Chapter 33: I’ve Been Secretly in Love with Someone for So, So Many Years…

Not far away, Zhong Dai saw what was going on between Xue Erbai and Ji Wushan, but she wasn’t in the mood to tease them. Her attention was fixed on the trending topic.

Ever since Xue Erbai had provoked her, and then Fu Lingnan had kissed her while she was drunk at the full-moon banquet, she’d become much bolder.

Living together on the show had only completely let her off the leash.

Completely. She had even taken the initiative to make Fu Lingnan take responsibility.

It had been her first kiss; she’d been the one at a disadvantage.

So on their first night together, she’d pinned Fu Lingnan to the bed and kissed her, under the noble-sounding excuse that she couldn’t afford to be the one who lost out.

But it wasn’t entirely fake, either. She really had no experience. The first time Fu Lingnan kissed her, she’d been so stunned she’d forgotten how to move.

That night, she had moved; only she’d been too reckless, kissing Fu Lingnan until she frowned and tugged at her sleeve. Later, Fu Lingnan had even reached under the hem of her clothes...

So the next night, she’d reached under there too.

It had escalated until last night... nearly out of control.

She had also seen another side of Fu Lingnan.

Coming from action roles, Fu Lingnan had a strength Zhong Dai could barely fight off; on several occasions she’d been pinned down, and even her neck had been left marked.

So today she had to wear a high-collared shirt; she hadn’t expected to see the trending tag about Fu Lingnan and Yi Fan.

All those kiss marks Fu Lingnan had left on her suddenly felt like such a loss!

So when she looked at the two of them, there was a hint of gritted-teeth resentment in her eyes.

But all of that was ending tonight.

This was the last day in Province G. Once it was over, she would leave ahead of everyone else.

Her luggage had already been packed; before leaving, she went to say goodbye to Xue Erbai.

Before her clothes were even fully packed into the suitcase, Xue Erbai hurried out with thumping footsteps and peeked through the crack in the door. “You’re leaving in such a hurry?”

Zhong Dai replied listlessly, “…Mm.”

Seeing that, Xue Erbai didn’t seem inclined to ask further. She more or less understood how Zhong Dai felt.

After all, she’d been jealous of Fu Lingnan too!

With a trending tag like this, the flirtatious interactions on the show, and those perfectly timed same-frame shots after filming ended, it would be strange not to be annoyed.

And... if she hadn’t seen wrong just now, the faint red on Zhong Dai’s neck looked like a kiss mark?

Huh. That was kind of exciting.

“What are you looking at?”

Xue Erbai was still silently clicking her tongue over Zhong Dai’s bad luck when a sudden voice made her shoulders jump. She turned around to see Ji Wushan coming over with a suitcase in tow.

“Nothing. I just said a few words to Zhong Dai; she left.” Xue Erbai said seriously, walking over naturally to take her hand.

Although filming had ended, the staff hadn’t all left yet. There were still a few people around that Ji Wushan knew, so she felt a little awkward and wanted to shake off Xue Erbai’s hand.

But Xue Erbai didn’t give her the chance. Using a bit of force, she led her away.

The episode had already been out for two weeks, and as the buzz kept rising, more and more fans had come to watch.

Looking out over the crowd, aside from Yi Fan’s huge existing fanbase, there were also plenty of Fu Lingnan and Yi Fan shippers. Xue Erbai glanced over and silently shed a tear for Zhong Dai; then she noticed Ji Wushan staring in one direction.

She followed her gaze.

Oh ho~~!

It was two or three little girls holding up an “Earphones” CP sign. Once Xue Erbai saw them, she couldn’t pretend not to notice. She tugged at the expressionless Ji Wushan and walked toward them. After a few steps, Ji Wushan realized what she was trying to do and stopped her by pulling back.

“What is it?”

Ji Wushan roughly guessed where she was headed, but still asked, “You... what are you going to do?”

“It’s so hot, and they’re still holding up signs. That must be exhausting...”

“We’re going over to take photos with them!”

