Go Home? Kiss Me First

Today, Bai Mo seemed to be out of his mind. He usually drank very little, but this time he had pushed himself into a total blackout. He was slumped over the table, face buried in his arms, shoulders twitching; no one could tell whether he was crying or laughing.

Xi Zhen was standing beside him, struggling to haul him up out of his chair.

The moment Li Xingqing walked in, she took in the scene at a glance. She hurried over to help, propping Bai Mo up and half-dragging, half-carrying him to the car waiting at the door. Bai Mo was nearly a head taller than her, and all his weight pressed down on her. She staggered once, caught herself, and shoved him into the back seat.

Because Bai Mo was drunk, Xi Zhen sat with him in the back afterward, while Li Xingqing sat alone in the passenger seat, listening to Bai Mo’s incoherent muttering behind her.

“I... I never thought it would end up like this.”

“He... why won’t he talk to me anymore?”

“...My phone, where’s my phone? I need to call him.”

He started flailing around, his hands groping wildly in the air. Xi Zhen, with ruthless efficiency, confiscated his phone before he could embarrass himself any further. Bai Mo made a few more blind grabs, found nothing, and let his hands fall again. He went quiet.

Li Xingqing, however, had no time to pay attention to any of that. Her mind kept jumping from the words Ke Wei had just swallowed back to Xi Zhen’s questions, and then, little by little, to Yin Yi, who hadn’t called her in a very long time.

It really had been a while. Yin Yi probably couldn’t keep it hidden much longer either. She didn’t know what Yin Yi was hiding; she only knew that she was hiding something.

She didn’t want to study finance. She didn’t want to go to the United States. She didn’t want to listen to her.

And now, she had even secretly fallen for a woman ten years older than her.

Every bit of it was beyond her control, and she didn’t want to control it.

D City wasn’t large, so they soon reached the area where they were staying.

Because the surrounding alleys were very narrow and cars couldn’t get through easily, the driver stopped at the mouth of a nearby lane.

The streetlights glowed a dim yellow, spilling over the stone road and stretching the uneven shadows long.

Li Xingqing and Xi Zhen first helped Bai Mo back to his room. After tidying things up, the two of them stepped out of Bai Mo’s place together. The door closed softly behind them; one hallway light was on, warm and yellow, casting their shadows onto the wall so that they overlapped.

“What’s wrong? Upset because filming wrapped?” Xi Zhen had already noticed that Li Xingqing was off, but it hadn’t been easy to bring up. Now that there were finally only the two of them left, of course she had to take responsibility for comforting the little one who was in a bad mood.

“No, Sister Zhen, where are you going next...?”

The moment Li Xingqing spoke, Xi Zhen understood what the child was upset about. But seeing her awkward expression, she really was still just a kid.

The ten-year age gap was on full display at this moment. Xi Zhen reached out and took Li Xingqing’s hand.

“Back to A City. Where else would I go?”

Although it was already October, the nights in D City still rang with cicadas. Autumn cicadas buzzed softly, unlike the clamor of midsummer; they sounded a little like an autumn nocturne.

“Back to A City?” Li Xingqing lifted her chin slightly, as if she hadn’t expected that answer.

“Of course. I have to live with my darling; we can’t do long-distance, can we?” Xi Zhen’s tone was playful, and her fingertips rubbed lightly in Li Xingqing’s palm, clearly teasing on purpose.

“But wouldn’t that be too much trouble? No, I mean, too...” Li Xingqing didn’t know why her usually smooth tongue turned to nonsense whenever it met Xi Zhen.

“Haha. Has my darling never asked me when the first time I saw you was?”

That abrupt first meeting at the high-speed rail station had left a deep impression on Xi Zhen. It was as though heaven had arranged it in advance; she had met Li Xingqing and received this gift for her otherwise barren life.

“Wasn’t it at the hotel?” Li Xingqing didn’t react at first. Most of the crew should have met for the first time at the hotel back then; since Xi Zhen said it like this, there was obviously another answer.

“Of course not. The first time I saw you, darling, you were helping people.” Xi Zhen reached out and tapped the bridge of her nose, then stroked the top of her head, smoothing down a stray lock of hair that had been sticking up.

“?” Li Xingqing tilted her head.

“You forgot? The way you were coaxing a little kid back then made a deep impression on me.”

Only then did Li Xingqing remember. Back at the high-speed rail station, she had helped a child.

She hadn’t expected Xi Zhen to have seen her so early. From the sound of it, Xi Zhen had been scheming from the very beginning. But at a time like this, what was the point of bringing it up?

