Confession
“Oh, I forgot.” Hu Xu slapped her forehead. “Your memory hasn’t come back yet, has it?”
The vegetarian meatball in Zhu Qing’s mouth dropped onto the table with a soft plop.
How did Hu Xu know about her amnesia?!
Zhu Qing opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Liu Yini cut in with feigned annoyance. “How could something involving the head recover that fast?”
“It wasn’t supposed to be serious.”
“That still makes it the head.”
“She’s so young. What could be wrong with her brain?”
Zhu Qing: …Her brain wasn’t sick, thank you very much.
This rare and novel thing called amnesia immediately drew everyone’s attention.
From what Zhu Qing could tell, aside from a few fixed-position shots, every person and every camera was now aimed at her.
Zhu Qing: .
Xu Yuzhi asked curiously, “You’ve lost your memory?”
Zhu Qing wanted to explain, but Li Lan smiled softly and took over. “Yes. She fell down the stairs not long ago and may have hit something; the doctor said her short-term memory was impaired.”
“Short-term?” Sun Qi was instantly interested. Separated from Zhu Qing by Xu Yuzhi, he leaned forward so he could see her more clearly, his eyes bright as he said, “From when to when? Can you tell that you’ve lost your memory? What does amnesia feel like?”
Li Lan said gently, “About a year and a bit. She doesn’t really feel anything; she just forgot everything about the two of us. People who lose short-term memory aren’t that different from normal people, because it doesn’t affect identity. But if too much memory is lost, it can easily lead to psychological problems.”
Sun Qi nodded in understanding.
He was a true drama nerd; Zhu Qing’s situation was excellent material for acting, a character type he had never come across before.
“Then you and Teacher Li…” Yu Ling, who had been quietly eating beside them, suddenly spoke. Her beautiful eyes curved slightly as she said softly, “Are you going to get to know each other all over again?”
Zhu Qing turned her head, just about to speak, when Li Lan once again intercepted her.
“Not exactly.” Li Lan’s expression carried a helpless sort of indulgence as she sighed. “At first, she thought we were playing a prank on her, making up a wife out of thin air. She even ran around looking for cameras, thinking she’d landed on some kind of reality show.”
“Later, the evidence was ironclad. The place she lived before marriage and after marriage never changed, and if she wanted to go home, she could only live with me. One thing led to another, and it ended up like this.”
Yu Ling said softly, “That’s actually pretty romantic. But the production team may set tasks later, with some tacit-understanding quiz games. Teacher Li should prepare in advance; otherwise, if Teacher Zhu doesn’t remember anything about Teacher Li, you might lose the game.”
Li Lan nodded. “Thanks for the reminder. But I still think it’s better to take things as they come. Besides, we have a long road ahead of us. Marriage lasts a lifetime; one year of memories doesn’t really count for much.”
Zhu Qing silently picked up the meatball, added another to her bowl, and stuffed it into her mouth without saying a word.
Anyway, since Li Lan had suddenly found her voice, Zhu Qing was more than happy to sit back and enjoy the peace.
Xu Yuzhi laughed. “Ha, isn’t that basically falling in love all over again? Wow, I’m jealous.”
Sun Qi said coolly, “There you go, jealous again.”
Xu Yuzhi sighed. “Yeah. What, you want to forget your wife too?”
Sun Qi withdrew his head. “I don’t want to forget her. I’m afraid you’ll run off.”
Xu Yuzhi: “That’s all you’ve got?”
Zhu Qing finally found some common ground. Right now, she was in the middle of the whole romance-and-pursuit stage, so she nodded hard at Xu Yuzhi. “Starting over feels great!”
Li Lan pressed a hand to her forehead and said speechlessly, “It’s only her starting over. I’m the one who never lost my memory from beginning to end, and I’ve been cooperating with her… very hard.”
Hu Xu burst out laughing without mercy.
“What’s all this chasing and pursuing nonsense? Young people like to make it romantic. Back in our day, once you were married, you were husband and wife. What was amnesia? Even if you had an accident and ended up paralyzed or amputated, you still stayed together through thick and thin…”
Liu Yini said in a low voice, “Hu Xu, what nonsense are you spouting now? Aren’t you afraid of tempting fate?”
Hu Xu instantly shut up. She clicked her tongue. “I mean, that’s what I mean.”
Liu Yini’s expression darkened. “Eat your food. And shut up.”
Hu Xu went quiet like a mute.
Zhu Qing was a little embarrassed by their banter and hurriedly said, “Eat, eat. The food’s getting cold.”
After that, the others chatted about recent developments. Zhu Qing found that Sun Qi and Xu Yuzhi were relatively neutral; they could take any topic and spoke and acted with a great deal of emotional intelligence. As for Qi Yao and Yu Ling, the former focused only on eating, while the latter would occasionally chime in, but she was so stunningly beautiful that everyone couldn’t help praising her looks a few times.