Xue Erbai’s blunt answer left Ji Wushan at a loss for words. Her body relaxed, and she followed Xue Erbai over.

In matters of interacting with the public, Xue Erbai didn’t need her to say much. The few girls were so excited their faces were flushed red; in the end they signed autographs and took photos.

Just as the girls asked if they could post it on Weibo and Xue Erbai was about to agree at once, Ji Wushan finally spoke up to stop her. “The show is still filming...”

She was worried her tone might be too firm, so she deliberately softened it.

But the girl who asked still looked embarrassed, and this time Xue Erbai jumped in. “Wait until the show wraps, then you can post it!”

Ji Wushan glanced sideways at Xue Erbai, opening her mouth but saying nothing.

After all, once filming ended, a lot of things would become much easier. But faintly, she also felt something was a little off; Xue Erbai’s smile seemed wrong somehow.

But Xue Erbai didn’t give her a chance to ask.

They had already delayed some time taking photos, and the return car arranged by the production team was waiting. The two of them hurried over and headed for the airport.

The ride was smooth; the scenery outside the window slid backward in a blur. After these days of filming, Ji Wushan felt a little dazed.

It was clearly the same amount of filming time, yet for some reason, she felt like time had passed very quickly.

She looked at Xue Erbai. Once they were off-camera and settled in the car, Xue Erbai had grown much quieter. The fatigue showed plainly on her; she leaned against the window, drowsy, her head bobbing, nearly bumping the glass.

There was something obedient and dazed about her.

Ji Wushan’s heart softened as she watched, and a little pain tugged there too.

When she felt unwell during her period, she still had to film and handle company matters.

Several times, she had heard Xue Erbai sound worn out while on the phone with Qiao You.

Ji Wushan didn’t understand any of those affairs, so she just quietly pretended not to see. Then, when Xue Erbai was feeling weak and acting spoiled, she would keep her company.

Xue Erbai never complained about how hard or uncomfortable it was; she only...

would ask her for a hug.

Ji Wushan was reasonable, and not a stingy person. Even if she was slow to catch on when it came to feelings, after all this time together, she more or less understood what Xue Erbai wanted.

Silently, Ji Wushan raised a hand and gently supported the back of Xue Erbai’s head, resting it against her own shoulder.

She wanted her to sleep more comfortably, so she even straightened her back.

Xue Erbai seemed to sense it; she wrapped her arm around Ji Wushan, rubbed against her shoulder, found a comfortable position, and drifted into a light sleep, her brow relaxing.

When they were almost at the airport, Ji Wushan also started to feel sleepy. Just as she closed her eyes, Xue Erbai made a rustling sound.

She didn’t open her eyes.

She only felt Xue Erbai do the same thing she had done.

Even...

she lightly kissed her cheek.

Ji Wushan’s heartbeat quickened. She didn’t want to open her eyes even more, and only when they reached the airport did she have no choice but to wake up.

She had expected some awkwardness, but Xue Erbai smiled sweetly and said, “I slept really well leaning on Shengsheng jie’s shoulder. What about Shengsheng jie?”

Ji Wushan paused. Her heart turned soft and warm, and it all felt very natural and comfortable. She gave a slight nod. “I slept very well.”

Then they boarded the plane and flew home. Even after landing, Ji Wushan’s mood remained subtle and strange.

By the time they were back home and eating dinner together, she finally found the right name for that strange feeling.

Steadiness.

When she was little, facing Song Quwen’s unpredictable moods, she had longed for this kind of steadiness. Later, when she found out she was unworthy of having it no matter what she did...

she let it go.

And now not only did she have it, she wanted more.

For example, she wanted to recover her memories; she wanted to know what those two months of living with Xue Erbai had been like, what their feelings and relationship had actually been like.

After dinner, after showering, Ji Wushan didn’t rush to sleep. Instead, she waited in the living room for Xue Erbai. When Xue Erbai saw that she hadn’t gone back to the bedroom, she walked over with the towel still in her hands and asked, “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Maybe I slept too much on the plane.”

“Oh, you scared me. I thought you didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with me tonight.”

