Kid? Feed Me Again

For some reason, she had started brooding over objects and missing people again. Li Xingqing stared at the pink candy wrapper clipped to her notebook, its corners already pressed completely flat, and felt her face heat up uncontrollably.

A rush of warmth seemed to seep up from between her bones, as if something were burning in her chest; it made her ears hot and her fingertips numb.

She glanced at the air conditioner panel. Twenty-six degrees Celsius, the most comfortable setting for the human body; just right, neither too cold nor too warm. But that temperature did not feel right for her now. The air from the vent brushed her skin, and all she felt was irritation, never relief.

Li Xingqing reached out and lowered the temperature by two degrees, then felt that the cold air was too strong, so she adjusted the vent upward; then she pulled the zipper of her coat up to her chin. After all that fuss, she finally set the air conditioner back to twenty-six degrees.

She turned on her computer and started revising the script. Filming was about to begin, and Ke Wei was in a hurry for the revised script.

Late night was usually when creative inspiration was at its strongest. The world fell quiet; only the sound of typing and her own heartbeat remained. Thoughts drowned out by daytime noise would quietly rise to the surface at a time like this.

Unfortunately, tonight Li Xingqing just could not get into the rhythm. With both hands on the keyboard and her eyes on the script, she could only helplessly type out one meaningless symbol after another.

She revised and revised, and by the time she finished changing the two scenes, it was already three in the morning.

Li Xingqing rubbed her sore neck and tilted her head back; her cervical spine let out a faint click. She stretched, raising her arms over her head.

Her stomach suddenly began protesting, voicing its dissatisfaction with her unfair treatment.

Unable to ignore basic bodily needs, Li Xingqing closed the computer, picked up her phone and room card, and decided to go out and buy something to eat.

She was already a regular at the convenience store; she went out and down the elevator with practiced ease.

It had rained in D City these past two days, leaving the air damp and stifling.

Li Xingqing did not care much for that sticky feeling, so when she went out she put on a thin coat. She zipped it up to her chest and rolled the sleeves to her forearms, exposing a strip of wrist.

The air carried the smell of earth and the green, slightly bitter scent of plants soaked through with rainwater.

The rain had long since stopped, so although it was deep into the night, D City was not wrapped in the kind of darkness where you could not see your hand in front of your face.

The moon was bright and clear; even without streetlights, the road was still visible.

Li Xingqing walked with her head lowered all the way, the heels of her shoes making faint tapping sounds against the wet ground. As she neared the convenience store, she caught the smell of smoke.

She lifted her head; it was exactly the person who had just left her completely unable to think.

Xi Zhen was smoking.

Not hiding in a hotel room, but standing under the eaves where a few last raindrops still had not dried. She leaned against the wall, one hand in her pocket, the other holding a cigarette; her fingers were long, her posture lazy.

She had not noticed Li Xingqing. Her gaze was unfocused, drifting somewhere into the distance; who knew what she was looking at, or whether she was looking at anything at all.

Her lips parted slightly as she exhaled a ring of smoke, round and thin. The heavy moisture in the air made it disperse quickly; the scattered wisps veiled her face in a hazy softness, lending her a rare air of dreamlike detachment. Her hair was loose and stirred messily by the night wind, a few strands falling beside her face to cover half an eye.

The weak light overhead cast deep shadows across her brow and nose, splitting her face into light and dark.

Li Xingqing stopped in her tracks and almost at once felt the urge to turn and leave.

She did not want to run into Xi Zhen at a time like this, even though the two of them were nothing more than colleagues who still had not exchanged contact information.

No, not even colleagues; they were just strangers who happened to be working together.

But as if her feet had been cursed by some evil witch, Li Xingqing was fixed firmly to the spot. Her feet felt rooted in the wet ground, impossible to pull free.

She stared at Xi Zhen without blinking, watched her finish the cigarette in her hand, watched smoke drift from between her lips in wisps. She watched her flick ash into the nearby trash can, the motion casual and natural, as if she had done it countless times before.

Being watched so intensely by Li Xingqing, Xi Zhen quickly noticed the figure standing under the corridor of the shops not far away.

The streetlight shone from the side and outlined that person very clearly. Tall, slim, wearing a thin coat, her hair fluttering gently in the night wind.

Li Xingqing?

At this hour, why was she here?

Looking for her?

Xi Zhen found it rather amusing. A smile lingered in her eyes as she pressed out the cigarette butt, tossed it into the trash can, and gave Li Xingqing a wave.

