2023

Bang——

The impact was brutal, crashing down from above in an instant.

Snowflakes brushed the tip of her nose, real, cold, vicious. Something black and heavy had been pinned right at the center, and the bright white snow there slowly bled into a vivid red flower. The people around it were like scattered ants, screaming as they fled in every direction.

Someone rushed over and knocked Chi Xiaoman over where she stood in the snow. Thrown off balance, she fell hard onto the icy ground; a searing pain burst through her elbows and knees. She was like a live fish flung onto the floor, while frightened, panicked people streamed past and scraped against her. Snowflakes splashed up like blades, slicing across her face.

The keypad phone she had been clutching tightly flew from her hand, leaving a graceful curved scratch across the snow. On the screen was a lovely but blurry snow scene photo——

the blue-black night, thick snow drifting through the air, the warm streetlights opposite the hospital, a blurry figure frozen in the frame by the camera and suspended in midair, its face impossible to make out, red hair spread out like delicate stamens.

As if a blaze-red snowfall were drifting down.

Chi Xiaoman jolted awake.

It was as if someone had dragged her alive out of a pitch-black place.

She clutched her chest, which was trembling painfully.

Bent over hard.

She gasped like a fish with a broken spine, her heartbeat racing, every breath so labored it felt as if someone were stirring viciously inside her lungs.

Exhaling hurt.

Inhaling hurt too.

Chi Xiaoman pinched her palm hard, trying to steady herself, but she still felt like a tiny insect curled up and struggling. With stiff fingers, she wiped away the tears that had slipped out without her noticing.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

She couldn’t tell clearly whether she was recovering yet.

Chi Xiaoman pressed a hand over the chest that felt as if it were being torn apart; still breathing hard, she also struggled to lift her hand and fumble for the switch by the bed——

Click——

The light came on.

The beam stabbed into her eyes from the ceiling, like a long, thin needle viciously stirring through her optic nerves and into her brain.

More tears were forced out by the sting and slid from the corners of her eyes.

In her numbness, Chi Xiaoman moved her eyes slowly.

She suddenly felt like a fish with its tail and fins tied down, lying stiffly on the bed and desperately staring straight at the glaring light.

A long while passed.

The fierce, stabbing brightness told her——she was in reality now, far away from that nightmare.

Chi Xiaoman closed her eyes once.

Exhausted, she pushed herself up to sit on the bed, both hands pressing hard against the mattress edge.

She lifted a hand to cover her eyes.

Then she tiredly wiped away the dried tears at the corners.

After sitting there blankly for a while, Chi Xiaoman picked up her phone.

She logged into a Weibo account called "Rainbow Sister."

"Rainbow Sister" first appeared five years ago, and during one donation drive, many people discovered it was actually Chi Xiaoman.

For a time, many people rushed to the account, flipping through its blank page and sending countless private messages——curious people asking whether it was really Chi Xiaoman; gossipmongers scrolling through the empty homepage, trying to dig up any trace that matched the real Chi Xiaoman; and some who left comments saying they would love her forever.

But the account’s owner never acknowledged any of it.

She was taciturn and never used emojis, as if she were just an ordinary middle-aged person who had fallen out of step with the times.

So later, that account was gradually forgotten by the curious, the nosy, and those searching for hidden clues. Many people began to come to Rainbow Sister with genuinely difficult troubles.

Someone, on the ride home after evening self-study, curled their fingers on the back of a motorcycle taxi and typed out a private message——Rainbow Sister, my grades dropped so much on this month’s exam. My homeroom teacher called me into the office and lectured me for a long time; last night my mom scolded me for a long time too. Today in PE class everyone was watching a movie, and the teacher I like happened to pass by and pat my head. Suddenly I buried my face on the desk and cried in secret. Rainbow Sister, will I be better when I grow up?

Someone, leaning on the railing of a school building, sent a private message——Rainbow Sister, I have a senior I secretly like. But today I found out she seems to like someone else. Hey, Rainbow Sister, can you sigh with me for a bit?

