.”

Xiao Qi said nothing. She sat silently in front, as if she hadn’t heard Chi Xiaoman’s words.

Chen Yue also said nothing.

She parted her lips, suddenly not knowing what she could say after receiving a candy.

But Chi Xiaoman would not demand an answer from her.

Chi Xiaoman simply handed over the candy, then took a step back and reminded her,

“Close the window. Don’t let the wind in.”

Chen Yue had no choice but to roll the glass up.

She looked at Chi Xiaoman and felt as though she had become a marionette who could no longer control her own movements.

And once she raised the car window, Chi Xiaoman rubbed her chin against her collar in relief, waved to Xiao Qi, and said, “That’s enough. Hurry up and go.”

The car window glass was gray, and Chen Yue couldn’t make out Chi Xiaoman’s face very well, but she watched Chi Xiaoman waving in place, holding the candy in her hand, and suddenly understood——

In Chi Xiaoman’s world, it would always be like this:

If you tell someone you’ve been wronged, there will be a reward. But if you say nothing, it seems that’s fine too.

And because Chen Yue still hadn’t spoken for a long time,

Chi Xiaoman on that side had already stopped talking, and only kept making gestures urging them to leave.

Xiao Qi glanced at Chen Yue through the rearview mirror, then tentatively started the car——

The car slowly drove off.

The black sedan left the white snowfield like a string of ants, reluctant to go.

Chen Yue looked back from inside the car.

Through the gray glass of the back seat,

she saw Chi Xiaoman, wearing that green padded coat, standing in place with the snowman she had just built.

Perhaps noticing her turning back,

Chi Xiaoman raised her hand again and waved hard at her.

The car window gradually fogged over.

Chen Yue turned back and tried very hard to look at the Chi Xiaoman left standing alone.

In the white snowfield, the crowd was noisy; Chi Xiaoman was bright green, like a fragile little sprout swaying in the wind, as if she might scatter away at any moment, but she kept waving to her.

Until the car turned a corner.

The angle slowly shifted, and Chi Xiaoman was left in a tiny, tiny corner behind the car.

Before that corner completely disappeared,

she, together with the snowman behind her, waved to Chen Yue one last time with all her strength.

As if returning to 2013.

Back when Chen Yue was still called Chen Tong, and she thought she had made the most correct, most rational choice by boarding a bus that kept rushing forward; and just like that, she left Chi Xiaoman alone in the winter of Beijing.

[Author’s Note]

On time for Little Neon’s fifty-sixth-day update [sunglasses][sunglasses]

I declare! This chapter is a huge callback [sunglasses]

TL Note:

empty frames (空镜) are film shots of scenery or objects with no people in frame.