Not Love

Xu Zhitong had always been the sort of person who waited for the rabbit to wander into the trap before she set it. The moment Lin Yang gave her the promise she wanted, she sprang out of bed—only to let out a soft “ow” when dizziness hit. She caught hold of Lin Yang’s hand and threaded their fingers tightly together.

“Let’s go. Where are we getting checked?”

Her movements were as smooth as silk. Smiling, she dragged Lin Yang along by the hand, leaned close to her arm, and glanced down at the examination slip in her hand.

Lin Yang’s fingers gave an involuntary twitch. For a brief moment, her senses seemed to blur; all her attention settled on the warm arm pressed against hers, and half her body went faintly numb from it.

She froze for a long moment before finding her voice again. “First to the third floor.”

“Okay.” Xu Zhitong had no awareness at all of being a patient. After reading the address on the slip, she took Lin Yang by the hand and headed out first.

It was evening, and there were quite a few patients and family members in the inpatient wing. People like them, walking hand in hand, were rare, so everyone threw them a few glances.

Xu Zhitong was bubbling with the thrilling pride of showing off her best friend, while Lin Yang pressed her lips together and ignored the looks from the people around them. Her dark eyes lowered slightly, fixed only on the hand holding hers; Xu Zhitong’s hand.

So familiar. So familiar it felt as though even her heart had been gripped tight, squeezed into a sharp ache threaded with pleasure.

Lin Yang looked up, estimated the distance to the elevator, suppressed the tremor in her fingers, and took her phone out of the small bag. She snapped a photo from behind of Xu Zhitong holding her hand and walking ahead.

-

With Lin Yang there, the examinations went very smoothly. The two of them took the partial results they’d already received and went to see the doctor.

The answer they got was that she could be discharged tomorrow.

Xu Zhitong still found it hard to believe, but given the extent of her injuries, if she hadn’t been unconscious, she probably could have left the same day.

As for the amnesia, the doctor said cautiously that it seemed to stem from psychological reasons, including her uncharacteristic loss of consciousness.

So rather than staying in the hospital for a long time, the doctor recommended that she return to a familiar environment and recover slowly. In general, this kind of memory loss would take at most—at most—just a few months to recover.

Lin Yang stood beside her listening, and gently stroked the back of Xu Zhitong’s hand.

Xu Zhitong obediently let herself be soothed.

After leaving the department, they got into the elevator and headed down to the basement cafeteria. Xu Zhitong was unusually quiet.

“Still worried?” Lin Yang asked after a pause, glancing at her. “There are plenty of reputable memory and mental health recovery centers in Jiangshi. If you’re not at ease, then…”

“No, no. I was just thinking about what the doctor said—that my amnesia is psychological.” Xu Zhitong shook her head.

She leaned toward the elevator mirror, frowning at the somewhat gloomy, pale face reflected there. After a moment, she let out a soft sigh and admitted it wasn’t impossible.

“So I grew into a gloomy adult.”

There was even a little satisfaction in her tone.

Lin Yang: “… ”

Her silence, the faint expression on her face; everything was too obvious. Xu Zhitong noticed through the mirror, widened her eyes, and looked as if she’d been betrayed by her best friend. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Lin Yang turned her face away.

Xu Zhitong flushed with embarrassment and annoyance. She leaned over and pinched Lin Yang’s cheek, deliberately crowding closer so Lin Yang couldn’t avoid her gaze. “Lin Xiaoyang, that’s too much. You’re secretly making fun of me? Am I not a gloomy adult?”

Lin Yang was pulled back to face her, her expression only belatedly widening a little. “…Mm?”

Xu Zhitong put on airs. “Lin Xiaoyang, speak.”

Lin Yang froze for a moment; then the tips of her ears suddenly turned red.

Too close.

Before she could fully savor that distance, the elevator chimed and arrived steadily at the basement cafeteria.

The moment the doors opened, Lin Yang quickly shoved Xu Zhitong away.

She also took a step to the side.

Coughing lightly, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked up just as the elevator doors slowly opened.

Outside, the area was crowded with people all trying to get on the elevator.

Fortunately, no one had seen their little scuffle just now.

Lin Yang was about to step out when she tilted her head and noticed Xu Zhitong standing dazed in the spot she’d been pushed to for some reason.

“Xiaotong.”

Lin Yang called her in a low voice, took Xu Zhitong by the wrist, and apologized a few times to the people outside before leaving the elevator and heading to an open space by the cafeteria entrance.

Only then did Xu Zhitong seem to snap back to herself. “Good thing you reacted fast…”

Lin Yang lifted a brow. “Or what? Let you embarrass yourself?”

Xu Zhitong blinked. “Yeah. I was acting all edgy and gloomy there. In other people’s eyes, I’m already in my twenties. If they heard me say something like ‘gloomy adult,’ wouldn’t that be way too embarrassing?”