Someone, crouched in a corner of the hospital wiping away tears, sent a very long plea for help——Rainbow Sister, my mom is sick. The doctor said this illness is very hard to cure. I really regret arguing with her a few days ago about dyeing my hair. Rainbow Sister, am I about to lose my mom?

……

Rainbow Sister always came online in the middle of the night. She would try her best to reply to every private message, but there was never much tone in her words, nor any of the little icons popular now. She seemed like a clueless person born in the last century who didn’t know how to use the internet, replying:

——Keep it up ^_^; study more before next month’s exam. Things will get better when you grow up.

——*sigh*.

——Do you need help with medical expenses? If so, please send your mother’s medical records, test results, payment slips, and bank card number together.

……

But sometimes Rainbow Sister was especially cold.

Because she completely ignored the people who persisted every day in expressing their affection and saying they would always support her, as if she were a strange, ungrateful person who didn’t know how to be thankful at all and wasn’t warm in the slightest.

Later, not many people would express their love to her on that account anymore. Many also felt she was nothing like the Chi Xiaoman they liked, and thought Rainbow Sister’s refusal to deny it was just clout-chasing off Chi Xiaoman’s popularity; they also thought maybe this was what Chi Xiaoman herself was like in private, completely incapable of gratitude and not worth liking at all.

As time went by,

only small troubles and big problems that needed Rainbow Sister’s reply remained on the account.

Chi Xiaoman went online.

She dragged her weary body to wash her face and rinse the sticky sweat off her skin.

Then she sat back down.

One by one, she replied to the private messages seeking Rainbow Sister’s help.

Usually this took her a lot of time.

But it would also gradually calm her down from the nightmare.

Thirty-year-old Chi Xiaoman sat by the bed, back straight, doing her best to reply to every private message asking for help, hoping that every twenty-year-old Chi Xiaoman in them could meet a Rainbow Sister willing to send them strawberry milk.

It didn’t have to be at the most desperate moment of their lives. Even if they only had a little trouble, Rainbow Sister wouldn’t push them away.

——Chi Xiaoman hoped the world could work like that.

After she finished replying to the private messages,

she saw a very obvious [BOOM] still hanging at the top of the trending list.

Chi Xiaoman Chen Yue.

Those two names were once again side by side.

Though it couldn’t really be called a good thing.

Chi Xiaoman clicked in.

At the very top, she saw the video from yesterday of Chen Yue being hit by a car——

There were many people at the scene, and it was noisy, so the video was shaky, but it was clear the main figures were Chi Xiaoman and Chen Yue.

Chen Yue was sitting in the car. Chi Xiaoman was standing outside. The two of them were talking through the car door.

The video was too noisy to hear what they said.

It was already very late at night, but many people still hadn’t slept; beneath the Weibo post they were fiercely analyzing and discussing the two people’s expressions in the video:

[So I heard Chen Yue wanted to quit, but Chi Xiaoman wouldn’t let her, so she chased the car and wouldn’t let her leave?]

[Hahaha, I knew it. These two definitely can’t work together.]

[We said long ago that Chi Xiaoman is no pushover. Chen Yue insisted on going after traffic buzz; she probably wanted to use this chance to get famous. Anyway, now she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.]

[Serves her right!]

[These celebrities really do live exciting lives, sneaking out to chase cars this late at night hahaha]

[Actually, it went like this——supposedly Chi Xiaoman was throwing her weight around on set and had no real ability, but she grabbed this director gig like some precious porcelain vase and still refused to do the job properly. She just wanted to crush Chen Yue and make herself look superior. Chen Yue, though, is pretty professional and cooperative; at first she kept enduring it, but later Chi Xiaoman got more and more excessive, so she couldn’t take it anymore and hasn’t gone on set these past few days. Chen Yue’s fans definitely didn’t know what was going on, so today they blocked the car and made Chen Yue’s agent let her go, and also demanded an explanation from Chi Xiaoman.]

[So detailed? How do you know?]

[If it’s made up, of course it’ll be detailed/eye roll. The truth is completely the opposite, okay? It’s Chen Yue who wants to ride the clout and looks down on Chi Xiaoman’s traffic-level fame for making a movie, and even looks down on her for directing, so she refused to film these past few days. She hasn’t been cooperating on set either. And now she even led her fans into causing this mess today; probably just to make a scene for Chi Xiaoman to see.]