Seeing that Li Xingqing still hadn’t caught on, Xi Zhen’s smile deepened. “Silly thing. If I ran into you at the station exit, what do you think the odds were that we were on the same train?”

So Xi Zhen had been in A City all along?

The sudden realization that she had been flattering herself made Li Xingqing’s face warm with a faint blush.

But more than embarrassment, what she felt was joy and relief.

She was glad that, for now, she didn’t have to part from Xi Zhen, and that the other woman had no intention of toying with her and then cutting her off completely.

She was relieved because, fortunately, she had once broken through that thin layer of window paper between herself and Xi Zhen. Otherwise, who knew whether there would ever have been a story between them after that.

Still, no matter how many feelings swelled in her, they all turned into a pool of autumn water. Li Xingqing caught Xi Zhen’s wandering hand and, one by one, folded the fingers that had been rubbing against her palm into her own grip. Then, with a hard pull around the other woman’s waist, she lifted her straight off the ground.

The movement was so quick that Xi Zhen had no time to react before both feet left the floor; she was held securely in Li Xingqing’s arms.

Xi Zhen didn’t resist. Her arms rested on Li Xingqing’s shoulders, her fingertips lightly curled as they touched the hollow of her collarbone. Her legs looped around Li Xingqing’s waist, letting her carry her down the stairs and into the room.

Li Xingqing used the tip of her shoe to kick the door closed. She didn’t turn on the light; moonlight surged in through the window, pale silver, spreading across the floor.

She set Xi Zhen down on the bed, and then her own body followed, falling down beside her.

Xi Zhen’s hand was still on Li Xingqing’s shoulder; she hadn’t taken it back. Her legs were tightly wrapped around the other woman’s waist, and she looked at her silently. Moonlight fell over her face, lighting her eyes so brightly they seemed to gleam.

Li Xingqing lowered her head and kissed her.

Outside the window, the autumn wind began to rise. It slipped through the crack in the frame, lifting the gauze curtain, letting it fall, then lifting it again.

The moonlight was swaying; the shadows were swaying; the bedsheets were swaying.

The wind was outside the window; they were inside each other’s arms.

Inside the room, spring was lush and intoxicating. Moonlight fell over their entwined bodies, softening the curves of them both.

The emotions Li Xingqing had once struggled to name were swept clean in an instant, tossed carelessly to the back of her mind by their owner. When life gives you happiness, you should enjoy it to the fullest; how could she waste a beauty like this before her?

On this matter between them, Xi Zhen mostly indulged her and guided her. Maybe it was because Xi Zhen was older; maybe it was because Li Xingqing had no experience at all. Fortunately, Li Xingqing was an eager student, and under the instruction of Xi Zhen, a master teacher, she improved at a terrifying pace.

The next day, Xi Zhen woke up even later than the drunk Bai Mo. Fortunately, filming had already wrapped, and work wasn’t busy for the time being, so sleeping in a little longer seemed only natural.

Li Xingqing was already up, sitting at the desk by the window and typing something on her computer. Her long, slender fingers flew over the keyboard; Xi Zhen watched for a while and found it pleasing to the eye.

Slowly, she got up and stretched. Her waist felt sore, and her whole body was weak. Thinking back to last night, to Li Xingqing with red-rimmed eyes, clinging to her waist and calling her “big sister,” her heart softened.

Xi Zhen’s movement in getting up dragged Li Xingqing out of her focus at the computer. She turned and asked, “Awake? Do you want breakfast? I bought yogurt.” Without waiting for Xi Zhen’s answer, she turned back and took out the yogurt to hand over.

The yogurt from the convenience store fridge still held a trace of chill. Xi Zhen didn’t refuse it and reached out to take it. “What are you busy with?”

“The stuff from school.” Only after a beat did Li Xingqing realize Xi Zhen was asking about her, and she answered vaguely. Although there were no classes in her senior year, there was still plenty to deal with at school.

Hearing that, Xi Zhen suddenly remembered that Li Xingqing was, in the strictest sense, still a student; she wasn’t even twenty yet.

So young. She shook her head and suddenly felt like a beast.

“Did you buy your ticket? Back to A City?” Xi Zhen asked one more question, thinking about whether she should help Li Xingqing book her return ticket.

Completely having forgotten about that, Li Xingqing said, “...I’m looking,” and then, as if to cover it up, pulled her phone out of her pocket. Just as she tapped open one app, she seemed to remember the lie she’d told earlier; the hand that had been about to open the airline app quietly pulled back, and instead she opened a railway app.

She hadn’t even looked at two lines before another hand snatched the phone away.

“Don’t look. Send me your ID number.”

Seeing Li Xingqing still standing there motionless, Xi Zhen thought she was unwilling, so she added, “It’s fine. I’ll have it reimbursed for you later; put it on the company account.”

