Chapter 53

Mu Xue’s long legs flickered in and out of view beneath the gauze. She was dressed in something so sheer she seemed not to care about the winter cold at all, and she was still holding an account book. It looked as though she had come downstairs specifically to find the steward.

She leaned half against the stair rail and handed the ledger to the steward with one hand, then let her gaze settle on Ye Rui once more. “Come up. We need to settle our accounts properly.”

With that, Mu Xue turned and went back upstairs. The servants below craned their necks one after another, all thinking that with such a breathtaking figure, even one more glance was worth it.

Ye Rui followed her upstairs as well, saying as she walked, “Why are you calling me a fool hero? Does lying in bed for half a month make me a fool?”

Hero was fine; fool was unnecessary. How could someone as smart as her possibly be a fool? Right, Hu Tu?

Hu Tu: [……]

Ye Rui: [……Get lost!]

Sometimes silence spoke louder than a thousand words, and right now Ye Rui only wanted to drag Hu Tu out and beat it up.

“Saving a whole stockade of strangers with your own life; how is that not foolish?”

Mu Xue didn’t turn around. Instead, she gathered her hair to the front of her chest and lifted the ends to inspect them, as if checking for split ends.

Ye Rui glanced at Mu Xue’s feet. She was still walking without pausing. In her heart, Ye Rui thought: Just don’t let this person fall.

“From a numerical standpoint, it was worth it.”

Ye Rui had no regrets about doing it. Even without the main quest, she would have made the same choice. Not for repayment, but simply so that on every night to come, she wouldn’t lie awake uneasy because she hadn’t saved them.

“Suit yourself.”

Mu Xue didn’t seem interested in hearing Ye Rui argue that she wasn’t a fool, but Ye Rui grew a little unwilling to let it go. She took a few steps forward until she was walking shoulder to shoulder with Mu Xue. “Have you ever done something desperate to save someone else?”

Mu Xue stopped.

The smile on her lips faded, and she looked at Ye Rui with a distant expression before giving a bitter smile. “Of course.”

That smile was a little blinding. Ye Rui suddenly felt that beneath Mu Xue’s frivolous, carefree exterior, something else was showing through.

It looked like the weariness of someone who had endured too much.

Before Ye Rui could think further, Mu Xue flicked her sleeve and scattered those thoughts away. “Lu Yihua is already settled in Youlan City. But keeping her martial skills there feels a little wasteful..."

Ye Rui listened carefully to Mu Xue talk. Looking at that sly expression, Ye Rui felt that what Mu Xue meant by “a little wasteful” was really that this arrangement couldn’t maximize profit.

Once the two of them entered the room, Mu Xue sat back down in front of the vanity and carefully chose the charcoal pencil she would use to draw her brows today.

“The information you gave me before I went to the stockade, and this time helping me settle Lu Yihua and the people she brought with her—just say it. What can I give you?”

Ye Rui folded her arms and leaned against the vanity, but Mu Xue acted as if she hadn’t heard her at all. She lifted two sets of rouge and powder and asked, “Which do you think is better?”

Ye Rui leaned in to sniff them and picked the one on the left, but Mu Xue smilingly set that one down and used the one on the right instead.

Ye Rui: “......”

Still applying makeup, Mu Xue glanced at Ye Rui’s tightly furrowed brow and smiled. “Forget the information about the stockade.”

Mu Xue sighed. “Count it as my loss.”

As she spoke, she carefully watched Ye Rui’s expression. It seemed she truly didn’t know that the information had been something Xie Tinglan had sent people to ask for. She’d done a good deed and not told Ye Rui?

What was Xie Tinglan playing at now?

“As for that poor little Lu whatever and those other penniless wretches..."

Mu Xue’s final syllable lifted slightly; even her eyes and brows took on a cunning look, and Ye Rui immediately felt uneasy.

This woman had no idea how much trouble she was hiding.

“Since you protected them with your life, and I gave them a way out, doesn’t that mean you owe me one?”

Mu Xue rested one hand against her head and smiled at Ye Rui with sparkling eyes. That gave Ye Rui goosebumps all over, and she said, “Hurry up and say what you want.”

Good heavens, she felt like a mouse being watched by a cat. This woman was terrifying.

“Keep owing it. Someday, I’ll think of something.”

Mu Xue continued drawing her brows, looking at her reflection in the mirror and smiling with satisfaction.