[Does anyone actually know? Whose fault is this?]

[I don’t get it……shouldn’t the people chasing the car be the ones held accountable right now? Why are they only dragging two victims into judgment here?]

[So what? If you want to be a big star, then suck it up. If you can’t even take this much criticism, what kind of celebrity are you? If she’s being criticized, it means she’s famous, right? If she weren’t famous, would anyone even bother? You want the money and can’t take the hate; how can anything be that easy?]

[I just want to know, if it gets this ugly, can this movie even keep filming?]

[Don’t say it, but I kind of want to go watch the fun unfold. I want to see how the Best Actress crushes a traffic idol.]

……

Actually, when they came back yesterday, they had already held an emergency meeting with Shen Baozhi. After that they also settled on a clarification strategy, and the official account directly posted a statement.

But it didn’t seem to help at all.

Instead, because of that statement in the middle of the night, things only escalated further; all kinds of embellished versions even got more reposts than the official one.

Chi Xiaoman looked for a while.

Then she exited the Rainbow Sister account.

Logged into her own main account.

After that,

she stared blankly at the shadow under the light for a while, then used her main account to edit a Weibo post and send it out:

[Teacher Chen Yue is a very good actress. She has never once been uncooperative on set; every day she arrives early, and she is basically always the last one to leave. Since this is my first time directing, there are indeed many places where I didn’t think things through enough, but Teacher Chen Yue has always done her best to cooperate with every request I made. As a newcomer to filmmaking, I’m very happy to be able to work with Teacher Chen Yue for the first time, and I’m also very grateful for Teacher Chen Yue’s care toward a newcomer like me. The movie will keep filming; we will also adjust the shooting schedule afterward to make sure every actor gets enough rest. I hope everyone won’t over-interpret this.]

The Weibo post went out.

One second.

Two seconds.

Chi Xiaoman’s Weibo lagged so badly she couldn’t even open it.

She sat there blankly for a while.

She understood that if Song Yingying were still around, she would definitely call right away to curse her for having no brain and not discussing such a big matter with anyone else.

But now she was already a free agent. She’d sent out that Weibo post so easily, yet it didn’t really make her feel any lighter. If every time she hit the trending topics and every wave of public opinion could end after she posted a Weibo, then she wouldn’t have needed to stay silent every single time.

She sat by the bed for a long while.

Chi Xiaoman found that her Weibo was still lagging so badly it wouldn’t open.

No choice.

She pressed her lips together.

And lay back down again.

She hugged her knees.

Very quietly, she closed her eyes.

That night, she didn’t remember what time she finally fell asleep.

The next day,

she woke to a knock on the door.

It wasn’t heavy, and it wasn’t urgent; after knocking a few times, it stopped.

Chi Xiaoman rubbed her eyes and got out of bed.

She opened the door.

Chen Yue was standing outside.

Today was a day off.

She seemed to have gotten up very early.

It also looked as if she had been outside; she was wearing a light gray sweater, with a pale blue shirt collar peeking out underneath, and a pair of wire-rim glasses on her face. She smiled at Chi Xiaoman, who had opened the door. "Xiaoman, are you awake?"

Chi Xiaoman rubbed her sore eyes. "Chen Yue? Why are you here?"

"Nothing’s wrong." Chen Yue probably feared she would worry, so she explained quickly, "I just noticed you hadn’t come out of your room for a long time, so I got a little concerned."

Chi Xiaoman nodded and stepped aside to let her in.

Then she felt a bit embarrassed at having just woken up, so she covered her face and said in a soft voice, "Wait here for a bit; I’m going to wash my face."

"Okay." Chen Yue agreed.

She came inside, still carrying something in her hand.

Chi Xiaoman didn’t pay much attention.

Her toe, which had been hit yesterday, still hurt a little, so she hobbled off to wash her face.

When she came back out,

there were still water droplets on her face.

Chi Xiaoman saw Chen Yue staring at the way she was walking, so she pressed her lips together and avoided her gaze.

