Dissolution

Yu Mao felt like a stray cat being taken in by a kind person. Nan Changgeng had found her injured, taken her to the hospital, and worried over her health.

Then, once she healed, she’d be turned loose into the wild again.

Nan Changgeng had left the dorm to handle her own work and prepare for the first public performance; she no longer had time to stay and keep teasing her.

Yu Mao wanted to become an indoor cat. But Changgeng wouldn’t keep a person.

If she were hurt more badly, maybe she could be picked up and kept at her side. Yu Mao lay on the bed and seriously considered the possibility for a while, only to regretfully conclude that it wasn’t practical. One careless move, and she’d very likely be kicked off the show.

During that time, her roommates came back once. Seeing her, they naturally had to ask after her.

Yuan Li said, “I heard you went to the hospital for a checkup because you were sick. What kind of illness is it? Are you feeling all right?”

Yu Mao tilted her head, her cheek pressed into the blanket, and answered dully, “A stomach problem. I’m fine.”

She hadn’t expected that to trigger Yuan Li’s mother-hen instincts. Yuan Li immediately launched into a long lecture:

“Oh, come on! I told you that eating habit of yours was going to cause trouble sooner or later! I thought you were just stubborn because you actually knew your limits, and now you’ve already got a stomach problem and you’re saying you’re fine? What part of that is fine? You’re so young. Your body is at the stage where it needs nutrition. Why do you treat it so badly?”

“Look at you, lying there so thin you’re practically a sheet of paper! If I couldn’t see your head, I’d think it was just a couple of clothes spread out on the bed!” Yuan Li pointed at her, growing more and more agitated as she spoke.

“I’m telling you, if you keep this up long-term, your body absolutely won’t take it. It won’t just be your stomach; your immunity will be low too, and all kinds of illnesses will come looking for you. I’m not exaggerating. What if you end up with some incurable disease? You could lose your life. Whatever the reason, if you want to live well and keep staying by your idol’s side for a long time, you have to change your eating habits right away. Even if you can’t do it all at once, at the very least you need to get your mindset right and start trying little by little…”

Yu Mao’s ears buzzed. She hadn’t taken in a single specific sentence, but she could clearly sense the anxious urgency in her tone.

She thought of how her teacher had often lectured her in a similar way before, always so anxious and worried. One day, she had finally stopped ignoring it and asked the teacher a question in return; after that, the lectures never came again, only one helpless sigh after another.

At that moment, she lifted her head and asked that question once more:

“Are you very afraid of death?”

Yuan Li’s words came to an abrupt stop. She stared for a full two seconds before answering, “What am I afraid of? My health is great. I’m afraid you’ll die.”

“I’m not afraid.” Yu Mao rolled over and lay on her back. The ceiling above her was peaceful.

“I’ve died many times. There’s only one left.”

“?”

Yuan Li looked completely blank. Panic rose in her heart before she could stop it, as if the person in front of her might vanish at any moment. “What does that mean? Can someone die many times?”

Yu Mao lifted one hand and began counting on her fingers. “One near-death experience counts as one death. Mom told me I’m a nine-tailed cat, with nine lives. Every time I die, I lose one tail. I only have one tail left.”

“When my last tail disappears too, I’ll walk into eternal quiet.”

As they listened, their hearts went cold; in an instant, a chill ran through all of them.

The bullet comments exploded too.

[Every tail lost means one near-death experience? Oh my god, that’s terrifying. So that’s what her blog records were about…]

[So what happened that made her nearly die eight times!! The mom fans are shattered]

[I’m scared to death. She lost her first eight lives so fast; if this last one is gone, is she really going to die?]

[Don’t panic yet. She has mental issues; what she calls near-death may not be the same as what we mean]

[Why did her mother say she was a nine-tailed cat? Could she really have been raised like a cat? So she’s still keeping some cat habits to this day…]

No matter how wildly anxious the guesses became, they could not affect Yu Mao in reality. Fortunately, Yuan Li could serve as the viewers’ mouthpiece.

Unable to be sure she had understood all of Yu Mao’s meaning, Yuan Li could only take the words at face value and say earnestly, “You’re a person, not a cat. That’s just your mother comforting you. Human lifespans are very long, and people don’t have tails. If you take good care of your body, you can live for many, many years.”

“I know. My body is human, but part of me is a cat…” Yu Mao suddenly sounded tired.

Why did she have to discuss something this deep with anyone other than Changgeng?

They wouldn’t understand; even she herself didn’t really understand why she was a cat.

Maybe she had known before, but those memories had been thrown away.

So she stopped bringing up humans and cats and instead asked, “Why do I need to live for many years?”

Yuan Li had no mind left to think about preparing for the stage anymore. She put her hands on her hips, her chest tight with frustration and alarm, as if she were watching a companion drift along the edge of death and being unable to reach out and catch her.

Liu Yuanxi suddenly asked, “You’re not afraid of death, and you’re not afraid that Nan-laoshi will be sad after you die?”