Ye Rui clicked her tongue inwardly and cursed Mu Xue as a narcissist.

“But are you really not coming over to help me? Look at how dangerous it is around Xie Tinglan, and Xie Tinglan herself... well, you’ve seen her. She has no heart.”

Mu Xue’s information was always sharp; naturally she knew why Ye Rui had been flogged. Of course she also knew why Xie Tinglan had done it. She had no room at all for love, so what was Ye Rui still following her for?

If she had chosen to stand against the whole world, then it was destined that she would have to sacrifice everything, including the person she loved.

“I’ll see.”

Ye Rui’s face darkened. She turned to leave. After hearing that answer, Mu Xue couldn’t help raising her brows, delighted. “Your attitude seems to be softening. What, did those ten boards wake you up? Realized you’d thrown your lot in with the wrong person?”

“I helped save the people in the stockade this time, and I probably caused a huge mess for the Xie residence.”

After Ye Rui said that, Mu Xue set down the charcoal pencil at once and crossed her legs, listening with great interest.

The curtains in the room were fluttering. A brazier burned warmly, and the faint, bitter scent of rosemary filled the air, as if the place had been completely cut off from the disturbances outside.

Ye Rui spoke of the massacre of Ping’an Village. Mu Xue frowned right away, but she quickly understood; with a cold laugh, she said, “You don’t need to look down on Xie Tinglan that much. She can handle this kind of thing.”

“Rumors are the water that carries a boat, and can also be the wave that overturns it. I’m sure Xie Tinglan has already thought of a countermeasure.”

Hearing this, Ye Rui couldn’t help a bitter smile. “I thought you’d at least say a few bad things about Xie Tinglan and kick her while she’s down.”

Mu Xue waved her sleeve and rolled her eyes at Ye Rui. “This young lady has always spoken the truth. I don’t deny that Xie Tinglan is capable, but it’s also a fact that I hate her.”

“So? Is our second trade still valid?”

Mu Xue looked at Ye Rui’s back with some anticipation. In the end, Ye Rui only sighed and left without saying a word.

Mu Xue clicked her tongue and lamented how boring it was. Still, seeing that Ye Rui was currently able to run around alive and kicking put her at ease.

But Mu Xue’s gaze soon dimmed. Xie Tinglan might have a heart, but she could not afford to have one. Ye Rui, if you stay, you’ll only keep getting hurt.

**

During the days while Ye Rui’s injuries healed, everyone else seemed to be busy. For several days in a row, she ate lunch alone; only at night would Ri Xi come back and eat with her, and Xie Tinglan never appeared at all.

Li Yun even accompanied her out for a stroll once and generously treated her to a meal, which counted as a simple celebration of Ye Rui’s recovery.

From talking with Li Yun, Ye Rui learned that Xie Tinglan had been very busy lately and was often spending the night in the government office district. Ri Xi and Gong Yinzhi had to go every day to look after her, afraid she might fall ill.

Today, Ye Rui was in her room studying whether there was anything else she could improve about the Firebirth Art when Huan Jing came over. The reason was that she had to leave on a task at short notice, but she happened to be bringing food to Xie Tinglan and didn’t trust anyone else, so she wanted to ask Ye Rui for help.

Ye Rui thought it over and agreed.

She had not seen Xie Tinglan for quite some time. She... actually wanted to see her too. Even if the two of them were now essentially at a loss for words, Ye Rui still wanted to see her, to make sure she was all right.

The cold today was still piercing. Ye Rui couldn’t help wondering whether there were braziers burning in the government office district to keep Xie Tinglan warm, and whether she had been drinking the hot soup to warm herself. That soup was carefully simmered by Aunt Lin every day.

Ye Rui pulled her fur cloak closer. Passing through Beichenfang, she saw the aunt selling scallion pancakes again, and the empty spot beside her. The old man who sold straw sandals had not shown himself since Yu Bin’s matter. Ye Rui did not inquire about anything; every time she saw the aunt sighing at the empty stall, she already knew the outcome.

After leaving Beichenfang, Ye Rui walked all the way to the Six Ministries Street, clutching the food box tightly in her arms and using her inner power to block the cold wind so the food inside would not cool.

She was stopped before even entering the government office district; after all, she was a stranger. But once she showed the Xie residence token, the two guards let her through, and inside she moved unimpeded.