"Don’t worry too much about what happened yesterday. We’ve already clarified what needed to be clarified, and as for how the public sees it, there’s nothing we can do about that."

Chi Xiaoman found a face towel, pressed it to her face, and slowly wiped away the water while slowly saying to Chen Yue, "You just need to keep filming."

"Okay." Chen Yue agreed. Then she called her, "Xiaoman."

"Mm?" Chi Xiaoman took the wet towel off her face, folded it up, and tossed it into the trash.

"Does your foot hurt a lot?" Chen Yue asked. "Did you spray any medicine on it after you got back last night?"

Chi Xiaoman’s movements paused. She shook her head at Chen Yue and smiled. "It doesn’t hurt."

She didn’t answer the second question.

Chen Yue sighed and handed her the small bag in her hand. "I bought medicine for you."

Chi Xiaoman took it in a daze. "You went to buy this?"

"Mm, I was going to breakfast, so I bought it on the way." Chen Yue said simply.

Chi Xiaoman nodded. "Thanks."

"You’re welcome," Chen Yue said.

Then she paused for a second.

And added, "Actually, it wasn’t really on the way."

Chi Xiaoman froze.

"There isn’t a pharmacy near here. After I finished breakfast, I intentionally drove another fifteen minutes before I found one."

Chen Yue said this.

Then after a short silence, she emphasized again, "I went myself to buy it."

Her voice was very soft, patient in the way one might speak to an unreasonable child.

"So don’t be so careless about your injury, and don’t wait until I leave before secretly refusing to use the medicine."

She smiled at her and asked gently, "Okay?"

Every time Chen Yue treated her like this,

Chi Xiaoman would feel a nearly tearful urge rise up inside her.

There was simply no way for her to be the cold Rainbow Sister she was out there in public.

She absently touched the corner of her eye.

No tears.

So after a moment of silence, she nodded. "Okay."

"I’ll definitely use it." She carefully hugged the medicine against herself and told Chen Yue.

"That’s good." Chen Yue smiled.

Chi Xiaoman put the medicine down and discovered that Chen Yue still had no intention of leaving.

So she clasped her hands behind her back and pressed her lips together, a little at a loss.

"What about breakfast?" Chen Yue asked again.

"I’m going soon." Chi Xiaoman answered quickly.

"Good." Chen Yue nodded. "I’ll go with you."

She didn’t give Chi Xiaoman any room to hesitate. Having made that decision, she then said,

"Put the medicine on first. I’ll wait for you."

Chen Yue never sounded forceful when she spoke. But more often than not, what she said made people want to obey.

Chi Xiaoman nodded.

It was awkward to apply medicine in front of Chen Yue, so after that she took the medicine and went into the suite bedroom, saying quietly, "I’m going to change clothes."

"Okay," Chen Yue said. "Take your time. No rush."

Chi Xiaoman went into the bedroom.

She changed clothes.

Then obediently sat by the bed.

She applied medicine to the place she had been hit yesterday.

Actually, it hadn’t been that serious.

It was just that she hadn’t treated it in time yesterday.

So today it looked badly bruised purple-black, with the wound a little inflamed; it didn’t look very good.

Chi Xiaoman looked at it for a while.

Then clumsily fished out iodine to disinfect it.

After that, she smeared a large amount of medicine on top.

Then she put on her shoes, quietly opened the door a little, and peeked out.

Chen Yue was waiting outside. She was very polite and hadn’t tried to intrude on Chi Xiaoman’s space too much; she was looking down at her phone.

Chi Xiaoman let out a breath.

Chen Yue looked up and noticed her, a little surprised. "You’re done so quickly?"

"Mm, it wasn’t serious to begin with." Chi Xiaoman walked out, pretending to move normally. "If I just put a little medicine on it, it’ll be fine by tonight."

Chen Yue looked at the way she walked, but didn’t say anything.

"What about you?" Chi Xiaoman changed the subject. "Can you walk that much today?"

"I’m fine." Chen Yue stood up. "It hurt more yesterday; today, as long as I’m careful walking, it won’t hurt."