The meaning was obvious; she was greeting her.

As if she had already anticipated being seen, Li Xingqing was not surprised by Xi Zhen’s gesture. In fact, there was even a faint sense of expectation in her. The one caught in the act this time was not her; the original criminal had suddenly become the enforcer, and Li Xingqing walked over with her head held high.

“It’s so late, and you’re still not asleep. Careful or you’ll stop growing, little kid.”

Less than twelve hours after that answer to “I like younger ones,” Xi Zhen’s first words upon seeing Li Xingqing were these.

Li Xingqing immediately objected. “I’m not a little kid. Besides, I’m already very tall.”

She lifted her chin, indicating that she was already taller than Xi Zhen now.

Seeing how serious she was, Xi Zhen thought of the date of birth on that resume and let out a light laugh.

Not even twenty yet; if not a little kid, then what?

But Xi Zhen was not going to argue with a child, and she did not bother to refute it. She only asked, “What? Hungry?”

The answer was obvious; Li Xingqing did not even need to speak. Her body had already answered for her.

Grrr.

Gurgle, gurgle.

Her stomach growled several times in a row, and Li Xingqing was so embarrassed she wanted to find a crack in the ground and crawl into it.

She pressed a hand to her stomach and kept her head down, unwilling to look up. Stray strands of hair fell from both sides, covering half her face; the half that showed had turned red from ear tip to cheekbone, and it was all clearly visible under the streetlight.

Suddenly, a pair of hands took hold of hers.

“Come on, little kid. Big sister will buy you something to eat.”

Xi Zhen held Li Xingqing’s hand and gently pulled it up, leading her toward the convenience store.

The words Li Xingqing had been about to refuse were blocked in her throat by the unyielding force in Xi Zhen’s hand.

When the automatic “Welcome” chime rang out at the convenience store door, Li Xingqing lifted her head to look at Xi Zhen’s back.

Her hand was tightly held in another hand. That slender hand was not exactly warm, and its bones were distinct, but it gave Li Xingqing a strange sense of reassurance. Like a sailboat that had been away from harbor for too long, finally finding a warm port.

“What do you want to eat?” Xi Zhen asked as she gave her hand a small shake. Li Xingqing came back to herself.

“Rice balls.”

After hearing her answer, Xi Zhen took two rice balls from the shelf, then reached for the milk shelf beside it. Just before she did, she turned her head and asked, “Can you drink milk?”

“...Yes.”

“Good. Then have a glass of milk too. Sleep properly. Even if you don’t grow taller, you still have to think about your body.” Xi Zhen sounded like a conscientious adult lecturing a child, seeming not the least bit aware that she herself had also stayed up until after midnight and was even smoking.

Li Xingqing wanted to remind her, opened her mouth, then shut it again.

Xi Zhen had both hands full and could no longer keep holding Li Xingqing’s hand.

She went to the checkout counter, set the items down to pay, and then picked up something extra from the shelf beside her.

Li Xingqing looked over; it was a bottle of mouthwash.

What was Xi Zhen buying mouthwash for so late at night?

The rice balls were warmed in the microwave, and Xi Zhen went outside to use the mouthwash.

When she came back, Li Xingqing was already sitting on the stool by the convenience store entrance.

“Why aren’t you eating? Don’t like this flavor?” Xi Zhen sat down beside her, and the stool gave a faint creak.

“...No, I just haven’t gotten to it yet.” Li Xingqing’s gaze dropped in flustered haste. Her fingers pinched the tear strip at the top of the rice ball. Just after she tore open a tiny corner, she suddenly looked up at Xi Zhen beside her.

“You just now...” Why buy mouthwash?

The question she had been thinking about for a long time still had not made it out before Xi Zhen already understood what the little kid was agonizing over.

“I don’t like having the taste of tobacco in my mouth when I’m not smoking.” Xi Zhen explained, then folded her arms on the table in front of the stool and shifted into a more comfortable posture. Turning her head slightly, she added, “Little kid, you’d better smell less like smoke.”

She was called little kid again, but Li Xingqing no longer wanted to object. Still, although Xi Zhen’s explanation sounded reasonable, Li Xingqing had a good memory; this was not the first time she had caught Xi Zhen smoking.

A habit that had not existed before had suddenly appeared. Excluding the possibility that this person had been possessed, there was only one answer left; she was lying.

But why would Xi Zhen make up an excuse to lie to her?