After asking Xie Tinglan’s whereabouts, she learned that Xie Tinglan was currently in the Ministry of War discussing important matters with Tang Xi, the ministry’s Right Vice Minister. Ye Rui was fairly familiar with Tang Xi; she had met him several times while accompanying Ri Xi and eaten with him a few times. He was a man of great talent; his only flaw was that he talked a little too much.

Ye Rui still remembered that once Ri Xi had finally had enough. She shot him a look to stop him from continuing, and only then did Tang Xi obediently rein in his urge to talk.

Within the government office district, there was a broad bluestone road leading straight to the inner court. But the end of that road was heavily guarded; not just anyone could go in, because beyond it lay the Imperial Palace.

At the mention of the Imperial Palace, Ye Rui felt a dull ache all over her body, and fear rose in her heart. While lying over the punishment bench, she had thought more than once that she might as well give up and become cosmic trash. Yet she didn’t know what had kept her going. With every board that came down, the guards carrying out the punishment counted aloud, and those numbers had practically become her nightmare.

Each ministry had its own gate and courtyard, with large plaques hanging above the entrances reading “Ministry of Personnel,” “Ministry of War,” and so on. The layout of each courtyard was roughly the same; the front hall was for deliberations, the rear offices for work, and the rooms on both sides stored records and housed clerks.

Ye Rui reached the courtyard of the Ministry of War. After showing the Xie residence token and explaining her purpose, the guards let her in.

She crossed the front hall and entered the rear office area. Xie Tinglan and Tang Xi were discussing matters in the main hall of the rear offices. Just as Ye Rui walked up those few steps and was about to knock, she heard Tang Xi’s voice.

“My lord, isn’t Ye Rui someone you value greatly? Why have I not seen her accompanying Lady Ri Xi lately? Ri Xi seems quite busy and rather exhausted.”

Tang Xi was a chatterbox; Ye Rui hadn’t expected him to dare bring up anything other than work in front of Xie Tinglan.

Her raised hand never knocked. Eavesdropping was a serious taboo, especially in this place. If Xie Tinglan found out, would she be angry with her?

“Ye Rui? She’s nothing more than a passing amusement to this old official. Not worth mentioning.”

Xie Tinglan’s voice was still as calm and indifferent as ever, as if she were speaking of something completely unrelated to herself.

Ye Rui’s hand froze in front of the door. Her heart throbbed with pain, again and again. Her mind went blank, as though her soul had been quietly ripped away.

She clenched her teeth tightly. Her hand, holding the food box, was trembling; the hand she had raised finally fell stiffly to knock on the door.

“Who is it?”

Xie Tinglan asked.

“It’s me, Ye Rui. Huan Jing had something come up at the last minute today, so she asked me to bring the food over.”

Ye Rui tried her best to make her voice sound no different from usual. Her pride would not allow her to collapse in front of others, even if her heart had long since shattered into pieces.

It hurt so much. It hurt as much as those boards coming down.

There was silence inside for two breaths. Even the talkative Tang Xi said nothing; everyone seemed to tacitly choose silence.

“Come in.”

After Xie Tinglan answered, Ye Rui pushed the door open and went in. Inside, the brazier was burning warmly, and calming incense was lit. Xie Tinglan was sitting at the desk, the wolf-hair brush in her hand not yet lowered; only a faint scent of ink drifted through the air.

From the moment Ye Rui entered until she placed the food box down, she did not look at Xie Tinglan even once. Her gaze fell on the complicated official documents, then on the burning brazier, like a restless soul.

“I’m heading back. I still have things to do.”

Ye Rui turned and left without the slightest hesitation. Xie Tinglan’s hand tightened, and the other hand hidden in her sleeve clenched into a fist, as though she were desperately restraining something.

Only after the door closed did Xie Tinglan reach out to touch the food box. The expected cold did not meet her fingertips; it was warm, hot, like that person’s body heat.

“Your subordinate... won’t disturb Your Excellency’s meal.”

Seeing that Xie Tinglan was about to eat, Tang Xi also withdrew without lingering. He didn’t know what Xie Tinglan was feeling right now either. The chance that his earlier words had been heard by Ye Rui was very high; Xie Tinglan looked unchanged on the surface, but her mood was clearly much lower.

After Tang Xi left the main hall, he scratched his head... His lord must at least feel a little embarrassed, right!