"Okay." Chi Xiaoman nodded, then scratched her chin and said, "Then shall we go eat breakfast?"

Chen Yue looked at her, as if thinking about something. But in the end, she sighed.

"Okay, let’s go eat breakfast first."

The hotel had a buffet breakfast. When they went downstairs, there weren’t many people left in the hall.

Chi Xiaoman took a small plate, put an egg, a sausage, and a little salad on it, and sat down at a corner table.

Chen Yue sat across from her and watched.

Chi Xiaoman ate quietly with her head lowered; Chen Yue watched quietly from the opposite side.

When she had slowly chewed and finished one bite after another,

Chi Xiaoman wiped her mouth.

Chen Yue pointed to the corner of her own mouth and reminded her, "Here; you didn’t wipe it clean."

"Ah?" Chi Xiaoman was very embarrassed. She turned her face slightly and wiped around with a tissue for a long while before looking at Chen Yue. "Is it okay now?"

"It’s okay." Chen Yue looked at her.

She seemed to be observing her very carefully. After a while, she asked softly, "Xiaoman, did you sleep very badly yesterday?"

Chi Xiaoman’s movements paused.

Bang——

Bright-red snowflakes drifted down.

Blood seeped into the snow.

She closed her eyes and opened them again, smiling at Chen Yue. "Is it that obvious?"

"Mm," Chen Yue said. "Have you been sleeping poorly all these years?"

"It’s a little bad." Chi Xiaoman nodded.

But her tone was easy.

"I didn’t really understand before why you couldn’t sleep night after night. Now I understand."

Chen Yue smiled.

Chi Xiaoman’s lips lifted a little too.

Chen Yue asked softly again, "So what is it because of?"

Chi Xiaoman’s smile stiffened for a second and faded. She shook her head. "Actually, there isn’t any special reason. It just happened naturally."

"Maybe it’s because I’m getting older," she said, trying to joke the topic away.

Chen Yue didn’t laugh.

Chi Xiaoman pressed her lips together.

Chen Yue sighed. "Let’s go."

"Okay." Chi Xiaoman nodded.

Neither of them was suited to walking too much. So after breakfast, they headed back upstairs.

In a place with fewer people,

Chen Yue said in a low voice, "I saw the Weibo you posted last night."

Chi Xiaoman took a beat to remember that. "How is it looking?"

"After I posted yesterday, I wanted to check it, but my Weibo lagged so badly I couldn’t open it. Later I didn’t get to see it." She explained to Chen Yue——she hadn’t posted it and then just ignored it.

"Why did you post Weibo so late?" Chen Yue asked.

Chi Xiaoman froze.

"Four fifty-two."

Chen Yue turned her face toward her and said softly, "You still hadn’t slept at that time?"

"……Not exactly."

Chi Xiaoman gathered her thoughts. "Actually, I fell asleep at first, but then I woke up later."

"Then why couldn’t you sleep afterward?" Chen Yue asked gently.

Chi Xiaoman couldn’t answer. She opened her lips, wanting to make up some random excuse to change the subject——

But Chen Yue, as if sensing it, took the initiative to shift her gaze. "I saw the Weibo this morning after getting up. The situation really isn’t good."

Chi Xiaoman couldn’t speak.

In truth, not once had her explanations truly worked and been accepted; instead they provoked even more unnecessary speculation and analysis, and some people could even twist what she meant into an entirely different angle. Even a blessing she posted in a moment of impulse could be distorted into sarcasm. So many times, Song Yingying no longer let her post at all, and even tightly kept control of her Weibo account herself.

"Is... is that so?" Chi Xiaoman’s face went pale. "I thought, I thought if I explained it, it would get better."

"Sorry."

She lowered her gaze, paused for a few seconds, and added to Chen Yue, "I just wanted to help a little."

"You don’t need to apologize," Chen Yue said. "Because it’s not your fault."

Chi Xiaoman fell silent.

"Actually, whether it’s right or wrong doesn’t matter," she said after a long while. By then they had reached the elevator; only the two of them were inside. Chi Xiaoman spoke very softly, "I just don’t want anyone saying bad things about you."

"Is that so important?" Chen Yue asked, turning to look at her.

