Where Are You Going? You're So Grumpy Today

Lin Qingyun crooked his finger at He Zhuoming, beckoning her closer.

The windowsill wasn't high to begin with. He Zhuoming braced her hands on it, hopped over, and leaned in close to Lin Qingyun—she thought he was about to share a secret with her. But when she craned her neck forward, he flicked her right on the forehead instead.

He Zhuoming let out an "ow," reeled back, and pressed her hand to her forehead in a daze. The spot he'd flicked stung like crazy.

Lin Qingyun said, "Drop that idea right now. Do you think the True Deities are any better? Making a wish to a True Deity comes with a price too."

He Zhuoming was stunned. "Then aren't they the same as the Corrupted Deities?"

Lin Qingyun: "That's exactly why the True Deities don't grant wishes lightly."

He Zhuoming: "Uh... a benevolent version of Kyubey? Then the Corrupted Deities are the evil version... wait, Kyubey's original setting is pretty evil anyway."

Lin Qingyun's expression turned cold. "I don't know what Kyubey is, but I know what the True Deities are. Drop your wish-making idea. If you really can't help it, then think about those villagers in the mountain hamlet who worshipped the Corrupted Deity."

The words worked like a charm. The moment He Zhuoming recalled the villagers' numb, eerie expressions, she immediately abandoned any thought of making a wish to the Lord of Pear Palace. Even her hand shifted from covering her forehead to covering her mouth.

Seeing that he'd managed to scare her, Lin Qingyun was satisfied. The corner of his mouth twitched upward, as if he wanted to smile, but he quickly suppressed it and turned his face away, about to walk off—when He Zhuoming suddenly called out, "Lin Qingyun!"

Lin Qingyun: "...What?"

He Zhuoming's face was utterly serious. She beckoned him closer.

Lin Qingyun was about to lean in when he suddenly remembered He Zhuoming's dream. His forward motion froze.

After a brief pause, he stepped back to where he'd been, his expression feigning calm indifference. "If there's something to say, just say it from there. My ears work fine. I can hear you."

He Zhuoming: "It's something important."

Lin Qingyun: "There's no one else here. You can speak as loudly as you want..."

Before he could finish, He Zhuoming suddenly took a big step forward—the distance between them closed in an instant, and her approach carried a faint breeze, the fragrance of dream-inducing incense wafting toward him.

Then He Zhuoming jumped up and flicked Lin Qingyun on the forehead, hard.

Though it didn't hurt, Lin Qingyun was too shocked to speak.

He Zhuoming asked in a cold, hard voice, "Does it hurt?"

Lin Qingyun: "Not at all."

Hearing that, He Zhuoming immediately raised her hand for a second flick—Lin Qingyun dodged backward, touching his forehead, utterly baffled. "Why did you suddenly flick me..."

He Zhuoming: "That's exactly what I should be asking you. Weren't you the one who flicked me first?"

Lin Qingyun complained, "Xiao He, you're so vindictive. I only flicked you once. What's there to get angry about?"

He'd never met anyone as prone to anger as He Zhuoming. In truth, Lin Qingyun had encountered plenty of angry people, and he'd made plenty of others furious—he just never remembered any of them.

He generally categorized people he failed to remember as nonexistent.

He Zhuoming actually got angry at that. "I'm not vindictive! You flicked me so hard it hurt! And when I flicked you, you said it didn't hurt at all! Didn't you see I've got two pimples on my forehead now!"

Lin Qingyun was momentarily confused, not understanding her point. "I did see them, but what does that have to do with flicking your forehead? Besides, I don't get pimples."

He Zhuoming exploded. Why exactly, she didn't know—maybe it was because Lin Qingyun didn't feel pain when flicked, or maybe it was because he didn't get pimples. Either way, He Zhuoming was furious now. So furious that she stalked past him, deliberately not looking at his face, and announced loudly, "From this moment on, until I stop being angry, I'm not talking to you!"

She stomped heavily past Lin Qingyun and back into her own room. Looking up, she saw the candle still burning inappropriately, walked over, twisted it out of its holder, and shoved it into Lin Qingyun's hand.

She'd meant to tell Lin Qingyun to take this stupid candle away, but as soon as her lips parted, she remembered what she'd just said.

She glared at Lin Qingyun, took a deep breath, clamped her mouth shut, and held firm—she did not speak to him. She turned and walked deeper into the room.

Lin Qingyun stood there holding the candle, then followed behind her, puzzled. "Why are you still angry? I'm not angry."

He Zhuoming simply covered her ears.

This was where the room's size came in handy. Even as Lin Qingyun kept trailing behind her, she could keep circling through the room without ever running into him.

Lin Qingyun criticized her: "If anyone should be angry, it's me. Xiao He, you're being ridiculous."

He Zhuoming ignored him, quickening her pace as she paced around. Lin Qingyun sped up too, following her in circles around the room.