Hu Xu and Liu Yini were more genuine. They had the experience and seniority to back it up, and they were easy to get along with.
Zhu Qing silently noted everyone’s interactions and kept a mental ledger for herself.
That night, when she went over things with Li Lan, they mostly matched up.
“There’s one question,” Zhu Qing said, sitting cross-legged on the bed and facing Li Lan, who was seated on the wooden couch fanning herself. She raised her brows with a wicked grin. “I need Teacher Li to answer it.”
Li Lan had already given up on staying guarded. “Ask.”
Zhu Qing gave her a sidelong look. “Teacher Hu deliberately brought me up, didn’t she? Her purpose was to tell everyone that I’ve lost my memory.”
Li Lan laughed. “Didn’t you already figure that out?”
“Teacher Hu has a lot of standing. Amnesia is my private matter, no matter what. She doesn’t have any grudge against me. What normal person would reveal someone else’s privacy so directly? And since she knew I had amnesia, someone must have told her. So who was it?”
While speaking, Zhu Qing had already scooted in front of Li Lan; if she stretched out her leg, she could hook it around Li Lan’s knee.
Li Lan’s expression didn’t change. She said calmly, “Maybe Qian Cancan went to some messy gathering again.”
“Don’t frame her,” Zhu Qing said quickly. “She admires you a lot.”
“Then who do you think it was?” The corners of Li Lan’s mouth were already twitching upward.
At this moment, Zhu Qing looked exactly like a little fox who had gotten the better of someone and was still pretending to be innocent. She said smugly, “It was definitely you! I’ve been worrying about this the whole time. You heard Yu Ling too; there’ll be games later. If I can’t answer anything when the time comes, how scary would that be? But if you tell everyone in advance that I lost my memory, and have the oldest Teacher Hu be the one to say it, then every reaction after that has a reason. There isn’t a better solution than this.”
Li Lan nodded solemnly. “Good analysis. I give you a thumbs-up.”
“The day before we left, I went to see someone, remember? Hu Xu. When I was in my early twenties, I worked in her theater troupe for a while. Unfortunately, theater went into decline, and she was the only one who kept it afloat until she had neither the energy nor the heart for it anymore, so she had to hand it over. After that, I went abroad, and we lost contact. When I found out she was going on a variety show too, I specially asked her to bring up your amnesia herself and explain it in advance. That way, the production team wouldn’t stir up trouble and make the audience misunderstand.”
Zhu Qing couldn’t help applauding. “Teacher Li, you really are something. You arranged everything perfectly, and you even let me worry for nothing.”
“I told you there was no need to worry. You insisted on fretting for nothing,” Li Lan said as she sat up, pinched Zhu Qing’s knee, and lifted her leg back inside the mosquito net. “Hurry up and get some rest. We still have a busy day tomorrow.”
Zhu Qing made an “oh” sound, then said with a mix of anticipation and unease, “Tomorrow we’ll finally get to see the first episode.”
The first episode aired at six the next morning, and seasoned variety-show fans affectionately called it an early-bird romance show.
[The early bird gets eaten by the bird; let me see who’s the worm in this episode]
[I don’t know who the worm is, but there’s definitely Qi Yao as a bird]
Because the production team revered nature and practically every season had the guests fend for themselves, fans would call the worst at self-sufficiency and performance the worm; the ones who were well-fed, well-dressed, and in top condition were the birds.
The first episode was mainly divided into three parts. The first part covered room assignments and cleaning. Qi Yao’s “heart flutter” at seeing the gaming room had been edited in; his eyes were bright with surprise, excitement, and desire, and he kept going on about it the whole way. But the suspense then turned, and the final cut was of him volunteering to take the lower room while leaving the remaining rooms for the seniors who had not arrived yet.
The room-selection segment only included the parts where Zhu Qing and Li Lan cleaned up the room. In the footage, the two of them worked together to wipe away the dust. The beginning was pretty dull, and many viewers skipped ahead, but then the image changed; Zhu Qing had been bitten all over by mosquitoes and said with a bitter face, “I never want to look at the moon again.” That instantly pulled the audience back in. Then viewers saw the two of them stepping outside to admire the moon, serene and elegant, only to suddenly turn dusty and miserable; the variety-show effect was simply maxed out.
[First Li Lan rides a cow cart, then she takes her wife out to feed the mosquitoes. Who understands this kind of adorable contrast!]
[Can someone speak up for Zhu Qing? As someone who gets eaten alive by mosquitoes, I deeply empathize]
The second part was cooking, and Zhu Qing still came out on top here. Of course, it also explained why Qi Yao had ended up covered in mud: he had thought lettuce could grow by itself in the wild into a neat little patch. Even after Yu Ling earnestly tried to explain that lettuce wasn’t wild greens and rarely grew in square-shaped clusters on its own, he still insisted it was wild because when he was little, there had been a patch like that in his residential complex, and he had never seen anyone plant it.
