Chapter 55

In the imperial court, the ministers were red-faced and arguing over some decision, their voices rising and overlapping. That was nothing unusual; the only odd thing was that Xie Tinglan had never once joined in.

She stood there in a dark red python robe, her slight frame swallowed by the loose garment, her face pale, saying nothing.

“Regarding the matter of Youlan City, this official believes…”

Xie Tinglan’s gaze shifted slightly; her pale lips trembled. Youlan City…

‘For you.’

‘It cost quite a bit of silver.’

Youlan jade sprouts, Youlan wine; all of it had been carefully chosen by her.

“Your Majesty, this official believes that Yushan…”

Yushan? Xie Tinglan’s body stirred faintly, the hand holding her jade tablet trembling as if a mountain were about to collapse.

‘If you keep teasing me, even if you’re that infamous treacherous minister, the wolf of Xie, I’ll…!’

‘You’ll what, you little coward?’

‘Can I sleep while holding you?’

‘Y-you, don’t move around.’

Xie Tinglan’s breathing gradually grew heavier, as though a storm were rolling in and that frail body could no longer bear it.

“Those words are wrong. This official, on the contrary, believes the Yushan encirclement hunt…”

Encirclement hunt…

‘Hmph, scumbag woman!’

‘What’s a scumbag woman?’

‘Not telling you.’

Xie Tinglan’s vision darkened. There were still many voices in her ears, but why was it that she could only hear Ye Rui speaking?

‘I matter that much to you, and you still used me to threaten yourself?’

‘I’m a burden to you, aren’t I?’

‘Xie Tinglan, we only seek this present moment.’

Only this present moment… only this present moment; how could I still dare to ask for morning and evening together, year after year?

“On this matter, I ask Prime Minister Xie… Prime Minister Xie—!”

Thud—

Xie Tinglan’s jade tablet fell to the ground and split in two. Her slight body went limp and crashed to the floor with a dull thud. What shattered was more than just that tablet.

“Summon the imperial physician—!”

**

Golden Phoenix Palace was burning with charcoal; the entire bedchamber was warm. Amid the billowing curtains, a magnificently dressed woman sat beside the soft couch, her gaze cool and distant.

She looked at the woman on the couch for a long time, then finally closed her eyes and sighed, her meaning unclear.

“Your Majesty, Prime Minister Xie… this subordinate has rarely seen Prime Minister Xie so exhausted.”

Xie Tinglan had always been ill, her face always pale, but this was the first time Shen Zhuiying had ever seen her this worn down: gaunt, colorless, as if her soul and spirit had been drained away, like someone at death’s door.

Could it be… that she truly couldn’t hold on anymore?

“Zhuiying, go to the Imperial Medical Office and fetch some medicine.”

After Helian Shaohua finished speaking, Shen Zhuiying curtsied and left. Only then did Helian Shaohua take Xie Tinglan’s hand and ask in a low voice, “Still trying to pretend you’re asleep, Tinglan?”

Xie Tinglan slowly opened her eyes. In those pupils, which once held so much light, all color had faded, leaving only darkness. “Your Majesty, this official is very tired.”

It was as if the breath gathered in her chest had scattered all at once, yet some belief had still kept her alive. Yes; it was the grand vision she had once sworn to at the age of twelve, before that gilded Buddha statue, before that noble woman. That was the promise she had made.

This was the first time she had ever appeared so disheveled and so out of sorts in front of Helian Shaohua. Fortunately, Helian Shaohua showed no sign of blame.

“Tinglan, her leaving may not be a bad thing.”

After learning that Xie Tinglan had fainted, Helian Shaohua had sent Shen Zhuiying to find out what had happened at the Xie residence, while she herself persuaded the Emperor to have Xie Tinglan brought to Golden Phoenix Palace to rest.

When she learned that Ye Rui had left the Xie residence, Helian Shaohua understood immediately.

Xie Tinglan turned away and refused to look at Helian Shaohua. She still couldn’t face this reality, couldn’t face returning to the Xie residence and no longer seeing that noisy figure.

“Tinglan, once she’s gone, she’ll be safe; and you’ll be able to do what you need to do, won’t you?”

Helian Shaohua patiently tried to persuade her. Xie Tinglan slowly closed her eyes, seemingly unwilling to listen any further. She understood; she had long understood that Ye Rui leaving Capital City and staying away from this place of turmoil was the best choice. But she had insisted on forcing it, greedy as she was, greedy enough to want a taste of love.

She should have known long ago that even something like that was never hers to have.

“Your Majesty, if Miss Shen leaves, what will you do?”

At that, Helian Shaohua’s expression froze, then her gaze slowly sank, turning deep and unreadable. “No matter what, This Palace will continue what I must do.”

“This official understands.”