Lin Qingyun: "Fine, fine, let's say it's my fault. Actually, your flick just now hurt my forehead too. I just said it didn't because I'm magnanimous."

"They're only two little pimples. Tell you what, I could just make them disappear."

"But let's be fair, Xiao He, you're at fault here too! You were yelling at me just now."

"Don't walk so fast—hey, Xiao He, Xiao He, are you even listening to me?"

Of course He Zhuoming heard every word. But right now, the sight of Lin Qingyun irritated her, so she heard him and pretended she didn't.

No matter how big a room is, after a dozen laps it starts to feel small.

He Zhuoming got tired. She stopped and leaned against a folding screen to catch her breath—Lin Qingyun leaned into her field of vision, all smiles, and asked, "Why'd you stop?"

She shoved his head away. "None of your business!"

Lin Qingyun: "So fierce, Xiao He~"

He Zhuoming: "Don't talk to me!"

Lin Qingyun complained, "Have I broken some heavenly law? Can't even speak now? Fine, I was going to tell Xiao He something very important, but if you don't want to talk to me, then forget it."

He Zhuoming: "..."

She stared stonily at Lin Qingyun—and he stared right back at her with a smile, casually tossing the still-burning candle from hand to hand.

He Zhuoming: "Fine. What's the important thing?"

Lin Qingyun dug at his ear with a finger, skeptical. "Who's talking to me? Is it Xiao He? Shouldn't be, because I distinctly remember Xiao He just said she wouldn't talk to me until she stopped being angry—Xiao He, have you heard the saying? Liars are puppies..."

He Zhuoming: "If liars are puppies, then you'd have been king of the dogs long ago."

Lin Qingyun choked on that, unable to rebut her, because he really did say whatever came to mind.

He muttered grumpily, "You're in a foul mood today."

He Zhuoming scrunched up her face. She was still annoyed inside, but she asked hesitantly, "Am I?"

Lin Qingyun nodded vigorously, his earrings swinging with the motion, and said with total sincerity, "That flick you gave me just now was really, really hard."

He Zhuoming turned her head to look at his forehead. "Didn't you say it didn't hurt?"

Lin Qingyun: "I was humoring you. If I'd said it hurt, wouldn't Xiao He have felt bad?"

He Zhuoming: "...So it actually hurts?"

Lin Qingyun clutched his forehead—which didn't hurt at all—and put on an act. "Ugh, it hurts so much. I think a piece of my skull got shattered."

He Zhuoming was skeptical. "Liar. How could it possibly hurt that much? I didn't even... use that much force."

Her voice trailed off, and by the final words she was already feeling a twinge of guilt.

Because when she thought back, she had to admit she'd used quite a bit of force when she flicked his forehead. But... but it couldn't have been enough to shatter a skull, could it!

He Zhuoming wavered for a long moment, then finally reached out and cupped Lin Qingyun's face, intending to pull him closer for a good look.

But Lin Qingyun jumped back like a frog dropped into a boiling pot, jerking free of her hands. He looked flustered for an instant, retreated to a small distance from her, pressed his palm against his own cheek, and said stiffly, "Let's talk business first..."

"We've searched every place there is to search in Wen County, and there really is no trace of your hometown."

He Zhuoming was easily led along by the change of topic and didn't notice his awkwardness.

She slumped despondently onto the table, nodding weakly—conceding his point.

Lin Qingyun continued, "As I said, the Archives Hall in the Pear Garden Divine Palace holds many ancient texts recording all things under heaven. I think there might be clues about your hometown in there. As it happens, I need to return to the Divine Palace today. You can pack your things and come with me."

He Zhuoming finally understood Lin Qingyun's meaning—they were moving base.

A quarrel was a quarrel, but a little bickering didn't touch on any principles, so it didn't hold up work. He Zhuoming gave a quick "okay" and scurried off to pack her bag.

Her belongings were pitifully few, and she was done in no time.

He Zhuoming picked up the bronze mirror from the table and asked, "Can I take this mirror with me? I really need it!"

Lin Qingyun waved a hand casually. "Take whatever you want from this room."

He Zhuoming: "Really?"

Lin Qingyun nodded. "Really."

He Zhuoming gave a cheer and stuffed the comb from the table into her bag too.

Lin Qingyun watched her cheer up again and couldn't help smiling himself. After smiling, he thought to himself: I really can't figure out what's inside Xiao He's head. Her moods flip more than mine.

But he figured there was one more thing he could do to make Xiao He even happier.

He pulled out a lotus-root-colored pouch embroidered with a red crabapple blossom and handed it to her—He Zhuoming took it, opened it, reached inside, and pulled out a handful of copper coins.

She'd never seen copper coins before. They felt novel, and the pouch itself was fascinating: it looked small on the outside, but when she reached in, she could feel there was plenty of room inside.

Lin Qingyun said, "This is what I got in exchange for your things. The outer layer has copper coins, and the inner lining has silver bits."