"Of course it’s important." Chi Xiaoman met her eyes.

There was only the warm light from above between their gazes.

No one pressed the elevator button.

After a long time, Chen Yue sighed, reached over to press the elevator button, then came back to stand beside her and turned to look at her. "Even if it means more people will say it about you?"

"What do you mean?" Chi Xiaoman asked.

Chen Yue didn’t answer. Under the elevator’s warm yellow light, she looked at her with an expression Chi Xiaoman couldn’t understand.

Chi Xiaoman didn’t ask again.

She understood that perhaps the situation was so bad that Chen Yue couldn’t bring herself to repeat those humiliating words to her.

So Chi Xiaoman took out her phone and looked herself.

A night had passed.

She was finally able to open her own Weibo.

But as expected, her and Chen Yue’s names were still hanging at the top, and when she clicked in, the place was still buzzing.

Only,

the top-trending item had changed from last night’s video to the post Chi Xiaoman herself had made.

There were many people supporting her, believing that both she and Chen Yue were victims in this matter, and also supporting her and Chen Yue in calling the police to protect themselves and the crew.

Of course, when things happened to Chi Xiaoman, it was never the kind of situation where support came down entirely on one side.

This time was no different.

Since she had posted from midnight until now, many people had flooded in. In the first few seconds, even the first few minutes after her post went up, they frantically reposted it, while also leaving speculative comments:

[So what’s the truth?]

[So you’re admitting you never treated Chen Yue properly before, right?]

[That means you’re admitting you really can’t direct, so you dragged the whole crew into your mess, right?]

[Let me do the reading comprehension for you——first, I never said anything bad about Chen Yue, so Chen fans don’t come curse me. Second, I know I have a lot of problems as a director, but so what? I still managed to become this director and make your Best Actress obey me. Third, I’ll continue tormenting Chen Yue in the future, everyone can rest assured. Oh, and by the way, don’t ever curse me; if you curse me, I’ll torment Chen Yue instead, hehe.]

[Chi Xiaoman should hurry up and leave the entertainment industry; just seeing her is irritating.]

Her gaze landed on this one.

The phone in her palm was suddenly snatched away——

Chi Xiaoman looked up blankly.

Chen Yue was looking at her, as if unable to bear it, and said in a low voice, "Don’t look."

This was the first time Chi Xiaoman had seen Chen Yue take something so forcefully.

She didn’t feel annoyed; instead, she smiled a little and curled her fingers inward.

"Actually, I was looking at the ones supporting us making the movie just now."

"Is that so?" Chen Yue asked her.

"Really." Chi Xiaoman nodded, her tone light. "Actually, a lot of people said I did well; they said I was worthy of the actors and worthy of the crew, and that calling the police was the right choice……"

As she spoke, she also tried to reach for her phone in Chen Yue’s hand.

But Chen Yue avoided her.

Chi Xiaoman froze, blinked, and came to herself. So she could only stand there obediently and explain to Chen Yue,

"Chen Yue, I really wasn’t upset because I saw those words."

The elevator rose slowly.

Chen Yue watched her under the light. After a long while, she spoke slowly, "I know."

Chi Xiaoman tilted her head in confusion. "You know?"

"Mm." Chen Yue tightened her grip on Chi Xiaoman’s phone. She rarely showed such an expression; forceful, unhappy, her mouth set straight.

But she seemed to realize her expression wasn’t good and didn’t want Chi Xiaoman to see it, didn’t want her to be hurt any further. So she closed her eyes, lowered her face, and said slowly,

"You might even……feel relieved that the center of this incident turned into you instead of me."

She seemed to be trying hard to understand Chi Xiaoman’s choice, but she really couldn’t accept it; each word came out with difficulty.

"Because last night, after that video was posted, many people were questioning whether I wasn’t professional enough and thought I was dissatisfied with you directing, so I used this method to draw attention. But once you posted your Weibo, most people today shifted their attention to your post and thought you deliberately chose this timing to sarcastically attack me……"

"Chi Xiaoman."