Now that she’d calmed down, she realized it was funny even as she said it. Her lips twitched, and after a struggle, she still let out an awkward laugh.

“Fine. Maybe I’m not that gloomy even after growing up.”

Seeing her like that, Lin Yang understood she’d misread some of it. She shook her head helplessly, but her lips curved too.

She casually tidied her hair; her slender fingers lifted the loose strands by her temple, and the pearly-white earlobe beneath was tinged with a soft red, like a jewel hanging beside her face.

After a whole day, some of her makeup had settled into her skin. The faint red beauty mark at the outer corner of her left eye stood out especially clearly.

With the movement of her hand, the wide neckline of her top shifted up slightly, and the fabric at her chest fell open in a way that made the elegant lines beneath seem to appear and disappear all at once.

Xu Zhitong was smiling when she suddenly stopped, then looked away.

Even after she turned aside, the person in front of her hadn’t noticed. Xu Zhitong’s thoughts and gaze drifted back toward Lin Yang like a feather, wavering uncertainly.

She changed the subject awkwardly. “Yangbao, you look like you’ve grown up so much. You’re so much more mature now… Will that make me look really childish?”

Lin Yang: “Huh? But didn’t you also grow into a gloomy adult?”

There were fewer people in the corner by the entrance, and the atmosphere was good. She repeated Xu Zhitong’s silly words in a teasing tone.

It was a little mean, but she only ever did that sort of small, mean thing to Xu Zhitong.

Back in school, Lin Yang had only ever been the rich, beautiful classmate who was refined, distant, and hard to approach. That was why when Xu Zhitong used to complain about her, not a single person in the whole class believed her.

Xu Zhitong pointed at Lin Yang’s outfit, then at her own. “Look, when we’re standing face-to-face like this, you look like my older sister.”

Lin Yang: “… ”

Her brows lifted. She narrowed her eyes, tilted her head, and looked at Xu Zhitong with a very subtle expression.

Xu Zhitong was probably right. Her hair was a messy blue mop, her bare face was pale and marked with injuries, and she was wearing a set of hospital clothes that had no sense of age or style at all; she looked almost like an anime character who’d wandered into the hospital by mistake.

And her eyes were bright; the kind of gaze that was hard to find at their age anymore.

To be fair, Xu Zhitong’s looks had an edge to them. Her bone structure was deep, especially when she was expressionless.

But when she smiled and her eyes lit up, she looked very emotional, even clean and clear to the point of seeming a little stupid.

Of course, appearance aside, Xu Zhitong was the smartest kind of person; half instinct, half quick wit. Lin Yang knew that well.

Lin Yang asked, “What do you mean?”

Xu Zhitong almost immediately sensed the dissatisfaction hidden behind that flat tone.

Her eyes widened as she hurriedly showed her loyalty. “Nothing, nothing. I mean you look especially beautiful, and…” She paused, then slowly forced the word out. “Sexy.”

Under Lin Yang’s gaze, Xu Zhitong silently leaned back a little and said very honestly, “Very sexy. I feel like I could practically gobble you up.”

Actually, it wasn’t just a feeling. She was starving for her; she wanted to kiss her, hug her, cling to her, wanted to move right up beside Lin Yang.

When she’d been flushed and embarrassed and leaned over to pinch Lin Yang’s face, she’d frozen there too, her head full of nothing but how smooth and soft Lin Yang’s face was, how good she smelled, how her mouth looked all pouty and irresistible…

She wanted to kiss her.

So when Lin Yang had pushed her away, she’d still been trembling inside those improper thoughts.

Damn it. Over these past few years, she really had developed some very serious improper feelings for her best friend.

Xu Zhitong was trying very hard to restrain herself.

Lin Yang: “… ”

Her expression became even more subtle.

There seemed to be a bit of hidden pleasure in it, though she held it back.

Lin Yang cleared her throat and said, “You’re hungry enough to be losing your mind. Let’s go eat.”

-

The next day, Lin Yang arrived at the hospital at nine.

Today she wore something similar to yesterday, a one-shoulder long dress. A butterfly-shaped belt cinched her narrow waist in an elegant Y shape, and her makeup was still light.

Xu Zhitong followed Lin Yang through several examinations and listened to the doctor’s instructions about diet after discharge.

Well, mainly Lin Yang was the one listening.

After a while, Xu Zhitong started slacking off. Sitting beside Lin Yang, she secretly sniffed at her. Lin Yang was wearing the same perfume as yesterday: a faint white tea scent, layered with a bit of floral fragrance.

She was distracted for less than two minutes before Lin Yang lightly tapped the back of her hand.

Familiar. It felt exactly like the old days when they’d sit together and Xu Zhitong got disciplined in class.