Lin Qingyun naturally had no idea what grain or oil cost, and he couldn't even be bothered to count the few coppers and bits of silver. If he'd gone to exchange them himself, he'd almost certainly have been swindled by some crooked merchant. He was self-aware enough to know it, so he'd had one of the palace attendants do the exchange.

Being a True Deity meant knowing how to delegate. A True Deity who didn't delegate would just work himself to death. Lin Qingyun deeply understood and practiced this principle, never letting a single one of his subordinates sit idle.

While fiddling with the pouch in fascination, He Zhuoming asked Lin Qingyun, "So where is that—what was it—Divine Palace? You said you're going back today, and we've only got two legs between us. Can we even get there in a day?"

Lin Qingyun: "The Pear Garden Divine Palace is in Moyi. Moyi is the capital of the Xia Kingdom."

He Zhuoming was thoroughly confused. "Where's the Xia Kingdom? Is it far from Wen County? Is it big?"

Lin Qingyun answered, "Very far. Wen County sits at the edge of a vassal state of Xia—was it Zhou or Kunwu? I don't remember exactly. In any case, it's far from the Xia Kingdom, and further still from Moyi. On our own two legs, we couldn't reach Moyi even if we walked for three years."

"But don't worry about that. There's a teleportation array that can send us straight into the palace."

While he spoke, He Zhuoming kept packing, studying where to hang the pouch, looking very much like someone with important business of her own, too busy to look at him and only listening with half an ear.

That attitude irritated Lin Qingyun. He casually tapped the table with the candle in his hand. "Xiao He, are you even listening to me?"

He Zhuoming finally found the perfect spot to hang the pouch. She looked up with a face of utter earnestness. "I am, I am! You said we're taking the teleportation array to that Divine Palace, right? I'm all packed! Let's go!"

Her eyes sparkled as she looked over at him. Lin Qingyun's hand, which had been tapping the table with the candle, paused. He abruptly averted his gaze, turning to look somewhere else, and said flatly, "I don't think you were listening at all."

His voice was soft, and He Zhuoming couldn't quite catch it. She asked, puzzled, "Listening to what? Dim sum? I already had breakfast. Oh, by the way, how's the food at the Divine Palace?"

Lin Qingyun: "Better than here."

He Zhuoming hopped a few times in delight, then trotted along behind Lin Qingyun with her bag, bubbling with excitement. "Hey, I'm not a disciple of the Pear Garden, can I still eat there?"

Lin Qingyun asked darkly, "Xiao He, are you a pig? Can you think about anything besides eating?"

Before he could even finish, He Zhuoming stomped hard on his foot.

Lin Qingyun looked down at his shoe, then up at He Zhuoming—after stomping him, she was clearly in a better mood. She pulled out her phone, turned it on, and snapped a photo of the courtyard.

Lin Qingyun let out a long sigh. "Xiao He, you really are in a foul mood today. Did a ghost get into you?"

He Zhuoming shot back, "Don't talk nonsense! I'm wearing a Guanyin statue—Goddess of Mercy will protect me. And even if that weren't the case, isn't this the Pear Garden? We're staying here, so the Earth Immortal will protect us too... Look at this!"

She pointed at the phone screen she'd raised high. Lin Qingyun looked up at it—and realized he and He Zhuoming were already both in the frame. He Zhuoming pulled her lower eyelids down into a funny face and snapped the photo in a flash.

After taking the picture, she immediately turned the phone off to save battery.

She turned and scampered back to Lin Qingyun's side, urging him on: "Why aren't we moving? Let's go to the teleportation array! Oh, right, what does a teleportation array look like? What's it feel like to ride one? Is it fast?"

"Back home, we have a flying machine called an airplane, and it's super fast. You guys should have something like that too, right? Spirit boats or something."

Because she was headed somewhere new, excitement had chased away the irritation. He Zhuoming gripped her bag strap, feeling like she was off to summer camp, and she talked more than usual.

But Lin Qingyun grew quieter than usual. It wasn't until a long moment after He Zhuoming had finished speaking that he said, slowly, "You're right."

The non sequitur baffled He Zhuoming. She looked up at him in confusion—but she didn't see him, because Lin Qingyun's hand moved faster and covered her eyes.

Her vision went dark in an instant, and she couldn't see a thing. But she could hear Lin Qingyun's voice very clearly.

"The Earth Immortal will protect you, Xiao He."

Whether the Lord of Pear Palace would actually protect her, He Zhuoming couldn't say for certain. The only thing she was certain of was that she got motion sickness from the teleportation array—just like car sickness.

It was hard to describe the sensation of a teleportation array. The moment you stepped in, it felt like entering a speeding car with no ventilation, doused in heavy perfume air freshener.

He Zhuoming threw up the moment she came out—her entire breakfast, all of it.

Lin Qingyun had no choice but to take her to a room to rest first, and had a maidservant feed her some warm water.