She called her name, and under the elevator’s flashing light, looked at her for a very long time with a gaze that was both bewildered and sorrowful. In the end, in a very low, very low voice, she asked,

"Is that what you think?"

Ding——

As the words fell,

the elevator arrived.

Chi Xiaoman didn’t speak for a long time. She looked at Chen Yue, thought for a moment, stepped out first, then turned back and called Chen Yue very softly,

"Let’s get out first."

Chen Yue followed her out in silence.

Ding——

The elevator closed behind them.

Chi Xiaoman put both hands in her coat pockets, lowered her head, and looked at the two shadows walking together for a long time before smiling. "Actually, I didn’t do it on purpose."

"It’s just that this result is a little better than I imagined it would be."

She had to admit it.

Chen Yue said nothing.

Chi Xiaoman took a step.

Seeing that Chen Yue didn’t follow, she had no choice but to stop and continue speaking slowly,

"Chen Yue, I’m not the same as you."

"These things are something I go through every day. Even if they keep happening to me today, tomorrow, and the day after, it wouldn’t be that strange."

"And I really won’t be too sad about it either." She emphasized to Chen Yue.

"But you’re different."

Chi Xiaoman looked into Chen Yue’s eyes, doing her best to make her meaning clear.

"Acting in this movie with me has already made you bear a lot of unnecessary criticism. And I can also foresee that maybe any tiny little stir in the future will bring these voices back again."

"I only just said yesterday that I’d protect you." She smiled at Chen Yue,

"I don’t want to go back on my word."

Chen Yue looked at her, as if she had many things she wanted to say.

"It’s just that I might really not be a very capable person." But Chi Xiaoman spoke first.

The corridor was empty.

There were two or three meters between them, and the warm light shining down from above.

Chi Xiaoman’s voice was very, very light. "When I posted that Weibo, I really did want to clarify things, and I really did, for a moment, think that what I said could be accepted as the truth."

"It’s just that the outcome is never quite what I imagine."

By now, she didn’t feel much resentment or grievance over the result. Because things like this had happened too many times; resentment, grievance, all of it had become unnecessary things, things that didn’t need to be let out.

"Maybe Chi Xiaoman is just like this; always being disliked by a lot of people. But looking at it from another angle, even if a few more people dislike me, nothing will happen to me."

Chi Xiaoman stated this fact in an ordinary tone.

"Sorry, Chen Tong-jiejie."

By the time she said that,

she was already smiling at the dazed Chen Yue under the light.

Very quietly, she said,

"For now, this is probably the only way I can protect you."

When she finished speaking,

she curved her eyes softly at Chen Yue, then turned around.

She wanted to go back to the room.

But behind her came Chen Yue’s voice,

"But I hope you don’t do this."

Chi Xiaoman stopped.

The wind rustled down, blowing apart the loose strands of hair hanging by her ears and making the skin behind them itch.

The woman’s voice was very light, very light. "I hope you can be kinder to yourself."

"I hope you won’t ignore the harm you’ve suffered."

"I hope you can help and support yourself the same way you treat me, the same way you treat those people you protect and help."

"I hope after your foot gets hurt, you’ll stop right away to look at the wound instead of pretending nothing happened and just keep walking. I hope when you’re hurt, you don’t have to smile at me, or at everyone in front of you. I hope when you haven’t slept well, you’ll also ask anyone who can help you for help……"

In the empty corridor, the woman’s tone sounded calm, yet not entirely calm.

It wasn’t really a rebuke, only an expression of not liking her answer very much.

She probably hadn’t completely run out of patience with her either.

After saying this,

Chen Yue slowly walked up to her and stood beside her. Their shadows pressed tightly together, like a tree with its branches and roots tangled around one another.

"Xiaoman."

She called her, her voice very low and soft. "From now on, can you stop treating yourself like this?"

As if unable to continue,

Chen Yue paused for a long while. Then, looking into her confused eyes, she carefully reached over and touched her face. Rarely without a smile, she softly finished the rest of her words just as Chi Xiaoman’s lashes trembled at the touch,

"Because I’ll be very sad too."

[Author’s Note]

On time with Little Neon for the forty-ninth day [sunglasses][sunglasses]