Of course Xie Tinglan understood. Helian Shaohua would definitely keep moving forward; nothing could stop her. But…

“Then won’t Your Majesty be heartbroken?”

Helian Shaohua listened to the brokenness in Xie Tinglan’s voice, and her face darkened as well. “No.”

“No, you will.”

Xie Tinglan slowly sat up. She gently took Helian Shaohua’s hand and said in a low voice, “You and I are the same kind of person.”

On the surface, we both seem heartless…

“Tinglan, say too much and you’ll say something wrong.”

Helian Shaohua’s tone carried a warning. Xie Tinglan lowered her head and gave a bleak smile. “This official has misspoken.”

“This official will compose herself properly and won’t let Your Majesty worry.”

After she finished, Helian Shaohua sighed and tightened her grip on Xie Tinglan’s forearm. “Tinglan, rest well. I know your mood is poor, but the road ahead is long; there can be no misstep.”

“This official understands.”

Xie Tinglan drew in a deep breath and forced herself to steady. After all, that vision was the thread that had kept her breathing; she would not give it up. She would certainly go all the way to the end.

**

By the time Xie Tinglan returned to the Xie residence, it was already noon. Ri Xi helped her down from the carriage, carrying the medicine Shen Zhuiying had prepared. The Xie residence naturally had medicine of its own, but this was, after all, the Empress’s good will, and Ri Xi couldn’t refuse it.

Just as Xie Tinglan stepped down, Yin Yue clasped her fists and said, “My lord, Mu Xue has come. She’s waiting in the main hall.”

Xie Tinglan was already irritated, and hearing that Mu Xue had come only made her more so. However, even in her muddled state, she still found a reason for it. Ye Rui could only have left Capital City so smoothly with someone’s help, and that someone was very likely Mu Xue.

Since Mu Xue had come looking for her now, that saved her the trouble.

“Mhm. This prime minister will go at once.”

Ri Xi supported Xie Tinglan into the residence. By the time they reached the main hall, they saw Mu Xue seated there in a snow-white fur robe trimmed with silver patterns, leisurely drinking tea, while Gong Yinzhi stood in the hall, watching her.

Seeing Xie Tinglan arrive looking as though she had only half her life left, Mu Xue curled her lips and said with a smile, “Why do you look like you’re about to die?”

Ri Xi’s eyes darkened; she shot Mu Xue a glance. Mu Xue didn’t care and glared back.

“I’m only stating the truth. What, people from the Xie residence can’t handle honest words?”

Xie Tinglan still said nothing. After sitting down, she dismissed Ri Xi and Gong Yinzhi from the hall. At first Ri Xi was unwilling, but thinking that Xie Tinglan must have a reason for sending them away, she could only wait obediently outside.

At worst, if anything happened, she would draw her sword and fight her way in, even if it meant dying together with Mu Xue.

Inside the hall, the faint fragrance of gardenia drifted through the air. Xie Tinglan sat in the main seat in her dark red python robe, staring blankly at the center of the hall, and in a haze she seemed to see that person again, how frightened she had looked when she first arrived.

Clearly unable to believe her own identity, yet wearing an expression that suggested she had already guessed it.

A bitter curve tugged almost imperceptibly at Xie Tinglan’s lips. Everything felt like yesterday; everything also felt as if it had already vanished like smoke.

“Don’t you dare die. I was entrusted to bring this to you.”

Mu Xue took a small box from her sleeve, then muttered in complaint, “And to think you made me come here right after waking up. Annoying as hell.”

She set the box on the tea table, then picked up the tea and took a sip. She didn’t like the Xie residence, but their tea really was good; she decided she’d have the steward buy some back later.

“Yama Flower.”

The moment those three words left her mouth, Xie Tinglan’s eyes lit up at once, yet her heart also contracted uncontrollably, the pain so sharp she could barely straighten her back.

Her eyes reddened as she looked at the wooden box and said softly, “What did she trade with you? Did you force her?”

“Hey, that’s not right. She agreed to the trade of her own free will. Who told you not to cherish her? And now you’re putting on this half-dead act for whom? Stop pretending to be deeply affectionate, Xie Tinglan.”

Mu Xue’s words were merciless. Blood surged in Xie Tinglan’s chest, but she forced herself to hold back her temper. “Where is she?”

Mu Xue shrugged, wearing an expression that said you can’t do anything to me, and smiled. “You don’t seriously think I’d tell you, do you?”

She took another sip of tea and continued lazily, “Anyway, I’ve already done what she asked. The Yama Flower has been safely delivered to the Xie residence. I should go.”

As she spoke, Mu Xue brushed her sleeves and shook off some dust. Just as she was about to stand, Xie Tinglan said in a low, distant voice, “Where exactly did she go?”

Mu Xue turned to look at Xie Tinglan and gave a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Xie Tinglan, do you really like her that much?”

