Angry? Then Kneel a Little

Xi Zhen turned and met Li Xingqing’s gaze. The corner of her mouth curved into something that was half a smile and half not. "Li Xingqing, do you really think locking the door means I can’t do anything to you?"

After hearing that, Li Xingqing tilted her head, her smile as innocent as a rabbit’s. "What is Sister talking about? I didn’t do anything."

Didn’t do anything!

The nameless fire in Xi Zhen’s chest only burned hotter. She walked up to Li Xingqing, folded her arms, and sat down, fixing her with a cold stare. "Then tell me—why won’t the door open?"

Li Xingqing fell silent for two seconds. Then she set down her phone and stood, walking toward Xi Zhen.

Only when she reached her did Li Xingqing bend down, bracing both hands on either side of the sofa Xi Zhen was sitting on, trapping her in a narrow space.

"The door is broken," she said softly. Her breath brushed Xi Zhen’s forehead. "It might take a long time to fix."

She paused, then added, "Or maybe it can’t be fixed."

Xi Zhen looked up at her. They were so close she could see her own reflection clearly in Li Xingqing’s eyes. Suddenly, Xi Zhen laughed. "Li Xingqing, do you know what you look like right now?"

"?" Li Xingqing looked genuinely confused.

"Like a child afraid of being left behind. You think if you lock the door and throw away the key, nothing else can happen."

Li Xingqing’s smile froze for an instant. But very quickly, it returned. She lowered her eyes and looked at Xi Zhen without blinking. "...So what if I am? Then, Sister, can’t you not leave me?"

Xi Zhen went still.

The next second, one of Li Xingqing’s hands, which had been resting on either side of her, slid up to cradle the back of her head, while the other gripped her chin.

Another kiss.

This one held no hesitation and no gentleness. It came with a domineering, unreasonable force, as though she meant to crush Xi Zhen and swallow her whole. Her fingers threaded through Xi Zhen’s hair, feeling the warmth of her body, leaving Xi Zhen nowhere to retreat; she could only accept it.

Xi Zhen’s breathing went ragged from the kiss. She tried to push her away, but the strength she managed to land on Li Xingqing was barely enough to count.

Li Xingqing was like a stubborn child standing before the toy she loved. What she showed was not cherishing, much less tenderness, but a near-greedy possessiveness.

As if the moment she let go, Xi Zhen would disappear. Only by holding her tightly, by wrapping her hard in her arms, could she confirm she was real. Li Xingqing’s kiss moved from Xi Zhen’s lips to the corner of her mouth, then slowly down to her jaw, trailing lower with searing heat. Her breathing was heavy and broken, like a drowning person finally clutching a piece of driftwood.

Xi Zhen could feel Li Xingqing’s eyelashes trembling lightly against her cheek; that tiny shiver betrayed her feelings. Li Xingqing was afraid.

Afraid she would leave.

Afraid she would push her away.

Afraid she would abandon her the way she had five years ago.

Xi Zhen’s eyes suddenly stung. She closed them and let herself be drowned by her breath.

Time passed; so much time that Xi Zhen was almost losing all sense of it before Li Xingqing finally let her go.

She didn’t step back. Instead, she rested her forehead in the hollow of Xi Zhen’s shoulder, as if all her strength had been drained away in an instant, soft and limp as she leaned against the other woman.

Li Xingqing was still breathing unevenly, her hot breaths falling one after another against Xi Zhen’s neck.

Xi Zhen didn’t move. Her hand hovered in midair; she couldn’t tell whether she should push her away or lower it. From this angle, she could still see the faint swelling on Li Xingqing’s face from yesterday.

Then Xi Zhen heard Li Xingqing’s voice.

Muted, a little hoarse, a little trembling, as though it took all her strength to force the words out: "...Don’t go."

Xi Zhen didn’t answer; she only felt dampness spreading in the crook of her shoulder.

Unfortunately, the other woman wouldn’t let it end there. Getting no response, she became even more relentless. "Please, Sister. I don’t have anyone else."

"..."

Playing weak really was a sharp weapon; at least, it worked on Xi Zhen. She couldn’t help but soften, softening until she was a puddle of water, already beginning to feel sorry for the person who was nearly ten years younger than her.

They hadn’t seen each other in a very long time. In her memory, the other woman was still the child who couldn’t write a script and would get so anxious she’d call her in the middle of the night. She would need a long stretch of comfort before she could pull herself together again. She was also shy; if you praised her once, the tips of her ears would quietly turn red. She’d act like she didn’t care with her mouth, but the pride in her eyes was impossible to hide.

That child who used to be called good and obedient had now learned to use weakness as a weapon. She could lock the door without a sound and trap her in a space where there were only the two of them. She could make such a brazen demand, then curl up against her shoulder and use one "Don’t go" to turn back every hard word Xi Zhen had already prepared.

She had grown up.

Grown into someone Xi Zhen found a little unfamiliar.

And yet the weight pressed against her shoulder right now, the faint trembling of her breathing, the fingers clutching at her clothes—it was clearly still the same obedient little rabbit from back then.

Xi Zhen sighed and lightly patted her back. "Li Xingqing," her voice finally softened, "get up first."