Li Xingqing still didn’t move. Xi Zhen frowned, and then heard Li Xingqing say, “Sister Zhen, my phone is in your hand.”

Xi Zhen: “...”

Maybe after spending too long with Bai Mo, her brain had gotten a little sluggish too.

Xi Zhen had mentioned reimbursement, and although Li Xingqing was suspicious, she didn’t refuse. After all, her father’s company often had similar expense submissions; judging by Xi Zhen’s age, she probably couldn’t just be some low-level assistant either.

The three of them booked flights for the next day. As the Steve of the trio, and with Bai Mo always resisting flying, he was mercilessly sent to sit by himself on the other side.

Under his protests, D City grew smaller and smaller, until the window turned into a thick layer of clouds.

They were on a red-eye flight, so by the time they reached A City, it was already past midnight.

Xi Zhen called a car, sent Bai Mo home first, and then personally took Li Xingqing back to campus.

In October, the temperature in A City had clearly dropped. The loose short-sleeved shirt Li Xingqing was wearing felt noticeably thin in the middle of the night.

The wind howled. Li Xingqing pulled her suitcase out of the trunk and was just about to say goodbye to Xi Zhen when she realized the other woman had already come to stand beside her.

“Sister Zhen, then I’m going.”

“Okay. Goodbye.” Xi Zhen wore a baseball cap, the brim shadowing her eyes. At the entrance to A University in the early hours of the morning, the streetlights were still on, lengthening her silhouette.

“Goodbye.” Li Xingqing waved, dragged her suitcase forward a few steps, then, on a sudden impulse, turned back.

Sure enough, Xi Zhen was still standing by the entrance, her gaze fixed entirely on her.

Their eyes met. Li Xingqing’s hand on the suitcase handle loosened; instead, she ran forward two steps and reached up to take Xi Zhen’s cap off.

The next second, soft lips pressed to hers.

The exceptionally fast-learning Li Xingqing seemed almost entirely at ease. From the initial sucking to prying open the other woman’s teeth and stealing the air from her mouth, she did it without the slightest hesitation.

When the kiss ended, Li Xingqing put the cap she had taken off Xi Zhen’s head back on properly.

“Will you miss me, sister?”

She was being spoiled again. Xi Zhen looked up into Li Xingqing’s eyes and said with a smile, “I’ll miss my obedient little darling, not the naughty little brat who won’t listen.”

“Then I’ll be good. Remember to miss me, sister.” With that, as if she had just done something bad, she turned and left.

Watching her flee in a panic, Xi Zhen’s smile deepened. She watched that figure gradually disappear from view, then turned back to the car.

The entrance to A University in the early morning was rather quiet. In October, fallen leaves had already started to gather. Crunch, crunch; someone stepped on them, and they gave off that sound.

Only, that sound wasn’t heard by the Li Xingqing who had fled in a panic, nor by Xi Zhen, whose attention had long since been stolen away by Li Xingqing.

Li Xingqing dragged her suitcase across campus for quite a while before the blush on her face finally faded a little.

She had applied for off-campus housing a long time ago; the reason she told Xi Zhen that she was still living at the school was only to keep up the image of a poor student who worked and studied at the same time.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell Xi Zhen the truth. It was just that people were creatures of habit; once lies had been told too many times, telling the truth afterward always felt a bit cruel. It was as if everything before that had been nothing more than an unrealistic illusion built on lies.

Li Xingqing didn’t want her relationship with Xi Zhen to change in any way. For that reason, she had no choice but to keep maintaining that ridiculous, precarious lie.

Fortunately, the place she had rented for convenience in getting to class wasn’t far away. Li Xingqing had just entered campus through the east gate; from there, turning toward the west gate would do, so it wasn’t much trouble.

Still, she hadn’t forgotten Xi Zhen’s instructions. At about the right time, she sent Xi Zhen a message to say she’d arrived safely, then sent a good night.

A bunny hugging its blanket to sleep appeared in the chat between them; Xi Zhen replied with an expression of patting her head, indicating she’d received it.

With one important matter settled, Li Xingqing tucked her phone back into her pocket and rubbed her left arm up and down with her free hand, trying to warm the ice-cold skin that the wind had chilled.

TL Note:

Steve of the trio（三人行中的Steve）is internet slang for the odd one out / the extra person in a three-person group.

break through that thin layer of window paper（窗户纸）= make an unspoken relationship or truth explicit.

When life gives you happiness, you should enjoy it to the fullest（人生得意须尽欢）= a Li Bai line meaning to seize the moment and enjoy life while you can.