Warm and Gentle

Li Lan gathered the broken fingernail into her palm, her expression unchanged. “Why did you suddenly want to ask about her?”

Zhu Qing couldn’t quite tell what had crossed Li Lan’s mind. After a moment’s hesitation, she said, “I just think her singing style feels kind of familiar.”

“Sweet vocals, an innocent, pure girl image,” Li Lan said softly. “That it?”

Zhu Qing nodded quickly. “Yeah, yeah.”

There weren’t many people around Zhu Qing who fit that style. Most girls were cute in one way or another, but very few could make “sweet” their defining trait.

The entertainment industry never lacked beautiful female celebrities. Take the veteran group on this variety show, for example; Hu Xu and Liu Yini were both already in their sixties, yet they looked no different from ordinary people in their forties. Their faces hadn’t sagged at all, and you could still see clear traces of beauty in them; the aesthetic standards of the 1980s and 1990s could be summed up as handpicked by the motherland.

As for the film queen, there was even less need to say anything. She had a dignified, grand sort of beauty; just looking at her gave people a sense of national peace and prosperity.

Every one of them was beautiful, but none of them had Yu Ling’s distinctive style.

Her side profile was cool and aloof; when she wasn’t smiling, the corners of her mouth drooped slightly, but once she smiled, her whole face turned sweet and cute, the kind of sweetness that could reach straight into someone’s heart at a glance.

That harmless sweetness was very rare, and for no reason at all it made Zhu Qing think of those singing lines.

“In the earlier years, sweet songs were more common; men, women, young, and old all liked them. But ever since the internet started mocking babyish, coy voices, fewer and fewer people have gone that route. Still, her style isn’t that unusual,” Li Lan said flatly. “Most people who debut with an innocent, sweet image get a boost in popularity at first, but…”

She didn’t finish.

Zhu Qing pressed, “But what?”

Li Lan frowned slightly and shook her head. “Nothing. No matter what style it is, it’s all just packaging and persona anyway.”

“Oh.” Zhu Qing paused, then asked, “So who is she, exactly?”

With her back to Zhu Qing, Li Lan kept cutting vegetables, her tone steady. “An old friend. We lost contact after she went abroad. She passed away from illness a few years ago.”

Zhu Qing was startled. For a moment, she didn’t know which part to focus on first, but “an old friend who had already died” could be understood in two ways. The first was a little melodramatic; you could call it “the dead white moonlight.” The second was even more melodramatic: “the old friend who went their separate ways, only for death to wash away all grudges.”

Either way, there was regret and melancholy in it.

Anything alive—people or things—would seem too light compared with death.

Zhu Qing didn’t know what had happened between Li Lan and this former friend, but she could clearly sense that Li Lan was not as calm as she looked. Maybe there had once been a conflict between them; maybe they had shared something unforgettable. Those were all part of Li Lan’s past, and Zhu Qing had not been there.

In fact, Li Lan and her own past were things she had forgotten completely as well.

Zhu Qing let out a breath. This feeling was just incredible.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked,” Zhu Qing said.

Li Lan put the chopped vegetables onto a plate so they’d be easier to toss into the wok. It was the last dish. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and turned to look at Zhu Qing seriously. “Anything you want to ask, I’ll tell you. I’d rather you ask me than let your imagination run wild.”

Zhu Qing blinked. Run wild?

“I’m not imagining things wildly. I’m thinking normally. It’s reasonable, well-founded, and very logical,” she said.

But Li Lan shook her head. “You are imagining things.”

“I’m not afraid of you getting to the bottom of things,” Li Lan said, standing half a head taller than Zhu Qing. Her eyes were deep and clear, her features cool and refined; when she lowered her gaze, there was always something inexplicably gentle about her. “Ask whatever you want. Anything I can tell you, I will. But don’t make things up in your head and condemn me without asking me first.”

Zhu Qing went quiet. It felt as if she’d been struck straight through.

She hadn’t really thought Li Lan had done anything, but she did often let her mind branch out into other possibilities.

Given how serious Li Lan sounded, there was a kind of caution to her, like someone who had once been bitten by a snake and now feared ropes. Zhu Qing lowered her voice. “What did I condemn you for before?”

Li Lan’s eyelashes trembled.

Zhu Qing still went straight to the point.

Li Lan’s tone turned a little forlorn. “Are you sure you want to hear it?”

Zhu Qing thought for two seconds, then shook her head wildly. “Forget it. I don’t remember the cause and effect anyway. If you were defending yourself later, I wouldn’t even be able to refute it.”

“You,” Li Lan said helplessly, “always stir up trouble first, then back down first.”

Zhu Qing argued, “No, I’m just asking normally. That’s not stirring up trouble. If you think I’m stirring up trouble, then there’s something wrong with you.”

She said it slowly, one syllable at a time. “You. Have. A. Problem.”

Li Lan pointed at the vegetables beside her. “Go make the soup. This is the last part for today. The sooner we finish filming, the sooner we can rest. Stop overthinking.”

Zhu Qing: “Oh.”

There was only the last soup dish left before the meal could be served. Zhu Qing dropped radish chunks into the pot, but her thoughts drifted.