Xue Erbai said this with exaggerated hand-over-heart drama. Ji Wushan was amused by her and, seeing her dripping hair, urged her, “Go blow-dry your hair first, then we’ll talk.”

“Talk...?” Xue Erbai tilted her head. Seeing Ji Wushan nod, she hesitated before going to dry it.

But she only half-dried it before coming back to sit beside Ji Wushan.

Ji Wushan frowned and shot her a reproachful look. “Why didn’t you dry it properly?”

“I’m in a hurry. I want to know what you’re going to talk to me about. It’s mostly dry anyway; after we say a few words, it’ll probably finish drying!”

“Just say it already!”

Faced with Xue Erbai’s impatience, Ji Wushan didn’t say anything else. After thinking for a moment, she finally asked what she wanted to know.

“I want to know... before I lost my memory, how did we get along?”

“Were there any details that might help me remember?”

“Mm!”

That was a very difficult question for Xue Erbai.

Because her relationship with Ji Wushan could be said to be completely straightforward.

But... she had once exaggerated and said that Ji Wushan knew how to coax her.

So after she made that sound, she was silent for a long time. It wasn’t until Ji Wushan’s eyes were full of urging that she gritted her teeth and said it: “Actually... we mostly got along in bed.”

As soon as the words fell, Xue Erbai closed her eyes, and she didn’t hear Ji Wushan speak.

The silence was terrifying. Unable to help herself, she opened her eyes again, only to see Ji Wushan’s cheeks slightly red, though the look in her eyes had grown even more searching.

“Then sleeping... was I the one who was always being...”

She didn’t finish, but the meaning was clear. Xue Erbai looked at her and nodded, then added, “Actually, it wasn’t like that at the beginning either. We agreed on one round each, but... the actual situation was a little complicated.”

“How complicated?”

Ji Wushan’s curiosity was too strong; she really wanted to know something, so only after asking did she realize that the question sounded a little...

But Xue Erbai didn’t give her a chance to backtrack.

She leaned in, wrapped an arm around her waist, and brushed her nose against hers; her breathing was hot.

Ji Wushan tilted her head back and could only endure her kiss.

Xue Erbai was far more fervent than usual; there was almost a feeling that she wanted to swallow her whole. Ji Wushan even heard a strange, unfamiliar little sound from herself.

She didn’t know how long passed before Xue Erbai finally stopped.

Her hand was braced at Ji Wushan’s side as she looked down at her; Ji Wushan’s eyes were reddened at the corners from being kissed, and Xue Erbai asked between slightly ragged breaths, “Do you feel it?”

Restlessness, discomfort, and even a trace of panic shrouded Ji Wushan.

The kiss that had just landed on her neck still seemed warm; it felt as though, for the first time, she was truly meeting herself and also truly meeting Xue Erbai.

The Xue Erbai who had always spoken to her in a sweet, gentle voice during this time had changed tone; she had become a little dangerous.

Ji Wushan herself could barely lift her arms, her legs trembling, yet she still wanted to reach for something and cling to Xue Erbai.

Her state now made her want to run.

Because she had always suppressed emotion, but desire... she had always indulged it.

For example, appetite.

Now she wanted to indulge it again; the two thoughts were fighting in her head.

Until the hand on her face disappeared, swallowed by the fine rain, and when she arched up, her lips were immediately pecked by Xue Erbai.

Just a light peck.

Xue Erbai looked at her with tenderness in her eyes and said, trembling, “This is the first time I’ve seen you make that kind of expression.”

Under the light, this intimacy was also a first for Xue Erbai.

The emotions she had been holding back for so, so long finally surged up; she could no longer bear it.

She kissed the person until she was burning hot, then could only lean close to her ear and ask, “Ji Wushan... do you know what it feels like to be in secret love?”

“I’ve been secretly in love with one person for so, so many years.”

“I’ve always hoped she would open her eyes like this now and look at me.”

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Author’s note: Slept, okay!!!! It won’t be long until the memories come back; I won’t be far from finishing, either.