“But if she didn’t leave, she’d probably become the next Murong Feiyuan.”

When Mu Xue said that, her tone was dark, and her eyes carried a trace of killing intent. Thinking of that bright face buried forever beneath the yellow earth, she practically wanted to snatch away the rest of Xie Tinglan’s life on the spot.

Xie Tinglan gripped the armrest tightly and leaned forward slightly, sneering. “She also betrayed you for the Murong family. I cleared the obstacles for you, and now you’re blaming me instead?”

Mu Xue’s eyes turned cold. “She was helpless from the start. She never should have died. Even if she had to die, it should have been by my hand. What are you supposed to be?”

Mu Xue struck the tea table. The sound made Gong Yinzhi and Ri Xi, who were outside, burst through the doors at once, weapons in hand and ready for battle.

Mu Xue turned to look at the two of them as if she’d seen a joke and said disdainfully, “You two?”

Xie Tinglan raised a hand, signaling Ri Xi and Gong Yinzhi not to act rashly, then said, “You may resent me, hate me, but do not hurt Ye Rui. If you dare lay a hand on her, I will never let you go!”

“I hurt her? Wasn’t it you who hurt her?”

Mu Xue looked back at Xie Tinglan and let out a cold laugh. “You gave her that military punishment that could kill, you put her in a place full of danger. Xie Tinglan, you can’t protect her.”

With that, Mu Xue abruptly stood up, gave Gong Yinzhi and Ri Xi a chilly look, and slowly walked toward the hall’s exit.

Xie Tinglan’s face went even paler. She pressed a hand to her chest and drew a difficult breath, then said with cold intensity, “This minister sees off Your Highness, the Eldest Princess.”

Mu Xue’s steps paused for a moment. Her body stiffened for an instant, then she strode out without looking back.

Ri Xi helped Xie Tinglan back to the study. After settling her there, she immediately hurried off to study the antidote. The Yama Flower and Longevity Grass were finally both in hand; the most anxious person of all was Ri Xi, since this was Xie Tinglan’s life-saving medicine.

But after learning that Ye Rui had traded it away under who-knows-what conditions, Ri Xi sat in the pharmacy for a long time, staring blankly at the Yama Flower…

That fool; how could she…

Likewise, Xie Tinglan sat dazed in the study, staring at the neatly arranged items on the desk. There was the Flowing Shadow Longbow she had given Ye Rui, the Rui Feng sword, the waist token, the badge of a third-rank guard, and all the clothing from the Xie residence.

Beside them were the books she had told Ye Rui to read, the copies of calligraphy she had her practice, the Fire Rebirth technique manual, all arranged neatly.

Xie Tinglan’s eyes slowly reddened. Her fingertips touched the bow and sword; she still remembered the joy Ye Rui had been unable to hide when she received those two weapons.

Weren’t these the things you liked?

You don’t want them anymore?

Xie Tinglan’s fingertips then landed on a lonely folded sheet of paper. With a slight tremor, she picked it up, afraid as she opened it; afraid of seeing cold-hearted words, afraid of seeing a line that said they were parting forever.

On the paper were only two lines of verse—

Listening to the wind, one bears a soaring ambition;

Waves of blue rise and cloud-scrolls sweep, bearing lofty force.

The road to the azure clouds is open; one mounts upward on the winds;

A career in office shines long and bright, reflecting a splendid chapter.

The character for ‘Lan’ still had an extra dot, like a silent farewell made solely for Xie Tinglan by Ye Rui.

‘Listening to the tides, ten thousand li swallow the remnant moon; waves surge, and long winds enter the throat of battle.’

‘You, like this, are far too full of killing intent.’

‘Then tell me, what should it be instead?’

‘I’m not you. How could I produce elegant lines on the spot?’

‘In that case, you owe me.’

‘Owe you what?’

‘Two lines of poetry.’

Just two lines of poetry; no debts left hanging, not even a single belonging of her own left behind. Ye Rui, are you truly done with me?

Didn’t you say your heart shone like jade pearls?

Why, why won’t you wait for me a little longer?

Xie Tinglan pressed the paper tightly against her chest. With every breath, she tasted a bitter, faintly salty dampness. Once again it was winter; once again it was a day of snowflakes whirling through the air…

She had lost the person she loved most again.

**

Ye Rui sat on horseback for a long time, jolted and battered all the way. She didn’t know how long the horse had been running. Only when she saw the deep night give way to a sliver of dawn did she finally remember that she needed to rest.

The wound on her back had probably split open again during the ride. It was so cold she had lost feeling in it, but she could still sense some moisture there; the middle of her back was unnaturally icy. She dismounted, found a tea stall, drank some hot tea, let the horse eat some dry grass and rest, then set off again.