Yu Ling wanted to say that wasn’t lettuce; it was probably some kind of landscaped grass. But Qi Yao stubbornly pushed ahead, and soon enough he provoked the resident Chinese rural dog, Da Huang.
Da Huang understood people. It only barked and didn’t bite. Yu Ling stopped pulling at the greens the moment she heard the barking, but Qi Yao kept yanking without even lifting his head, so Da Huang only chased him around until he was practically eating mud.
[Hahahahaha Qi Yao, how are you both stupid and cute]
[Yaoyao, what you’re talking about is kale, right? That stuff isn’t tasty at all]
[Who is Yu Ling? Since when did the entertainment industry stock up on talent, and why is the quality this high!]
[Can someone speak respectfully? What do you mean stock up? Just call beauties beauties]
[I feel like Zhu Qing looks pretty good too. She can hold her own in the living room and in the kitchen; she can even pick mushrooms]
[Come on, Zhu Qing is a plain girl; don’t try to compare yourself to Yu Ling. Are their facial features even on the same level?]
[You’re calling Zhu Qing a plain girl?? I think you’re the one who’s lost it]
[Stop arguing already. Everyone has their own kind of beauty. They’re not even rivals, so why compare and tear each other down?]
The third part covered the arrival of the remaining two teams. From welcoming them through the door to the eight of them gathering together, this segment had the richest edit.
This was where the authority of the film queen and film emperor really came through. Their fan bases were the largest, and the barrage of comments from all sides finally quieted down into harmony as they listened to them chat and joke around.
When the topic came to Zhu Qing’s memory loss, Zhu Qing, who was watching the show with Li Lan first thing in the morning, felt her whole heart lift.
What would the audience say? Would they believe it or not? Would they sneer at her? Would they say she had lost her memory and still came on a romance show just to rake in money?
[Is it real? Such precise amnesia? She even forgot her wife]
[It probably isn’t fake. Li Lan has posted their marriage certificate before; don’t stab the person above you in the heart]
[So what are they like now? What we want to watch is a sweet little couple being affectionate. What does Zhu Qing count as?]
[Aren’t they affectionate enough? Zhu Qing doesn’t even remember Li Lan, and she’s still willing to accompany her on a variety show, cook for her, and tidy the house. Don’t tell me you can’t see that most of the work was done by Zhu Qing]
[Stop arguing. It’s their own business. And the amnesia happened just recently, didn’t it? Maybe they’ve already built their feelings back up]
Zhu Qing didn’t receive much criticism; instead, she sailed through peacefully amid a wave of playful humor.
Although the production team covered for Qi Yao and edited out his outrageous remarks and poor facial control, they also didn’t deliberately cut Zhu Qing’s shining moments. No matter when it was, someone who worked steadily and was kind and diligent would always be lovable.
Li Lan quietly opened Weibo; her account had gained more followers, and she could already see people spamming Zhu Qing’s name.
Zhu Qing watched the whole episode without blinking, then let out a long breath.
“Thank goodness they didn’t swarm me,” Zhu Qing said, pressing a hand to her chest. She didn’t realize she sounded relieved, almost soft; the way she spoke to Li Lan was downright spoiled. “I can relax today.”
Li Lan looked at her for a while, then her voice suddenly lowered. “...Are you afraid?”
Zhu Qing blinked. “Afraid of what?”
“During this time when you lost your memory, you don’t remember me, you don’t remember Xiao Bao, you don’t remember us,” Li Lan said slowly. “Are you afraid?”
Her tone was calm, but beneath it seemed to hide a deliberately concealed, cautious probe.
After watching the variety show from an outsider’s perspective, Li Lan suddenly realized that she had never once asked Zhu Qing whether she was scared.
Li Lan had never thought about this question before, because Zhu Qing had shown very strong initiative from the very beginning; for example, she had taken the initiative to cancel the divorce, gone back home on her own, cooked for her on her own, taken photos for her on her own, accepted the variety show on her own, and provided all the help she could on her own.
She had never thought about what Zhu Qing, after losing her memory, was really thinking.
Zhu Qing touched her hair. Her freshly washed hair was still damp; the tips were twisted into a strand, hanging with a cool drop of water. She pinched the ends and was silent for a moment before grinning. “You told Sun Qi that people with temporary amnesia don’t have issues with self-recognition. But believe it or not, I really didn’t understand the choices I made this past year at first… of course, that doesn’t include you.”
Li Lan stared at her, dazed. She had never imagined Zhu Qing would doubt herself.