She could tell that the only person Yu Mao cared about was Nan Changgeng; the breakthrough had to come from that side.

But Yu Mao’s reaction still exceeded their expectations.

“Sad? Why?”

Yu Mao looked over in confusion. “I’m not someone she needs to care about. Once the show is over, I’ll just be a passerby who’s gone far away. She’ll forget me.”

The others thought she was simply being unreasonable.

“You don’t plan to get closer to her, even as friends?” Qi Qi’s expression was even more puzzled than hers.

“And…” Yuan Li added, “why are you so sure Nan-laoshi doesn’t care about you and thinks of you as just a passerby? She’s been pretty concerned about you, and she even went with you to the hospital.”

“She went with me because she’s a good person.”

Yu Mao sat up. Her expression was blank, her eyes cold as they looked over, the darkness in them heavy and dense.

“I can’t be friends with her.”

She couldn’t get closer to her. She couldn’t let her treat her as someone important.

She wouldn’t live very long; she knew that.

Otherwise, why would she only come to see Nan Changgeng now? Like every cat could sense when death was near, with only one life left, she had already sensed that her own life was about to fade away.

So she came, wanting to squeeze out the last value of this body, then leave as quickly as possible, leaving enough time for Nan Changgeng to forget her and quietly disappear from the world.

Her roommates couldn’t understand her. Instead, they only grew more and more confused and wanted to press further, but Yu Mao no longer wanted to pay them any mind.

She lay back down, wrapped herself in the blanket, closed her eyes, and went to sleep.

Her body had always welcomed sleep. Once her mind relaxed, it sank easily into slumber.

Her roommates had no choice but to leave first.

Yuan Li thought about whether she should pass these words on to Nan Changgeng. She was the only person who might possibly change Yu Mao’s mindset.

But sticking her nose into someone else’s business like this, Yuan Li wasn’t sure what kind of result she’d get. It was possible that the more she did, the less gratitude she’d earn; she might even offend Yu Mao.

She walked distractedly into the practice room, and before she knew it, an hour had passed. Not only had she failed to decide what to do, she had also delayed her stage planning.

Annoyed at her own indecision, Yuan Li simply put it aside for the moment and focused on preparing for her stage.

Anyway, it was only the first public performance; there was still plenty of time. The most important thing right now was to stay in the show.

And Yu Mao had just woken up. With her messy hair poking out of the blanket and her eyes bleary with sleep, she looked like a long-haired cat whose grooming had gone badly.

She finally remembered she still had to prepare for the stage. Unhurriedly, she went into the bathroom to wash her face and wake herself up.

At this hour, it was almost time for dinner. She didn’t care whether she was hungry or full; as if following a preset program, she only wanted to get through mealtime. She casually used the water in the kettle, which was still not quite cold, to make another cup of milk and drank it quickly.

Only then did she take the lyric sheet out of her pocket and walk down to the practice room on the lower floor.

After the small exam ended, the original teams had already disbanded, and the contestants had returned to their respective classes.

She returned to her C-class practice room. After playing the song once on the small player provided, she turned it off, wandered around aimlessly for two laps, and then wanted to leave again.

The room was fairly lively; several teachers were there, making it convenient for the contestants to ask questions and consult them about stage-related matters.

Seeing her lift a foot toward the door as if she wanted to leave, Yirui An, who had been watching from the side with hesitation for a long time, finally couldn’t sit still any longer. She rushed over and stopped in front of Yu Mao, blocking her path.

She had come to Class C early that morning just to wait for her.

“Um… sorry.”

She had come in with a fierce, aggressive momentum, but when she finally spoke, her voice was small and hesitant.

The moment Yu Mao saw her, she thought back to what had happened that morning. Her brows barely furrowed, and her gaze turned a little cold.

She didn’t want to speak; she just waited silently for the other person to continue.

Yirui An awkwardly rubbed the hem of her clothes, looking ill at ease. Lowering her eyes, she explained softly, “I just wanted to help ask you about the reason. I didn’t expect things to be like that, and I didn’t expect you to hear it either… Are you all right?”

Yu Mao shook her head without speaking.

“Then now that you know the reason, you should feel relieved, right? Nan-laoshi doesn’t hate you.” As she said this, her soothing tone carried a little trace of credit-seeking.

“…"

Yu Mao rarely looked at her so seriously. She studied that face dotted with delicate freckles, the features that looked mature at first glance but childish on closer inspection, those clear light-brown eyes full of innocence… and thought she was very stupid.

“I was never bothered by that. Can you stop paying so much attention to me? And don’t do anything related to her because of me.”

That was what truly troubled her. She didn’t need anyone to go to Nan Changgeng and ask questions in her name. Besides, she already knew those things.

She didn’t want to bring up Nan Changgeng’s past at all. She didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want Nan Changgeng to say it, and even hoped Nan Changgeng would never remember it.