Li Xingqing didn’t move. Instead, she held on tighter, as if afraid Xi Zhen might vanish the next second. Xi Zhen helplessly curved her lips, not sure whether she was laughing at Li Xingqing or at herself.

The one locked in the room was clearly her. The one who’d been forcibly kissed was also her. And yet the person feeling heartache to the point of no return was still her.

How useless.

"Be good. Good girl."

"Sister, you’re not allowed to go find Shi Fengyu."

Xi Zhen suddenly found that a little funny; at the same time, it was also a little exasperating. After a long while, she let out a soft sigh and ran her fingers through Li Xingqing’s hair, stroking it gently again and again.

"Fine," she said very softly. "I won’t go."

Li Xingqing seemed not to have expected her to agree so readily. She lifted her head a little and looked at Xi Zhen with those slightly reddened eyes, as if checking whether she was just humoring her.

Xi Zhen met her gaze without dodging or explaining. Some things didn’t need to be said right now. She simply kept combing through her hair, her movements even gentler than before. Li Xingqing finally lowered her head again, burying her face back in the hollow of Xi Zhen’s shoulder like a cat that had finally let down its guard, quietly nestling in her arms.

"Then where is Sister going? I’ll take you," Li Xingqing said, her tone hiding a barely suppressed brightness, the end of her sentence lifting slightly.

Looking down at the fluffy crown of her hair, Xi Zhen suddenly felt that tender place in her chest being pinched again.

That bit of complicated emotion from earlier was scattered to pieces by that one sentence. She wanted to laugh, but felt that would be too unkind, so she had to press her lips together and keep her tone as steady as possible. "No need for you to take me."

Li Xingqing didn’t move, didn’t speak, but the arm around Xi Zhen’s waist tightened quietly. A silent, stubborn, childlike protest.

Xi Zhen sighed and poked the back of her head. "Li Xingqing, you can’t lock me up for a lifetime."

"..." After a while, she said even more muffled, "Why not?"

So righteous that Xi Zhen wanted to hit her.

And so righteous that it also made people soften.

Xi Zhen opened her mouth, only to realize she didn’t know how to answer that. Saying, "Because that’s illegal" would ruin the mood. Saying, "Because I have my own things to do" would only lead to more questions about what, with whom, where, and when she’d be back.

She knew Li Xingqing too well. Once this person got stubborn, she could line up ten questions for her, and the moment one was answered, another would follow, endless and meticulous as if she were writing a script.

"Home," Xi Zhen said at last, only two words.

Only then did Li Xingqing slowly raise her head. Her eyes were still a little red from earlier, and there seemed to be a trace of moisture on her lashes. The way she looked at Xi Zhen was like a little dog that had been abandoned and had finally seen its owner turn back.

"I’ll take you," she said. Not a question, but a statement.

Xi Zhen looked at that expression of hers, the kind that said, if you don’t agree, I won’t let go, and in the end, she still had to give in.

"...Fine."

Her eyes lit up for an instant; in that moment, she was once again that child from years ago, the one who would redden her ears at the slightest praise.

The supposedly "broken" door seemed to have been repaired by some great immortal in an instant and was suddenly back to normal.

Li Xingqing walked in front and lightly turned the doorknob. With a click, the door opened at once. Her posture was so natural it was as if the one who had said, "The door is broken; it might take a long time to fix," had never been her at all.

Once they stepped outside, the oppressive heat of midsummer hit them full in the face. Li Xingqing fell half a step behind her, like an innocent rabbit, quietly following Xi Zhen.

After a few more steps, Li Xingqing suddenly asked, "Did Sister move?"

The question sounded casual, like she was asking what day of the week it was, but Xi Zhen could hear the probing in her tone.

"No," she said.

Then she saw Li Xingqing’s shoulders ease slightly, as if the heart that had been suspended all this time had finally settled back down.

Li Xingqing was still driving Xi Zhen’s car, fussing over her by opening the door and fastening her seat belt. At last, she started the engine. Xi Zhen had changed cars, but the license plate hadn’t changed, and Li Xingqing could still recognize it at a glance.

The temperature inside the car was finally no longer as sweltering as it had been outside. Cool air from the AC brushed evenly over their skin, carrying away the sticky dampness. Xi Zhen leaned back in the passenger seat, her whole body relaxing; then she thought of something.

"Back then..." She paused, turning to look at Li Xingqing, who was driving. "Does Li Ji know you’re alive now?"

The car fell quiet for a moment. Li Xingqing’s hand rested on the steering wheel; her eyes stayed on the road ahead, her expression unchanged, only those long fingers tightening slightly.

"He doesn’t know," she said lightly, as if talking about something utterly irrelevant.

The car passed under a flyover, alternating bands of light and shadow sweeping across her profile. Xi Zhen looked at her and suddenly realized there was a layer of expression on Li Xingqing’s face at that moment that she couldn’t quite read.

"But," Li Xingqing said softly, turning the wheel and merging onto another road, "he’ll know soon enough."

Xi Zhen opened her mouth, wanting to ask what she meant, then decided there was no need to ask at all. She turned back toward the window. After a long while, she said quietly, "Don’t drag yourself into it."

Li Xingqing, hearing that, actually perked up. Her brows lifted as she asked with amusement, "Is Sister worried about me?"

Xi Zhen: "..."

How had this person become like this now?