With Hu Tu’s guidance, she wasn’t worried about failing to reach Youlan City. She still remembered the route herself too; she had passed through this town before and even had lunch at the inn across from the tea stall.

Mu Xue had indeed been generous. Though she had kept Ye Rui running errands until the soles of her feet were smoking, she had never shortchanged her when it came to food and drink.

Thinking of Mu Xue, Ye Rui also thought of their final conversation at Rain and Mist Pavilion.

Back then, she had held the little box Mu Xue handed her, and Mu Xue had repeatedly warned her that it must never leave her sight. Ye Rui naturally obeyed.

“Can you tell me, what exactly is the grudge between you and Xie Tinglan?”

It was the last bit of unease in her heart. Ye Rui wanted to sort this out; call it suspicion if you wanted, but she was afraid Mu Xue might harm Xie Tinglan.

“Worried I’ll hurt that sickly thing?”

Mu Xue didn’t seem angry at all. In fact, she thought Ye Rui’s caution was a good thing. After all, once she reached Qingzhou City, a lack of vigilance on the battlefield would let the enemy seize the opportunity; even the slightest lapse could mean decapitation.

“Since I promised I’d save her life, I won’t go back on my word. Relax!”

After saying that, seeing that Ye Rui still looked uneasy, Mu Xue thought about it for a while. In order to let her work for the Qingzhou troops without worry, Mu Xue finally decided to tear open the wound again.

“I once had a good friend named Murong Feiyuan. She was bright, cheerful, and very kind.”

This was the first time Ye Rui had seen Mu Xue wear such an expression. Her brows were slightly furrowed, her eyes filled with concern, as though many memories had already been sent somewhere they could never reach.

“Being in the Murong family, she had many things beyond her control, especially whenever the Murong family’s interests didn’t align with Xie Tinglan’s; there were many conflicts.”

The crease between Mu Xue’s brows deepened. She went on, “What should never have happened was that Murong Feiyuan fell in love with Xie Tinglan. That innocent, unformed affection made her want so much from Xie Tinglan, but in the end she still couldn’t get what she wanted.”

“She was in the same academy as Xie Tinglan. Everyone knew about Murong Feiyuan’s feelings, and Murong Yu used that to threaten her into extracting information from Xie Tinglan, and also from me, or else he would make things difficult for Xie Tinglan.”

“At the time, Xie Tinglan was only a fourteen-year-old girl and hadn’t yet established herself. Murong Yu was mainly trying to get more intelligence about the imperial court from me.”

When Mu Xue said this, a flash of regret passed through her eyes. “At first Xie Tinglan wasn’t on guard against Murong Feiyuan, and she suffered a huge loss in their first political struggle. That’s why she developed killing intent toward Murong Feiyuan.”

“Murong Feiyuan was wrong, but she actually held back a lot of information that would have been harmful to Xie Tinglan, which was why Xie Tinglan didn’t lose in those early power struggles.”

At that, Mu Xue snorted coldly and muttered, “That Duke of Wei should have been cut into a thousand pieces too!”

Mu Xue paused, drew a deep breath, and sneered, “In the end, Xie Tinglan laid out a trap to make Murong Feiyuan die; she deliberately arranged for her to marry the Zhongshan Prince’s son. To kill and destroy the heart—that is exactly what this was. Do you know what it feels like to be tricked into marrying someone else by the person you love, and that person is a useless, spoiled wastrel?”

Ye Rui’s face went a little white. She had never expected Xie Tinglan to use such a method; it was far too cruel toward Murong Feiyuan.

Mu Xue thought of the final letter her dear friend had written to her. There was no accusation against Xie Tinglan in it; only guilt toward Mu Xue. In that letter, Murong Feiyuan admitted she had helped a tyrant do evil and had done wrong. She even wished Xie Tinglan a lifetime of peace and wished Mu Xue could fulfill her own wish.

She was going to die, yet she blamed no one, not even her biological father who had used her; she only blamed her lack of freedom, and death was the only choice she could make for herself.

Thinking of this, Mu Xue’s expression darkened again. “Once she knew it was Xie Tinglan’s trap, Murong Feiyuan slit her own throat in the end. She died in the brightest summer. Xie Tinglan knew she would rather die than marry, and that was the ending she wanted. Xie Tinglan has no heart.”

Mu Xue stared fixedly at Ye Rui, whose face had gone deathly pale. “If you keep staying, you may become the next Murong Feiyuan.”

“No one can stop the path she wants to take.”

TL Note:

python robe (蟒袍) is a formal robe worn by high-ranking officials, embroidered with python-like dragon patterns.

Yama Flower (阎王花) = a life-saving medicinal plant; “Yama” refers to the underworld king.

kill and destroy the heart (杀人诛心) = to hurt someone physically and also crush them emotionally.