What Li Lan had just said seemed reasonable at first glance, but Zhu Qing couldn’t help thinking deeper.

It wasn’t about any particular person or event; what Zhu Qing cared about was the relationship between the two of them.

When she first woke up, Qian Cancan had fed her a whole spiel about how “your relationship broke down, but your side was worse; you didn’t just hit her, you also neglected Li Lan,” and Zhu Qing had wanted to mend things, but didn’t know where to start.

Li Lan’s attitude toward her was strange too.

If Zhu Qing really had done something wrong, Li Lan had never blamed or complained about it. Either Li Lan simply didn’t care, or she genuinely didn’t think Zhu Qing had done anything wrong.

But if Li Lan had no lingering resentment at all, Zhu Qing still felt there was a bit of distance between them.

They could eat and live together, but Li Lan would never actively come closer. If Zhu Qing moved forward another step, Li Lan would retreat one.

So why was that?

Why didn’t Li Lan dislike her, yet still not want to come close?

Was it really, as Li Lan said, because things had moved too quickly before and ended badly, so now they had to take it slowly?

Or was there some other unresolved knot?

“Hiss—”

Zhu Qing had been too lost in thought. Her hand reached over the iron pot and the hot steam from the boiling water brushed her skin, making her flinch in pain at once.

With that flinch, the skimmer in her hand tilted, and the contents on it fell straight into the pot, splashing hot water upward.

Just as the splash was about to land on Zhu Qing’s hand, another hand reached over to block it.

The boiling water hit the back of Li Lan’s hand squarely. She frowned and jerked it back hard.

Zhu Qing was terrified. She quickly grabbed Li Lan’s hand and dunked it into the wooden bucket.

The water had just been drawn from the well; it was icy cold, and the chill eased the burning pain of the scald.

Li Lan soaked it for two minutes. Once the sting had settled, she said in a low voice, “It’s fine now.”

It took time for heat to conduct. The water had already cooled a little while in the air, and there wasn’t much of it; once it was plunged into cold water, it was only a little red and hadn’t suffered a serious burn.

The steam that brushed Zhu Qing didn’t matter much either; it had already left no trace.

The production team came over to ask about the situation. Li Lan shook her head and said it was nothing. “It’s a small thing. It happens a lot when cooking; it’s not a big deal. Don’t cut it into the episode.”

The director looked closely, confirmed that she really was fine, and nodded. “All right.”

Li Lan had a fanbase, and the production team was very wary of anything happening to the guests’ personal safety, especially someone with fans like hers. She could be torn apart online, even reported. Since Li Lan herself said she didn’t want it aired or promoted, of course they wouldn’t take the initiative to edit it in.

Zhu Qing wanted to check Li Lan’s hand, but the other woman shook her off.

Zhu Qing pouted, hurt, and didn’t dare chase after her.

That night, at dinner, Zhu Qing forced herself to keep smiling and responded to everyone’s praise, but her mind stayed fixed on the back of Li Lan’s hand.

- Her left hand has been hanging under the table. Is it hurting?

- She only took one bite of that dish. Is she feeling unwell?

- Li Lan hasn’t spoken for a minute. Is she unhappy?

- Is the back of her hand red again? Why did Li Lan clench her fist?

…

After dinner, Hu Xu pulled Zhu Qing aside to chat.

Zhu Qing looked around. The production team had already wrapped up, and the other guests had gone back to their rooms. She lowered her voice to Hu Xu and asked, “Teacher Hu, do you have any burn ointment?”

Hu Xu said in surprise, “No. Did you get burned?”

Zhu Qing shook her head slightly and looked at Li Lan, who was talking with Liu Yini. “It was Teacher Li.”

“How bad is it? We don’t have any. Go ask the production team for some.” Hu Xu was already moving to stand up.

Zhu Qing hurried to stop her. Their movements drew the attention of their partners, and both women looked over.

Zhu Qing tugged Hu Xu along as she walked outside. Only once they reached the courtyard did she lower her voice again. “Teacher Hu, she doesn’t want the production team involved.”

Hu Xu was stunned for a moment, then understood.

“The burn is one thing, but there’s something else too. I pulled you over because I wanted to ask,” Zhu Qing said slowly, but every word was clear. “When you first met Li Lan, what was she like?”

Hu Xu thought back to Li Lan from those years ago.

“Energetic, good-looking, able to take hardship, but with a heavy heart.”

Zhu Qing asked, “A heavy heart?”

“Yeah. When she was resting, she’d often space out alone. People around her age, men and women alike, were mostly a little restless; that’s just how that age group is. But Li Lan seemed to be under a lot of pressure. I liked that kind of person, though. It means she has a sense of responsibility, thinks things through, and can shoulder burdens.”

Someone who could shoulder burdens.

But back then, Li Lan had only been in her early twenties; she was younger than Zhu Qing herself.

Zhu Qing was silent for a few seconds, then lowered her voice. “Do you remember whether she had any familiar friends around her?”

Hu Xu thought about it and shook her head earnestly. “No. She was always by herself.”

No friends. Always alone.

Zhu Qing nodded, feeling a little forlorn.