Chewing on a rice ball, Li Xingqing felt that she seemed to have overlooked something.

“Then big adults should smoke less too. It’s bad for your health.” She retorted with perfect seriousness, proud that she had finally won one back.

“Pfft—” Xi Zhen suddenly threw her head back and laughed when she heard that.

Li Xingqing had never seen such a broad expression on her face before; after all, whenever she saw Xi Zhen, she was usually sitting in a corner. Though gentle, she always had a faint sense of distance.

Right now, Xi Zhen’s lips curved upward, and the lines of her face softened even more. She instinctively raised a hand as if to cover her mouth, but the smile still spilled from her eyes.

“Mhm. If little kids don’t like it, then big adults definitely won’t smoke in front of little kids next time.” Her assurance was serious, yet her tone still sounded like she was joking, though there was a trace of real sincerity in her eyes.

“Mm.” It wasn’t that she disliked it either... Li Xingqing did not say that aloud. She lowered her head and bit into the rice ball as if it were nothing.

The two of them sat side by side at the convenience store table as dawn began to break, chatting on and off.

Their topics wandered wherever they pleased, and Xi Zhen always managed to find something that gave Li Xingqing something to say.

“What about your little cat friend? Didn’t come looking for you today?” Xi Zhen rested both arms on the table and her chin on them, turning her head to look at her.

“Xiao Hei usually shows up around eleven at night. It’s not here at this hour.”

“Black cats really are spiritual. Xiao Hei even knows to make an appointment with you; how cute.” Xi Zhen praised her as she crossed one leg over the other. Under the table, her foot swayed lightly, and the toe of her shoe occasionally brushed Li Xingqing’s calf before drawing back.

“Then do you like cats, or do you like dogs?” The rice ball had long since been finished, and the trash on the table had been gathered to one side by Xi Zhen, but neither of them seemed inclined to leave. Li Xingqing did not know why she had asked such a question, but at that moment she genuinely wanted Xi Zhen’s answer.

“They’re both fine. I’m not very fond of keeping pets.” Xi Zhen’s answer was straightforward.

“Because it’s troublesome?”

“No.” Xi Zhen denied it without hesitation.

“Then why?” Li Xingqing pressed immediately.

But Xi Zhen fell silent. She picked up the empty milk bottle Li Xingqing had finished and stood to throw the trash away.

“It’s getting late. Go back and sleep first.”

Outside the glass window, a sliver of dawn split the blue-gray sky. Bright orange-red light fell across Li Xingqing’s face; her crow-black lashes fluttered up and down, casting shadows beneath her eyelids.

Xi Zhen stood with her back to the light, her entire face buried in darkness, impossible to read.

On the table, sunlight drew a sharp boundary, cutting the air between the two of them into two separate halves.

Li Xingqing still wanted to ask more, but unfortunately Xi Zhen gave her no chance. She turned and walked out of the convenience store.

All the gentleness from their idle chat vanished. Xi Zhen returned once again to her usual distance. Li Xingqing suddenly panicked a little; she hurried after her, but when she reached Xi Zhen’s side, she still did not know how to speak.

The two of them walked silently side by side, all the way back to the hotel against the light.

Li Xingqing felt that she must have unknowingly stepped on one of Xi Zhen’s taboos; as she hesitated over whether to apologize and how to apologize, Xi Zhen pressed the elevator button and turned to look at her.

“Sorry, I didn’t know...”

“Sorry, just now I...”

They spoke at the same time, then fell silent at the same time.

In the end, it was Xi Zhen who finished the unfinished sentence. “What I mean is, I wasn’t angry just now. You don’t need to blame yourself.”

Ding.

The elevator arrived.

“If you really want an answer, then mine is: if separation is destined, then it’s better not to begin.”

So that was why?

Because she hated the pain of parting, she simply stopped it at the source.

Li Xingqing had heard the answer, but her mood did not seem to improve much.

“Little kid, go rest for a bit. See you at ten.”

Xi Zhen escorted Li Xingqing to the room next door and waved at her.

“Good night.” Li Xingqing’s mind had not yet fully detached from her earlier thoughts, and she answered almost reflexively.

“Good night?” Xi Zhen’s voice turned teasing.

“Then, good morning.”

“Mm. Sweet dreams.”

Author’s Note:

Xi Zhen: I’m being perfectly reasonable here; I don’t like pets.

Li Xingqing: Really? (pitiful)

Xi Zhen: ...Keeping one around would be fine too.