Ye Rui left the Ministry of War facing the cold wind. She wrapped herself in her fur cloak to shut out the chill, but it was still so cold, as if the frost came from inside her body.

A passing amusement? Heh... Xie Tinglan, you really have no heart.

Her whole body went numb, as though it were breaking apart. In her dazed state, she bumped head-on into a female official, and only when she looked up did she realize it was Zhuang Linglong.

Seeing that it was Ye Rui, Zhuang Linglong’s eyes brightened first, then she said worriedly, “M-Miss Ye, are you feeling unwell? Why are your eyes red?”

Ye Rui brushed away Zhuang Linglong’s outstretched hand and said coldly, “Thank you for your concern. I’m fine.”

Zhuang Linglong was Xie Tinglan’s person, and this was Xie Tinglan’s territory. Ye Rui didn’t want to stay, nor did she want to have any contact, like a ghost afraid of sunlight, only wanting to flee this place that could turn her to ash.

“Miss Ye..."

Ye Rui quickened her pace and left. Zhuang Linglong followed her a few steps, but when she remembered the disgust in Ye Rui’s eyes just now, she forced herself to stop.

Why does she dislike me?

Zhuang Linglong lowered her eyes, somewhat dejected, and could only stare blankly as Ye Rui kept walking and left Six Ministries Street, disappearing from sight.

Ye Rui didn’t know how she ended up at Rizhao Temple. She didn’t want to return to the Xie residence, and she didn’t want to go to the crowded East Wind Street, so in a daze she had come here.

She looked up at the steps that seemed to stretch beyond sight. They were covered in white snow, burying the footprints she and Xie Tinglan had once left behind. She looked as far as she could, but saw no Buddha statues and heard no chanting, as if even the gods were unwilling to grant her the slightest mercy.

She brushed the snow off the steps, then curled up and sat down. In this bitter cold, everyone else would be huddling together in the crowds, and Rizhao Temple was so quiet and lonely that there wasn’t a single person in sight. Looking up the steps, she could only see figures moving in the distance; no one had come this far.

Ye Rui sat there all alone, breathing out stale air, both hands tucked into her lap, curled up like a shrimp. Her whole body was shaking. She wanted to stop, but she couldn’t. Over and over in her mind came the things Xie Tinglan had said, each one like a slow slicing punishment.

‘I said before that amusement has no place in my life.’

‘Can’t you see it yourself?’

‘What for? Didn’t you say you could control yourself and not follow me?’

‘I never said I liked you.’

‘I like your body.’

‘I don’t like you getting close to her.’

‘Little coward, don’t hide.’

‘Kiss me, little coward.’

‘A capital offense may be spared, but punishment cannot. The bandit-suppression task concerns the people’s livelihood and military prestige, so we’ll use military regulations to punish it.’

‘If a military task cannot be completed, then twenty strokes of the staff as a warning to others.’

‘Since Ye Rui is accompanying the troops this time, then naturally it will be a marching punishment.’

‘Ye Rui? She’s nothing more than a passing amusement to this old official. Not worth mentioning.’

‘You may choose whether to believe my words or not. The truth or falsehood of them is for you to distinguish.’

I can’t distinguish it. Xie Tinglan, I don’t want to distinguish it anymore.

Ye Rui covered her face, and hot tears were already spilling from the corners of her eyes. Those hands were the last thing preserving her proud dignity.

She could fail in love. Xie Tinglan could choose not to love her. But she could not be humiliated. She was a living person, not a toy for amusement.

Ye Rui dug all ten fingers into her face until her knuckles turned white, as if enduring some inhuman pain. One suppressed sob after another leaked from her throat, and after a few gasps, everything fell silent again. Her boots pushed fiercely into the snow, and beneath the uncontrollable trembling, a heart-rending cry tore through the quiet air.

Xie Tinglan, I clearly gave everything I had to love you——!

At the top of the steps, a middle-aged woman in a gray robe stared blankly at Ye Rui’s back, the faint cries in her ears. She watched as blood little by little seeped through that person’s back, staining the white robe with crimson like plum blossoms. Her weather-beaten face was full of pity, and in the end only a sigh remained.

She joined her hands and quietly recited a Buddha’s name before turning and stepping into the prayer hall.

-----------------------

Author’s Note: [pitiful][pitiful][pitiful]