Hu Xu studied her for two seconds, then changed her tone. “You like her that much? You’re even asking about this stuff. She must’ve had a hard time before; anyone who makes it to the top has it rough. You don’t need to dwell too much on the past. Little Li Lan likes you a lot; you two have to be good to each other, all right?”

Zhu Qing said softly, “She likes me a lot?”

“Her temperament is cold on the inside. People who’ve suffered too much can easily lose persistence and passion. Look at how she’s always so cool and detached, never paying much attention to anyone. She only really cares about you; she’s especially gentle with you,” Hu Xu said, patting Zhu Qing’s shoulder with earnest gravity. “And even if we take a huge step back, if she didn’t like you, why would she marry you?”

After a long moment, Zhu Qing lowered her head and gave a quiet “Mm.”

Hu Xu had sharp eyes. She could tell something was off between her and Li Lan, and by saying this indirectly she had already given her a very clear hint.

Zhu Qing said, “Thank you, Teacher Hu. We’ll be good.”

—

That night, in the bedroom.

“This is the burn ointment I asked Teacher Xu for,” Zhu Qing said, walking up to Li Lan’s wooden bed and lowering her voice. “I want to put it on for you.”

Li Lan lay there without moving; she only lifted her eyelids to look at Zhu Qing.

Zhu Qing said softly in protest, “I didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t ignore me.”

Li Lan still said nothing.

Zhu Qing had no choice and tried to be shameless about it. “Fine, even if I did something wrong, you should at least talk to me. Why are you suddenly ignoring me and not letting me put medicine on it?”

Li Lan still just looked at her. Just as Zhu Qing thought Li Lan had made up her mind not to respond, the other woman finally spoke in a low voice.

“I’m not blaming you.”

Zhu Qing immediately said, “Then why are you unhappy? Don’t tell me it’s because I got hurt. I clearly didn’t get hurt. Unless you’re blaming me for making you get hurt. That’s true, but I already made it up to you. I got you cold water and found burn ointment for you, and you still won’t talk to me. You can’t handle problems like this; it makes you look very immature, not at all like someone eight years older than me. Since you’re older, why can’t you just give me a little more leeway…”

Li Lan sighed.

Throwing the blame back and making trouble out of nothing; that was Zhu Qing in a nutshell.

“I really am not blaming you.” She was just a little embarrassed and annoyed.

She was only afraid that when Zhu Qing started thinking about things related to her again, there would be things she herself didn’t know.

Before Zhu Qing had wanted to break up with her, she’d been in this same state all the time; often silent by herself, thinking about things related to Li Lan that Li Lan didn’t know.

She was very afraid Zhu Qing would “sentence” her, very afraid Zhu Qing would think her way to some ending that Li Lan couldn’t accept.

Li Lan had never known what was going on in Zhu Qing’s head, but she had always been afraid.

“Just think of it as me being in a bad mood and throwing a tantrum,” Li Lan said softly. “Everyone gets a temper. That’s normal. You can’t expect me to be emotionally stable all the time, right? Besides, I’m not emotionally unstable. I just want to be alone for a bit.”

Using Zhu Qing’s own logic against her, Li Lan delivered the final verdict. “Go to sleep. Everything will be fine tomorrow morning.”

Zhu Qing stood in place for half a minute, then suddenly flung open Li Lan’s mosquito net.

The clean scent of mosquito repellent, the fruity fragrance of shampoo, and the neutral perfume Li Lan often used mingled together, forming a very private scent that belonged only to Li Lan.

Zhu Qing lifted Li Lan’s blanket and accidentally brushed her waist and abdomen. The thin layer of flesh there was soft and springy to the touch, and Zhu Qing’s breathing suddenly quickened.

“Zhu Qing!” Li Lan cried out, trying to sit up.

Before she could, the other woman shoved her back down.

Thud. Li Lan fell back into the blanket.

“What are you doing?” Li Lan was completely stunned.

Zhu Qing knelt beside her, both hands braced near her head. Her gaze roamed over Li Lan’s face, then settled on her lips.

Her voice was a little hoarse. “Nothing. Just looking at you.”

Li Lan’s voice shot up. “Is that how you look at someone!?”

Zhu Qing raised one finger and pressed it to Li Lan’s lips. “Shh. Someone’s in the next room, and there are chickens too. Don’t wake them.”

Li Lan stared at her wide-eyed.

Zhu Qing looked at Li Lan, frowned, and suddenly reached out to cover her eyes.

Yes, it was these eyes. They made her feel cherished, made her feel liked. But it was also these eyes that let her see distance and rejection.

Li Lan sensed danger, and alarm bells rang wildly in her mind.

Zhu Qing was only twenty-two; she was in the bloom of youth, full of needs and energy. Li Lan shouldn’t have overlooked that.

But she hadn’t expected Zhu Qing to do this.

Li Lan licked her lips and tried hard to stay calm. “This isn’t right. Let go of me. I don’t want to right now…”

The next moment, all of Li Lan’s words were cut off.

A soft, warm touch landed there; Li Lan’s eyes widened slightly.

————————

No-prize guessing game: what is Zhu Qing doing [dog head holding a rose]