Xu Zhitong immediately paid attention.

The doctor gave them a diet list, and they went to handle the discharge procedures.

As always, Lin Yang did everything for her, taking Xu Zhitong’s ID card and medical insurance card and going upstairs and downstairs.

Xu Zhitong followed behind Lin Yang and fulfilled the role of face card.

After the paperwork was done, they went to the parking garage. Today Lin Yang had driven a sleek white coupe with a red roof. Xu Zhitong glanced at it twice and said offhandedly, “Your car has such a long mouth.”

Lin Yang: “… ”

She lowered her eyes to the car key and answered with a quiet hum.

Xu Zhitong simply didn’t know any better. She got into the car after saying it, flipped through the test results, and sighed. “Yangbao, over the years, have you spoiled me into becoming a useless person?”

“Normally you do all this yourself. Today you’re the patient; I’m helping out.” Lin Yang took Xu Zhitong’s phone, tapped a few times to connect Bluetooth, and handed it back. “Play whatever song you want.”

Xu Zhitong held the phone in both hands, eyes sparkling. “You’re so good.”

“… ”

“You’ve been with me the whole time; we have such a good relationship.”

“… ”

“Why aren’t you answering me?”

“… I’m hungry. I’m navigating to the restaurant.”

Lin Yang set the route and started the car smoothly.

Xu Zhitong glanced a few times at the unfamiliar streets flashing past outside, then quickly looked away and shifted her attention to Lin Yang’s hands on the wheel. They were long and pale, with a glittering pinky ring on the little finger, turning the steering wheel with calm ease.

That gave Xu Zhitong a sense of security. She picked a trending playlist at random and hummed along with the lyrics.

She learned songs quickly. Usually, after hearing one twice, she could memorize the whole thing; after another two listens, she could even get the details right.

In just over ten minutes on the road, she’d learned two recent hits.

The car stopped in front of a private restaurant in a standalone courtyard. Lin Yang took her inside. After they entered a private room and sat down, Lin Yang stayed at the door for a moment and ordered from the waiter alone.

Xu Zhitong watched like a curious little kid. “What did you order?”

Lin Yang sat down, wiped her hands with a hot towel, and scalded their bowls and plates. “Seafood congee; chicken broth base, with shrimp, crab meat, and scallops. Why?”

“So fancy. Who would’ve thought that the last time I sat around waiting for you to order, it was still mala xiangguo by the school back gate,” Xu Zhitong said, rubbing her face. Then she blurted out another thought from deep inside her head. “And weirdly enough, watching you order just now, I was actually worried you’d order something that wasn’t tasty.”

Lin Yang went quiet for a moment.

She looked at Xu Zhitong with some surprise, then nodded after a while.

“Before you lost your memory, you really did say my taste was average.”

After all, the internet posts had been full of “criticisms” of Lin Yang’s preferences.

Xu Zhitong’s eyes widened, and she fell into self-doubt.

No way. The future her was that reckless, daring to say her best friend’s taste was average?

…

But then again.

Was what surfaced from her subconscious really the thoughts of her future self?

She instinctively felt that Lin Yang’s order wouldn’t be tasty, and apparently the future her had said exactly that too.

Wouldn’t that mean all her other subconscious reactions were things her future self had done as well…

Want to… want to kiss… Lin Yang… want to… do things to her…

The more Xu Zhitong thought about it, the lower her head sank, until she almost buried her face in the bowl of congee.

Even after finishing the congee and arriving in the underground garage of their residential complex, she was still in a state of existential crisis.

A new stage.

While doubting herself, she couldn’t help sneaking glances at Lin Yang.

Come to think of it, if her feelings for Lin Yang had already changed after eight years, then had the future Xu Zhitong hidden that from Lin Yang at all?

Did Lin Yang know she liked her?

Then did Lin Yang like her too?

Xu Zhitong bit her lip and recalled everything about being with Lin Yang: in front of Lin Yang, she couldn’t even fake having done her homework last night or memorized her classical Chinese passages.

What’s more, the grown-up Lin Yang seemed to have been involved in all of her work and life; their relationship had to be even closer than it was back in school.

Oh, right.

And Lin Yang was undercover as her top donor, and would secretly ask in the fan group for her big-donor stans whether Xu Zhitong might privately contact fans or meet them offline, and would get angry over it.

That was jealousy, wasn’t it!

It all made sense now.

She and Lin Yang were mutually in love!

Thinking this, Xu Zhitong felt as if her meridians had been opened, the clouds had parted, and everything had suddenly become clear.

So, a few years from now, she and Lin Yang were in a relationship!

Xu Zhitong accepted this fact without the slightest psychological barrier and even started blushing, her heart racing.

Amazing. Future her could actually date Lin Yang!