“I didn’t know why I went to work as a kindergarten teacher, and I also didn’t know why I, someone who never liked children, was so close with Xiao Bao. Even more so, I didn’t understand how someone who’d never had a problem with her character from childhood to adulthood ended up driving our marriage to divorce. Although I still don’t fully understand it now, I can accept it.” Zhu Qing lowered her head; her voice was very soft, but also very gentle. “However, from beginning to end, I never doubted why I would like you.”
She was a little embarrassed to say it out loud. Maybe she had never been good at expressing herself since she was young, and as she grew up, she became even more reserved, like a girl on the verge of coming of age. The most outrageous thing Zhu Qing had ever done to Li Lan was probably only hugging her back then when Li Lan confessed about living in the welfare home, and even that she hadn’t been able to hold back.
“You…” It felt as if Li Lan’s mouth had been glued shut; for a moment she couldn’t get a single word out.
She wanted to ask why Zhu Qing would have such feelings, and she also suspected she might have misunderstood.
Zhu Qing said awkwardly, “I didn’t scare you, did I? I should’ve said this a long time ago. At the beginning, I was always afraid you’d bring up divorce. Later I realized you seemed to have forgiven me and never mentioned divorce again, so I finally dared to say it.”
Li Lan was silent for several seconds, then said with difficulty, “You were like this at the beginning too.”
Zhu Qing: “What?”
Li Lan enunciated each word, very slowly. “Maybe it’s because I look like your type, but you were like this with me at first too.”
Zhu Qing blinked and quickly accepted that fact. After all, it was the same person on both sides; having matching behavior was normal.
“But… we still ended up having our differences in the end.” Li Lan rubbed the center of her brow, her tone a little tired, with a muddledness even she couldn’t quite explain. “Sometimes I wonder if we moved too fast, and neither of us had a proper process of getting to know each other and adjusting, which is why the ending wasn’t very good… I mean, maybe right now, we don’t need to deliberately think about it. We can let things develop naturally. Of course, maybe before long you’ll regain your memory, and there won’t be any need to start over with me. And I’ve already found a doctor for you; after the show ends, we’ll take a plane straight to the U.S.…"
A hand suddenly pressed down on Li Lan’s head.
Li Lan’s mumbling came to an abrupt stop.
This was the first time Zhu Qing had touched Li Lan’s head. The feel was exactly as she had imagined: smooth and springy, soft and slightly cool, very much like the impression Li Lan herself gave.
“It’s okay. I’m saying this not to pressure you,” Zhu Qing said seriously. “I’ve already adapted to life after losing my memory, and I’ve accepted my current identity, and I’ve accepted the current you. No matter how we develop in the future, don’t make any hasty conclusions today. Like you said, let things take their course, okay?”
Li Lan felt her throat turn unusually dry; she actually couldn’t bring herself to say no.
She clearly knew… clearly knew what Zhu Qing’s attitude toward her had been before the memory loss. So what did it count as to accept Zhu Qing’s “starting over” now?
Even if she accepted it now, once Zhu Qing regained her memory and still chose divorce, what would these days of companionship amount to?
Maybe then, the way she looked at her would become even colder.
But today’s Zhu Qing was laying bare her thoughts, expressing the most fluttering emotions in the purest words, and Li Lan simply could not say no.
“Let me… think about it. After the show ends, I’ll give you an answer, okay?”
Zhu Qing’s eyes curved into crescents. “I’ll wait for you.”
The atmosphere in the room was ambiguous and damp. The moisture from Zhu Qing’s post-shower body, mixed with the scent of body wash, blended into a smell unique to Zhu Qing, winding around Li Lan’s nose in thin strands, like a delicate, boneless hand gently teasing her.
Li Lan took a deep breath and was just about to get up when a clear little tune suddenly sounded in the silence of the night.
First came a guitar strum, then the soft hum of a girl’s voice.
[Her eyelashes frost over; I no longer eat candy]
[In the branching moonlight, we share the same stumble]
[Listen, ice shards are sprouting in my throat]
[I brew my sighs into clouds and glow]
[We walk through a misaligned time difference]
[Moonlight grows branches beneath our feet, taking root and sprouting]
…
Zhu Qing looked toward the lit-up screen on the windowsill.
It was Li Lan’s phone, and the tune playing was the ringtone of an incoming call.
Zhu Qing had heard Li Lan’s ringtone before; it wasn’t this one.
And if she hadn’t misheard, the two girls singing—one with a cool, clear voice, one with a sweet voice—the cool voice belonged to Li Lan.
Though the voice was a little immature, it was unmistakably Li Lan.
Li Lan listened through half the song in a daze before seeming to wake up all at once. She stood up quickly, snatched the phone, and left the room.
Zhu Qing watched Li Lan’s retreating figure, her brows drawing together slightly.
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The author thinks this self-written lyric is really good
…
(The author also thinks the new blurb they just wrote for *After I Picked Up a Mechanical Doll Girl* is really good too ↓↓↓ [let me see])